Tag Archives: child free

PARADIGM-SHIFTING NEW FILM ON MOTHERHOOD, CHILDFREE WOMEN AND REPRODUCTIVE JUSTICE, ‘MY SO-CALLED SELFISH LIFE’, TO BE STREAMED WORLDWIDE THIS MAY

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Trixie Films is delighted to announce that its paradigm-shifting new documentary feature film about childfree women, My So-Called Selfish Life, will be released worldwide for the first time and streamed from 6 – 16May.

 Child free,

Directed by the award-winning feminist writer/directorTherese Shechter, the film is a journey through one of our society’s greatest social taboos: choosing not to become a mother, and is the third in a trilogy of documentaries by Shechter dismantling our most sacred ideas about womanhood: from power and 21st century feminism, to sex and virginity, and now motherhood. The film premiered at the Woodstock Film Festival in 2021 to critical acclaim.

 

My So-Called Selfish Life is unique in the childfree conversation for its intersectional approach to its subject matter, as well as the ways it ties women’s personal stories of choosing not to have children to the deeper cultural and political forces that tell us that a woman’s greatest value lies in her ability to reproduce. It also incorporates a lot of humour – weaving together everything from Grey’s Anatomy clips to speeches from Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

 

Film Threat said: “My So-Called Selfish Life is a timely documentary on an issue as pressing as ever. Women’s bodies and fertility are continuing areas of concern for those in power — again, usually men,” andMs Magazine described it as a “striking and imaginative documentary, which addresses [an] oft-overlooked facet of reproductive justice.”

 

Director Therese Shechter said: “Humour is a huge part of my work, creating an engaging documentary style that makes room for some very thorny conversations. I’m excited to take on my most controversial subject yet: the assumption that motherhood is a biological imperative and the defining measure of womanhood. There’s no one right way to be a woman, and a woman’s value in society should never lie in her ability to reproduce.”

 

My So-Called Selfish Life, will stream worldwide for the first time from 6 – 16 May

via the Show & Tell platform:

https://watch.showandtell.film/watch/my-so-called-selfish-life

 

For more info visit:

myselfishlife.com

trixiefilms.com

It Happened To Me: I’ve Been Judged For Not Wanting Babies

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We all love true life stories. They make us feel like we are not alone.  We can all identify with a bit of true-talk after all. Not only that, being open and honest about real things that happen to real women is the fastest way to smash taboos and get us all talking about tricky topics. There’s no such thing as an over-share. Frost and femcare subscription brand Pink Parcel teamed up to bring you this great personal story from a woman who does not want to have children. We have spoken to Louise on her experience of being judged for not wanting children. In a world were even celebrities like Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz are constantly questioned about their wombs it is time to normalise what society likes to imply is a taboo.

 

Here, Louise, 38, tells Pink Parcel about her decision not to have children…

“My mum was a childminder so I grew up in a house full of babies. A travel cot sat permanently in my bedroom for their daytime nap, I’d sit and eat breakfast with a toddler or two at the table, and you couldn’t move for nappies and feeding bottles. It would drive me and my two sisters crazy because we were forever tripping over Lego. By the time I moved out of the family home, I was totally babied-out and I knew all that was involved in caring for tiny children. To be honest, it didn’t look that much fun so having one of my own was the last thing on my mind.

“But that was ok because I’d never been particularly maternal anyway. In school, friends would talk about how many children they wanted when they were older and I’d think, “how do you know you want that now?” Having babies was an abstract concept for me, something I felt totally removed from. That feeling never really changed as I grew older.

“I went out with my first boyfriend from aged 16 to 20. He was two years older than me and we broke up because he wanted to get married and settle down. I baulked and ran from that relationship. I felt way too young for marriage and because he knew he really wanted a family in his early twenties, it was never going to work between us. We were totally incompatible with our life goals.

Never broody

“My twenties passed in a blur and I had such a great time. I worked hard, drank a lot and travelled a lot. Sometimes on work trips, sometimes for fun – I love getting on a plane and going somewhere. Life for me is about cramming in as many different experiences as I can, whether that’s with a boyfriend or as a single girl when I was between relationships.

“Out of the five serious boyfriends I’ve had, three of those have children with previous partners. I’m not sure whether this is just a coincidence or whether I gravitated towards men with kids because it safeguarded me from needing to give them children straight away. I knew they weren’t in a rush to have any more so it took the pressure off me to make babies. I also got to enjoy time with their children, without any of the responsibility. Not that the “stepmother” role was a walk in the park.

“Then, as I hit 33 and 34, I noticed that my social media feeds completely filled up with bumps and newborns – it seemed everyone was having babies at that time. Meanwhile I still had zero inclination, I just didn’t feel any urge. Instead my list of places that I wanted to travel to grew and my job goals seemed to get more ambitious. I was living with my partner and we were happy and committed, I just didn’t want to be a mum. He didn’t have children and maybe he thought I’d possibly change my mind, but he didn’t push it. I did feel like I had to justify my reasons to strangers though. In any social situation, I’m now always waiting for the “so, have you got kids?” question. I have some stock answers ready to roll out.

“My older sister had one beautiful daughter in her twenties and my younger sister hasn’t had children yet, but she’s getting married this year so who knows, she might be next. My mum has been very vocal about her disappointment with our grandchild output – she thinks it’s weird because we’re such a close family. As much as it upsets her though, I can’t make babies just to keep her happy.

“I’ve been asked a few times if I hate children and that makes me so sad, not to mention angry when I think about the rudeness of that question afterwards. I love children and actually think by not having any of my own I can appreciate all the lovely, sweet things about them. I played a massive part raising my niece and I’m godmother to two adorable toddlers and a 3 month-old baby. I like nothing better than hanging out with them, giving them cuddles and treating them to things. I take my role in their life really seriously so the thought that I hate kids is frankly an insult.

Family values

“In the last year or so, I’ve really made peace with a future that’s without children. I’m aware that this choice will massively impact my life when I’m an old lady when I’ll need looking after ­– that’s usually the job of your children. I’m confident though that times have changed. With so many families living away from each other or being estranged, friendships have become just as important as family and I know they’ll be people to look out for me, even without having my own children.

“I do a little fist pump when women in the public eye set the record straight about not having kids. Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz are a good example – they refuse to be seen as a sad old failures, or any less of a woman just because they decided not to procreate.

“There are some women who want to have a baby and will do everything to make that happen no matter what. Others need all of their ducks in a row before they can make that leap. For me, my ducks were never in a row, so I never leaped. Sometimes it’s not just one reason that leads to a woman being childless, but instead a series of small choices over ten years or so. It is what it is.

“Ultimately, my womb belongs to me and whether or not I want to grow another human in it is my choice. It’s nobody else’s business.”

 

 

Does Having Children Hold Women Back?

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Something has been annoying me for a long time and I need to write about it. Yes, women and how they are discriminated against if they have children, and if they don’t have children, Yes, basically just the fact that women can’t win when it comes to their ovaries. No one has every asked a man how he balances his work/life balance. Or how having children affected his career. And many famous men don’t have children and it is not pointed out in every single article about them a la Jennifer Aniston. But that has gotten me thinking: does having children hold women back? A lot of women in the June 2014 edition of Bazaar magazine thought so.

 

Zaha Hadid was interviewed and said: ‘With architecture, if you stop, it’s hard to go back. It’s long hours, lots of travel. If you have kids, it’s not obvious how to make it work.” and went on to say “When I could have kids, it just didn’t occur to me.”

 

Artist Phyllida Barlow said: “I don’t think having children and being an artist are compatible at all. I don’t mean that as a negative thing, just that both require full-time attention. Both are emotional and hazardous. Things go wrong” Phyllida has five children and a successful career so I am not sure what her point is.

 

This is an extract from the piece on artist Marina Abramovic: “She also knew she’d never have children. Every person, she argues, has only one source of energy, which can be transformed into work, family, children, creativity; anything. If you have children, you divide it.’ It isn’t a fashionable view, the article goes on, but there’s no doubt in her mind that it is not possible to be a great artist and have children: Maybe if you’re very rich and have nannies but then the children suffer’, she qualifies. The evidence is all around us she insists. ‘Why are there so many more male artists than female. Because a man doesn’t have to sacrifice as much as a woman.’ How sexist. She then goes on to cite Louise Bourgeois who had an amazing career post-60: husband dead and children who had left home, ‘So many artists start wonderful, talented, and then the children come.” Then how come so many men manage both? Oh, right, the woman gives up her life and career. Am I the only one who reads this and wants to scream the point that children have two parents? Surely the father could look after his own children at some point? And don’t get me started on men who refer to looking after their own children as ‘babysitting’. You contributed half of the DNA you idiot.

 

Weirdly enough, the sanest comment came from an Olsen in the June 2014 edition of UK Marie Claire: Elizabeth Olsen has been thinking about the working-women-having-kids-thing. ‘It’s more important for women to do well in their families lives because they end up doing better in their job if they pay attention to their family. There was a time when you’d have a career, get to the top and then have children, which I always thought was weird- as opposed to having kids witnessing the ebbs and flows, starting somewhere and growing together as a family’ Can someone please give this women a medal?

 

Oprah Winfrey has stated many times that she couldn’t achieve what she has if she had children, but how does she know? How can she honestly say that? Oprah is also quoted saying: “If I had kids, my kids would hate me, They would have ended up on the equivalent of the “Oprah” show talking about me; because something [in my life] would have had to suffer and it would’ve probably been them.” Do children say this about their fathers? In a typical family set up men are away a lot. Kids don’t hate them, they just miss them. People don’t give children enough credit. They know adults have to work.

 

Former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard was interviewed in the Telegraph and she was asked, once again, about her child-free status. She said: ‘I’m comfortable with my choices. It gave me my chance to work as an PM’.  I mean, why ask a former Prime Minister about her career when you can question her ovaries instead?

 

But this hasn’t answered my original question. Does having children hold women back? Probably. I don’t have children myself, although I may one day, but I think the main question should be: if having children doesn’t hold men back, why should it hold women back? The answer is obvious. Women are supposed to sacrifice everything for their children and burn their ambitions and wishes on the alter of motherhood. And some of the worst critics for women is other mothers. I know married friends in their thirties, some of whom don’t even want children, who can’t get a job or a promotion because employers don’t want to risk hiring a women in their thirties, too worried that they will just get pregnant and then cost them maternity leave. Women are discriminated on the fact that they have wombs, whether they use them or not.

 

A book I will be reading is I Don’t Know Why She Bothers by Daisy Waugh. It rages against the social pressure of women sacrificing their entire life at the alter of motherhood and is an antidote to maternal guilt and pressure. Because you know what can stop children holding women back? Men picking up the slack and doing their fair share.

 

What do you think? Does having children hold women back?