Monthly Archives: June 2011

Londoners Life 16 – by Phil Ryan

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I’m sorry but I have to say it. The Olympics are coming to London. And just as an example of how great it’s going to be, I thought I’d tell you my experiences with the ticketing system. Briefly, here’s an overview of how it works. Initially you had to apply for a password and set up an account. Then you found you could only buy London Olympic tickets with a Visa card. Then you found you could only actually ‘bid’ for tickets. Not buy them. Huh? This meant that you had to effectively gamble just like buying a lottery ticket – and try and buy (gamble) thousands of pounds of Olympic tickets to get any chance of getting any.

BUT then you didn’t know exactly what tickets to what events you would be sent (if any), you didn’t exactly when or where you’d be going (if you went at all) and then finally the prices jumped from £20 to £400 in the blink of an eye. So effectively, you could ‘bid’ for £3000 worth of tickets only to find, instead of seats at the Opening ceremony or the 100m final, you’d actually ‘won’ two £95 tickets to the pigeon scaring finals in Kidbrooke!

With me so far?

But then as you entered this baffling surreal world of not knowing what, how much you were paying or where you were going – the website continuously blocked you doing anything at all! Half the time, nothing was available apart from the 100m Female Drag Queen Arguments bronze medal qualifiers from Putney. It seemed all the main events in the Olympic stadium were suddenly mysteriously all unavailable. Apart from if you chose to buy tickets in Germany, for example, where you could buy any tickets you wanted!!!

Naturally I didn’t get offered any tickets. I’m not German.

BUT then came the second gambling round for the ‘unlucky’ ones. So with a sense of foreboding, I entered the site to find even less choice of events at £300 ticket, all nowhere near the Olympic Park. Examples: Olympic FOOTBALL? Olympic TENNIS? What’s that all about? So I gave up. What’s the point? It’s simply a fat cat corporate junket we Londoners are sadly paying for.

To recap – I’m a Londoner so some of my taxes (yes, Londoners are the only people paying Olympic tax) go towards the games and my chances of going are clearly zero. Only London could create such a ticketing system. I’ve decided to not be in London those two weeks. There is no point. Ho hum.

Wimbledon is here. And so unsurprisingly is the rain. But this year they’ve got that roof from Thunderbirds so they’ll be able to presumably play on. However, I noticed they hadn’t used it much – preferring instead to have TV coverage full of Sue Barker talking endlessly to various elderly tennis stars of yesteryear. Weird.

And I love the Londoners’ attitude to Wimbledon. I heard radio coverage of the public’s thoughts. Was it excitement at the thought of days of stunning world-class tennis? No. Mainly the thought of more traffic congestion and less places to park. Apparently, the traffic wardens outnumber the strawberries this year.

We Londoners are hardy folk though. In the face of adversity we just carry on. And yesterday, I saw the brilliant sight of a crowd of tube passengers exiting Baker Street into the pouring rain all lifting their Metro newspapers above their heads at the same time. It looked like a modern dance company. You could have set it to music. Of course it didn’t work, but it was great to see them all copy each other in the who can make the ‘most papiere mache first’ game! Best of all, however, right next to the exit, there was a little smiling Indian bloke flogging umbrellas from a bicycle. He was yelling: “Umbrellas, umbrellas, best in town’. What a star! He’ll probably end up being Mayor. He’s got my vote.

Talking of our glorious Mayor for London, I see the campaigns are now seriously starting. Ken is back and so are the other usual pointless candidates. Most of them so bland that when they stand in front of a beige wall they simply disappear. I saw a Liberal Democrat being interviewed and even the interviewer lost interest. She kept glancing past him – clearly hoping a tourist or a drunk would interrupt.

For those of you unclear about things – the London Mayor and his office are yet another level of bureaucracy we pay through the nose for. They spend much of their time meeting about things that don’t ever happen. And when they do make things happen, we just get a bigger bill. A classic case are the fantastic BLUE cycle highways. Millions of pounds of blue lanes painted onto the road. Very safe for cyclists. Clearly cars can’t cross the blue paint – oops yes they can. Doh! But we do provide employment for Boris and his hangers-on currently, up until he tries to take over the Conservative Party. But right now he’s doing his best to mess about with London. And when he’s not screwing things up we have our local councils.

My favourite current example of London madness at official level is a fantastic new idea for local high streets. London councils are creating pop-up shops to give the illusion that our high streets aren’t dying – although of course they are. These pop up shops are usually local artists flogging their work, which I admit is nice, but on the other hand, after a long day, few Londoners go home thinking’ if only I can get a graphic representation of the Queen as a chimpanzee playing the banjo locally’.

The other madder idea is to put plastic coverings on the empty shop fronts. In other words, either stick ugly advertising for Mcdonald’s or some other corporate monster that destroys high streets (no sense of irony these councillors) or in some cases, pretend shops. Yes really. Pretend shops! They look like a flower shop or a grocery shop, but they’re not real! It’s great to watch bemused locals trying to walk in. Bang. They bounce off the locked door and then realise it’s just a big graphic poster with a 3D effect. Seriously, they are out there! You couldn’t make it up really. But it is the London way. We are innovators.

But seriously. Do we care about being ripped off over the Olympics? Is the Mayor going to make the slightest bit of difference to anything? And will it stop us enjoying the summer? No. It’s just a London thing.

Frost Wine Reviews: Kumala Cabernet Shiraz

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I rarely drink red wine, and when I do it is normally mulled. This means I set the barometer very high. However, I liked Kumala Cabernet Shiraz. It has a lingering aftertaste of chocolate. If that doesn’t win me over, nothing will.

It is a very beautiful bright red colour, with ripe tannins and a fruity flavour. I like its smoothness and it also has some spicy notes. I can also taste red berry and a hint of nuttiness.

The wine will make a perfect partner to fillet steaks, lamb chops and hearty stews. RRP£6.79

Green Lantern {Film Review}

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*WARNING! MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!*

Marvel has been long releasing their most cherished superheroes – X-Men, Spider-Man, Blade, Punisher, Fantastic Four, Iron Man and recently, Thor. Most have been successful and spawned many sequels (unlike Daredevil, which wasn’t well-received by critics and audiences, but led to the Elektra spin-off,  which did worse). So it was about time Warner Bros./DC Comics finally brought a superhero of theirs to the big screen who wasn’t Batman or Superman. Enter Green Lantern.

Created by Bill Finger and Martin Nodell in 1940, there have been many Green Lanterns, most notably the first, Alan Scott (1940) and John Stewart (1972). But it’s 1959’s fan-favourite Hal Jordan who makes the Emerald Crusader’s live-action movie debut.

The movie begins with an expositional monologue by Tomar-Re (voiced by Geoffrey Rush), explaining about the planet Oa, the Green Lantern Corps, the ring they wear that harnesses the power of will and how they are spread out among 3,600 sectors in the universe.

He explains that one of their warriors, Abin Sur (Temuera Morrison) fought against Parallax (voiced by Clancy Brown) – an enemy who absorbs and uses the power of fear from living beings – and defeated him. Parallax is imprisoned in the Lost Sector (Sector 666. . . . foreshadowing much?), but it all goes downhill when an alien spacecraft crash-lands where Parallax is kept and he escapes (shouldn’t they have made that sector a no fly zone if they had the most dangerous being in the universe?).

Six months later, Parrallax attacks Abin Sur and mortally wounds him. Abin Sur luckily escapes, crashes on Earth and commands his ring to find a successor. Enter Ryan Reynolds playing our main protagonist, Hal Jordan.

Jordan is a cocky fighter pilot who just happens to have daddy issues (father died in a fighter jet accident) and thus causes his fear. Unfortunately, since Reynolds is known for comedy roles, it’s hard to take him seriously when he tries to bring dramatic weight in a scene. It’s not terrible by any means, but it doesn’t feel convincing enough. Most of the time he’s smiling at the camera and joking around (which really makes the tone of this film go off at times).

Blake Lively plays Jordan’s childhood friend/love interest, Carol Ferris. She works for her father’s company and is also a fighter pilot. Despite apparently having the chops to fly aircraft, she is still shamefully used as the damsel in distress at times. But it is amusing when she quickly realises Hal Jordan is Green Lantern (thereby trashing the ridiculous notions of heroes using a small mask to conceal their identity).

In the blue corner, Peter Sarsgaard plays our antagonist, Dr. Hector Hammond. You can see he is having fun playing the role, but comes across as hammy and chewing the scenery. Instead, the most impressive performance in the film is from Mark Strong as Sinestro (it was the 50s, having unimaginative evil names made it straight-forward). He gives much more emotion and conviction but unfortunately, doesn’t get enough development or screen-time.

What about the rest of the cast, you say? Tim Robbins? Angela Bassett? Michael Clark Duncan as Kilowog? Barely get enough screen-time to make them memorable or worth caring about. The problem with this film is that it goes at such a quick pace, there’s not enough time to take it all in. Bassett’s character vanishes near the end of the second act never to be mentioned again! Even the main characters are barely developed, so new information springs out of nowhere, such as Hal, Carol and Hector all apparently knowing each other as kids.

Ah, now. The visual effects. I have never seen a comic book movie that looked so fake and artificial since Fantastic Four in 2005. I was desperately optimistic about the CGI Green Lantern suit, but whenever Hal Jordan’s touring Oa, I couldn’t help but see Ryan Reynolds’ head just floating in a sea of digital imagery, which became really distracting. Even the sets on Earth looked cheap, especially the scenes between Hal and Carol.

The climactic battle was severely lacking entertainment. Yeah, the sequences where Hal springs a fuel truck in the air and then forms an AA gun to blow it up in front of Parallax was creative, but there was no excitement, jeopardy and no feeling about the possibility of Hal dying.

Overall; hugely disappointing! Martin Campbell has done some seriously good films in the past (GoldenEye, The Mask of Zorro and Casino Royale) but here, it seems he has absolutely no idea what to do with the character. It is upsetting that Warner Bros./DC Comics only have this film this year, when Marvel has Thor, X-Men: First Class (both really good films, worth watching) and still have Captain America: The First Avenger waiting in the wings. I guess DC fans will have to wait for their old favourites in The Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel next year.

Worst comic book hero film in 2011 summer blockbuster season.

2 out of 5

Microsoft Shows Off New Kinect & Windows Phone Crossover

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If you thought it was just going to be for games, think again. Microsoft was always going to have more special things in the pipeline for their innovative Kinect.

In typical Microsoft style, the following video surfaced showcasing some early features of cross-platform use between Windows Phone and Kinect. It demonstrates just some of the basic features that can be used, and wow! The future does look promising – sending reminders to your phone or even sending directions.

 

While the video shows development testing in its early stages, already the rumour mill is turning about what’s next. Personally, I would like to see if stereoscopic 3D could be added into the mix. Or how about online play between Kinect users? How about Windows being used by the Kinect ‘touch style’ like Tony Stark in Iron Man?

What would you like to see…?

Bridesmaids Review: Is The Tide Turning For Women In Film?

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Women in films used to be sassy, brilliant, full of quips, But somewhere along the way, we lost it all. Rosalind Russell was replaced with Shannon Elizabeth (The actress in American Pie, who was there to be a sex object and show her breasts), and Katherine Hepburn, replaced by, oh, all those actresses in those dire 1980’s films, too many to name, who were there solely to take their clothes off.

Some people think the film Bridesmaids is ‘ground-breaking’. It is, because Bridesmaids just became a Box Office hit, taking a smidge below $150 million – so far. It was a mainstream comedy written by women, starring women, about women, which won in the only way Hollywood recognises, by making money.

Helen Mirren once said that Hollywood wasn’t sexist, it just made films that people wanted to see. Young men go to the cinema more often and go to see films they liked. Women will only see more films with women if they go out and see them. Vote with your purses!

Bridesmaids is funny, it has wowed critics and audiences alike and it breaks even more boundaries, the actresses are (shock, horror!) not all 21 and a size zero. Some of them are in their 30s and are beautifully curvy. There is nothing wrong with being thin (I have been discriminated against for being thin, so I know it works both ways), I am just sick of my friends thinking they are fat when they are not.

Zoe Williams said this film was more feminist that Thelma and Louise and urged everyone to go and see it.  I am doing the same. Salon’s Mary Elizabeth Williams went even further, saying the film is ‘your first black president of female-driven comedies’.

It is ironic that as women have progressed, on screen we’ve only gone backwards. As an actress, I know more than most about what people cast and what they want. Women have to be between a size 8-12. Size 12 being a grey area, it hurts an actress to be more than a size 10. I was told by one casting director than anything above a size 10 meant ‘character actor’.

Some people have attacked Bridesmaids for not being ‘feminine’. Do they ever attack men for not being ‘gentlemen’?  I think not. Women have to be celebrated, we have to have our stories told and not just as naked, skinny, 21-year-olds. I will soon be making my own movie about women and their lives, and I thank Bridesmaids for clearing the way.

1.Bridesmaids
2.Production year: 2011
3.Country: USA
4.Cert (UK): 15
5.Runtime: 125 mins
6.Directors: Paul Feig
7.Cast: Chris O’Dowd, Ellie Kemper, Jill Clayburgh, Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, Matt Lucas, Maya Rudolph, Melissa McCarthy, Rose Byrne, Terry Crews, Wendi McLendon-Covey

Frost Wine Reviews: Banrock Moscato

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I have a sweet tooth and I really loved this wine. It was fruity and fresh, the perfect summer wine. It’s light and sweet, only 5.5% Vol. Perhaps not a wine for men though, considering the guys who tried it said it wasn’t their thing.

This pretty, pink-coloured Moscato is a dessert wine, though I recommend drinking it whenever you want! With a hint of peach, it’s fruity and perfect for people who don’t like dry, acidic wine. I reckon it will also be popular with people who don’t usually like wine at all!

I highly recommend it for girly afternoons in the sun and BBQ’s.

Tesco RRP £5.49

One Pill Makes You Larger – Raving Puppets

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So. Festival Season is upon us – at least, in those rare glimpses of summer between the monsoons.

And yet again, Glastonbury provided some superb spectacles, and I don’t mean Bono’s rain-spattered shades. No, I’m talking about all those sideshow acts and crowd-brought additions that give any show that bit of extra atmosphere.

My personal favourite was from Glastonbury 2005. While The Kaiser Chiefs rattled through their set, a giant, inflatable, long-necked dinosaur loomed over the crowd, watching the Leeds outfit with a beatific smile.

And carrying the theme through, Garbage’s Shirley Manson later borrowed an inflatable doll from the front row and used it as a prop during ‘Why Do You Love Me?’

Now, a Rugby-based company are taking that crowd involvement one step further.

Raving Puppets raison d’etre is to provide fun and interactive entertainment on the dance floor itself.

Says Edward Allan: “People are constantly complaining to me that there isn’t enough in the way of stuff to do or see in raves and this is something Raindance have always appreciated and approached by hiring performers such as dancers and stilt-walkers – turning their event into a proper mini-festival.

“We’re different to every other entertainment because we’re not on the stage or on the sidelines, we are actually on the dance floor with the clients – something no other entertainers can do.

“We’re also a lot more interactive with the crowds, chasing people, dancing with people and playing tricks, like stealing hats and coming up behind people who are in groups – so everyone else sees them except the victim.

“Think mischievous spirits,” he adds.

The puppets are operated ‘muppet-style’ by a black-clad performer who wears the puppets on his or her shoulders, ensuring the focus is on the puppet.

Raving Puppets have appeared all over the UK, including Glastonbury, Reading and Raindance among others.

So, next time you’re approached by a 10 foot tall puppet who decides you’re the perfect dance partner, it’s probably not time to stop drinking or blaming the dodgy tablet a shadowy figure gave you earlier.

It might just be a Raving Puppet.

www.ravingpuppets.com

Back Pain: How Low Can You Go?

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Back pain is so common now that most people don’t even get it seen to. They suffer in relative silence and inevitably do more damage than intended.

Often, sufferers will forget how the pain started in the first place and have a routine to get themselves through daily life. In today’s pressurised environment, some take a cocktail of analgesics and anti-inflammatory tablets for quick relief, while running on a tight schedule. But this makes the body’s tolerance of pain killers higher and the effects either wear off quicker, or they just don’t work as they used to.

Apart from the lack of care from the body’s owner, day-to-day maintenance is also something that is overlooked. Routine is something we incorporate into our lives for the ease of planning and coping with our work, home and social life.

So why do we ignore what could be a serious injury? There are a number of reasons, but none of them are valid enough to be plausible as an excuse. ‘Not enough time’ seems to be the first one on the list. It’s considered the mother of all excuses and is hard to beat when it comes to answers. But it’s also the one that is the least valid. Simply, if you are put out of commission with a back that fails to function then all you have IS time!

The fact of the matter is simple. Back maintenance is easy, should be part of everyday routine, and the knowledge needed should not be seen as either the Holy Grail, or too boring to remember.

One of the first things we do in the morning is stretch, but that is more of a body reflex than a routine to release muscles that have been bunched up for hours in one position. A five minute stretch that incorporates the whole body will benefit your whole system inside and out. It does more good than just the feel-good factor to the muscles.

Many people have jobs that keep them static all day, so simple, regular movement keeps the muscles functioning and awake. Staying in one position can cause the body to send just enough blood and oxygen to the parts that it thinks need it. The result? You get tired! It’s simple I know, but children instinctively are always running around everywhere and the minute they stop to do something, they either get lethargic, or bored and run somewhere else.

Countless articles promote the benefits of water and how important it is to us. Our bodies are up to 80% water and we’re more dehydrated than we admit. The rule of thumb is, if your mouth is dry then you’re already dehydrated. As sentient beings, we allow this to become acceptable and it shouldn’t, as this will also help the back too.

The more hydrated the body is, the less likely the free radicals (no, not a protest cry, but atoms that cause tissue damage at the cellular level) are to locate in one area. Instead, the area will be flushed and muscle-repairing, oxygen-rich blood inhabits the area preventing scar tissue build up.

I could go on all day about the things we need to do to maintain our bodies and the bad habits we get into, but I’ll finish on a point which we all should know, with a bit that maybe you didn’t.

Posture and poise are not a show of pompous piousness, but a show of respect for the back. Slouching and hunching are arch (sorry about the pun) – enemies to the back and this can be avoided, even at the computer terminal.

Many people even get the recovery process wrong too. As I pointed out earlier, pain killers are something the body can get used to, but pain is also a strange thing. The body can get used to that too – if the pain is constant. Hot showers and baths to soothe a bad back are not good, as they can change the function of the muscle. Instead, the muscle must be allowed to pump blood through the affected area, not act like a cushion and pad the area out, as this can hinder recovery and movement.

The body is an amazing thing and the back allows it all to happen through a network of nerves, muscles and an intricate bone structure. So remember that a little bit of care, maintenance and a minor change to your routine can be the difference between a pain-free or persistent problem. Back to basics, you could say.