Tag Archives: giving birth

My Writing Process – Milli Hill

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What you have written, past and present.

I have written two books, both about childbirth. The first, a ‘how to’ manual called The Positive Birth Book, is a guide for pregnant women on how to approach birth differently, reframe it as a positive experience, and have a positive birth in any circumstance. The most recent, Give Birth Like a Feminist, is a call to arms, exposing the misogyny and power imbalance at play in the modern birth room, and giving women information about their choices and rights so that they can take a more active role in their birth. I also write opinion articles and features for the Telegraph, Guardian, ipaper, Independent, Mother&Baby and more! I started out as a blogger when I was taking a break from my work as a therapist due to having two young children. My blog became really successful and through that I got work as a journalist, and now an author.

What you are promoting now. 

Give Birth Like a Feminist, which came out on August 22nd.

A bit about your process of writing. 

I do a lot of thinking before I start. Maybe over days, or months, or during a dog walk, or in the shower! Then I usually make a spider diagram with the key point at the centre and all the other points coming off it. This sounds terribly organised but it’s normally done on the back of an envelope with a child hanging off my leg with the key aim of preserving the thoughts before they are lost! Then when I get the time to write, the ideas are all there, laid out for me. Getting to my desk is hard with a large family, and I also struggle with my inner critic / imposter syndrome etc, so the whole things becomes like a sort of inner dialogue between the part of me that believes in myself and my ideas and the part of me that says I’ve got nothing of interest to say. Those two parts of me argue for quite a while and then the confident part sort of grabs the reluctant part by the scruff of the metaphorical neck and frogmarches her to the desk. At which point I usually get on with it. I take a long time over what I have to say and am a perfectionist. Someone once described my writing as sounding ‘effortless’ which I took as a great compliment but it really could not be further from the truth!
Do you plan or just write?

I do both. I usually plan the skeleton but then putting on the flesh is the ‘just writing’ part.

What about word count?

I’m used to writing articles with a word count of around 800 to 1000 words and I think that’s a really nice bite size amount to get something across in. Even in a 10000 word book, breaking it down in your mind into chunks of 1000 words is a great way to keep it manageable both for you as a writer, and for your reader. I’m very conscious of how busy the world is now and how you need to get your ideas across quickly and in a way that feels accessible. And if you can just write 100 really great, thousand word pieces, then, bingo, you have a book. Effortless!

How do you do your structure?

I’m a big fan of circular structures by which I mean making a point / telling a story, or a joke etc in paragraph 1 of an article, then taking the reader on a journey through the next 8 paragraphs, and then coming back to the reference you made in paragraph one but somehow showing a development, growth, transformation has been make during the piece. On a larger scale you can do this in a book chapter, and then make an even bigger loop around the book itself. So you can have some nice loops within loops.

What do you find hard about writing?

I find it hard full stop, but also strangely compulsive! It’s like any creative process really, there is always that ‘void’ where it feels impossible, I totally hate that feeling of the blank page, the flashing cursor of doom etc! And as I’ve said, the mental battle of finding my voice is also deeply irritating! I also really miss the time when I was first writing my blog and could be more creative. Now I often feel I’m writing to order with article commissions etc and that kind of sucks the life out of it a bit. One day I really want to write fiction and I’m really looking forward to that!

What do you love about writing? 

I love the moment where creativity springs into life and the ideas start to flow and you know your fingers are knocking out killer sentences! I love reading something back and being surprised that I wrote it – this often happens to me! I think, oh, that’s actually really quite good! Did I write that?! That’s a really nice feeling. And I also like reaching other people through writing. Having my latest book published recently has been really fun in terms of being able to have conversations with people about what I’ve written and hear their feedback. The actual process of writing is quite isolating which I quite enjoy but then it’s nice to come and dance in the sunshine a bit afterwards!

Advice for other writers. 

If you are starting out a blog can be great – I was disciplined with mine and made myself do one post a week for quite a long time. I got better by doing that and I also learned a bit about what people enjoyed and wanted to read because of the instant feedback you get on a blog. Reading other writers you admire can be very inspiring too. But wherever you are up to as a writer, the main thing (and every writer knows this but it’s easier said than done!) is just write. Frogmarch yourself to the desk and just flipping well get on with it!

 

Give Birth Like a Feminist is available now.

Check out the The Positive Birth Movement.

Share Your Experience Of Childbirth For Catherine Balavage’s New Book

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childbirth, birth, labour, labour tips, labor, childbirth book, what to expect, catherine BalavageFrost Editor Catherine Balavage is looking for women- and some men- to share their experience of childbirth with her. This will be for Catherine’s new book Women On Childbirth. Catherine had a traumatic birth experience and wants to write the book to help other women know what to expect, but also how to have a better birth. This will be Catherine’s fourth non-fiction book. She also writes fiction books.

If you would like to be included we would need your experience in 400-1000 words approx (although word count can be flexible), a biography and then some labour tips. Email your experience to frostmagazine@gmail.com

Thank you in advance to contributors.

Deadline is 1st April 2017.

 

Giving Birth – The Real Story

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Giving Birth – The Real Story

  • 72% of mums-to-be are nervous about giving birth
  • Over half of respondents (61%) said their births didn’t go according to plan
  • The biggest fear (27%) about giving birth was medical complications affecting themselves or their baby
  • Almost a quarter (22%) found their birth partners more annoying than helpful

giving birth, birth, childbirth, the truth about giving birth

For most women, experiencing pregnancy and giving birth will be one of the most momentous times of their lives, but this doesn’t come without a certain amount of worries and anxiety. New research from The Baby Show with MadeForMums, which will be returning to Kensington, Olympia from the 21st to 23rd October, revealed that 72% of mums-to-be were nervous about the prospect of giving birth with the biggest worry cited as medical complications (27%)  affecting themselves or their baby. This was followed by 18% saying they were scared of unwanted interventions (e.g. inductions, caesarean section or forceps) and then 17% saying they were anxious about not being able to manage the pain.

The research found that while most mums-to-be will stay close to home the nearer the due date gets, some babies are keen to get things moving in unusual or inconvenient places. Of the mums surveyed, 42% went into labour in their home, with 28% in hospital. These were some of the more unusual findings;

  • Tube station escalator
  • Car showroom
  • Whilst watching a live rugby match
  • On the A1 motorway
  • In IKEA

While the majority of women (92%) chose to have their partners by their side in the birthing room, when it actually came to the labour, almost a quarter (22%) of people admitted they found their birthing partner more annoying than actually helpful, either falling asleep or playing games on their phones whilst mum does all the hard work! Senior midwife, maternity educator and managing director of Marie Louise Maternity, Marie Louise Hurworth says: “Being a birth partner is one of the most important jobs you could have. But it can be challenging and should be taken very seriously. Being there and sensitive to her changing needs will go a long way and set the foundations for your new family. Even if you are unsure of how to help, stand nearby and make eye contact to let her know you are there and willing to help at any opportunity. One of the most important things is that you don’t become disconnected; remember to participate throughout the journey.”

When asked for amusing labour stories The Baby Show were inundated with funny anecdotes from women across the UK including;

  • Nina Motylinski-Davies from East Sussex said: “What kept me going throughout my horrendous labour experience was the fact my husband, who after not getting the opportunity to try the gas the first time round, was determined to have a go this time. Put simply, he got absolutely off his face. He climbed into the birthing pool naked, asked the midwife for a margarita, text my Mum saying he could murder a curry when she was actually asking how I was doing, and then danced around the room to Neil Diamond! I look back and laugh now….”

 

  • Clare Boss from London told The Baby Show: “With my first baby, the fire alarm in the hospital went off which resulted in two firemen coming in to check on the room whilst I was legs akimbo and mid-push!!”

 

  • Laura Jackson from Cheshire explained her dramatic birth story: “I opted for a home birth and hired a birthing pool but sadly never got round to using it! I woke in the middle of the night with a small leak, one week over due, which turned out to be my waters breaking. I woke my husband who immediately started filling up the birthing pool whilst I called the hospital who said the midwives would take around an hour to get to my house. Within moments I had a really strong contraction and suddenly I knew my baby’s head was already out. I was desperate to get into the pool but it wasn’t full and my husband was having problems with the valves. He was in complete disbelief and just said ‘the heads not out’ whilst staring at the front door thinking this would make the midwives appear! Thankfully he snapped into action because with the next contraction he literally had to catch our baby. Such an amazing experience but personally I felt it was a shame for happening so fast…”

 

Wing Yan Lee, Marketing Manager at The Baby Show says: “Birth plans can be a contentious subject and as our results show many births don’t go according to plan. However, most experts would still agree that planning and looking into your birth options is essential, allowing you to prepare and feel in control of your birthing experience, no matter what direction it takes. We have midwives on hand throughout the show who are able to answer any questions or concerns, no matter how big or small, regarding your pregnancy, birth and beyond.”

Marie Louise continues: “Each and every woman is different and has specific individual needs so there is no one rule for all when it comes to labour and birth. As healthcare professionals we focus on women’s individuality and are guided by what women tell us; we then use technology according to the woman’s history and verbal communication to ensure we do our very best to make the entire process as safe, easy and calm as possible. It’s natural to be nervous about your birth and potential intervention but always remember that our aims are reflective of yours to have a happy, healthy mum and baby.”

Once you’ve arrived home and settled into a new routine, another subject you may be thinking about is sex… Am I ready? Will my partner be expecting sex straight away? Will it be hurt? Will it be the same?

The highest number of couples surveyed chose to wait between six weeks to three months before having sex again (42%) whilst one in five (20%) waited just 0 to six weeks. Reassuringly, a quarter of new mums said they didn’t feel self-conscious about their bodies during sex post-baby, and 29% said at first they did but their partners made them feel comfortable and relaxed.

Marie Louise says: “Guidelines suggest that women wait until they “feel ready” to have sex after birth but there isn’t enough discussion about it. Once again, everyone is different and has a unique experience during childbirth. You may have had a home water birth with no complications or you may have had a forceps delivery in hospital. If you have had a C-section, for example, you may feel ready mentally but your wound may need more time to heal. Or maybe you don’t feel ready mentally but your body has healed well. The most important thing is that you do what’s right for you at the right time and always ask a health professional if you are concerned.  If you are experiencing pain during sex postnatally don’t just put up with it, talk about it.”

From the 21st to 23rd October the biggest pregnancy and parenting event of the year, The Baby Show with MadeForMums, will be returning to Olympia, London.  The Show is the must-attend event for mums and dads-to-be and new parents, with over 200 exhibitors showcasing all the latest essentials for your new arrival, plus a stage programme jam packed with fashion shows and informative talks by renowned baby experts.

Advance tickets are available from £12.25, while on-the-door tickets cost £20.  For more information visit www.thebabyshow.co.uk.

Opening times:

Friday 21st, Saturday 22nd and Sunday 23rd October, open from 10:00am-5:30pm each day.

 

 

Birth Made Easy Book Review

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birth made easyI have previously interviewed Paola Bagnall. She had a lot of great things to say about giving birth. Now, let’s get down to the book.

The book has a great overview of pregnancy, both Pre and Post. It also comes with a free self hypnosis CD. For those interested in hypnobirthing (and there are rumours that Kate Middleton has joined them) this book is great. Paola believes that pregnancy is not a medical thing but a natural thing that the body is supposed to do. Although I don’t agree that pregnancy is not a medical thing, her ideas are interesting and certainly have merit. She is a qualified hypnotherapist and healed her own shoulder using the power of her mind.

This book has a lot of great information in it for any mother-to-be. Chapter one is about hypnosis and other chapters are about breathing, the biology of the female body, and the biology of birth. They are all very informative and fascinating.

There is also a chapter on how to use the CD. In the getting ready for birth chapter there are a lot of great tips, followed by an entire chapter or problem solving in, ‘What To Do if You Have….’ Nausa and vomiting are covered. As are C-sections and having a large baby.

The books tells you how to use the three stages of hynothearapy for the birth in an easy to understand way and has an entire chapter on how to disassociate yourself from the feelings of the contractions.

The last two chapters are what to do after the birth, a great chapter with some exercises on how to get back into shape, health tips, and enjoying your time as a mother.

This is a very good book for women who want a natural birth, and even has great tips for those who don’t. I can’t say it has convinced me to have a natural birth when I decide to have children, but the information is there for those who do.

Birth Made Easy – The positive and enjoyable way to have a baby easily and naturally using self-hypnosis

Interview with Birth Made Easy Author Paola Bagnall

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birth made easyFor our readers who are mothers-to-be we interviewed Paola Bagnall, author of Birth Made Easy. The book review is here. In the meantime enjoy the interview and please comment your thoughts below. Thank you.

I really liked how the book had advice on every aspect of pregnancy and birth. What is the biggest gem you can give to mothers-to-be?

 

To look forward to the birth with excitement and to work with your intuition and trust that your body is designed to give birth, which it is.

 

The book is big on relaxation, is this the most important thing when giving birth? How does one achieve this?

 

Yes relaxation is very important. The late Dr Grantley Dick-Read (1890 – 1959) visited a woman giving birth at her home in Whitechapel in London.  She declined his offer of chloroform, and gave birth without undue problem.  After the delivery, he asked her why she did not want chloroform and she replied, “It didn’t hurt.  It wasn’t meant to, was it?”.  Dr Dick-Reid actually said then that relaxation is the key to a good birth and in his book, Childbirth without Fear, he returned to women their rightful gift of a truly natural birth.

 

Today we are told that giving birth is painful and so many people believe this.  TV programmes like One Born Every Minute also reinforce this.  When you are relaxed you cannot feel fear and this is what hypnobirthing is all about.

 

Relaxation is achieved by visualisation of a favourite place, the use of colours, focusing on the breath and self-hypnosis – all of which are described in the book.  When you are relaxed your body opens up easily and so the baby flows out.

 

What was your own experience of pregnancy and giving birth like?

 

I have two sons and I gave birth to both naturally and relatively easily. The first one took six hours and the second eleven hours.  I am a biologist as well as a hypnotherapist and so I knew that my body could do this and also I was very excited about the process and looking forward to the experience.

 

When I gave birth 39 years ago we were given Pethidine automatically to help with the contractions.  I hated this as it caused me to hallucinate!  I wish I knew then what I know now about self-hypnosis as I would have been much more in control than I was.  Even so both my births were empowering experiences!

 

The book is about giving birth naturally. Do you think a natural birth is better?

 

If you can give birth naturally, I personally feel this is best because it should be a magical, empowering experience, where you are in control.  A natural birth also prevents the side effects of intervention and chemical drugs.

 

When someone has a headache or a medical procedure they generally use painkiller, why not do so when giving birth? It is the only medical thing that some people do without the help of painkillers. How is it different?

 

I’d just like to say that birth is not a medical thing!  It is a natural process and as such is not meant to hurt.  It is the medics in fact who have made it painful.

 

All pain is subjective and different for different people. If you think ‘pain’ then you get ‘pain’.  I feel contractions are different from ‘pain’.  They are intense pressure, good pressure, as they result in the birth of your baby.  I have suffered pain far worse than my contractions.  So think ‘good contractions’ and this alters your mind-set.

 

Of course using painkillers (epidural) may be what some people want and that is OK.

My book does not suggest that you have to have a natural birth.  This is a choice that the mum-to-be must make.  I simply suggest ways to achieve that goal.

 

Do you think the power of the mind can control the body?

 

Most definitely! We have the expression “mind over matter”.  We have the most amazing resource in our unconscious minds that most of us do not tap into.  By using positive affirmations and self-hypnosis we can use this innate ability we all have to make changes in ourselves for the better.

 

I got into hypnotherapy as I had a very painful shoulder injury that the medical profession could not help me with.  I learned to tap into this inner power and heal my shoulder using self-hypnosis. This is what showed me how useful self-hypnosis could be in giving birth. And why I created my own Inner Power Hypnobirthing.

 

Will everyone be able to achieve a natural birth?

 

A natural birth may not happen for everyone, as things just do happen which make it not possible.  If the baby is breach, or with complete placenta previa, where the placenta covers the exit for the baby, or if the baby is distressed in any way, then a C-Section has to be done in the best interests of the mother and baby.  However, hypnobirthing helps you to remain calm and in control in such situations.

 

Do you think you can get back into shape easily after giving birth as long as you work hard?

 

Yes, I do, though this is easier for some people than others.  Part of my hypnobirthing package is to help mums get back to their pre-pregnancy weight, shape and dimensions.  Simple exercises as shown in my book and a sensible diet help to achieve this.

 

Tell us about the self-hypnosis CD.

 

The self-hypnosis CD is to be listened to on a daily basis prior to the birth.  It uses visualisation, colour and positive affirmations to programme the unconscious mind to have a natural childbirth.  It is a bit like putting a program into a computer.  When you hit ‘play’ the program starts.  So the trigger for my CD is the first contraction, or the waters breaking, and then the entire program goes into effect almost automatically.  The CD takes you through pregnancy, the three stages of birth, healing up after the birth, bonding with the baby, breast-feeding easily (if you choose to do this) and getting your figure back.

 

What is the best advice you have for women giving birth?

 

Getting yourself into a positive frame of mind using hypnobirthing and start this as early as you can in your pregnancy so you have a beneficial expectation and you look forward to the birth with joyful anticipation.

Thank you Paola.

Birth Made Easy – The positive and enjoyable way to have a baby easily and naturally using self-hypnosis

 

Government Urges GPs To Cut Pain Relief For Women Giving Birth

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A lot of things make being a woman seem unfair. Periods, unequal pay, the biological clock, having your breasts stared at. But life is unfair and you just get on with your life. I mean, there is only a certain amount of time a person can stress over things, but yesterday I read something that I think is worth stressing over. Whilst reading the March 2013 edition of Easy Living magazine, in an article entitled, ‘How Can That Fit Through There?’, I read the following:

“In August 2012, new guidelines were drawn up for GPs, urging them to encourage mothers-to-be to have a natural labour with as little pain relief as possible in a bid to save the NHS money – given that an epidural costs £200.

Frankly, if the NHS needs to cut things then a women in the worst pain imaginable trying to push a baby through a 10cm hole is not the most humane choice. If men gave birth, would these ‘guidelines’ have been put through? I don’t have children, but I have been in a relationship for three years and it is on my mind whether or not to have them. This piece of information is not encouraging. I doubt any of the taxpayers money was considered when it came to Kate Middleton and her morning sickness (and neither should it).

If women stopped having children the world would stop. We need to be given more respect for the ordeal of being pregnant for nine months and then giving birth. Childcare is also expensive. Maybe this is the governments answer to the population crisis? Anyway, it feels like an attack on women and completely inhumane. If someone gets drunk and falls over do they get pain relief? Yes, and they should. I don’t want to live in a country where a doctor will see someone in pain and not give them pain relief. If the government really wants to save money why don’t they cut the £400 per month food allowance MPs get while families rely on food banks to feed themselves. Or the money to pay their rent and mortgage. Most of the population does not get paid expenses on these things.

We are not ‘all in this together’, some of us have a great deal more pain to bear.

Pink had to have Caesarean section

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Pink had to deliver her daughter via Caesarean section because she was the breech position.

The 31-year-old singer gave birth to Willow Sage – her first child with her husband Carey Hart – in June and although she wanted to have a natural birth the baby’s position meant that wasn’t possible.

She said: “She was in the frank breech position, which is head up with her legs up by her head in a pike position. We tried everything to turn her around. Turns out this little girl had other plans – she is my daughter, after all.”

Although there were complications during the birth, Pink insists everything went well and has revealed she intends to have a natural birth when she has another child.

Pink added to People: “It all turned out perfectly in the end, even though it wasn’t what we intended, because she is healthy and happy and so am I. We’ll go for our natural birth next time, for sure.”

The ‘So What’ hitmaker previously revealed she and Carey named their daughter Willow Sage after an “unbreakable” tree.

She explained: “I grew up near one. It is the most flexible tree and nothing can break it – no wind, no elements. It can bend and withstand anything. I love that sentiment and I want that for her.

“Sage is cleansing and sacred and it sounds great with Willow. It doesn’t hurt that her last name is Hart – flexible, cleansed heart.”