After a restless night I knew what I had to do. I had to see Bob come what may!

I stood in the side road next to the care home and the care worker brought Bob to the  window on the first floor. He looked down at me and I waved madly but he didn’t seem to know me at first. As I waved my hanky at him the emotion overwhelmed me and the tears spilled down my cheeks as I tried to smile at him and do a ‘thumbs up.’  The lady opened the window and shouted down, ‘He says he loves you’ .

‘I love you too, darling, I love you too and I miss you madly. ‘ I shouted unaware of who else might be in the street watching this lunatic woman.

My lovely Bob is now in a care home as I simply couldn’t cope anymore. The lack of sleep due to the terrible nightmares and terrors that occurred at 4am most nights and the physical demands of it all had finally got to me. I knew the time had come. It had been 5 years and 3 months since we were told there was a memory problem. It had got much worse in the last 2 years and since the hospital admittance October 2018 for severe anxiety.

How was I to know that the next day the home would be in lock down and 2 weeks and 3 days later I still had not held his hand in mine or been able to kiss or hug him.

It was a different kind of torture.

I have transferred one nightmare for another! So I am taking in to the reception area of the home photographs of us and the boys in happy times, little letters to be read to him, pictures that we had at home and cards with little newsy updates on. His soft comfy blanket for the bed, he must have that!

I am trying to keep the memory of us alive. I hope he will remember me a little longer but I know in his heart I am there and he will always be in my heart and soul! I am lucky to have been so loved by him, my husband, loyal and supportive.

This CV19 is a terrible virus and we are all having to make sacrifices but for me it couldn’t have come at a worse time.