Tag Archives: childhood

“I would wet myself in fear”: Mum reveals terrifying abusive childhood and vows to ‘end shouting’

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Shouting is still controversial, but recent studies show the impact of shouting at children can be ‘just as harmful as hitting them’
abusive, childhood, shouting, www.LETSTOPSHOUTING.com, , anxiety, end shouting, shouting

After becoming a parent, qualified therapist Yasmin Shaheen-Jaffar decided it was finally time to break the “historical pattern” of abuse she had suffered as a child, rendering her “anxiety-ridden” in adulthood.

“Shouting can trigger violence. I was shouted at a lot as a child and it often turned into physical abuse. This made me grow up into quite a nervous adult, and also avoidant of conflict which has brought a whole host of issues I’ve had to overcome”.

Children suffering from verbal and physical abuse often develop a low self-esteem and self-image, and a negative worldview. But the consequences aren’t all psychological.

“This is really embarrassing to admit, but when I was shouted at as a child I would be so frightened that I would wet myself. This just caused me even more shame and made me feel like I couldn’t tell anyone. The fear paralysed me”.

When Yasmin became a parent herself, she felt it was important to stop shouting and instead foster a “healthy communicative relationship” with her child so that the pattern would never be repeated again. This decision was reinforced further when she suffered a personal loss.

“Someone very close to me committed suicide a few years ago. It made me realise within all that shouting that so often happens in everyday life – the real issues get buried. I think quite often the shouting ends up being a distraction”.

After committing herself to ending shouting and encouraging “healthy ways to have difficult conversations”, Yasmin launched World Let’s Stop Shouting Day in an effort to share her experience with parents on the effects shouting can have on their children.

“Children model their behaviour on the people around them. It’s not always easy, but if you don’t want your child to turn to shouting as a way of communicating, and everything that comes with it, you need to change your own behaviour first. It can feel impossible at times, but with some work it can be done”.

ABOUT WORLD LET’S STOP SHOUTING DAY

The World Let’s Stop Shouting awareness day’s focus is to open the conversation about the impact of aggressive and angry communication on our relationships and physical and mental health. Shouting, as a form of verbal abuse, can often be a trigger for more violent crimes and there should be greater encouragement for healthy debate.

More info here: www.LETSTOPSHOUTING.com

The surprising Scandinavian approaches to child-rearing by Alex Dahl

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alex dahl, author, writer, childrearing, playdate‘Playdate’ by Alex Dahl is published on 1st October by Head of Zeus 

 In the Scandinavian countries, children are raised quite differently than in the UK and most of the rest of the world, where fear culture feels more prevalent- fear of strangers, accidents, legal action, bad weather- the list goes on. The Scandi approach is rather less fussy and children are given an almost baffling level of freedom. They are expected to get to and from school alone, often from the age of six, sometimes walking a considerable distance, come rain or shine (or more likely, blizzards.) In the winter it is pitch-black dark when they leave home. 

When I was a child growing up in Norway, my mother’s policy was- spend most of your time outdoors, and if there’s a problem- fix it. I had a pocket full of band-aids and a bus pass, plus a few tried-and-tested recipes for afternoon snacks.

As an adult, and a domestic-noir/psychological thriller writer, I draw inspiration from the Scandinavian countries’ laissez-faire attitude, and will gladly admit that it’s rather convenient that certain plotlines, which may seem unlikely to happen in the UK are perfectly feasible in Norway. Like being asked to take a little boy home on a stormy evening, whose parents have failed to turn up- the very premise for my debut thriller, The Boy at the Door. It’s happened to me, more than once, and I’ve also turned up to pick up my kids from somewhere, only to be told that they’ve already been collected by ‘so-and-so’s dad’ or random uncle, whom I’ve never met. Or like sending your child on a sleepover when you’ve only briefly met the parents once, a decision that has disastrous consequences in my new thriller, Playdate.

I ended up doing some involuntary research when my own daughter went briefly missing during the edits of Playdate. I had recently returned to Norway and was adjusting to the Scandinavian style of parenting after a stint in London. I allowed my then nine-year-old daughter to take a bus alone home with a friend to the friend’s house after school. I was in my office, working on the book, when the mother of the friend called, several hours later. She asked whether the girls had gone to ours. Floored by panic, I explained they had definitely gone to theirs, and she said- well, they can’t have as the alarm was activated and the dog shut away in one room, and the first thing the girls would do when they get home is deactivate the alarm and let the dog out. 

The other mother immediately started to comb the neighborhood for them while I rushed over. We were about to phone the police, when she went into a local shop to ask whether the girls had been in, and another customer overheard, saying he’d seen two little girls in the nearby forest, trying to free a ride-on pink Barbie truck from thick mud. The girls had refused offers of help, having been drilled on the dangers of strangers… I got my girl home, but had never known such fear, and I went back over Playdate and infused it into the mother of the missing girl.

Playdate by Alex Dahl is available here. 

 

Modern Parents Yearn For A ‘90s’ Childhood

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Most of us at Frost magazine are 1980s babies who grew up in the 90s. We frequently get nostalgic for the decade and it seems we are not the only ones.

  • Over half of modern parents pine for the simple childhood of the 1990s (52%)
  • Music memories strike a chord as making tape recordings of the top 40, buying cassettes and Top of The Pops lead ‘90s’ nostalgia list
  • Children now more likely to Skype their relatives than send letters
  • ‘90s’ jargon stands the test of time as ‘Whatever’ is named as top ‘90s’ phrase still in use today

Classic 90s film Clueless

Making tape recordings of the music charts, having pen pals and growing up without mobile phone technology have been named by British parents as some of their most missed ‘90s’ childhood experiences, according to a new study revealed today.

 

The new study commissioned to celebrate the premiere of Girl Meets World on Disney Channel asked 2,000 parents to vote for the ‘90s’ childhood experiences that they wish their own children could experience today. The results provide a fascinating overview of the way childhood has changed within a single generation.

 

From buying singles on cassette to renting videos from the local shop, the ‘90s’ Nostalgia List is revealed as:

 

‘90s’ Nostalgia List
1.       Make tape recordings of weekly top 40 – 40%

2.       Having pen pals – 35%

3.       Watching Top of the Pops – 34%

4.       Buying singles on cassette or vinyl – 32%

5.       Hand written thank you notes – 31%

6.       Waiting for photos to be developed – 29%

7.       Watching Saturday night TV with the family – 28%

8.       ‘90s’ toys – 27%

9.       Renting videos from the local shop – 25%

10.    Making plans that don’t change due to lack of mobile communication – 22%

 

 

The poll reveals that music resonates the most with us, with three of the top five comprising of musical memories.

 

The study also suggests that the ongoing march of technology creates the biggest sense of nostalgia for parents, as the rise of digital entertainment and communication has seen the demise of cassettes, tape recordings, videos and written letters of the typical ‘90s’ childhood.

 

The list shows that letter writing is missed by parents, with pen pals and writing thank you notes both featuring in the top five. It was also revealed that children today are more likely to keep in contact with relatives through Skype or Facetime (28%) rather than by writing letters (13.5%) suggesting that whilst the art of letter writing may be dying out, modern day children may actually get to see and interact with their relatives more often than the previous generation did.

 

Not everything has changed – slang jargon has successfully bridged the generation gap, with popular ‘90s’ phrases such as “Whatever!”, “Talk to the hand” and “Take a chill pill” standing the test of time with modern teens.

 

Jargon that has survived from the ‘90s
1. Whatever! – 58%

2. Loser – 37%

3. Talk to the hand – 22%

4. As If! – 21%

5. Take a Chill Pill – 17%

6. NOT! – 16%

7. Duh – 14%

8. Don’t go there – 13%

9. Whassup – 12%

10. Yo! – 11%

 

Nearly half of parents (48.85%) polled believe that the music of the ‘90s is better that the music around now, with most thinking that modern music popular with their children all sounds the same.

Map reading and having to answer calls on the house phone both narrowly miss out on the top 10.

 

For the fifth of young British parents who still consider the ‘90s’ friendship bracelet as a core fashion accessory, this year’s Loom Band craze is sure to be welcomed. It seems that the simplicity of ‘90s’ toys and playground trends including Beanie Babies and Troll dolls struck a nostalgic nerve with the parents surveyed, as it can be seen at number 8 on the list.

 

The study also suggests that many celebrities who have ridden the fame wave from the nineties to present day will always be most fondly remembered for their ‘90s’ heyday.  Indeed, 57% of the parents polled would associate Will Smith as the loveable Fresh Prince of Bel Air over his recent blockbuster movies, in comparison to only 20% of children. It seems that Brit Noel Edmunds is another ‘90s’ favourite with 52% of parents associating the presenter with Mr Blobby on Noel’s House Party compared with just 11% of their children, who instead know him for tea time TV show Deal or no Deal (54%).

 

Disney Channel’s new series Girl Meets World, is the follow-on from the popular ‘90s’ show Boy Meets World. The show now follows Riley, the daughter of Boy Meets World’s popular lead characters Cory and Topanga, as she grows up in the modern world with ‘90s’ parents.  Girls Meets World starts on the Disney Channel on 12th September at 6pm.

 

 

Welcome To The Cinema of Childhood | Film News

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Filmhouse, Edinburgh has announced a UK-wide film season, Cinema of Childhood, curated by filmmaker Mark Cousins and inspired by his latest feature documentary, A STORY OF CHILDREN AND FILM, released in cinemas April 4th (Dogwoof).

boot

The Cinema Of Childhood season will launch April 11th at Filmhouse, BFI Southbank, and other key venues across the UK. The season, which will tour the UK for a year, includes 17 brilliant films from 12 countries, spanning 7 decades. Most have rarely been seen in the UK – some are totally new to UK audiences.

“These are some of the best films you’ve never had a chance to see,” Cousins says. “Films about childhood take us on fantastic voyages. E.T.: THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL was a magical bike ride across the moon. THE JUNGLE BOOK showed us the bare necessities.  A boy in THE RED BALLOON stole our hearts.  But beyond these mainstream and arthouse classics, there’s a world of great cinema about kids which is hardly known, but just as brilliant.  Welcome to that world.  Jump into it.”

“Fly to the moon on gossamer wings with the little boy in Astrid Henning-Jensen’s PALLE ALONE IN THE WORLD from 1949.  Get close to the flame of life with Renko, in Shinji Somai’s 1993 masterpiece, MOVING.  Body-swerve the bullies in Karel Kachyna’s Czech cinematic wonder, LONG LIVE THE REPUBLIC, from 1965. See LITTLE FUGITIVE, the American film from 1953 which helped inspire the French New Wave. Discover the work of one of the world’s greatest movie-makers,
Mohammad-Ali Talebi from Iran with three of his best films – THE BOOT, BAG OF RICE, and his poetic masterpiece WILLOW AND WIND.” Mohammad-Ali Talebi will visit the UK for the first time in April, as a guest of the British Council to launch the season with Mark Cousins at BFI Southbank, Filmhouse and other venues to be announced.

Most of the titles in the season are featured in Mark’s documentary A STORY OF CHILDREN AND FILM, which premiered at the Cannes Film Festival last year to 5-star reviews, and has since been acclaimed at many other major festivals worldwide, including Edinburgh, Karlovy Vary, Telluride, Toronto, Stockholm and Dubai.

The season opens up a world of wonder for audiences of all ages who are keen to explore beyond Hollywood’s idea of childhood. The films are both specific to their own time and culture, but also universal in their depiction of childhood emotions, hopes and fears. Children everywhere have so much in common – only the worlds they inhabit are different.

Emotionally engaging with audiences from 8 to 80, Cinema of Childhood invites filmgoers to go on a global adventure with Mark, to discover previously unknown movie masterpieces and to see the world anew through young eyes. Uplifting and exhilarating, these are films to brighten your day.

 

The season is managed by Filmhouse, which has licensed the films for a year, and is creating new digital materials where necessary to make the films available to the widest possible range of cinema venues.   Filmhouse has also licensed the VoD rights for many of the titles, enabling audiences to watch these titles at their own convenience from home or on the move via Filmhouse Player.

The project is backed by the BFI’s Programming Development Fund, awarding funds from the National Lottery. The producer of the season is Adam Dawtrey, who also produced (with Mary Bell) A STORY OF CHILDREN AND FILM.
Filmhouse (Edinburgh) and BFI Southbank (London) will programme the entire season from April to June. Other venues already confirmed to host Cinema of Childhood include Queen’s Theatre (Belfast), Chapter Arts Centre (Cardiff), Broadway (Nottingham), Dundee Contemporary Arts, Glasgow Film Theatre, Eden Court Theatre (Inverness), the Roses Theatre (Tewkesbury), Duke of York’s (Brighton), Watershed (Bristol), Cornerhouse (Manchester) and Showroom (Sheffield),along with selected Picturehouse and Curzon cinemas nationwide. Films from the season will also screen at special festival events, including the Glasgow Youth Film Festival screening ofThe White Balloon on 9th February, Zoom International Youth Film Festival and WoW Festival in March, and the Brighton Festival in May.
Further venues will be announced in due course.

In addition there are plans to screen films from Cinema of Childhood in partnership with several organisations concerned with child welfare. These screenings, which will be targeted at a mixed audience of childcare experts and the general public, will explore representations of childhood from a professional perspective, looking at issues from different cultural and global viewpoints.

 

The full list of titles screening in the Cinema of Childhood season are:
• “Willow and Wind” (Bid-o Baad). Iran, Japan, 1999. D. Mohammad-Ali Talebi. 77 mins. A boy breaks a school window, and must mend it himself before he’s allowed back in class.

• “Bag of Rice” (Kiseye Berendje). Iran, Japan, 1998. D. Mohammad-Ali Talebi. 80 mins. A little girl and an old blind lady decide to carry a sack of rice across Tehran.

• “The Boot” (Chakmeh). Iran 1993. D. Mohammad-Ali Talebi. 60 mins. A little girl craves a new pair of red wellies – but then loses one.

• “The Little Girl Who Sold the Sun” (La petite vendeuse de soleil). Senegal, Switzerland, France, Germany 1999. D. Djibril Diop Mambety. 45 min. A feisty crippled girl tries to improve her life by selling newspapers on the streets of Dakar.

• “Hugo and Josephine” (Hugo och Josefin). Sweden, 1967. D. Kjell Grede. 82 mins. The lonely daughter of a rural pastor makes friends with a wild boy who lives in the woods.

• “The King of Masks” (Bian Lian) China, Hong Kong, 1997. D. Wu Tian-Ming. 91 mins. An old illusionist buys a young boy to become his apprentice – but the boy isn’t quite what he seems.

• “The White Balloon” (Badkonake sefid) Iran 1995. D. Jafar Panahi. 85 mins. A stubborn little girl wants a new goldfish, and won’t let anything get in her way.

• “Tomka and his Friends” (Tomka dhe shokët e tij) Albania, 1977. D. Xhanfise Keko. 78 mins. A gang of Albanian boys in WW2 become secret agents for the Resistance when German troops occupy their village.

• “Palle Alone in the World” (Palle alene i verden). Denmark 1949. D. Astrid Henning-Jensen. 25 min. A boy wakes up to find Copenhagen deserted, and it becomes his giant playground.

• “Ten Minutes Older”. (Par desmit minutem vecaks). Latvia 1978. D. Herz Frank. 10 mins. One close-up, 10 minutes long, of a small boy’s face as he watches a thrilling puppet show.

• “Long Live the Republic” (At’ zije republika) Czechoslovakia, 1965. D. Karel Kachyna, 134 mins. A bullied boy tries to survive in a Czech village as the Germans retreat and the Russians advance.

•  “Moving” (Ohikkoshi) Japan, 1993. D. Shinji Sômai. 124 mins. A girl struggles to come to terms with her parents’ divorce.

• “Forbidden Games” (Jeux interdits). France, 1952. D. René Clément. 86 mins. A boy and a girl retreat into a fantasy world to escape the horrors of WW2.

• “Crows” (Wrony). Poland, 1994. D. Dorota KÄdzierzawska. 63 mins. A neglected girl steals a younger girl to become her surrogate mother.

• “Little Fugitive”. USA 1953. Dir Morris Engel, Ray Ashley, Ruth Orkin. 80 mins. A 7-year-old boy runs away to Coney Island when he thinks he’s killed his older brother.

• “Children in the Wind” (Kaze no naka no kodomo) Japan, 1937. D. Hiroshi Shimizu. 88 mins. The idyllic village life of a Japanese boy falls apart when his father is falsely imprisoned.

• “The Unseen” (NespatÅené). Czech Republic, 1997. D. Miroslav Janek. 53 mins. Documentary about Czech blind kids with remarkable talents, including taking photos.