Tag Archives: David Ledain

WHY HOMOPHOBIA HAS A STRONGHOLD IN SPORT

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By David Ledain, the latest addition to the Frost magazine team, writing on LGBT issues

Sport is a phenomenon which can both bond and divide in equal measure. Tribal instincts and loyalties are challenged and revered, and in football especially, young men can be empowered and at the same time hidden from view.

Homophobia and anti-gay violence seems to crystalize young males in football tribes and gangs. It proves their heterosexuality and obliterates any secret homosexual desires of their own they may have. Targeting gay men is not seen by the perpetrators as hatred towards the individuals, but rather as an extreme expression of society’s expectations of them – that they are conducting themselves within what they have learned as acceptable male behaviour. They are in part driven by fear. The potential of any young man, regardless of his sexual orientation, to be labelled as ‘gay’ and weak, and ostracised from his family and the surrogate families of his football tribe, schoolfriends, work colleagues or neighbours, for being or unknowingly presenting anything other than the heteronormative, is so damning, even dangerous, that men are pressurised into characterising themselves to a very narrow set of male gender stereotypes. Owen Jones, the columnist, author and social activist, concurs, saying that the majority of homophobic abuse is ironically directed at straight males, and that almost all men will have been subjected to some sort of malicious homo-name-calling in their lives and been told in no uncertain terms what sort of a man they should be.

Photograph by kind permission of Altrincham FC

‘You grow up hearing people use what you are as the ultimate derogatory insult,’ Jones says. ‘Society tells you you should be heterosexual. It’s even subtler than that. There’s that awful patronising thing when people say, “Oh, I never would have guessed that you’re gay”, and you’re left feeling almost flattered that your leprosy isn’t publicly obvious.’

The potency of the idealised masculine heteronormative which captivates and imprisons young men especially, through its facade of power and place in the world, even when those same young men whose circumstances gives them no real power at all, is the derisible falsehood that is so destructive. Males who aspire to this gender stereotype, yet have no means of ever realising it due to factors out of their control, and not always economic or social, may feel their only way to make a mark in the world, to stand out in their community, is to carry out attacks on vulnerable groups, particularly, homosexuals – easy targets which they see as the antithesis of who they are and who they want to be.

Altrincham FC recently made the headlines by tackling the issue of homophobia in football by going out on pitch in a rainbow coloured kit, and in 2017 Stonewall backed the Rainbow Laces campaign to get everyone who plays sport to support LGBT equality. Cricketer, Joe Root, has also been widely applauded for his response to alleged homophobic abuse, telling the West Indies bowler, Shannon Gabriel, ‘There is nothing wrong with being gay.’

Things are slowly changing both on the pitch and in the dressing room but getting to a place where LGBT equality and anti-gay abuse from the terraces is not a topic of discussion any more is difficult to imagine because of the deep-rooted traits of the hetero-biased tribes. But if sport and particularly football continues to move towards diversity and inclusivity, one day we will get there.

You can follow David on Facebook & Twitter @Davidledain

And visit his website www.gaydad.co.uk for more information and his blog.

 

DAVID LEDAIN EXAMINES GENDER DIVERSITY IN HISTORY AND CULTURE

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David Ledain is the author of Gay Dad – Ten True Stories of Divorced Gay Men with Kids, Living in the UK Today. Ledain, divorced himself and with two grown up sons, lives in Chichester, West Sussex. His latest book; This Forbidden Fruit: Male Homosexuality – A Culture & History Guide explores what it means to be gay; to live an authentic life when there are little or no references to base it upon.

Our culture provides heterosexual men and women with a vast tradition and depth of lore about what it means to be straight. Women grow up with the myths of Eve, Gaia and the Virgin Mary, while men have Adam, Mars, Zeus and the great religious prophets to identify with. Imagine a world for instance without the representation of women anywhere; a fictitious world in which there are no positive images or examples of women in the church, in government, in film, books or on TV, or indeed of playing any meaningful role throughout history. It is unbelievable, yet this is the way homosexuals have lived, without any gay male archetypes. Because of this lack of backstory, every new gay-themed film, TV show or book that appears, every new celebrity or politician who comes out, is so significant to our collective gay story that we jump on it voraciously. Often, this causes a backlash and straight people can be heard saying things along the lines of ‘They’ve got equal marriage, they can join the army, there are no anti-gay laws anymore, what more do they want? Why do they have to keep harping on?’

Growing up without proper foundations of myth, gender diverse references or role models, is not equality, so every single gay story is as important today as it ever was, even when we have come so far. Story-telling is a fundamental building block of any society. It is what makes us human – passing on our traditions, our wisdom, our folklore and myths from one generation to another. And that is true for homosexuals as well.

This Forbidden Fruit reveals the facts and legends; from Homosexuality in Literature to Coming Out in the Forces; from the First World War – Homosexuality Under Fire to David Bowie 1972; and why, against all odds, homosexuals exist at all.

One possible reason for the evolutionary existence of homosexuals is a means to defend their mothers and siblings by bringing special skills to the family unit that might otherwise be lacking in the other sons. Research shows that another factor in the propensity to bear a gay son might be due to a traumatic event endured by the mother during pregnancy, thus creating the correct hormonal environment for the unborn male foetus to develop more caring, nurturing traits that would be necessary to safeguard the mother’s future well-being. These scenarios require the son to have good caring and nurturing skills, and also to be a character who can negotiate and reconcile situations when for instance, food and resources essential to the family are in limited supply. Homosexual men, though often portrayed in the guise of the stereotypical drama queen, the self-centred narcissist or the vitriolic one-line bitch, more often than not possesses the antitheses of these less desirable character attributes, with softer, more compassionate and supportive qualities. Drawing people together, reconciling, co-operating, and understanding opposite points of view, is familiar to the homosexual character. It is this mythos we need to explore, refine and tell.

 

 

You can follow David on Facebook & Twitter @Davidledain

And visit his website www.gaydad.co.uk for more information and his blog.

 

 

 

The Business of Books With Jane Cable: David Ledain

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the-business-of-books-interviewswithjanecableThis week Jane Cable interviews David Ledain about why he believes he can sell more self-help than fiction and why he decided to turn his own experiences into a book. Find out more about David at www.gaydad.co.uk.

I am a gay dad and to protect those I love I write using the penname – David Ledain. I live on the south coast of England and have two sons. When I was going through the process of coming out and separating from my wife, I couldn’t find anything about other gay dads like me, so I wrote a book: Gay Dad – 10 true stories of divorced gay men with kids, living in the UK today.

How much of your working life does the business of books take up?

I write fiction as well, and the two different sides to my writing take up a lot of time, but mostly that is marketing and promoting, which some people find dreadful and they are uneasy with. I love the new challenges and surprises that meeting interesting people and talking about my work brings. The first radio interview I did was very daunting, but the presenters are there to get you to talk about your topic, not to bamboozle you as they might a politician. I do try and write something every day, even if it’s only a paragraph or two, or just go back and do some editing.

writing, publishing, writers. david ledain, jane cable

What’s your business model to earn a living from writing?

I realised quite quickly, after I had written and published my first book, that I wasn’t about to be giving up the day job to spend my precious time doing what I love, which is writing and researching, as a full-time occupation. What I also learned, having published Gay Dad, was that non-fiction, especially when it concerns true life stories, sells much better than fiction, and this got me to think about how other self-published writers might benefit from telling their own stories and personal experiences to engage more with their audience. I am currently developing this idea with two fellow self-published authors who have also found a much more receptive market in their non-fiction work than they have in their fiction.

What do you consider to be your major successes?

Gay Dad has been, and will continue to be, successful. But I measure success not only in the number of sales and royalties I make, but in the number of times I get approached by radio presenters to come on their shows, editors asking me to write pieces for their magazines, or people wanting to set-up LGBT courses and ask for my input. The greatest feeling is when guys send messages of gratitude for the support they’ve gained from reading Gay Dad and the other men’s stories, and for bringing the subject into the open and making the public more aware of what I believe, is a far more common thing than we realise.

Tell me about your latest project.

I am happiest when I’ve got many irons in the fire and lots going on. Consequently, I have just launched the Gay Dad website www.gaydad.co.uk ; I’m in the process of writing a self-help guide for independent authors to tell their personal stories; I’m writing the third novel in my fiction series and have drafted the storyline for a new series about a gay FBI agent set in the 1950’s. Lots going on, and the different income streams also means I am getting nearer to my dream of being able to make a living from doing the thing I love – writing.