THE 10 FUNNIEST JOKES OF ALL TIME

“Why was the sand wet?”, “What do you call a blind dinosaur?” and “What did the policeman say to his tummy?” have been voted the funniest gags EVER according to children.

The recent Beano survey polled kids aged 7-12 to clear up once and for all which gags get the most giggles but in all honesty, the findings are consistent with our adult laugh-o-meter too…

Check out the innocent gems below:

 

  1. Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed! (52%)
  2. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus (45%)
  3. What did the policeman say to his tummy? Freeze you’re under a vest (44%)
  4. Doctor, Doctor! Help, I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together then (42%)
  5. What’s the fastest vegetable? A runner bean! (41%)
  6. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite! (40%)
  7. What’s brown and sticky? A stick! (39%)
  8. What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer (38%)
  9. Why should you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle! (38%)
  10. Do you want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it’s too cheesy (37%

 

Beano’s national school joke competition is open for entries from April 1st. Primary school pupils or teachers (on behalf of their pupils) can enter via www.beano.com/jokes 

BEAUTY TIPS FOR FULLER LIPS

Looking to get that fuller lip look without adding anything but makeup? Check out our top tips and best products to help do the job below.

Exfoliate

You wouldn’t apply your foundation without prepping the skin in advance (we’d hope!) so try not to do this with your lips either. Use a lip scrub to exfoliate the skin (experts suggest using a hi-tech tool like a toothbrush but we’re happy to use a finger) and then rinse off with warm water. Coat your lips with a balm after this to re-hydrate them.

 

We recommend: Plump It! Volumising Lip Scrub (RRP: £12.99)

Line it right

We’re not talking ombre lips here, we’re talking strong outlines. Choose a liner that’s one shade darker than the lip colour you’ll be applying and apply a thick, heavy line around your lip, emphasing on the cupids bow and the parallel area of the bottom lip. Think that you’re creating a shadow and if you’re a liner novice, apply lightly in several layers to avoid disasters.

We recommend: Buxom Plump Line (RRP: £15)

Glow, glow, glow

Highlighter isn’t just for the brows / cheeks – it’s for your cupid’s bow too! Adding a sheen of highlight across the bow will bring attention to the curves in the lip and give the impression of more shape.

We recommend: Mac Prep and Prime Highlighter (RRP: £21)

Lip Plumping gloss

Remember the days of Soap and Glory’s Mother Plucker? Plump It! is a much more effective version and you see BIG results straight away! Once you’re used to the product, apply several layers of the gloss but a word of warning for first timers, the tingle is INTENSE so start of cautiously. Leave the lips for one minute whilst the plumping takes place.

We recommend: Plump It! Volumising Lip Plumper (£19.99)

And there you have it, a plumper pout with no procedures!

 *PlumpIt! kindly sent us their range for review purposes

STOP EVERYTHING: A cheese wheel extravaganza is coming to London

 

That’s right, London locals can reap the benefits of their postcodes to indulge in a pasta, cheese wheeling night of Italian luxury.

Pasta Remoli, a firm favourite of Frost mag, recently opened its Ealing Broadway spot and is celebrating by hosting three, yes three, exclusive evenings for locals.

It’s no ordinary evening though, each night, chef and founder Simone Remoli will present guests with deliciously moreish Maccheroncini Carbonara served hot straight out of a, wait for it, GIANT PARMESAN WHEEL. Just give us a moment to compose ourselves.

For £25, guests will enjoy a welcome drink, Italian starters including Italian salumi and cheese, crispy and velvety arancini, creamy burrata cheese, mixed bruschetta, bread and focaccia before the main event… the giant Parmesan wheel packed with Maccheroncini Carbonara.

 

If that’s not enough for your Italian food – appreciating selves, dessert is also included in the price. Swoon.

 

To make a booking, email ealingbroadway@pastaremoli.co.uk

GAUCHO TOWER BRIDGE – STEAKS, SOPHISTICATION AND SUBLIME SCENERY

 

Carnivores, raise your hand if you want to learn more about the best Argentinian steaks in the Capital… Good, let’s get to it.

We popped into Tower Bridge’s Gaucho restaurant to experience its new look and Latin American style theme and learn what this much-loved chain would bring to our meat loving selves. Little did we know, the grub, the great deals that run through the week and the ambience were absolute game changers.

If you’ve not had chance to frequent a Gaucho restaurant yet, (we promise we’re not judging…much), then you might not be completely au fait with its set up. Gaucho has more respect for its meat than we probably have for our loved ones and upon arrival, a chopping block of lovely, red, cuts will be presented to you in the fashion of a specials board. The team will talk you through each of its main cuts. Butterfly (a signature piece brushed with garlic and herb), sirloin, rump, rib eye and fillet. Don’t feel overwhelmed though – you won’t leave that place until you’ve dissected which cut is best suited to you forever more.

Once you’ve established if you’re mad for marbling or bonkers for blue meat, you can choose the weight of the cut that will land on your table. 250g, 300g or for the gluttonous amongst us (don’t lie, we’re all guilty of it), 400g. To embody Goldilocks, the 300g was ‘just right’ for us.

The wine, sides and starters that will pepper the table throughout your experience are all equally well seasoned, well cooked and well-presented but the two things that stood out to us most? The succulent steaks (obvs) and the location. Sit yourself at the right table on either of its floors and you will spend your sessions staring at London landmarks and people watching. You’ll take in the tourists testing millions of snaps for the perfect Instagram picture, be impressed (and sickened in equal measure) by the sporting groups dancing across Potters Field lawns and peek through the windows of City Hall, because this location is a Monopoly style Mayfair in our opinion.

Some of the diary dates at Gaucho you won’t want to miss?

Mondays BYOB – no catch, no corkage, no size limit!

Saturday Electro Brunch – Two hours of brilliant beats and bottomless bevvies to accompany dishes from this master menu, all for £49.95pp

Visit the Gaucho site for more information.

*We were guests of Gaucho Tower Bridge

FROST’S FAVOURITE: FAMILY BOARD GAMES

It’s late afternoon on Christmas day. Bellies are full, spirits are high and it’s time to take the festivities up a notch. ‘How?’, I hear you ask? Well, move over Monopoly and Boggle, take a back seat because here are our favourite board games, including the best free solitaire ever, for Christmas 2018. Enjoy!

 

Guinness World Records

Nothing brings out the competitive edge like the glimpse of breaking a Guinness World Record, right? Well in this version, you completing challenges to break your opponents’ records, so close enough. Skills involve spoon balancing, wearing the most pairs of socks, flipping a bottle of water and many more! You also have 600 Guinness World Record questions to answer but let’s be honest… that’s not why we’re playing.
RRP: £24.99

 

What’s that smell?

This one is suitable for the whole family, no matter what their ages are. A myriad of scents are on the cards, some subtle and sweet, others simply stinky! Guess the scent on the card correctly to win or you could be stuck sniffing the deadly Stank Card including Extra Old Toe Cheese, Diaper Blowout, Hot Chunky Vomit and Smothered in B.O. Delicious.

RRP: £24.99

 

 Taboo

This might be one for before the Bellini’s make an appearance. The aim of this addictive word game is to describe super simple things without using obvious descriptors. If you do, you’ll give away points to your opponents.

RRP: £16.99

 

Survive! Escape From Atlantis

An adventure game for Christmas afternoon – this board is all about escaping a sinking island.

Avoiding and befriending wooden sharks, sea monsters and whales, you must get as many of your explorers to safety and collect the most treasure to win… cute!
£31.99

 

Codenames


Bring out your inner Bond with this one. Two rival spymasters know the secret identities of 25 agent and teammates know the agents only by their codenames. Teams must compete to see who can make contact with all of their agents first by guessing words of the right color while avoiding those that belong to the opposing team. Like with any 007 situ, you’ve of course got to watch out for the deadly assassin.

£16.99

MOVE OVER SAINT NICHOLAS, THERE’S A NEW SAINT IN TOWN

Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year. Need you ask why? Cheese of course.

We’re sometimes guilty of fast forwarding through the first few courses so we can feast on our favourite part of the festive season (we dare you to disagree) and Saint Agur has crafted some Christmas recipes which means that the star of the show can take centre stage as it deserves, all day long.

It’s a Christmas miracle!

 Saint Agur Blue Crème cheesecake, honey walnut sauce

    

Ingredients:

200gm ginger nut biscuits

100gm melted butter

560gm cream cheese

150gm crème fraiche

Zest of half an orange

4 large eggs

50gm plain flour

150gm tub Saint Agur Blue Crème

300gm clear honey, wild flower preferred

100gm walnut pieces

Method:

Blitz the Ginger Nuts in a food processor to a coarse crumb and then add the butter to combine

together. (Alternatively, you can smash the biscuits up in a heavy plastic bag with a rolling pin or

small heavy pan and then mix together in a bowl).

Take a non-stick 20cm springform cake tin and pack this Ginger Nut mixture into the bottom and

press down well with the back of a large spoon. Chill in the fridge for an hour.

Preheat the oven to 160C.

Place the cream cheese, crème fraiche and orange zest in a kitchen mixer and whisk together for

a minute.

Whisk in the eggs one by one, then sift the flour into the bowl. Whisk in briefly and gently.

Finally spoon the Saint Agur Blue Crème into the bowl and mix in with a gentle hand.

Spoon all the mixture into the cake tin and transfer to the oven.

Bake for 45 minutes to an hour. You want it to puff up slightly and have a good golden crust. If

you give it a little jiggle it should retain a jelly-like wobble.

Remove from the oven and leave to cool completely.

Meanwhile place your honey in a bowl, chop the walnuts coarsely and stir them into the honey. If

the honey is too thick a couple of tablespoons of warm water may need to be mixed in to make it

easy to drizzle.

Finally run a knife around the inside of the spring form cake tin and then loosen the edge and

carefully remove it.

Cut into portion, lift carefully onto plates and then spoon over the honey walnut sauce.

 

Red onion and Saint Agur pie

 

Ingredients:

135g Saint Agur

4 large red onions

30g (for the pan) + 10g (for the tin) butter

5cl olive oil

20g brown sugar

250g flour

125g butter

10g turmeric

5g salt

8-10cl cold water

15g sesame seeds

Method:

To make the pastry, mix the turmeric with the flour, salt, sesame seeds and chunks of butter. Add

the cold water, little by little, mixing to get a consistent texture. Create a ball with the mixture and

wrap it in cling film. Leave to rest in the fridge for at least two hours.

For the topping, peel and slice the onions. In a large pan, melt the butter with the olive oil and add

the sliced onions. Add salt and pepper and cook for 1-15 minutes on a medium heat. Sprinkle the

sugar on top of the onions and continue to cook for 10-15 minutes until the onions become slightly

caramelized. Set aside to cool.

Take the pastry out of the fridge and roll it out.

Preheat the oven at 180C.

Grease a 22x25cm tin with butter. Roll out the pastry to 2/3mm thickness, then use two thirds of

the pastry to line the tin. Be careful that the pastry sticks to the side of the tin.

Fill the case with the onion mixture and scatter the blue cheese in small pieces on top.

Cut the remaining pastry into 1cm wide strips and arrange the strips on top of the pie, crossing

them to create a grid.

Cook the pie for 30-35 minutes in the oven. Once out, leave it to cool for 15 minutes before

serving.

 

Saint Agur puff pastry canapés

Get the party started with these crowd-pleasing canapés, bound to leave your guests coming back

for more!

Ingredients:

2 sheets of puff pastry

125g Saint Agur

1 pear

1 egg

Runny honey

Fresh rosemary

Method:

Cut each sheet of pastry into 4 squares and make a groove with your finger at the centre of each

piece.

Cut the pear into thin slices, top the puff pastry with the slices.

Spread small chunks of Saint Agur over each slice.

Whisk your egg and then brush each canapé with the mix. Bake at 180C for about 10 minutes until

the pastry is puffed and golden.

Drizzle with a little honey and decorate with a sprig of rosemary.

 

Mini Croque Madame Agur

 

Ingredients:

4 slices of toasted bread

4 slices of ham

125g Saint Agur

50g butter

8 quail eggs

Method:

Remove the crusts from each slice of toast.

Top two slices of the toast with a layer of cheese, the ham and then another layer of cheese. Add

the other two slices of bread on top, pressing together to seal.

Heat the butter in a frying pan and fry the sandwiches until golden and crispy.

Fry the quail eggs into small, round fried eggs.

Cut each sandwich into four squares with a sharp knife and top the sandwiches with the fried eggs.


 

 

DESIGNER DRESSING: INTRODUCING BLUEMINT

Never under-estimate the power of a crisp, sharp shirt. Bluemint is our new go-to for that. The London based lifestyle brand, is stocked in Harrods and Harvey Nichols and we were lucky enough to get our hands on some of the pieces.

Inspired by the Mediterranean and with a focus on its high quality materials and perfect fit, the collections showcase the best of everyday wear through to everything extra!

Beachwear prints, merino wool jumpers, smart shirts, trousers, outwear and accessories grace its look book so you can consider it your one stop shop for all things fashion.

Check out some of our favourite pieces below and visit the Bluemint website to check out more gorgeous garments!

Classic Linen Long Sleeves shirt, Ash Colour, Martin collection

£90

Two-Button Piqué Cotton Polo Shirt

£60

Extra Fine Italian Merino Wool Knit

£100

Tapered Fit Cotton Chino

£110

Down Filled Gilet, Bordeaux

£145

FROST’S FAVOURITE… KITCHEN GADGETS

We’re all about making life that little bit easier and have done some digging to find the kitchen gadgets that will help do just that when you’re cooking up a storm…

Magimix Vision toaster – £52.99

Toast is to Brits like, well, a cup of tea is to Brits For centuries have we devastated what makes the perfect shade of tea and the perfect shade of toast. We’ve all experienced the frustration of multiple toast , just to get it right. Thanks to the Magimix vision, you can watch your toast browning away to your perfection. Not only is this gadget a brilliant invention but it’s also got a great retro look too.

Where can I buy? Wayfair

 

AnySharp Pro Knife Sharpener – £19.99

There’s no better feeling than taking to the kitchen with a new set of knives. On the contrary, there’s no worse feeling than when that knife has gone so blunt it struggles to cut through an onion. Introducing the AnySharp Pro. This unique invention can sharpen hardened steel knives, chef’s knives and even serrated blades, making it unlike anything else on the market. After just a few strokes, your tired old knives will as good as new and as sharp as ever.

Where can I buy? Amazon

 

The LazyPan All-in-One Frying Pan – £39.99

What better way to start a winter weekend morning than with a flavoursome fry up? Sadly, with said fry up tends to be a plethora of pots and pans to wash afterwards, making the whole concept a lot less appetising. Enter, Lazypan. This pan is split into five sections meaning there’s less hob hopping and you’re able to keep the kitchen organised and tidy as you prep the most important meal of the day – yummy!

Where can I buy? The Fowndry

 

Zerowater 12 cup water filter – £39.99

This is one of those gadgets that you’ll not be able to live without once you’ve tried it. The Zerowater removes virtually all dissolved solids and containments from tap water with a five stage filtration system and to be honest, there’s a lot more contamination than you’d expect. The Zerowater machine comes with a digital water meter which measures the total dissolvable solids – fancy!

Where can I buy? Zerowater