If you’ve been reading my previous articles I know what some of you are thinking. She’s a bit dim isn’t she? How could she not know her daughter had an eating disorder?
That’s what I thought too. How could I have not known? Mother’s should know everything; they are meant to care for and protect their child against all comers.
What a shock it was. I was ashamed. I was a bad mother. Yes, I should have known.
Of course, I knew there was something wrong, I just never dreamed that it was an eating disorder. She wasn’t the type, was she? She loved her food. How wrong I was to dismiss it. It cost us precious time.
The thing is, most people are under the impression that eating disorders are anorexia. End of. Unless they are skeletal they can’t possibly have a problem. Big mistake.
My daughter was hiding things well. If someone wants to keep a secret they will go to great lengths not to be discovered. And my daughter was 19. She went to work, she could drive, she was an adult. She’d been ill for a couple of years – not all the time, some times were worse than others but I knew something was wrong. I went with her to the doctors, got referred to consultants and none of them could find anything wrong. No one mentioned her mental health, no one mentioned eating disorders. They were looking at the physical – as was I.
I took her to numerous alternative practitioners, had a nutritionist come to the house. Again, not one mention of eating disorders. Did they guess and not tell me? I doubt it.
She had always been feisty and strong willed – which can work for you or against you. It was the latter on this occasion. You need huge willpower not to eat. You need lots of determination. A steely core.
She was a stroppy teenager – who isn’t. I had been a stroppy teenager – I’m quite sure my mother still bears the scars from the lacerations of my sharp tongue. My daughter didn’t do anything I hadn’t done, only she did it to extremes.
I knew something was wrong and I was right.
And it would be well to remember this: if you think something is wrong it usually is – so persevere, get help. Don’t dismiss your instincts – they are the most powerful thing you possess.
Tracy Baines has written a book about how her daughter’s eating disorder impacted on her family. The book It’s Not about the Food is part memoir part self-help guide. It contains resources she found helpful and quotes from many other parents she either interviewed or who responded to her questionnaire.