Londoner’s Life 26 – By Phil Ryan
Yes Spring is here and so are another two hundred Sushi restaurants BUT the bigger London trend is the ballooning amount of Shisha Restaurants/Cafes. It’s slightly strange now seeing people sitting puffing away like goldfish on acid as they stare silently like cattle at their colleagues. The interesting twist to this is the latest news on how harmful it actually is. Many people are unaware of the health risks from smoking the flavoured tobacco, which can be as damaging as cigarettes if not more so, the British Heart Foundation (BHF) have now said. The number of cafes offering “shisha” tobacco pipes has risen 210% since the smoking ban came into force, a leading cancer charity has warned. Weird huh. It smells so nice and seems so exotic but although it looks harmless enough it actually kills you. Quicker than cigarettes. So next time you feel the urge to look up to the minute and multi international give the shisha a miss and opt for the baklava. The Arab spring here clearly dominated by people coughing their lungs up! On a completely unrelated but still medical note how about the news that some London markets have been selling a funky looking new bracelet made of Jequirity Beans which are a kind or red and black pattern looking beads on a string bracelet. The trouble is they poison you. Yup I’m not kidding it turns out they contain a deadly toxin that is absorbed into the skin. Apparently it doesn’t take much of the toxin either. You couldn’t make it up could you? The London Ambulance service have sent out warnings to trading and standards offices across the capital. I suppose it’s one way of keeping the tourist numbers down.
Meanwhile us Londoners have been bracing ourselves for more Olympic nonsense with the news that some London boroughs are doubling or even quadrupling parking fines in quote ‘sensitive areas’. After Westminster Council’s parking fiasco and collapse but final strike at locals by painting miles of double yellow lines everywhere (despite promising they wouldn’t limit parking) it seems that Councils are really determined to destroy as many London small shops and restaurants as they can. Here in my own area the local Council have ignored the dying traders calls for assistance by effectively tightening the noose of over- zealous parking controls ie free money for them based on flogging us our own road space back. Sneakily they’ve put the prices up without mentioning it and they’ve extended the restricted hours near shops. Plus we don’t have the occasional traffic warden (sorry Parking control assistant sheesh!) No we have hordes of ten or more in gangs. I think the collective noun is a misery of traffic wardens. And of course with the so called Zil Lanes jamming up London during the Olympics we can look forward to the worst traffic issues in living memory. I’m off out of it. Really I have my flights booked. And on my last Olympic point the debacle about Legacy rumbles on. What will the Olympics leave Londoners? Well I can tell you. More super rich property developers. A giant shopping Centre. Er that’s it. Oh yes of course I was forgetting all of this funded by London tax payers for the past years. But at least Lord Coe and the cronies will all do well.
My favourite new topic is the price in London of theatre tickets. I love the theatre but it ain’t cheap. The average West End ticket is now above fifty quid it seems. And here’s a quick example of that. I wanted to see a show at a well known theatre and happily I found a coupon in the Metro newspaper – a two for one offer. So I called them up and found that it came with various restrictions one being that on weekend performances (when I wanted to go – the two for one offer applied only to the £69 seats – yes think about that THE £69 seats) Still I did get a good deal I guess but what? I still paid over £35 plus for a ticket. And don’t get me started on the old comedians well-worn routine about the price of food and drink in theatres. Now whenever I go I see it’s like a well dressed picnic. With savvy Londoners having bulging pockets where they sneak stuff in. Sadly it spoils the cut of a suit or a dress (if you like to dress up a bit) but it makes economic sense if not fashion sense.
Finally I leave you with the opening news of London’s newest Airport. London Southend. Yes you heard me. Southend that place about an hour and a half outside of London or two hours by car. It seems we’re now calling any new airport London. Just like London (Cambridge) Stansted or London (Brighton) Gatwick. The train ticket to get to these London airports are now often higher than the actual plane ticket I kid you not. The London Heathrow Express stands out as the biggest rip off at £19.00 for a 15 minute journey. And my favourite bit. They have a First Class section! Really. 15 minutes of First Class travel how pathetic do you have to be to take that option. I mean just how good can that experience actually be. (I recently went to Dundee First Class – that was 6 hours going at no miles an hour – then you see the difference plus you get free stuff – Although as you pay a lot more it’s not technically free really) Still I guess at least you get there eventually. So now Londoners can whiz up to Southend and fly away from these polluted London streets. If they fancy the trek. But do Londoners worry about this sort of thing. No. Do they care that our airports aren’t in London. No not really. It’s a London thing.