Tag Archives: Catherine Balavage

How Much of Yourself Should You Share Online?

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awesome cat picturesWe live in the era of information overload. People share everything from what they eat, to pictures of their children. But how much should we share online? As a writer I have to share my experiences. Well, to be a good writer anyway. But when you write an article and it goes out into the world it is not always possible to bring it back. Nor is is possible to control who reads it, or what that person does with that information. And there is the problem. I feel we are too trusting when we are throwing information out on to the internet. I believe most people are good, but not all are.

I am not talking about criminals, although we should definitely be watching out for those. Those type of bad people are why I am careful about what I post about my children online. No, I am talking about something marginally more benign: people you know. I remember I wrote an article many years ago on the media and how they report fertility, only for some people to somehow find it and use the article in a mean and bitchy way for years. This made me very sad and is one of the reasons I stopped writing as much. Then I realised the bullies were winning, so I wrote more, but was still cautious. Hard to know whether that is a good or bad thing.

In real life I am a very open person. I will talk to most people about anything. Well, except sex or money. There has to be some limits. But the truth is: there are horrible people out there that will take your words and use them against you. There are also employers who might not like what they see on social media and decide to not hire you.

So what do I do as a writer? Should I continue to share my life, or should I stop and find other things to write about? I have not decided what is best yet. I will continue to share my personal experience, but I will be wary and think about the consequences. Mostly I will write about things I think will help other people or make them laugh. I believe that human beings have a desperate need to connect with each other, to hear each other’s stories, to know they are not alone. That is what is most important to me. Sharing and connecting with my fellow human beings.

Please share your thoughts below.

The Ultimate Guide To Clearing Your Clutter

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Last year I became quite obsessed with decluttering. In fact, thanks to Marie Kondo I think we all did. I have never liked being surrounded by a lot of stuff. I have always hated clutter. Which is why I am feeling rather proud. My husband and I have got rid of thousands of things. There are still a few things earmarked to go, but we are the closest to minimalism we have ever been. The flat looks fundamentally tidy even though we have a toddler. Things are also much easier to find and we have even made some money selling things. Here is my quick, but comprehensive, guide to decluttering. It will change your life, trust me.

You need to put things into different bags,boxes or piles. The options are: Recycle, Sell, Keep, Mend, Give to Charity.

 

You don’t have to do it all at once so don’t get overwhelmed. You can do a room at a time, or even just a drawer of cupboard. Slow and steady is just as good as one full-on day.

My biggest tip is to keep a charity bag somewhere you can easily access. Put things in there you want to get rid of, and then when it is full you can take it to the charity shop. 

You can make decluttering fun by doing it while you watch your favourite TV show or listen to music. You can even get all of the family involved. Getting rid of old stuff always feels great.

Declutter for 5-10 minutes everyday. It all adds up.

Put the handle on the hanger in your wardrobe in one direction, if you wear the item, turn the handle around. Wait a certain amount of time, say, six months, then throw out everything you have not worn.

 

You can give away unwanted stuff while doing good for the environment via Freecycle.org

 

Get rid of all your old phones. Just remember to delete your personal information and remove the SIM card. There are plenty of good websites and companion websites which will give you the best price. I use https://www.mazumamobile.com/sell-my-mobile. Just make sure you check out their reputation on trustpilot.com

You can also sell old ink cartridges. The amount you can earn is so low that I would give them to chairty instead. Cash for Cartridges pay for old ink cartridges but you have to set up an account, the withdrawal limit is £25, and their prices are so low it would take an age to get there. http://www.cashforcartridges.co.uk/ink-cartridge-recycling-prices

Personally I think it is better to donate them to the British Heart Foundation. You can download their free post label here. https://www.therecyclingfactory.com/bhf/. Other charities that take old printer cartridges include the British Institute for Brain Injured Children, RNLI, Barnados, Sense, and the World Cancer Research Fund.

I have sold all of my old gadgets. After removing my personal data of course. I used eBay.co.uk as I found they had the best prices. There are other places of course. cashinyourgadgets.co.uk, musicmagpie.com and even Apple itself will buy your old technology. It is best to remove your old hard drive before selling your old computers. Note that Apple will give you a gift card in return. They also recycle things for free that they do not buy, including PCs.

Amazon.co.uk marketplace allows you to sell books, DVDs and some other stuff. They do take a huge fee however, a massive 17.25% commission. The good news is that it is free to list. They also give you a postage credit which does not always cover the cost of posting the book, then take it away in fees.

You can also sell by Car Booting. Car boot sales are not the best place to get the top price. I have never done it personally but there will be plenty in your area. Just do a search. They tend to charge a fee to pitch up your car and sell. I would mark your prices up a bit as people like to haggle.

Other good places to sell your stuff.

 

Facebook groups

There is even a sell option on Facebook. You can also join groups and sell your stuff on the group.

The best way I have found of getting rid of stuff is to give it to charity. You do good and give back to the community while clearing out your home. Win win.

You can donate pretty much everything. For instance, the RSPB, DHIVERSE and the World Owl Trust will take old stamps. Your old glasses and sunglasses can go to charity shops. Branches of Boots Opticians and  Dolland and Aitchinson usually have recycling bins for old glasses. You can donate your foreign currency. RNIB will take it. Help the Aged, Marie Curie and Age UK will even take old currency that can no longer be changed. Many charities will also take your old phones.

Take your old clothes to a charity shop or a local clothes bank. H&M, Uniqlo and Marks & Spencer’s all take old items of clothing.

It is best to sell furniture on Gumtree.com, Facebook groups or other local resources. Furniture and homeware does not hold its value well. If you do want to get rid of your furniture and don’t want to sell it do not spend hundreds getting someone to take it away for you. We were quoted over £400 for someone to come and take our furniture away. I donated it to the British Heart Foundation instead and they came and took it away for free.

When it comes to donating furniture the Furniture Reuse Network will take your goods and then distribute them to a charity organisation in your area.  Oxfam and the British Heart Foundation also take furniture. You can also try Freecycle and Freegle where you offer your good for free to anyone who can collect them.

Gone For Good is a great social enterprise that puts people in touch with charities that will come and take away their furniture or anything else they want to donate. You use the Gone For Good app by taking a photo of your unwanted stuff on our phone and then one of the charities will come and take the goods away based on your postcode. The app is free to use and the charity will pick up your goods for free too. Great for people who don’t have a car.

When you give stuff to charity make sure you sign up for Gift Aid. This allows the charity to claim an extra 25p for every £1 you give and also lets you get some money off your tax bill. Don’t do it unless you pay tax though, you will have to pay the extra gift aid. To learn more about tax relief and gift aid go here.

My last tips are to get rid of old change via self services machines. No, the staff from the supermarket don’t like it but as long as you don’t overdo it I am sure it will be fine. I also find eBay.co.uk the best place for selling stuff. Even if there are some people on there that just want to steal your stuff. I send valuable things signed for. My other, and biggest, tip for decluttering is also the one that is best for the environment: stop buying so much crap. Seriously. I rarely buy anything these days other than food and it has changed my life. My sure everything has a place and goes back into that place. Everything else can be sold or given to charity.
Thank you for reading. Please add your own tips below.

Great decluttering books:

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying: A simple, effective way to banish clutter forever

Stuffocation: Living More with Less

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

How to Win at Feminism Reductress Interview And Book Review

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how to win at feminism, reductress, feminism How did you come up with the idea of Reductress?

 

Sarah: We were both writing and performing sketch comedy, and realized there was a lack of spaces for women to create comedy for and about us. Then Beth came to me with the idea for a fake women’s magazine, and we were happy to find that nobody had really done it before.

 

Beth: Yeah, plenty of people had made fun of women’s media before but it felt like there was so much more to cover in a more expansive way.

 

It is such a smart site and we love the book too, is it easy to come up with new ideas?

 

Sarah: Yes and no! Comedy is always hard, but fortunately the bizarre nature of women’s media and the internet at large have given us a lot of material to work with.
Beth: Yeah, luckily we have a team of super funny contributors and they’ve had plenty of experience reading women’s media and existing as women in the world to draw on.

 

What advice to you have for anyone who wants to follow in your path? 

 

Beth: Use your disadvantages to fuel your work. In comedy your frustration is part of your voice.

 

Sarah: Don’t give up on a good idea. Don’t be afraid to fail. It’s part of the process, and there’s always something to learn from it.

 

Do you think women’s magazines are damaging to women or helpful?

 

Sarah: Somewhere in between. Obviously a lot of what Reductress does is comment on the ways in which they have been harmful, but women’s media has definitely made a lot of strides since our mother’s generation.

 

Beth: Yeah it really depends on the magazine and the writer and the how they’re writing about a given topic. When it’s done in a one-dimensional way that speaks down to women, it’s harmful.

 

Describe a typical day.

 

Sarah: Answer emails, post everything on social media, bitch to everyone about whatever’s happening in the news? Order salad. The rest is a salad-eating blur.

 

Beth: Email, hide my private email server, pump breast milk, write, edit, eat salad furiously.

 

How do you run the site?

 

Sarah: Efficiently.
Beth: Girls.

 

Tell us about writing the book.

 

Sarah: We wanted to write a book about how women’s media has co-opted feminism. So, we wrote a proposal in early 2015 and got our editor-at-large Anna Drezen on board and we did the thing!

 

Beth: It was exhausting but fun. Lots of weekends sitting in a Starbucks thinking about the patriarchy.

 

What is the biggest issue affect women today?

 

Sarah: I don’t really think there’s one issue, and it definitely depends on which part of the world we’re talking about. In the states, I think the treatment of marginalized women (women of color, transwomen) and lack of representation overall is a huge issue.

 

Beth: If you mean biggest in terms of how many people it affects, I think subtle sexism is really insidious, but if biggest means most serious, then I think reproductive rights and the maternity leave policies are huge in the impact they can have on women’s lives.

 

What’s next?

 

Sarah: We’ve got some things cooking! For now, check out our podcast, Mouth Time!

 

Beth: We’re gonna go eat more salad!

 

How to Win at Feminism is an awesome and original satirical book on feminism written by the subversive women’s magazine Reductress. Which is read by an audience of over 2.5 visitors a month. It will make you laugh out loud and nod your head in agreement.

UK and Commonwealth rights were bought by HQ Senior Commissioning Editor, Anna Baggaley, from Harper One in the US.

Beth Newell and Sarah Pappalardo, the authors of How to Win at Feminism, said: “we are excited to bring our book to the UK and hope that British readers will enjoy it half as much as they do Pippa Middleton’s bum!”

Anna Baggaley said: “As someone who is been a huge fan of Reductress and their sharp observational comedy for a while I am so thrilled to have the opportunity to publish such a funny, wry and necessary book”

Filled with tongue in cheek humour, colour illustrations, bold graphics, and hilarious photos, How to Win at Feminism teaches readers how to battle the patriarchy better than everybody else. From the her-story of feminism to how to apologise for having it all, and by using celebrity studies such as Beyoncé and Taylor Swift, How to Win at Feminism is a fresh take on women’s rights through the lens of some of funniest women in comedy today.

How to Win at Feminism is out now in paperback original £12.99 and ebook £9.99.

The Art of Feminism by Reductress is published by HarperCollins.

“Reductress has discovered a rich, deep seam of comedy.” 

Graham Linehan, co-writer of Father Ted, Black Books and The IT Crowd

“People say women can’t be funny. WRONG… I love Reductress.” 

Sam Bain, writer of Peep Show

 

Reductress is a fast-growing satirical website that delivers mischievously hilarious, on-point criticism wrapped in hilarious headlines and feature articles. Referred to as the “feminist Onion,” it pokes fun at the messages fed to women from an early age and throughout adulthood. Since its creation in 2013, it has exploded in popularity, with over 2.5 million monthly visitors. Reductress was founded by Beth Newell and Sarah Pappalardo, the authors of this book.

 

 

 

 

MumsThread On Parents Taking It Easy On Themselves

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baby, shared parental leave, feminism, equality, childcare, leave, maternal, work, working mothers, lean inThis column is late. It’s late because my son was ill. But mostly, it is late because I decided to take it easy on myself. We are doing our Christmas gift lists at the moment and they are a huge amount of work. That on top of all of my other jobs and activities, along with caring for an ill child, meant I was working hard and working a lot. So I decided to be easier on myself. Not killing myself by overworking, getting a takeaway so we didn’t have to cook, or going into the playpen with the toddler so you don’t have to chase him around the home. Unless you are a surgeon, or you work in a war zone, parenting is the hardest job in the world. It is 24/7 with no sick days. But you already know that. What you might not be doing is taking it easy on yourself. So I am going to tell you of because self care is important. Be kind to yourself. That is the only way you can be the best parent to your child. Here are some tips for you to help you take it easier on yourself.

 

Prioritise.

Some things are important, and those should always be done. Others can wait. Sure the oven needs cleaned but you have been on your feet all day and it can wait a few days. Every day do what really needs done, anything else can wait.  As for cleaning, make your home as clean and tidy as you are comfortable with. Unless you really want to, don’t waste your time making your home look like a show home. Your time is limited, don’t waste it cleaning.

 

Life Hacks.

There is usually an easier way to do something. A quicker way to cook, an easier way to clean, a better way to do your work quicker. Efficiency is important when you have a child. Cook one pot meals, it cuts down on cleaning afterwards and is quicker. Always cook too much so the extra can be used for lunch or supper the next day. Do your emails on the go, or when you are out and the baby is napping in the pram. Make sure you get the other half to pull their weight. That always makes a difference.

 

Don’t care what other people think. Know that compromise is fine. 

So what if your child is not wearing matching socks, If sometimes you feed him food from a jar or that you sometimes need to put a cartoon on? The most infuriating thing when you have a child is that everyone has an opinion on how you should raise them. That’s fine. Every one is allowed an opinion, but they should have the grace to keep it to themselves. It is your child, not theirs. Good for her, not for you. People will be rude and sometimes bitch. Ignore them. They clearly don’t care about your feelings, so don’t care about theirs. I have no childcare. I work and take care of my son. I do it well and I do it efficiently. My son rarely watches cartoons during the day, it doesn’t stop people bitching the times that he does. And on the subject of cartoons: I don’t get the snobby attitude towards TV. I know for a fact that some cartoons have helped my son progress. Say this aloud: screw them and screw their opinion. For extra help read the The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k: How to stop spending time you don’t have doing things you don’t want to do with people you don’t like it is a great book for clearing your mental clutter.

 

Clear the physical clutter.

 

The thing that has made the most difference to my life is clearing out clutter. The less stuff you have, the less stuff you have to worry about. The less things to clean and the easier the surface area is to clean. It just makes sense that the less stuff you have, the less stuff you have to worry about. Personally, it has made such a difference to my stress levels and our home is looking much better.

 

Do you have any tips? Share them below.

 

 

This article was originally published in December 2016. We republished it because it was popular.

After the Snow By Susannah Constantine Book Review

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We all know Susannah Constantine from her Trinny and Susannah days when she told women what to wear. The careers of the two fashionable women went stratospheric. They both became very successful indeed. When After The Snow reached Frost HQ I was immediately grabbed by the cover. It is beautiful and really encapsulates the book. But a book cannot be judged by its cover alone. Is it any good? Yes and yes again. Susannah Constantine is a writer of great talent. Everything from the story, to the characters, to the observations are just pitch perfect. I loved this novel. It was just superb. I really could not put it down. It was also a window into a world that most people do not get to see. I highly recommend this book. It does not disappoint.

Christmas morning, 1969.

All eleven-year-old Esme Munroe wants for Christmas is for her mother to be on one of her ‘good’ days – and, secretly, for a velvet riding hat. So when she finds an assortment of wet towels and dirty plates in her stocking, she’s just relieved Father Christmas remembered to stop at The Lodge this year.

But later that day Esme’s mother disappears in the heavy snow. Even more mysteriously, only the Earl of Culcairn seems to know where she might have gone. Torn between protecting her mother and uncovering the secrets tumbling out of Culcairn Castle’s ornate closets, Esme realises that life will never be the same again after the snow…

Susannah Constantine provides a rare glimpse into the secret lives of the scandalous upper classes. Perfect for fans of Downton Abbey and The Crown

After the Snow By Susannah Constantine is available here.

What do you think?: A Collection of Poems Extract #nationalpoetryday

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poetry, poetry book, poems, women authors, Scottish writers, poetry book, female writers,To celebrate National Poetry Day here is some extracts from my poetry book What do you think?: A collection of poems. I hope you enjoy them.

 

Thieves

Littered broken hearts

One million men

Tearing me apart

Vestiges of

What I used to be

Leaving behind

All different parts of me

Traces

Chunks

Bits

Intellectual property

All stolen from me

And I will never be complete again

And the waiter came around with decapitated roses

 

 

When women are mean girls

Another barb

To bring a smile to your face

You think it wounds

Not quite

But I will confess it grates

How a woman can act like a mean girl

Time and time again

Her insecurity and bitterness

Coming out in bitchy comments

I guess I should feel sorry for you

That your life has led you to this

Vile and wrapped up in your own bitterness

But woman like you give women a bad name

Lashing out, attacking, trying to cause pain

I know you just don’t like my happiness

That it causes you pain

That your jealousy is like your other face

Sneering, ugly and plain

I take it as a compliment

That you can’t just keep quiet

That you cannot become the adult you are

That you have to let your hate perspire

I move on, of course

And I smile as I do

Because although you bore me and disappoint me

I am happy, because I am nothing like you

(This was written in 2016. I wish it wasn’t as relevant as it is. I do have to point out that men can be bitchy too, but sometimes it just hurts more when it comes from another woman).

 

 

Motherhood

They say that after this I will be a woman

But I feel I already earned that long ago

Long before the waves and the pain

My dues long paid up

Unlike those other dues

This one will be worth it

They say this will change me.

And it irks me that they are not wrong

One bouncing baby

To change the melody of the song

Half a stone of giggles and crying

To bring a joy

That could bring back the dying

 

 

Loved person

Broken promises I knew you could not keep

You only ever tried to love me and in gratitude I lay at your feet

Because I was in love too, but my love was different

My love was the notion of life, a good one

All I wanted from ear to ear; a smile from my own mouth

It did not work

You loved me so selflessly I could not leave

Although I know now it was only through your love for me that I loved you

You lost your own identity

You chose mine but I wanted mine to keep

Still. Here I am

This time only crying at your ever loving feet

I owe you too much to leave

So for the rest of my life. If I never find the courage

I will be the living, loved dead

Even though I see

Your love in an otherwise cruel world binds me

Forgive me. I doubt for all that I was ever worthy

 

 

All poems taken from What do you think?: A Collection of Poems by Catherine Balavage is available from Amazon. 

 

Diary of a Freelance Working Mother: On Busybodies

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working mother , parenting, writer, Catherine BalavageIt was Jean Paul Sartre who said that hell is other people, but he did not get it quite right. What he should have said was that hell is other people and their opinions. Now if they can keep those opinions to themselves then it is happiness all-round. I spend large parts of my day not pointing out to someone how much of a jerk they are. An underrated and valuable skill, but one that seems in short supply when you have a child. I am going to do my best to make sure this weeks column is not an all-out rant, but I am going to put out a plea: please stop telling me how to raise my child.

There is a woman in my local area who seems nice enough, yet since my son was about nine months has asked me almost every single time she has seen me why he is not in nursery. Answer: because he is TWO-YEARS OLD. I have tried to explain to her his age and my personal reasons, but each time I am met with a lecture. Because, god forbid, a woman might want to raise her own child, right? Ditto for the fact I also got a long lecture from her on how my son was too old to be in a pram. ‘You are spoiling him’ she said. Never mind the fact that I am pregnant and he had just turned two, no, make him walk along the busy road and have no rest. That is definitely the answer.

Things like this happen all of the time. Some people will just critique. Ask you if your child can do something (competitive parents, they are just the worst), criticise their clothes/nails/cleanliness/hair, or ask a barrage of questions while pulling faces and making comments. Another bugbear is the busybodies who interfere and always think they know best. It does not matter that their children grew up decades ago and they lived in a separate place than you, they will always know exactly what to do in regards to nurseries and schools, as well as where you should take your child. The passing of time means nothing. Everything they did with their child, you in turn must do, because they know best.

I find with busybodies there is a number of things to do. One is smile and nod. Always best with strangers. The second is smile and say you do not agree, or make a joke of it. The best is to ask them nicely and politely to not interfere. The latter is always better with family. They will not stop if you do not tell them their behaviour is unacceptable. They may not even change then, but, trust me, you will feel better. In the meantime keep your head up, work on your sense of humour as it is the only thing that will get you through, and always stand up for yourself.

Please share any similar experience below, or just add your own comments. I would love to know what you think.

 

Diary of a Freelance Working Mother: Park Life

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A term time break. The summer holidays. This used to mean something when I was in school, but since my son is still in toddlerhood it does not hold the same excitement. I am not saying it has no effect on my life: the toddler groups close or become less frequent. When they are open they are busier than ever. It seems like everyone, apart from our family, has taken August off and is having a wonderful time sunning themselves in an exotic location. Cry. But what really changes during term breaks is that I end up going to the park with my little one. Parks that are busier than ever.

Usually my little one and I are too busy to go to the park. His social life is packed with different events and lessons. From Monkey Music to his toddler groups. But toddlers need to learn, get fresh air, and burn off their energy. Fun for toddlers, but not always for the mama. I usually love taking my son on the swing, and watching him do the assault course. There are a lot of parks near where we live in South-West London, and they all have something different to offer. But the real interesting thing is the people that each park attracts. Some are easy-going with friendly toddlers, others are full of aggressive children and mothers who do not care. General piece of advice to them: it is called parenting, not let-them-do-whatever-they-want-ing. I reckon I could write a book just on the politics of park life.

I recently had a lovely conversation with a little girl about Star Wars, had an aggressive 10-year-old call my two-year-old a ‘s**t f**k’ because he wanted to go on the bus, and strike up a conversation with a friendly Irish mother whose sons toy my son kept trying to steal. It went well until she told me that 5-year-olds are harder work than two-year-olds and then I just wanted to start drinking, everyday.

I have had many great conversations with other mothers and their children. Not every experience has been great however. Where there is all of life that will not happen. Recently it started to rain just as I took my son to the park, we waited under a tree until it passed. Another mother came to the fence near us and started saying how she had lost her phone to a friend, and had left it on the fence. She gave me the eye and I gave the eye back, irritated. She then went all over the park looking for her phone. A while later she came up to me and asked ‘if I had seen a phone’. I told her, no. The rain passed and I took my son into the park for some fun. I looked over at one point to see the mean mother, who had previously been bitching about me to all of her friends, On Her Phone. No apology. Difficult mothers cannot be entirely avoided. Neither can the competitive ones. One mother kept telling me my son was 3 ‘because he looks 3’ It is hard to argue with that kind of logic.

Negative moments aside I now get why I saw so many mother in parks before I become a mother. Some looked exhausted and spaced out, others were on their phones, and some looked happy as they watched their child play. The park allows parents to socialise while the children burn off energy. On a tough day, it takes some of those hours away when they feel endless. So I might see you at the park, but I will make sure it is a friendly one. Feel free to strike up a conversation.