Category Archives: The Columns

Wendy's baby diary – cheeky monkey

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Baby Diary – 31 weeks

Ill

I started out with the intention to keep this baby column
weekly but it’s been nearly a month since my last baby update. There are a
couple of reasons and one is that Dillon has been ill. He got an infected toe
(we’re not sure how) and needed antibiotics for a week, this was followed by a
temperature for a couple of days and he’s had a cough for nearly a month. It is
scary and a panic when I hear any sniffle. Keep well baby D!

Controlled Crying

Dillon is nearly 7 months old and life is starting, just
starting to get easier. Bless his heart, Dillon has been sleeping through the
night for the last few weeks.  To get
there we had to go down the ‘controlled crying’ route. At first I didn’t want
to. We did the pick up, put down approach which is comfort the baby then leave him,
repeat as necessary, but when repeat is many times throughout the night it got
too much for both of us (stamina, exhaustion, feeding in desperation).

So what is controlled crying? Basically you leave your baby
to cry themselves to sleep. It’s not in a horrible, ignore the baby kind of
way, it’s in a loving, have I checked the baby and after feeding, winding,
changing, checking if teething, temperature, breathing is everything else ok
and telling him you love him and putting the lights out, you let him cry his
little heart out until he falls asleep. Yes it feels heartless and horrible and
wrong. But our little boy is 80 percentile he’s not going to waste away from
lack of milk and booby at night he can definitely sleep without it. After some
reassurance from my friend, we let Dillon cry himself to sleep and he cried for
about 20 mins. The next night between 10 and 15 mins. That was it. Joy!  For 10 hours the baby is asleep and I am free.
Freedom!

Nursery

Dillon has started at nursery two days a week so that I can
attend Uni two days a week. Oh the guilt of leaving him with someone else. But
the staff are really nice, the nursery has a good vibe about it and it does me
some good to be in an intellectual environment twice a week. I worry about him,
but he’s a sociable, loving baby, I think he’s happy there.  At six months old he’s also the youngest baby at
the nursery as most people go back to work after maternity leave of 9 months to
one year, another reason to feel guilty. But he seems to be getting a lot of
attention from the staff as the youngest, neediest baby which makes me feel
better. He also hasn’t formed that strong attachment to me yet, so when I say
bye bye, he doesn’t notice me leave, he’s busy eyeing up the toys and the other
babies.

Easier for Dad to
Leave the House

Since he’s working full time it’s easier for Dillon’s dad to
get out of the house 5 days a week. Sometimes I’ve been a little jealous that
he gets to leave, in a thoughtless grass is always greener way. Because I know how
well tended the lawn is on my side of the fence. And I’m not talking lady
garden. I’m happier being at home with Dillon. The gig that Dad went to which
turned into a 24 hour absence felt a bit much, especially when it looked set to
repeat the next weekend (but it’s not happening now). I appreciate that we both
need a break and we take it in turns to babysit.  Yes I’ve missed a lot of theatre before and
after Dillon was born, but I’ve read a lot of books, watched a lot of TV,
films, listened to radio, even got to the cinema (thanks to the Baby Scream
club), met up with other mums at Baby Sensory classes and my NCT group and with
my mum friends, we’ve taken Dillon to baby swimming classes, even church once a
month. The isolation I had felt is diminishing – just got to get out with the
baby!

Pushchairs

Dillon’s travel system has been good in a lot of ways but
boy is his car seat heavy and the whole thing is bulky, so we’re looking into a
lightweight pushchair to make it easier when dropping him off at nursery. I just
don’t understand why the majority of pushchairs are designed so that the baby
faces forwards (not towards mum).  I only
see problems with it, because to check on your child you have to stop, walk to the
front, deal with your baby then return to the back. Anytime your baby cries,
needs a drink or food, has a runny nose, their clothing needs adjusting you’ve
got to stop and go to the front of the pushchair (and when it’s crowded on the
pavement annoy all the pedestrians behind you).

More (inexpensive) rear facing pushchairs please!

Happy Halloween

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Christian Louboutin, Daphne Guinness, Bonnie Wright Party in Monaco

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Christian Louboutin, Daphne Guinness, Bonnie Wright Jamie Campbell & Curtis Stigers Attend Roger Dubuis Star Studded Event In Monaco

Haute Horlogerie meets glamour As Monaco’s Hotel de Paris Plays Host to World Renowned Guests Across Film, Fashion and Music

Friday 21st October: Famed watch designer Roger Dubuis welcomed more than 200 glamorous guests to Monaco for a night of glitz, glamour and watches. The star studded guest list was a who’s who of the fashion, acting and art world. Stars included international style icon Daphne Guinness, renowned shoe designer Christian Louboutin, actors Jamie Campbell Bower, James Purefoy and actress Bonnie Wright plus gallery owner Alexander Dellal. There was also an electrifying performance from Curtis Steigers.

The guests were welcomed on the red carpet at the famous Hotel de Paris by Mr. Georges Kern, CEO of Roger Dubuis.

Magazine Round-Up Part 2: Rihanna Takes Vogue Cover

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British Vogue has Rihanna on the cover. She is interviewed inside and says ‘Whatever my mojo tells me, that’s what I’m going to do’.

Tilda Swindon is interviewed.

Scion of the fashion dynasty Maxmara, Maria Giulia Prezioso Maramotti is interviewed by Vogue and she tells them that ‘my mother impressed on me that to be elegant you have to avoid overdressing’.

Articles on Coco Chanel, Jean-Paul Goude, Bryce Dallas Howard on her, and her characters, style, director Martina Amati, Sylvia Plath’s daughter Frieda Hughes, Dolores and Carmen Chaplin, Miss V covers Mark Ronsons wedding, David and Serena Linley, Hannah Rothschild on Leonardo da Vinci, the new breed of entrepreneurs, Vogue dons white coats and learned how to give good facials, Norma Kamali – and doesn’t she look amazing! Katie Holmes gives her Style File.

Most magazines this month had at least one article on perfume.

There is a rise in vegetarians, but Vogue has a good article on people rediscovering meat.

Marie Claire has Reese Witherspoon on the cover. ‘I didn’t realise how anxious I was about being a single parent’ she tells Marie Claire.

There is a new column from writer Lindsay Kelk; a Northern lass turned New York singleton who will be charting her journey to find Mr Right.

Marie Claire reports on a beauty pageant for men to become the cover stars of romance novels, yes, really.

There is a really good article on the inspirational Mary Portas. Make your wardrobe fashion editor fabulous. Jamie Oliver, Are you the new Type A? , DNA Dating, Is it time for a career shuffle?, Martin Daubney gives it all up to become a full-time father, Dolly Parton, Gossip Girl Stylist Eric Daman, Tali Lennox, Nicole Roberts.

My life in books by Caroline Aherne.

Lionel Shriver, Rachel Evan Woods, perfume, save your skin facials, Christina Aguilera, curb your cravings. 12 reasons you’re tired all the time, Pixie Lott’s food heaven.

Marie Claire have a special sex section, ahem. No comment from me.

Vanity Fair has Johnny Depp on the cover. ‘Basically if they’re going to pay me the stupid money, I’m going to take it’ he says.

Florence Welch, Mario Batali, Amber Heard, Bobbi Brown, Tinie Tempah, Moby Dick, The Tea Party, Tailor’s Anderson and Sheppard, Marisa Berenson, Haruki Murakami, Michael Lewis asks if California will sink the US, Elisabeth Warren, gossip columnist Liz Smith, Milton Gendal, Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher, Courtney Love unravels, Woody Allen, Ethan Coen, Elaine May, Desmond Tutu.

There is a free supplement: Vanity Fair On Couture with Rebecca Hall on the cover. Catherine Middleton is on their best dressed, Giorgio Armani, Nicky Haslam, Giambattista versus Azzedine Alaia, Karl Lagerfield, Chanel, Ann Bonfoey Taylor, Elie Saab, Daphne Guinness, Amanda Harlech, Lucy Birley.

Wendy's baby diary – Six months! – Guilt, isolation and men

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Six months old

Dillon was six months old on Monday the 3rd October 2011. A lot has happened in this first six months including his christening , baby swimming classes, health centre visits and weigh ins, the
dog eating the midwifes shoes, the whole experience of giving birth, going to University, starting my website http://www.femalearts.com, being off work, weaning the baby, his milestones including Dillon getting his first baby teeth, sitting up, rolling around on the floor, playing with his feet, smiling and laughing and interacting with objects and people.

I’d like to thank Catherine Balavage at Frost Magazine for offering me this blank canvas to write about Dillon. I wanted to document these moments so that in the future I can look back (hopefully Dillon will also read it) and have a record of this wonderful, life changing time.

It’s been a brilliant six months but it’s also been tiring, stressful and a lot of hard work. I’ve said in my diary about how the baby is progressing, the goods, toys and clothes we have bought for him, what activities he is enjoying and how he’s developing but I don’t think I’ve said so much about my feelings. The following topics have been on my mind recently…

Men with babies

Recently there has been a couple of TV Doctors with babies – Doc Martin has a baby, James Cordon was left holding the baby in Doctor Who – portraying what it feels like for the dad to be the primary carer –the Doctor Who story was about panic and fluster with the conclusion that dads
are actually protective loving individuals and the mums are competent women who make lists and mother both their partner and baby.

Nothing is that clear cut and I’m not sure there is a big gender difference in the way we are parents, it may just boil down to the amount of physical time spent with the baby = the more you know them = the more competent you become at dealing with them.

The only thing that aggravates me with stories on TV about dads coping alone with babies is that there aren’t an equivalent number of stories about mums coping alone with babies. Because it isn’t all confident list making and natural mothering instincts, it’s often panic, confusion, stress,
isolation and guilt.

Isolation

It’s lonely being a stay at home mum. Even though it is through choice I miss chatting to colleagues, I miss talking to my husband, I miss my family, and I miss my friends. Having another adult in the house during the day (e.g. when relatives have come to stay and at the weekend when the baby’s dad is at home) makes so much difference to my life. All the bags of stuff needed
to carry around for the baby, all the preparation that’s needed before I can leave the house, all the attention and love and care that Dillon needs – is so much easier when it’s shared.

Recently I have realised I need to make more of an effort to see my friends – especially friends who are available in the daytime. Getting out daily with the dog and the baby for walks and taking baby to classes or shopping is something but it’s not the same as being with people who know and care about me, who I can have a proper conversation with.

I can see why going back to work begins to look appealing because you can start to be yourself again and have adult interaction without constantly thinking about the baby’s needs and their safety. But employment means childcare. Which brings me onto my next subject – guilt.

Guilt

As a parent there is one thing you can be certain of – a steady almost constant feeling of guilt. I think it stems from conflict between personal needs/wants and that of your child.  My current guilty feelings are – guilt for using formula, guilt for starting weaning before six months, guilt for not weaning successfully, guilt for not establishing a pattern (of eating/sleeping), guilt for trying to establish a pattern, guilt for not living up to other people’s parenting expectations, guilt for not
returning to work yet, guilt for arranging childcare, guilt for doing my master’s degree, guilt for not being sure, guilt over baby’s eczema not clearing up, guilt for letting the dog spend time with baby, guilt for separating dog from baby, guilt for daily dressing of baby in babygro’s in attempt to stop skin contact with whatever is causing the eczema, guilt for not taking enough photos of baby, guilt for not posting all the thank you cards yet, guilt for not buying enough things for baby, guilt for spending so much money, guilt for wanting my boobs back, guilt that he cries a lot, guilt whenever I let him cry before going to him, guilt that I’m spending time writing this!

There’s too much guilt, worry, anxiety and the only consolation is the thought that other people may be feeling the same way.

Self-Medication

One of the best ways to cope is summed up with a quote from my friend BenJohn’s facebook update.

“Youngsters, you probably think booze is for enjoying and having fun. Let me assure you it is a medicine for those with children to let them relax in the gaps when they’re asleep.”

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Magazine Round-Up: October | Amanda Seyfried and Rosamund Pike Cover Stars.

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Glamour has Amanda Seyfried on the cover. She gives a refreshing interview inside. She reveals: “British guys are definitely funnier than American guys.”

It is Glamour’s Men Issue and they have 25 pages of men

In the Dos and Don’ts, Jimmy Choo re-release their greatest hits, men in uggs, ipad covers, Lucy Liu becomes an artist and Prince William is heading the fund-raising to help homelessness, Diesel clothes, Children in Need turns 31!,

Louise Mensch tells Glamour readers how to succeed in a man’s world. Louise is inspirational and she gives good advice.

  What a man is thinking on the first date, work habits that are making you sick, Career tips from jewellery         entrepreneur Jessica Herrin, Food versus Exercise; which is better for you? , Is being single making you broke?, How to be single, are you in drinking denial?, Celebrity tenants. You won’t want one after reading the article, Your right to abortion (a very good article, laws are being passed quietly all of the time to take away women’s rights),

50 Sexiest Men: Robert Pattinson takes the top spot again, Taylor Lautner is second.

Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman, George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, Matt Smith, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake, Darren Criss, Prince Harry, Zac Efron are also on the list.

Katherine Jenkins tells of the friend, Polly Noble’s, battle with cancer. A very inspirational story. Polly has a book out, The Cancer Journey, that I think will be brilliant after reading the article.

What a man wants in bed.

James Cordon protests that men have feelings too, and he’s right. Well written.

Gabrielle Bernstein gives her happiness guide.

Arianna Huffington has written a brilliant and informative article on the economical climate, explains what happened and if we will recover.

Steve Jones is interviewed by Celia Walden in the lunch date feature.

The rise in broody men.

Guillaume Henry tells Glamour readers how to get Parisian chic.

Julia Restoin-Roitfeld’s celebrity look book.

Bad beauty habits to kick.

Five reasons to love Emma Stone.

The truth about your lady parts: everything you want to know about your vagina.

Charlotte Ronson shows Glamour around her home.

Tatler has Isabel Lucas on the cover, and an interview with her inside.

Anna Dello Russo talks front row fashion.

Frida Giannini, Gucci creative director, gives Tatler her mood board.

Emily Blunt’s brother Sebastian joins the family business.

Sam Leith shows how not to make a speech.

There is an amusing article on fancy dress parties, and lots of pictures, Marc Jacobs dressed as a pig? Why not.

David Sedaris interview.

Super Tutors to the rescue, if you have the money, get the best with Tatler’s guide.

The wonderful Francis Wheen writes about Private Eye’s 50th anniversary, and to the next 50!

Gallerist Maureen Paley.

School pranks.

Camel Racing.

The richest man in Britain: Alisher Usmanov.

The worrying trend of parents taking drugs with their kids. Jeez….

Keith Vaz profile.

Emma Freud’s technology reviews.

Jonathan Yeo interview.

An editorial on Britain’s funniest comedians. Al Murray in the nude (!), Laura Solon, Tim Key, David Armand, Rufus Hound, Miles Jupp, Lucy Porter, Jack Whitehall, Greg Davies (as Christine Keeler, so funny).

How to keep your money safe. Clue: buy gold.

Dynasties of Dynasties: A profile of the Rothschild dynasty.

How to sleep better.

The virtues of Crème de la Mer.

Tatler homes: Scotland’s Linzee Gordon’s.

Ralph Lauren interview.

Solange Azagury-Partridge tells Tatler what she loves.

Ciara Parkes travels to Botswana.

Rosamund Pike is on the cover of Instyle, she is interviewed inside and says: “I find award ceremonies so often the low point – people delivering trite lines in a pretentious manner”.

Sexy perfume adverts.

Nicole Roberts gives her Style IQ

The wonderful world of Christian Louboutin.

15 minutes with Diana von Furstenberg

Chloe Sevigny’s fashion genius.

You can tell people are tightening their purse strings as Instyle – and other magazines- are giving advice on how to do things on the cheap or by yourself. In the ‘your look’ section they tell you how to fake a facial, become your own hairstylist, make your own jewellery.

How to stay original when people keep buying the same clothes as you.

Instyle sits down with Gucci’s Frida Giannini to celebrate Gucci’s 90th birthday.

Jessica Chastain models and is interviewed.

Inside the Kardashian sister’s wardrobes. Envy alert!

How to wear a hat.

Olivia Wilde is this month’s beauty crush.

Downton Abbey star Jessica Brown Findlay models evening make up and there is 10 things you need to know about Jessica.

Narciso Rodriguez, Michael Kors, Tamara Mellon, Oscar De La Renta tell Instyle on the inspiration behind their perfume.

Jessica Alba, up close.

Dita Von Teese goes to the Maldives so we don’t have to. Sob.

Melissa Odabash tells Instyle what she packs for her holidays.

Diane Birch shows Instyle the contents of the bag.

Part 2 here

The Inept Girl's Guide To Cooking: Eton Mess

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I love Eton Mess, it is easy to make, healthy and just that bit different.

Here is what you need.

Strawberries (about 500g)
4 meringue nests
1 pint double cream
1 tbsp soft demerara sugar
You could make your own meringue, but this is called the Inept girl’s guide, and, really, who has the time.

Next….

1 Wash and quarter your strawberries.
2 Take about 1/3 of the fruit and place in a blender with 1 tbsp sugar to make a puree.
3 Whip the cream until it stiffens
4 Place it all into a bowl, crush the meringue and add that too.
5 Spoon the mix into sundae glasses or a bowl, add the puree and a cluster of delicious ripe strawberries.

You can also add blackberries or raspberries. All summer fruits are great with Eton Mess, enjoy!

Wendy's baby diary – baby scans

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Wendy’s baby diary – 26 weeks (5 months 3 weeks)

Pregnant memories

So much happens when you’re pregnant and I felt like I’d
remember everything but once you’ve given birth all you think about is the baby
and you start to forget cravings, indigestion, swollen feet, back ache and baby’s internal movements. So while I’m thinking about it I’ll record some pregnancy memories in this baby
diary.

Scans

Standard scan times are 12 weeks pregnant, then 20 weeks.
A lot of mums will only have these two
scans. We had more scans for personal reasons – I first saw Dillon at 6 weeks
old and he was just a heartbeat then.  Another
scan at 8 weeks and he looked like a little piglet, at 13 weeks like Skeletor
from He-Man, at 20 weeks like a normal baby and at 23 weeks we paid for a
private 4D scan at www.future-babies.co.uk  It was a great experience In some ways as his
grandmother-to-be attended and was able to see Dillon’s muscles and face as
well as his internal organs. We had a DVD made which was not very good – it was
recorded at double speed not real time so all his movements were too fast. They
also put music over his heartbeat recording so it’s not audible. And they got his
sex wrong.

A final scan at 32 weeks to find out if Dillon was breech
and by now he was so big you could only see half of his body on the screen at
any one time.

Off meat

For about 10 weeks of my pregnancy I didn’t eat meat –
red or white. The look, smell and taste of meat made me feel sick. There was
something about the dead flesh that repulsed me.  That was a short lived veggie experience.

Baby Swimming

Dillon had cried in the last two sessions but his 30
minute swimming lesson went much better this week and he was dunked underwater
3 times. We booked his lessons through www.babyswimming.co.uk
and my husband does the class. Quite a lot of dads have been ‘nominated’ to do
the lesson – for us it is a good opportunity for some father son bonding as the
swimming lesson is on a Saturday. Dillon is so tired afterwards he sleeps for a
good hour and we get to eat out while he has his nap.

BBQ

Speaking of eating out we went to a friend’s bbq at the
weekend and saw some friends for the first time since I gave birth . Even
though you know having children will change your life I don’t think you
appreciate how much, and when friends organise get togethers in the daytime you
say a silent prayer of thanks, as it gives both parents the opportunity to
attend.  Evening activities mean that one
or the other or usually neither of us get to go. There’s a big lifestyle shift
from being single to being in a relationship, to moving in / getting married to
having children – you get more familiar with four particular walls.

Clothes

Buying a size larger for the baby has backfired, he’s now wearing outfits that are falling off him. Babies are tricky!

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy’s Baby Diary – 25 weeks (or 5 months 2 weeks). Nevermind.

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There’s been a break from the baby diary after a long holiday with no internet, and when I got home I continued to abstain for a while.  But like all pleasurable things it was difficult to give it up for long.

Baby Swimming

The latest event for the baby is swimming lessons. He’s
been twice now and each time cried and been quite upset. We’re puzzled because
he enjoys his bath times, and he kicks in the bath, smiles, even laughs but swimming
is not a hit.  Maybe it’s because he gets dunked in the pool by the teacher, or because there are a lot of other babies crying, and it’s all a bit confusing. But apparently babies like swimming underwater.
Speaking of which (I’m reliably informed) the baby on the cover of Nirvana’s
Nevermind album is 20 years old now and was only paid $25 dollars. On the plus
side he’ll never be embarrassed by his parents getting out the family album.

Weaning

We’ve not tried many different foods yet, so far it’s
been purees of carrot & potato, apple & banana, Farley’s rusks and baby
rice. Dillon still prefers milk, formula or breastmilk. I’d like to get him off
‘the boob’ as night-times can be pretty tiring. But I’ll miss it when
breastfeeding stops. Not sure when but definitely before he can say “ham
sandwich”.

Eczema

Dillon gets a really bad rash on the back of his legs when he sits in his Bumbo chair – so he may have an allergy to latex. Or it may just be a baby thing. I’ve tried Sudocrem, then Diprobase, now hydrocortisone, which seems to be working.  Lots of baby have rashes and sensitive skin in general as they gradually get used to all the different things in the environment. Hopefully it will clear up by he’s 12, in time for teenage acne.

NCT

I’m a member of the National Childbirth Trust which provides antenatal classes for new parents-to-be, and is probably the best way to get to know people who are having children at the same time as you. We take it in turns to host monthly coffee mornings – or afternoons! It’s invaluable to
have other people going through something the same time you are and to share
your feelings of confusion, guilt, joy, and fatigue. The dads haven’t seen each
other since the mums were pregnant but I’m sure they’ll meet again.

NCT classes really push breastfeeding and there is a lot to say on the subject – I wrote an article about the pros and cons vs formula here http://www.femalearts.com/node/49 – I think it is
difficult to breastfeed exclusively and take my hat off to anyone who’s managed
it.

Highchair

Was assembled today and Dillon sat proudly in his new
throne, played with his toy and ate his puree. It’s a Cosatto Noodle Zuton if
that means anything to anyone. It’s got different heights and vertical
settings, a big tray with different shape compartments, is big enough to
prevent the baby from knocking stuff off the table which he was doing before whenever
we had dinner. I’ve purchased a load of plastic glasses for me and hubbie, in
an attempt to avoid glass breakages.  I’m sure things will get worse the more mobile the baby gets and the house will slowly disintegrate (at the same time as my hair going grey and my husband’s
hair falling out). No one tells you how glamorous parenting is.

 

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.