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Dear DONOVAN; Well…that wasn't predictable at all

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He won’t go away; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed “agony uncle”. We tried to sack him in the wake of the D*nny Dy*r Zoo Column scandal but when we brought the matter up with DONOVAN he threated to break our hearts. Apparently he got the idea from a certain advice column.

** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author’s and do not reflect the opinion policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **


Dear DONOVAN

What’s the meaning of life?

Dan, Swansea

Oh hahaha…that was funny wasn’t it boys and girls?

You probably assumed it was most likely gonna be a one line answer both witty and blunt, or that it would have made me roll my eyes and ignore it but no! As I have a fairly good idea who this “Dan” is from my home town Swansea I shall treat you the same as every Frost reader… with a slightly personal and spitefully childish sting!

You aren’t entitled to that knowledge as God (or any denomination-specific deity – Ed) and everyone else think your a complete and utter waste of sperm. You stink of beef and have not only patronising eyebrows, but arrogant skin!

Possibly the kind of person who I assume Picasso was; dyslexic and painted by numbers! To say you had the social skills of an Aardvark adopted buy a family of dung beetles would be disrespectful to both the Aardvark, dung beetle’s mother and woodlice stepfather!

The meaning of life is a circle…you have no proof to prove me wrong.

Get a grip on life and let the realisation kick in that I don’t want your friendship. If you have to pester someone to be friends and stalk them, buy them gifts etc…it’s only fine if your a Blond 19 year old girl with huge breasts! You’re not.

So to just to clarify and sum up.

(For you) the meaning of life mean….

A broken condom.

oooooh I went there.

Blue is the new…Blue!

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Here we go again; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed agony uncle. How he knows so much about blue rinses is a mystery. Only one unfortunate biddy knows.

** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **

Dear DONOVAN

What ever happened to the Blue rinse?

Danny, Reading

The real question is why did it start in the first place?

Wikipedia says:

“A blue rinse is a dilute hair dye used to reduce the yellowed (or translucent, showing scalp colour) appearance of greying hair on older women.”

DONOVAN says:

It came about because some daft cow did it as a bet and her mates got jealous of the attention she was getting down at the bingo.

Or a group of G.i.l.f.s where playing truth or dare at an old peoples home high on Calpol!

It doesn’t matter if its Blue, Purple or Pink, you’re still aware that
she had gray hair down below!

Who wants to look like a Toad wearing a ball sack balaclava which has just freed its head from a candyfloss machine?!

I love how… the Blue rinse died out just Emo kids came on the scene!

These days every other 13yo girl has Blue or Pink hair, I think this may be something to do with the Daleks and their plan to take over the world buy brain washing us all to look like the cast of X men the last stand..

gotta love Emos….their parents obviously didn’t.

LONG LIVE BLUE HAIR!