Well the riots are over, the streets are full of tourists and London is getting back to Spring. And if there’s one thing that the London spring brings onto the streets it’s the Lycra brigade. Suddenly there’s someone looking like a Nike ad pounding along every pavement. My favourite recent sight being of two yummy mummies jogging along in Kensington pushing those ludicrously large buggies that look like they’ve been designed to withstand a bomb blast. But not only were they running in their designer sports outfits and chatting as they pushed their future investment banker along they had a Nanny in full running gear engaging with the little darlings. Poor thing looked a little like a dunkin donuts lover so was puffing and red faced as she staggered along. The children seemed delighted at the entertainment. Squeaking happily now and again. Both whippet thin, tanned women would yell encouraging things to her such as “do keep up Svetlana” and “No gain without pain darling”. I couldn’t quite see the point as both of them were smoking as they ran and one had a little Patisserie Valerie bag swinging from her buggy. Presumably not for wobbly Svetlana who really needed some kind of drugs or medical assistance. But the fitness bug hangs heavy on the breeze. It’s apparently time for Londoners to shed those winter pounds and don your trusty arm mounted ipod. Then hit the latest JD sports sale (sales still running continuously since 1668 – see Samuel Pepys Diary “Wednesday April fecond 1669 – Up at mid morning to the fplendid fprts fale at Master JD’s in the Ftrand- purchased fome kick ass trainers and a Flazenger trackfuit. Returned to my desk by afternoon to write. Wish I had a laptop) There’s no doubt running about is in – as coming hot on their heels is – wait for it – fun run marathon season. Support Endangered Lemurs in Putney etc – Never have two words been so mismatched. Fun and run. I should point out that I see these people mainly as I’m sat in the various cafes I frequent. I like to wave an éclair at them for encouragement. I exercise at home regularly and keep my tai chi routines going. It works for me plus I’ve never been a fan of sweating heavily in public or getting a rash in front of complete strangers.

But if you like sweating in public the new fitness programme from TFL kicks in with a vengeance this month. By cleverly closing Tottenham Court Road for 8 months and now regularly shutting down various lines at random every weekend they’re really getting Londoners out onto the streets walking. It’s a shame they have paid for tickets which they can’t use – but hey look at the health benefits. But it’s all necessary as the new Crossrail works are forging ahead. It could be just me. But as far as I can see we have to put up with a rubbish transport system where the prices go up year on year until 2018 or something. And then presumably the tickets will be so expensive no-one will be able to afford the eye watering prices to ride on the shiny new trains and lines to everywhere you’ve ever heard of in London. Crossrail. I’m just cross.

And talking of TFL and weight loss that brings me to our porcine Mayor. Soon we’ll get to see those Boris bike figures apparently. Turns out that as I said that the idea that it wouldn’t cost us a penny is half right. It hasn’t cost Londoners a penny to implement the bike scheme. It’s closer to 11 million pounds. As I said I kind of like the idea but I just don’t want to pay for it. Well certainly not if I never use it. So currently most of us are forking out for tourists to wobble dangerously around the streets. See London and get crushed by a lorry. Catchy tourist tagline huh? Finally whilst I’m in my fitness mode I notice that lots of gyms seem to be closing down – pour quoi? Maybe people are cutting back although presumably starvation will assist many in their desire to lose weight. The new recession diet.

So finally spring is with us. Which also heralds the tourist invasion. It’s started already. I was at Kew Gardens last weekend as coach loads of baffled Italians were being herded through the turnstiles. They seemed bemused. I heard one ask the tour guide “Is a big park no? Where are the rides?” Clearly they hadn’t quite given him the whole description. So look out for every museum and art gallery to be rammed every weekend. Forget about using the nearby cafes as they’ll be full too. The invasion has started and because the pound is so weak it’s going to be a big one this year. But do we mind sharing our space with the world. Do we mind our shops filling up with arm waving women? And do we mind our parks becoming al fresco dining rooms for every nation. No. It’s a London thing.