Tag Archives: Funny

Well, I'm back!! [DONOVAN]

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No questions and answers, just an article to explain my absence and tell you I am now back ‘safe and sound’…not that you piss flaps cared!

Right basically, I got so depressed listening to your questions that I turned to alcohol and poppers. Then I found myself walking up the M4 at 2:15 on a Thursday morning crying out for my cat who hadn’t returned home for the last 2 nights! To make matters worse I removed her collar to use as strap for a broken watch I found; It was my nieces birthday and she likes pink!

I knew she was probably fox-meat by then so carried on walking…I saw police lights flash in the distance…with that, a truck’s horn bellowed! I dived out of the way (so I thought!) but in the confusion (and the fact my glasses were in my pocket) I jumped straight into the road!! The truck stopped literally an inch away from me I could feel a dying fly’s wings on the bonnet tickle my chin. A man yelled out of the window!! I opened his door and challenged his careless driving. I told him the story of my cat and niece’s birthday, Naturally touched and humbled at my selfless story he offered me a lift! I said “Just take me somewhere that has a bargain booze”…

To cut a long story short I woke up in Holland! Darren Egg (the long distance Truck driver) who later let me call him “Eggy Darren” (privet joke)  let my live in the back of his truck. He brought me food and booze. What a top bloke! I can safely say I spent the best days of my life living in the back of that truck. We got stopped once! ’cause I wasn’t seeking asylum in the stereotypical kinda way (well I wasn’t actually full stop!) Darren (Eggy) Eggy Darren told one Dutch guy with a badge and fantastic moustache that I was his malnourished brother on work experience! He bought it! Despite Eggy (Darren) Eggy Darren spoke with a French accent and I did my best Irish!

Anyway! I’m back now, Darren Is here for another 2 days staying at mine (not in a gay way)

Send me your Questions …sorry Problems…nah screw it lets change this! QUESTIONS! anything you like.

I look forward to reading them and replying. Honestly.

DONOVAN

and

Darren (Eggy) Eggy Darren

Preserve your little sisters stuffed animal collection {Misc-uity}

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A budding maniac’s present to his little sister? Or quite possibly a first year art student’s work…

[thanks Geekologie]

Google Gravity {Misc-uity}

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It looks like google, if we could smell it, it would probably smell like google. Go on, have a go, try and use it….whatever you do, don’t break it!!

Lost Alternative Ending {Misc-uity}

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LOST is over and after 6 years and watching every single episode; no one’s still sure about what actually happened. Well someone found this and now it makes a little more sense!!

Thanks to [Geekologie]

Under Pressure {Ceri's Column}

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I do love a game of poker. It really does grab you by the balls and holds you close saying: “Yeah? Yeah?! You think you’re so fucking hot, huh? Punk ass?” Well, that makes it sound like a violent pimp, but you get my drift. No? OK: Poker is awesome.

Mind you, I’m not great at the suspense side of it. I get all screechy when I’ve gone all in (chucked all your chips away) and are awaiting the river card (the last one they flip over and the American commentator of late-night Channel 4 poker shows calls out “Holy Yowza! If that ain’t the darnedest 3 hole strip-lined dandy river I ever saw!”…or something). I can’t bloody stand it!

It’s odd. I’m fine with scary films. I’m a picture of serenity with any real-life danger. Even sporting pressure is OK, (I played rugby for many a year until I got ill…and shit at it). But in the context of a game? I really am useless.

I’ve been known to stand up and shout: “WILL YOU FRIGGING HURRY UP AND TURN OVER THE CARDS YOU DIRTY ASSSSSHOOOOOLEEEE” at the poor, defenceless dealer! Well I say “defenceless”. I was escorted out of the casino by a burly security guy…who was wearing the same uniform as the croupiers. I hope he wasn’t a croupier…anyway, as per usual, I digress.

Come to think of it, I’m rubbish in other suspense-filled games.

Jenga? Jesus wept; I’m a nervous wreck… The thought of being responsible for a whole structure just tumbling down brings me out in hives! I stay clear of any game that even looks like it’s primarily made from wood now.

Buckaroo. It’s the bastard’s face. He looks so stressed! There is nothing worse than staring at an angry donkey carrying random objects.

Kerplunk? Fuck off.

So, by all means play me at Scrabble. Or Monopoly. Cluedo (or Clue to you Yanks) is a bit of a grey area. Hmmm. Better stick to I spy.

by Ceri Phillips

trapped sweeties {Misc-uity}

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Somedays I feel like this.

I don’t know who the artist is so can’t credit them properly but found this one on ffffound.