,… or Two [Cyber]Men and a baby.

In my eyes Season 5 of the new Doctor Who was a weak and uninspiring slog, and easily poorest series since the show returned. But there was a real diamond in the rough; ‘The Lodger’.

Gareth Roberts’ adaptation of his own Doctor Who Magazine comic strip was a joyful, warm-hearted and spirited comedy episode that I loved to bits. So when it was announced that he would be penning a sequel I was pretty excited. But did he deliver? Well, yes and no,…

The Doctor is on a farewell tour, flitting around the universe to catch up on events and experiences that he’s missed out on over the years. He knows that death is on its way and he’s going to make the most of the time he’s got left. Which includes, it seems, a visit to his old mate Craig – now the proud but overwhelmed father of baby Alfie (or Stormageddon; Dark Lord of All, as he likes to be known).

But, this being Doctor Who, The Doctor’s flying visit is derailed by his discovery of Cybermen stalking around the ladies changing rooms at a local department store (ooer!) Cue slapstic monster fighting, Laurel and Hardy level bickering and frolics in the lingerie isle!

Now, for the most part, this episode is a fun and chucklesom romp; it’s Doctor Who; the Situation Comedy. All that’s needed is a wryly named coffee shop, a contractual visit to a bowling alley and a barely plausible laughter track and you’re away!

This isn’t, to my eyes, a bad thing; the programme has been many things in its time – Hammer Horror, surreal Buddhist morality tale, James Bond-esque action adventure – why not a sitcom? It wouldn’t work every week but I’d argue that the occasional flat-out funny episode is no bad thing. I mean it’s not Battlestar Galactica is it?

And it is, indeed, very funny! Matt Smith and James Corden have a brilliant chemistry, with Craig being the straight man to the Doctor’s geeky funnyman. The moment when Craig realises that they’ve been teleported to the Cybership is comedy gold, beautifully played by both. His ham-fisted interrogation of the shop girl had me in stitches.

However, the best lines were handed to young Stormageddon, ably translated by the Doctor – who speaks baby (yeah, right!) “and everybody else?,… Peasants. That’s unfortunate.”

It’s a great script of terrific comic moments and spanking dialogue.

And Cybermen. Damn, I knew you were going to bring them up.

This was not the Metal Men from Mondas’ finest hour. In fact the story would’ve probably worked better without them. All they do is stomp around the place looking mildly pathetic. Their presence is undermined by the revelation that they’re low on juice and low on spare parts. They’re not a fighting force, they’re Dads Army.

Which is a shame because they look wonderful. And the Cybermat is a welcome return from a classic series stalwart. But they’re entirely peripheral to the story and to throw away Doctor Who’s second biggest enemy as, essentially, comedy goons does nobody any favours, least of all the brilliant Gareth Roberts.

So, to me, the story didn’t deliver everything it promised; the comedy was brilliant but the action and threat were sorely lacking. Compared with Craig’s first outing, where his life, his relationship with the love of his life and, ultimately, the fate of the world was in jeopardy,… well this was a bit of a come down, really.

But as come-downs go, ‘Closing Time’ is one I’d watch again.