My new column is still writing itself. I just plonk myself outside at a café now and slowly eat a croissant and sip my tea and the universe delivers me gold! I get bits that are too short which I put in now and again but then a doozy comes along. In a café off the Kings Road I only had to wait five minutes for this:
Man in fancy jogging outfit to plaid checked shirt wearing friend:
“No I’m a lousy father I know it. But the kids have got to learn not to rely on anyone especially me” Plaid shirt guy “You’re not that bad” Jogging guy “ Yes I am Rob I am signally the lousiest father on the planet. You’re being very kind but it’s the truth. I forget their birthdays and to tell you the truth I don’t even like Josh. He’s a horrible kid. You’ve seen he’s got those little piggy eyes to tell you the truth I’m not even sure he’s mine” They both sip their coffees and a long silence falls. Until jogging man says “She’s having an affair I’m sure of it” Plaid shirt man suddenly very surprised “God. Really you think that. Really” Jogging guy “Yeah it’s obvious. She keeps being nice to me. Always glad to see me when I come home. Making me coffee. She bought me a new ipod last week.”
Plaid shirt guy “Christ I see” Jogging guy laughs hollowly ”I mean I’m away so much I can’t blame her. But it’s not nice you know. I’m not sure if she uses the house. Probably not” Plaid shirt guy “I’m sure you’re imagining it” Jogging guy “Maybe. But I just get a sense of it. I was gone for three weeks last month the office needed me back stateside. And she called me and her voice was funny like she’d been running or something” Plaid shirt guy “Maybe she’d been running. You know running to the phone she could have been upstairs” Jogging guy “Exactly you see upstairs. But with who” Plaid shirt man “I think you’re imagining it” Jogging guy ”Maybe, maybe”.
I have to point out at this point that not all of my ‘Overheard’s’ finish exactly and some drift into just general chit chat about nothing in particular. And that’s what these guys did but the last thing I heard as they left was this.
Jogging guy “Maybe I’ll turn gay”
Bless you London.