My friends are worried now. Each time I meet them recently I find myself listening intently to them and then I catch a phrase or a word from behind me. They know what’s about to happen. I casually lean back and turn to my phone keyboard. To be honest though I have to confess I get the best stuff when I’m on my own. For example in a café near Liverpool Street station. Man on phone “Not everyone understands Giraffes. They’re enigmatic Keith. Yeah enigmatic like Gandhi or someone”
But I digress this week’s offering is from the tea room in Regents Park outside in the garden area. I popped in on my way to a meeting in Baker Street. I had 45 minutes to kill – and fantastically I got to hear this..…

Expensively dressed elderly woman with small shivering dog “The women could only talk curtains. Honestly I thought I’d pass away. Pelmets. Tassels. That was her entire conversation. Honestly poor Hardy could hardly keep his little eyes open could you? little cuddlesies yes little cuddlesies you are mummy’s brave boy aren’t you aren’t you. I asked her to do something about Jarvis’s office” Second expensively dressed elderly woman “I didn’t know Jarvis had an office?” Woman with dog “Oh yes it’s on the fourth floor near the maid’s room. It’s where he’s writing his book dear” Woman without dog “Oh that’s where he’s writing it is he but it doesn’t have curtains then?” Woman with dog “No it’s got these beautiful oak blinds but Jarvis saw a programme about the Vatican and wanted ones like he saw in the Holy Fathers chambers” Woman without dog “Oh I see. So he wants curtains like the Pope does he? I didn’t know he believed in that sort of thing” Woman with dog “Oh no he doesn’t but he liked the curtains. Jarvis’s views on God are best not discussed dear. You know how he gets” They both sat quietly for a long time. Woman with dog “He will say buggery and sodomy a lot around Renata it’s quite tedious” Woman without dog “Oh so her English is improving then?” Woman with dog “No still not a word well I say not a word she asked me to spell euphonium the other week. She’s so very French I find” They sat quietly for a while. Woman without dog “So the curtains Liberty fabrics…?” Woman with dog “Quite but Jarvis won’t care he’s in a phase again”
I had to leave as my phone rang quite loudly but I’m with Jarvis. Curtains like the Pope!