It terrifies me how much I love my son. It is overwhelming. A feeling so powerful that sometimes it makes me nauseas. It makes me both weak and strong. Fearless and scared. It is something I never expected because it is so pure. There is nothing I don’t love about my son. He is perfect in every way. From his soft hair to the tip of his toes. I love him so much I would give him a kidney. I would take a bullet for my son. Hell, I would even help him bury a body. There are no limits. And god help anyone who ever tries to hurt him.

This isn’t to say I have never felt love before, or that I don’t love my husband just as much, it’s just that your love for your child feels different. I think it is because they are so dependent on you. Or maybe it’s their innocence. When I was pregnant I loved this little bean growing inside me of course, but I hadn’t met him yet. I was so thrilled to be pregnant that I kept expecting someone to pinch me and say that it wasn’t real. Then the birth was so traumatic we weren’t sure he was going to make it.

I still remember the first time I saw my son. I couldn’t believe it. The midwife brought him to me and laid him on my chest. I cried. Tears of pure happiness and relief. It was the best moment of my life. I know it sounds strange that you can be pregnant for over 41 weeks (seriously, get out!) and not believe that you are lucky enough to have your own son. When he was born my husband and I felt the same; we just couldn’t believe he was real. He is 18-months old now and we still count our blessings everyday. He is the best thing that happened to us. He is everything. He is our son.