He won’t go away; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed “agony uncle”. We tried to sack him in the wake of the D*nny Dy*r Zoo Column scandal but when we brought the matter up with DONOVAN he threated to break our hearts. Apparently he got the idea from a certain advice column.

** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and do not reflect the opinion policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **

Dear DONOVAN

What’s the meaning of life?

Dan, Swansea

Oh hahaha…that was funny wasn’t it boys and girls?

You probably assumed it was most likely gonna be a one line answer both witty and blunt, or that it would have made me roll my eyes and ignore it but no! As I have a fairly good idea who this “Dan” is from my home town Swansea I shall treat you the same as every Frost reader… with a slightly personal and spitefully childish sting!

You aren’t entitled to that knowledge as God (or any denomination-specific deity – Ed) and everyone else think your a complete and utter waste of sperm. You stink of beef and have not only patronising eyebrows, but arrogant skin!

Possibly the kind of person who I assume Picasso was; dyslexic and painted by numbers! To say you had the social skills of an Aardvark adopted buy a family of dung beetles would be disrespectful to both the Aardvark, dung beetle’s mother and woodlice stepfather!

The meaning of life is a circle…you have no proof to prove me wrong.

Get a grip on life and let the realisation kick in that I don’t want your friendship. If you have to pester someone to be friends and stalk them, buy them gifts etc…it’s only fine if your a Blond 19 year old girl with huge breasts! You’re not.

So to just to clarify and sum up.

(For you) the meaning of life mean….

A broken condom.

oooooh I went there.