Now is the future. Ok, so that’s the kind of clearly logic-flouting “I’m so po-mo” statements that are barely ever uttered beyond the uber-cool confines of…I dunno…Hoxton? I don’t know where’s cool.

But there is a hint of the Buck Rogers about all these World Cup themed crisps from Walkers. On eating the USA’s “American Cheeseburger” I actually exclaimed “Wow” (the first time since eating some really excellent cuisine in a Michelin starred restaurant…once). I swear I had a cheeseburger in my gob. This made me love them more than any burger I’ve ever had or ever could.

This experience reminded me of a limited edition of Skips released with the theme of a CITV cartoon I cannot for the balls of me remember what it was called – It was about some kids who lived in  a computer game or some shit…it was quite good. Anyway, one of the flavours was donut. They were also divine.

All these “Foods with the flavour of other foods” (catchy) made me think: Why the hell are there not more of these wonderfully futuristic concoctions? I’m not talking flavoured pills from some dystopian World Republic or even a Fantasmagorically Wendiferous Roald Dahl-esque jar of sweeties. I mean crisps that taste of toast. I mean toast that tastes of cheese…like cheese on toast but without the cheese. I want to open a pack of Pringles and taste Apple Crumble.

So…what I’m saying is I want to go to the Fat Duck in Bray…