Owls. We all know them: pissy little hooters that flutter about at night, caning it on mice and relaying letters for wizards. But are you an owl? Or do you know someone who might be? It’s a growing problem, as our exclusive survey of people and owls showed: fewer than 40% of people who thought they might not be an owl were wrong.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Since 1990 there’s been a forty-fold uptick in owls who don’t know they’re people – a figure that’s more than halved in that time.

So what can you do if you think you might be an owl? First, you should know the warning signs. Can you rotate your head through more than 180° Celsius? Are you blind when you’re born? Can you see in the dark? Do you ever fly into a room, then realise you can’t remember why? If your answer to all of these questions was a piercing screech, you could be an owl.

But there’s no need to feel ashamed. Where once owls were considered second-class citizens, today they’re a staple of fashionable clubs and clothiers, with stars from Alexander Armstrong to Zinedine Zidane lining up to sing the praises of our tawny friends. So thus summer, don’t wear a frown — wear a fr“owl”n!

By Darien Graham-Smith.