‘At what point do you give up on the writing?’

A friend asked me that the other day. A longstanding friend whose views and judgments I generally respect. We hadn’t seen other for a few months and she asked if I was published yet. When I replied that I was not, she followed through she asked the question above. She asked it pleasantly, with interest, no apparent edge at all. In her mind, clearly a logical and reasonable question.

‘At what point do you give up on the writing?’

I didn’t really answer my friend. I think I just shrugged and the conversation moved on. But it got me thinking. More than that, it knocked me for six.

‘At what point do you give up on the writing?’

What had she meant by that?

Was there an implication that I was failing, maybe had already failed, because I wasn’t yet published? Was there a suggestion that maybe, just maybe, I was deluding myself? Kidding myself that my writing was going somewhere when really there was no hope. That there was no chance of my ever being published. Was that, I asked myself in one of those dark nights of the soul, how other people, other friends saw me? Did they feel sorry for me? Did they shake their heads at each other and say, ‘poor girl, she’s been plugging away at this for so long’?  Did they purse their lips and murmur, ‘she still isn’t published, she’s still warbling away from deep in the querying trenches’?

Then I stopped being paranoid!

It had only been a question.

But maybe this is what I should have replied:

• Things in publishing work at glacial speeds. It’s not unusual for nothing to happen over a few months – or at least nothing you can announce to the world at large. In fact, since I’d had last seen my friend, I’d been signed by a top London agent. I was moving in the right direction and full of optimism and enthusiasm. But, no, I hadn’t been published.
• It’s really difficult to get published nowadays. It takes talent, sure, but also loads more persistence than you think you’ll need. And luck. Lots of luck. Getting the right work on the right desk at the right time. I know many really talented writers who are not published yet. And yet hope still springs eternal. It may happen. It will happen ….
• It’s not just about being published. It’s really not. It’s a journey, not just a destination.
• I have never thought about ‘giving up’. Oh, sure, when I have a knock-back, I throw things about* and say I’m going to take up crochet instead. But, even at the time, I know I don’t mean it. More than that, I can’t imagine a time when I would.
• I write because I love writing. I write because I have stories and thoughts and dreams I want to put into words. I write because I can’t not write. And even if I am never published, will it still have been ‘worth it’? Hell, yeah.

So, what should I have said when my friend asked at what point I would give up writing?

‘At what point do you give up on the writing?’

I should have told her the truth.

I should have said ‘never’.

 

Writers, how would you have responded to my friend’s question? Do you agree with my points above? What else would you add? I’d love to know.

Join the discussion below or @Sister5cribes