Gransthread: Roots, and how many of us revisit them? By Margaret Graham

It’s strange to return to our ‘roots’. This weekend we took a train to Newcastle, which is where my mum, a Geordie, had one of the few pleasurable experiences in her young life. Her dad took her to see Peter Pan in between the wars, and a short while later, he died.

 

Mum was born in 1914 in the pit village of Washington, which was then in County Durham. Her Da wasn’t a pitman but he and his brother ran a couple of shops. Mum’s was in Brady Square, which still exists in Washington Station, though as a house. Her mum died when mum was two. My grandma, Annie, was off her head with sepsis and took poison. Mum’s dad was at war, Mum’s brother, my uncle Stan, was seven.

 

We think times are hard now, but you ain’t seen nothing, if you weren’t living then. The depression was in high gear, war trauma was rife, jobs were scarce. My grandfather killed himself when mum was eleven, soon after he had taken his children to Peter Pan. Post Traumatic Stress, which is one of the reasons I started the charity Words for the Wounded.

 

I’m not really sure of sections of my mother’s life, but I do know she ran amuck as an orphan until a cousin came to Washington from Gosforth, looking for her. This cousin took mum, now 14, to live with her, sending her to school. Into a class of 7 year olds little Annie Newsome (as she was called) went, to learn to read and write. In time Mum, also an Annie, trained as a nurse.

 

She worked at the Royal Victoria Hospital as the 2nd World War broke out, and is mentioned in Brenda McBryde’s book, A Nurse’s War. Mum became a military nurse, travelled to India to look after the troops in the Burma campaign, meeting my dad, an RAF pilot, on the convoy going over.

 

As children my sisters and I used to go to Uncle Stan’s shop for our school holidays. It was the shop where my grandfather died. It is now a house and we were shown round by the current owner last year. My mother would have been sitting up on a cloud roaring with laughter, because he told us the shop was bought on my uncle’s death by a Madam, who ran a knocking shop, until closed down by the police. She spent a bit of time in clink and featured in a national newspaper. Tall story or the truth? Who knows.

 

Anyway, now I go up north as often as I can. It has changed beyond measure. The pits are gone, the slag heaps too. It is steadily regenerating. Though it has changed it is still ‘home’ and to arrive is a relief, to leave is not. It is an area that informed my writing. Indeed, my first novel After the Storm was based on events in mum’s life. My writing gave my mum immense pleasure. She liked to paint, my father wrote poetry. Perhaps between them they gave me a talent, but it was the north east which gave me inspiration, and continues to do so.

 

www.wordsforthewounded.co.uk

www.margaret-graham.com

 

 

GransThread Jan Speedie Talks About Her New Phase

Jan Speedie: Surrey Reviews EditorRetirement is entering a completely new phase of life; I am not going to say final phase. I have to admit when faced with retirement after 30 years working in the NHS I was worried what life would bring  – daytime TV, expanding waist line with too many coffee and biscuits, aches and pains of a maturing body.

Being one of the three Grannies who helps administer the charity www.wordsforthewounded and faced in 2015 with the Mud Challenge, our fundraiser for that year, it was off to the gym to get fit and not let my team down. I remember the bemused faces of the staff at Ash Manor Sports Centre when I explained that in 6 weeks I needed to be fit and ready for the challenge – well they did it and now I am a regular at the gym and will even admit that I enjoy the hard work and friendship.

The fundraiser for 2014 was a tandem skydive: pushing 70 and strapped to a gorgeous young RAF instructor what more could a girl want – it was an amazing experience. Then there is feeding 40 people lunch at the W4W Litfest with little experience of mass catering which has proved to be an interesting and rewarding event.

Back to everyday retirement – I have 4 grandchildren who still want to be with granny, but are totally unimpressed with my technology skills – but I am learning. I have been cajoled in to doing book reviews for Frost Magazine which is great as it keeps me reading and the brain ticking over.  It’s great to be able to holiday anytime and fly off to interesting destinations – Canada, Portugal, Italy, Poland and skiing in France and soon to add Australia to my list.  Then there are days out with friends completing things on our bucket lists. I take a renewed interest in cooking, gardening, decorating and even cleaning my house. Still need to investigate U3A, the WI and many more.

Some weeks my calendar is empty but it’s amazing what turns up or just occasionally it is nice to do nothing. Remember that 70 is the new 50 so let’s go for it and enjoy.

 

 

Gransthread: Retirement by Penny Gerrard

The trouble with writing about your retirement is that it could easily come out like one of those circular Christmas letters where people vie with each other to list their family achievements – little Emily’s amazing performance at as the youngest Olympic gymnast ever, young Peter’s prowess on the Jew’s Harp and forthcoming debut at the Royal Festival Hall and smug parents’ getaways at their little place on the French Riviera.

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Nanny and Grampie with their daughter, Penny’s mother 1925
As far as my own retirement is concerned, I keep wondering when it‘s going to start.    When I visualise a proper old fashioned retirement, what comes to mind is my grandparents who,  after a lifetime of house moves, finally settled in a respectable terraced house one street back from the sea front at Westbrook in Kent.   Retirement for them was a predictable affair with their days kicked off promptly at 5 am by my grandfather who believed in early to bed and early to rise, not just for him but for anyone in his household.   Nanny, who might very well have welcomed a more leisurely start to the day, was woken by his thumping footsteps down the stairs, accompanied by loud whistling, followed shortly afterwards by his arrival in her bedroom with a cup of tea.   Just in case she wasn’t fully awake he would bang vigorously on the cup with a teaspoon and announced loudly that the day was nearly over.

Nanny’s day followed a predictable pattern of housework – my weekly run around with hoover and feather duster was not enough for her.    The house had to be cleaned daily with every ornament in the floral wallpapered rooms conscientiously dusted every day.    My grandfather’s full English breakfast had to be on the table by 7am and washing was done using an old fashioned copper once a week.    Shopping was a daily matter – done with the aid of a sturdy wicker basket on wheels which she towed along to the parade of individual shops with a careful shopping list.   The day’s meat – two lamb chops perhaps –  was bought from a butcher who knew every customer’s preferences and relished the demise of the wartime rationing which had made life so difficult for him.  Fruit and veg meant a queue and a chat with other regular customers at the greengrocers and often her list would call for visits to the fishmonger, the chemist  and maybe the haberdashers where she would replenish her supply of knitting wool for the jumpers and cardigans she regularly knitted for me and my brother.   (These had to be sewn up a second time by my mother as Nanny’s knitting was fine but the sewing up was sketchy to say the least).

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Nanny with Penny’s mother 1942

Back home from the shopping, there was dinner to prepare – always meat and two veg, and often involving suet pastry.   A pudding and custard was considered essential and so it would often be well into the afternoon by the time she had cleared everything up and my grandfather had returned to the garden which was his pride and joy.    Then perhaps there would be time for a sit down, Woman’s Hour on the radio and perhaps a visit from two friends known to all the family as “the girls” even until they were well into their seventies.     There was a time when Nanny would use this precious free time to play her piano.   She had the enviable gift of being able to play by ear – and on visits I would watch her hands effortlessly skimming over the piano keys from which poured forth wonderful music.   Less enviable was her possession of a husband who, on a whim, sold her piano without her knowledge so that her gift was left to wither.   She did not complain.

Her afternoon free time over, it was time to get the tea – a proper tea with bread and butter, home-made jam and cake – perhaps a Victoria Sponge or a lightly fruited madeira – all very decorous and eaten with wedding present cake forks from bone china plates.

Evenings meant my grandfather’s choice of radio programmes and more knitting for Nanny, but only till 9pm naturally because after all there was an early start tomorrow wasn’t there?

Finally Nanny could climb into her high Queen Anne bed, but not until she had entirely stripped it to remove the electric blanket and remade it – it not being safe to sleep on one!

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Nanny enjoying retirement at Westbrook with Penny’s mother in 1963

 

She was 75 when she died and I sometimes wonder what she would make of a modern retirement which often seems considerably busier than the working life I left behind ten years ago!   She did share my enjoyment of the knitting which keeps me occupied in spare moments, but more importantly she enjoyed the time spent with friends and family which are the most important part of my own retirement.    So perhaps we are not so different after all.

 

 

Gransthread – On Retirement

Penny Deacon’s version of retirement 
I spent my twenties living on a yacht, travelling the world. Great fun. Then I moved to teaching which turned out to be more fun than I’d expected. I also ran school libraries and wrote romantic novels. And some crime. Then I was Retired.

First there was panic. How do I cope on half my income? What am I going to DO with myself? And how will I get to know anyone since I’ve just moved house and my close friend in the area has promptly fled to London (thank you , Margaret). I imagined myself  a lonely and bored hermit.

Fast forward five years. I was swimming in the sea this morning with a friend (new). And lunched with three other friends (also new). I have lost three stone (much needed). I have been to the Galapagos Islands (dream trip)  and Orkney (another dream – despite the rain). I’m off to Italy next month. And then there’s the new kitchen …

I didn’t win the lottery. I DID get lucky – my health is good. My pension, much to my surprise, has proved adequate, and some of my savings got me to Galapagos (you can use up too many opportunities by keeping all your savings for a ‘rainy day’ which, if fate is kind, doesn’t come). I rediscovered who I was and, I hope, who I might be. Because I was in a new town I understood it was up to me to go out and find new friends (U3A and the local leisure centre gave me most contacts). It wasn’t  easy, but no harder than being a ‘new girl’ anywhere. I only bonded with one in every dozen new acquaintances, but that’s plenty to provide company and inspiration, and then some of their friends became my friends and so it goes on. Great return on a little effort and some occasional embarrassment (we’ll gloss over the time I got thrown out of the Circle of Friends for being a ‘disruptive influence’. Moi?)

The hardest thing has been finding out what my own rhythms are. I spent more than thirty years working, quite literally when in school, to someone else’s timetable. Now I have had to find my own pace. I rediscovered swimming – both in the pool and in the sea. I discovered a need to do something worthwhile and Words for the Wounded gave me an opportunity to work for a great cause and also to leap out of aeroplanes and take part in the muddiest assault course in the world.

Gransthread - on retirement Penny 3

I found that I was a natural early riser (a surprise – I’d been longing for the opportunity to laze in bed every morning and found I didn’t want it after all). I like some structure to my day or week – and revel in not being tied down to it. I do some local volunteer work but don’t want to commit to the same thing every week. But I can see a time when I might.

And that’s the most exciting thing yet: for me (and I know how fortunate I am) retirement has been an opening as well a closure, and the world is still full of possibilities.

Gransthread would love to hear of your experiences of retirement: frost@margaret-graham.com

 

 

 

Gransthread by Margaret Graham

So, what does Gran do with herself when she’s not (ho hum) pole dancing?

 

I was invited to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the High Wycombe & District branch of the U3A at an extraordinary venue, St Katherine’s, Parmoor, Henley-on-Thames. This estate was once owned by the Knights Templar, and was probably a farmhouse, which over the years, like Topsy, has ‘growed’.

It has changed hands many times, and intriguingly King Zog and his family  arrived here in 1941 in exile from Albania, and on his departure, a few years later the Community of St. Katherine  of Alexandria, a High Anglican Religious Community took refuge here, after being bombed out of their home in Fulham during the war. At St Katherine’s they found  peace and tranquility for the next 51 years after which it became the  home of The Sue Ryder Prayer Fellowship.

 

Now it welcomes people from all walks of life and denominations for day and residential retreats, and a small permanent staff encourage St Katherine’s to be used for  meetings and celebrations.

 

So here we were, lunching in a paneled dining hall which has seen many extraordinary people: celebrating many more who are members of the U3A.

 

So what is the U3A?

 

The University of the Third Age (U3A) movement is a unique and exciting organisation which provides, through its regional U3As, life-enhancing and life-changing opportunities. Today’s retired and semi-retired are not quite ready to sit knitting in front of daytime television, if indeed, they ever were and the U3A facilitates our need to continue to develop our knowledge and expertise.

 

Within each regional U3A, members share their skills and life experiences by running classes in anything from creative writing, to exploring art, to archery, to – heaven knows what, perhaps even pole dancing.  What’s more, there is no charge beyond the annual fee, which amounts to VERY little.

Every month there is a speaker, to continue the University thread. There are day trips, and holidays, the most recent to Tuscany.

 

So, this is one of the things Gran does, and Gramps too probably. But this is just a tiny bit of a grandparent’s life. Some of us work, still. But more about that next time, because retirement ain’t what it used to be. We grans and gramps still have miles to go, and promises to keep… to quote Robert Frost.

 

The U3A movement is supported by its national organisation, the Third Age Trust.

 

http://u3asites.org.uk/highwycombe/welcome
http://www.u3a.org.uk

 

St Katherine’s, Parmoor, Henley-on-Thames http://www.srpf.org.uk

 

 

Gransthread on Kenneth Clarke’s overheard opinion on Theresa May.

A ‘bloody difficult woman’. Compliment or Insult?

Recently Kenneth Clarke was overheard calling Theresa May a ‘bloody difficult woman’. So – insult, or a compliment?

 

I can’t claim to see inside anyone else’s head, but it was reported as an insult or if one is kind, an observation.

 

This is a label that has been directed towards me rather often, sometimes behind my back. Well usually, but I have ears like a bat, or a witch as some might say.

Without a doubt I take it as a compliment, because I feel I have earned such an accolade.

 

Why? A sense of self is hard fought for, and the confidence to stand one’s ground,  when societal or peer pressure is urging one to shut up, and go with the flow, is a precious commodity.

 

It doesn’t make for an easy life, though, because it equates to putting one’s head above the parapet, but I thought I’d ask around for the opinion of other women across the generations.

 

Tracy Baines, one of our most successful short story writers, who has three grandchildren, and looks ridiculously young, or is it that she knows some magic elixir says:

 

‘Depends who is calling me difficult. I think older women are called difficult and younger women are labelled Prima Donnas or drama queens. When I was younger I would have seen it as detrimental but now I think it’s an asset. It’s said by men and women who don’t like it when you are not a pushover. Bring it on I say.

 

So today I asked a girl who is quite the other end of the spectrum, a mere fourteen. Meg said:

 

I would take it as a compliment. I have a right to an opinion, and though I listen to the opinions of others, if I disagree I will say so. I know I need to make sure I have a reason for the way I think, but in the end, I have a right to transfer my thought into words, even if others don’t like it.

 

Another, a mother, said:

 

I do think men and women have different attitudes. Women are more used to placating others, so tend to keep their opinions to themselves, or subsume their actions into those which will make few ripples. I think they then feel increasingly frustrated by this and as they get older they realize that they have earned their place in the world, and increasingly will not necessarily toe the line just because it is inconvenient for someone else.

So, where are we with this? Perhaps being what is classed as difficult disturbs the status quo? If so, let it. Change is usually good except for the lazy, the scared or the narrow minded.

 

So, a firm decision from across the generations that to be called bloody difficult is a compliment. As Tracy Baines says: bring it on and more power to our elbows.
Any opinions amongst our Frost Magazine readers?
Would love to hear them at frost@margaret-graham.com

 

 

Breaking news – Granny Power reigns By Margaret Graham

 

Today we begin our Gransthread, a column which will be a regular feature on Frost from now on.  So let’s start with what comprises the stupid selfish old biddies as someone recently labeled grannies.

 

We might have been born during the 2nd World War in which our parents fought, or during austerity – with rationing lasting until the mid 50s. As children we were always hungry as the country determined to get back on its feet and begin recovery after our efforts to defend our essential sovereignty and democracy.

 

At school we were often taught by spinsters who had lost their men in the first or second world war. At home and at school we were taught to put ‘self’ to the rear and make sure that others were alright.

 

We lived beneath the cloud of the cold war and Armageddon, and some husbands were there, deep in the sea or up in the sky, defending us all over again.
We screamed at Beatles concerts. The pill arrived, along with the hippy revolution. We wore flowers in our hair, and kaftans, and loved wisely we thought, but probably not. We debated politics, and were always aware of world affairs.

 

We endured the IRA bombing campaign. We saved for things we needed because credit cards – ‘take the waiting out of wanting’ had not yet arrived. We wives couldn’t access our joint bank accounts into which our salaries went, without a letter from our husbands, even as late as the end of the 60s.

 

In a referendum in 1975 the UK electorate voted to stay in the EEC under renegotiated terms of entry. We trotted through Heath’s 3 day week,

 

We set up house. We sewed and knitted, because it was cheaper to make our children’s clothes. Some of us worked, or helped out with the childcare of our friends. We began to understand our parents as people, because we were tackling a changing world as indeed they had and were. We listened to their advice.

 

We became grandparents, and wondered about social media, its benefits and anonymous bullying. We resumed childcare, this time for our grandchildren, and parent care, for our own parents.  We downsized to help with children’s house   deposits, we handed over interest free loans.

 

We kept fit, ran marathons, set up and ran charities. Many of us continue to work, but as well we volunteer: charity shops, drop in centres. We keep helping, even when our 87 year old colleague is punched in the face by an irate shoplifter. We mop up the changing rooms which have, yet again,  been used as latrines.

 

We realize we have become invisible through age, as people in streets expect us to move to accommodate their passage. We are learning to stand our ground.

 

We used to stand on crowded trains while younger people sat but we increasingly force our way past spread legs to claim a seat.

 

We continue to follow politics. We respect the opinions of others, and expect that ours will be respected in turn.

 

And, most importantly, we laugh, and eat cake, or have a glass with our friends even when we our waists tell us we shouldn’t. We have dogs we walk, and make full use of our bus passes while we have them. We live every day to the full.

 

Grannies of all ages, and some are very young, are people. We are as difficult, as pleasant, and as inspiring as everyone else, plus we have with a distillation of experience which could be termed wisdom.

 

What’s more, we’ve reached the age where we feel we’ve earned our place in the world, so we’re not moving over just so others can diminish or walk through us.

 

Flower power? Forget it. Granny power reigns.

 

* We will be featuring Gransthread lives and thoughts and memories as the months go by. If you have any that you would like to share, Frost Magazine would love to hear from you:   frost@margaret-graham.com