Man alive, that green-eyed monster is an awfully selective beast. He lives just above my cerebellum, right next door to the gnomes that run my conscience and sense of shame. He occasionally feeds on the gnomes and wotsits but mostly on the painfully huge talents of others.

There’s many a person who turns me a grassy hue when I consider their ability or achievements. Seth “I created, voice and often write for my own selection of massively successful animated sitcoms that is watched by millions worldwide” MacFarlane is one. Matthew “So yeah my voice is kind of samey in my songs but I seem to shit innovative modern rock classics without any need for laxative AND play my axe better than anyone in the rockesphere right now” Bellamy is another. Rick “Holy shit I’m lucky that everyone is Rick Rolling each other or I’d have probably stuck my head in the oven a loooong time ago” Astley is not one.

There are a few people around who don’t stir the beast in my bonce. For some reason, Eddie Izzard and Robert DeNiro don’t. I admire them, I wish I possessed a trillionth of their respective talents but I don’t envy them. They’re…too good.

Robert Plant – Too good

Bill Hicks – (was) Too good

That bloke on E4…y’know, the voice-over dude – Too good

Richard Dawkins – a fundamentalist atheist and painfully over-exposed pop “philosopher” who’s stunning lack of logic, understanding of the basic tenets of Religious language and an annoyingly snappy dresser….shit I’m well off course here.

What the hell was my point?

Oh yes…uh…Usain Bolt – Too good. Yeah, that’ll do.