Raaaaaaaaaawr!

Sorry…

Lions scare the crap out of me but I must admit they seem to have quite a lot of things going for them. They look pretty damn cool, they kick Wildebeest and Thompson’s Gazelle ass and most of all they are known as “King of the Beasts”…fair play.

However, they have HILARIOUS balls. Really the most comical testicles I’ve ever seen. They have slightly pale, furry and not hairy and perfectly spherical bollocks. It’s a real blow to their tough cat image. I suppose it’s like seeing a thuggish football hooligan with…perfectly spherical bollocks. I really had trouble with that analogy half way through…

As if this naturally occurring drag wasn’t enough, many live in captivity or on nature reserves. How does that add to their image crisis I hear you (or assume you will) say? Well it isn’t some embarrassment at being incarcerated or studied or “protected” without their say so…they’re animals, they do not have this capacity. It’s the names that some are given.  Bakele, Topi and Khali are all names that make me think “Yes. That’s the kind of name a lion should have”. Tin-tin, Scruffy and Mr. Tickle are pretty bad but animals all over the globe get them. It’s the normal names that really get me chuckling.

I have no problem with the name Jimmy. It’s a fine name. But the dominant male of a blood-thirsty and brutal Pride that prowls about the Serengeti?

King Jimmy? Jimmy the Springbok killer? Nah. I’d rather be called King Snuggles.

Plus Tigers are cooler anyway.

(Editor says “yes, tigers are cool, I’m not saying Lion bits arn’t serious but to give this article more gravitas here’s a link to a charity“)