This is the most extraordinary book. It is one for every parent, and perhaps every child, even if they are over 18. Its sub-title is ‘Battling through your child’s eating disorder.’
Tracy Baines writes succinctly and movingly about her daughter, Neile’s, battle with The Bitch as they came to call the internal bully who was ruining Neile’s sense of self-worth. It was a battle they fought – the family and Neile – in a wilderness of fear and panic. Eventually, by hacking at the undergrowth they forged a way through to the light. It wasn’t a quick fix, it was slow, painful with many steps backward, but they found help: from therapists, from support groups, from the right people to be with, but most of all from the new puppy that joined the family.
Eventually Tracy’s family was lucky, they didn’t lose her daughter who is now well, a mother, happily married to a strong sound man. But they did lose that remarkable puppy, Millie, who inexplicably died suddenly and quietly as Neile found herself, as though the puppy knew her job was done.
Walking beside her daughter thoughout these years of despair and worry, Tracy realised that the biggest enemy is fear, the greatest strength is objectivity, (not to mention the family, and also, knowledge) It also revealed to her, her own frailties, her own battle with self-worth, the need to create boundaries herself in order to leave space for her own needs.
This was a road she and her daughter travelled together, but it was also one which drew the family; husband Neil, brother Nick, closer. They all found strength, and found themselves but not until Tracy finally crashed as life imploded around her.
Ultimately it was not just Neile who emerged from this chrysalis state, but Tracy, fully formed, different, ready for the world. It was a state that an alternative therapist used to describe Neile’s condition to Tracy. I feel it described Tracy’s just as much.
So, words of wisdom from Tracy? ‘Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, that you cannot solve all of the problems all of the time, that you can support your child but you cannot fix them – they have to do that for themselves – and you have to learn to let them, hard as it is. Letting go will revitalise you and give you the energy to cope with whatever comes your way.’
Half this book is about the journey, and then it continues with the practicalities of survival, and hopefully a return to health, with a renewed stronger core.
As Tracy says: sometimes when it looks like things are falling apart they are really falling into place.
It will be the most valuable book you can read this year. Perhaps ever.
Tracy’s articles and short stories have been published all over the world in magazines like Woman’s Weekly, My Weekly, Take A Break, Best and The People’s Friend. A regular speaker at writing festivals, she also judges short story competitions and organises creative writing workshops.
She lives in Dorset with her husband and another, different, but much loved springer spaniel, both of whom are hyperactive and hard work.
For more information about Tracy go to:
It’s Not About The Food by Tracy Baines: pb £8.99 available on Amazon. Also as an ebook