Tag Archives: dating

Why are we entangled with the idea of a fairytale romance?

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eHarmony.co.uk’s relationship scientist Dr Gian Gonzaga says romance is a wonderful thing, but perhaps it’s time to forget fairytales and take destiny into our own hands.

Even the most cynical and ‘grown-up’ among us love a fairytale. Whether it’s Disney’s Tangled or Cinderella and her glass slipper, who hasn’t at some time dreamt of being whisked away on a white horse to a life of never-ending romance with an impossibly handsome prince or princess?

Dr Gian Gonzaga, world leading relationship scientist and Senior Research Director for eHarmony.co.uk believes a little imagination is healthy but finding the right partner also needs a dose of reality. He says: “Anyone who believes that finding or keeping a great relationship is a matter of luck or chance may be disappointed. Relationships can absolutely be filled with fairytale romance, but amazingly, a lot of people expect their Prince Charming to magically appear on their doorstep and rescue them. The reality is that taking a positive and active approach to finding love is the best way to find your own happy ending.”

Dr Gonzaga, author of new book ‘Dating the second time around, Finding love that lasts’, says people can fall into the trap of waiting for a new relationship to find them or believe that finding a compatible partner is outside of their control or ability. In his book, Dr Gonzaga touches on four tips that those of us who are looking for a fairytale romance should bear in mind.

Find your own version of the Handsome Prince

You may have a vision of the handsome prince or princess you want to meet, what they do for a living, where they live, and how old they are—but it’s time to put away the tired old checklist you’ve created over the years and approach finding a life-long partner with fresh eyes. Of course you have to feel chemistry with your partner, but perfection comes in all guises. It’s worth keeping in mind what’s going to make you happy not just now but in twenty years’ time. (Tip – it’s probably not a washboard stomach).

Control your own destiny

To find a relationship and make it work, you need to take control over the process by searching for the right type of partner, and acting to ensure the quality of this relationship. Lots of people expect Prince Charming to appear from nowhere, and they think that whether it works out or not will be down to fate or the cosmos or astrological compatibility rather than anything they might do or not do. Those who believe they can control whether a relationship works or not will ultimately be happier. Psychologists call this “locus of control.” Some people have an external locus of control, which means they don’t think they have the power to change things.

Others have an internal locus of control, which means that they believe they can change their situation with some effort. Those who have an internal locus of control more often try to make things better rather than passively accepting their fate, and that alone makes a big difference.

Don’t hurry love

We’ve all grown up on Hollywood’s romantic movies with speedy courtships and happy endings and it’s easy to think that real-life romance should happen quickly and easily.

As the old saying goes, only fools rush in. Too much too soon can scare a very suitable partner or cause problems in the longer term. Allow time for authentic feelings to develop before you say ‘I love you’, and consider that everyone has his or her own emotional clock.

Inject some romance into daily life

When you’re in a relationship with your own Prince Charming it’s important to keep the fires burning, even years down the line when romance can sometimes take a backseat. But how do you keep that exciting ‘butterflies’ feeling? The simple answer is by making time for your partner and making them feel special.

The Obama’s famously have their ‘date night’ but how about setting up a monthly ‘romantic surprise’ – put aside say £50 to take each other out for a romantic dinner or to a concert. And don’t forget to praise your partner’s achievements and compliment them as often as you can, in a genuine way. The couples that look out for each other stay happy together. You can have your ‘happy ever after’ but like Cinderella you’ll have to put some work in.

To read more about how to find realistic and lasting love read Dr Gian Gonzaga’s new book – Dating the second time around, Finding love that lasts. (Octopus, £6.99), available from all good bookshops.

Over half of women go Dutch on a first date, but men still want to pay

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Women will need to be financially prepared to pay their half as they break from first date tradition

New research from online bank first direct has found sharply differing financial attitudes to first dates between the sexes. While women have a progressive attitude to dating expecting to split the bill on a first date, men still like to play the hunter gatherer role and pick up the bill. With women breaking from tradition and expecting to pay at least some of the bill, they especially will have to be financially prepared for the cost of dating like never before.

Independent Women

The survey of 1,924 UK adults found that 58% of women expect to split the bill on a first date, double the proportion of men (29%). Additionally, 14% of women think it should be whoever suggested the date. Just a quarter of women said that they thought men should pay for a first date, while 3% said they should foot the bill, suggesting that women feel they shouldn’t be beholden to men, but that men should also pay their way.

Hunter Gatherer

Men on the other hand believe that chivalry isn’t dead, with 55% expecting to pay the full bill on a first date, and men spending an average of £65 on a first date compared to women who spend £50. Shouldering not just the financial burden but also the organisational responsibility, more than nine in ten males (94%) would organise the first date, compared with just 65% of women.

The average amount that people expect to pay on a first date is £56 and highlighting the financial considerations behind dating, 38% percent of people would use discount vouchers on a first date, a figure slightly higher for men (41%) than women (36%).

Richard Brown, Senior Savings Product Manager at first direct commented:

“As we approach the wedding season, the couple on everyone’s lips is Kate Middleton and Prince William. It would be fascinating to know if they split the bill or if William paid and pulled out a discount voucher on their first date. If he did, he is far from alone – dating can be an expensive business and if you do not have the disposable income of a future royal, it is important to make sure you have enough money saved to find The One.”

Actress Donna Air on Dating the Second Time Around

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Actress and model Donna Air shares her ‘second time around’ dating stories for relationship site, www.eHarmony.co.uk

Dating Unplugged: Eight weeks of thoughts, advice, videos, pictures and comment for those who are finding love all over again
 
 
Actress, TV presenter and writer Donna Air this week unveils the first in a series of weekly blogs for relationship site eHarmony.co.uk, based on her own recent dating experiences. The blog posts will all follow the theme of ‘Dating the second time around’, the subject of a recent book by Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk. The blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating. 
 
Donna’s articles will feature amusing first-person dating anecdotes covering topics such as dating in the fast-moving world of social media, the challenges of dating outside your age group, and finding love as a single parent. Donna herself is a single mother to a seven year old daughter, and has spent the last four and a half years on the London dating scene following the breakdown of her long-term relationship.
 
Donna Air said:
“The search for the perfect partner is the one thing that unites all of us, whatever our circumstances, and starting that journey again after a long relationship can be scary. I was really excited to be asked by eHarmony to share some of my stories, and hopefully help other single people in the process. It can feel like a ‘dating jungle’ out there at times but sharing our experiences with each other will help us all on that mission to find the perfect person!”
 
The eight weekly blogs will run from Thursday February 24th until April 25th and will sit on eHarmony Advice, which contains relationship advice articles, forums and opinion polls for eHarmony members and anyone seeking relationship advice. Advice articles and videos by Dr Gian Gonzaga, excerpts from his recent book, and videos, photos and personal stories from eHarmony-matched couples who found love second time around will also feature. The blog will be supported by a social media campaign to amplify Donna’s articles through Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other online channels.
 
Ottokar Rosenberger, UK Country Manager for eHarmony.co.uk said:
“This is the first time in the UK that we’ve worked on a series of guest-authored blogs and we’re extremely excited to host Donna’s unique content on our site. Donna has a really warm and engaging personality and we’re sure her stories will strike a chord with anyone who’s navigating the sometimes nerve-wracking world of dating. We hope readers of the blogs will also post their own thoughts and experiences.”
 
“We plan to run other blogs over the rest of the year on a range of love-related subjects, which we hope will appeal to our existing members, and to anyone seeking helpful and interesting relationship advice.”

Up The Creek Comedy Speed Dating {London}

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Has your Valentine left you disappointed this year? Were you given a half eaten packet of biscuits or some sort of ‘meaningful’ pen? Or did they simply neglect to wash and shave for the fortnight’s run up to v-day and present themselves on your doorstep claiming to have renounced modern society and commercial holidays before muttering comments about sustainable living and raiding the contents of your fridge. If so, then it might be time to explore your options, and one London comedy club is intent on doing just that in a new slant on speed dating.

Up the Creek’s critically praised ‘Comedy Speed Dating‘ night in Greenwich begins again on Wednesday 23rd February and continues on the last Wednesday of every month. It’s a hilarious night of laid back dating followed by top notch comedy from the biggest names on the comedy circuit.

Tickets are just £5 and pre booking is a MUST as the night is extremely popular. Booking line is 0208 858 4581

If any of our readers do decide to go…let us know how you get along.

How to tell if your boyfriend loves you.

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I have something controversial to say. I don’t think men lie to women. I think men tell the truth and women lie to themselves. I know because I spent most of my dating life doing it. I have dated men I knew didn’t love me, who just saw it as a bit of fun, but I ignored all the signs because I was in love.relationships

Unfortunately, as a women. We have to work faster than men. We can’t dilly dally in a bad relationship. There is that tick tock of our biological clock. So, with that in mind. Please read the following and if he does not love you. Find someone who does. You deserve it.

Have you met his family and friends? If you haven’t, he is not integrating you into his life. This means he sees you as temporary. Prove him right, and get a better boyfriend.

Does he refer to you as his girlfriend? What does his Facebook status say? If it says nothing, that is fine. He might just be private. If it says ‘single’. He is – so are you.

Does he tell you he doesn’t want to settle down? He isn’t lying and he won’t change his mind. Men tell the truth all the time. Listen. If you are happy for him to be Mr Right-now. That is fine. If you want to get married and settle down asap. Cut and run.

Does he always want space? It is not a good sign if he always wants space. If he wants ‘space’, give it to him. Preferably about, oh, 10 miles between you.

Body language. This is so under-rated. Most communication is not verbal at all. Learn to read your boyfriend. If he is asking cold towards you, ask yourself: ‘ Is he just having a bad time.’ If nothing is going on he may have already emotionally left the relationship. Read Joe Navarro’s book Louder Than Words: Take Your Career from Average to Exceptional with the Hidden Power of Nonverbal Intelligence Joe is an ex- FBI agent. It will save you a lot of time and pain. Not just in your relationship.

Does he look at other women? This is disrespectful. It means he does not care about you, or your feelings. He is also shopping around for other women.

Does he say ‘we’? If not, there is no ‘we’. Harsh but true.

I leave the closing words to Jennifer Garner:’I never had a problem resisting a guy I knew was going to break my heart.’

Anything to add? Comment below or send to frostmagazine@gmail.com