The new rules of divorce; exclusive survey reveals women are happier post-divorce

Is Getting Married An Achievement?, wedding diary, engagement, engagement ring, getting married, planning a wedding, marriage, engagement,Women are more likely to be happier after divorce than men, a new survey commissioned by Style, The Sunday Times’ weekly fashion and beauty magazine, has revealed today.

 

Over half of women (53%) reported that they are “much more happier” post-divorce, while less than a third (32%) of men said the same. The groundbreaking survey asked 1,060 divorced British men and women, with an average age of 54, more than 30 personal questions about their lives and the reasons behind their splits.

 

The revelatory results showed women were also more likely to use positive words about divorce, such as “glad”, “celebration”, and “excitement”, while men were more likely to talk of “failure” and “disappointment”.

 

What’s more, 61% of women surveyed said there were happy single and not looking for a relationship, versus 47% of men saying the same. Men were also more likely still to harbour feelings for a former spouse (17% vs 8% for women), and yet they were quicker to start dating again and  more than 30% more likely to be in a new relationship.

 

Lorraine Candy, Editor-in-Chief of Style commented;

 

“We wanted to explore modern day perspectives on divorce and the reason behind it. The results are revelatory, showing there is a new generation of empowered and single woman, who have been married and come out the other side living a fulfilled single life.”

 

The most commonly cited reason for divorce was a person changing, by nearly half (49%) (35% said their partner changed, 14% admitted that they had). Most marriages, however, failed for multiple reasons, with mutual unhappiness being the next most frequent response (32%), followed by breaking down because one spouse had met someone else (28% said their partner me someone else, and 6% admitting they met someone else).

 

The survey also busted the seven-year itch myth – with nearly a third (32%) of respondents’ marriages saying ended before then, lasting between one and five years. The next blip came at 6-10 years (27%), followed by 16+ years (21%) – only 5% broke up after less than a year.

 

The decision to get a divorce is a short term one for most, with over half (51%) taking less than 6 months to decide. However women spend more time thinking about getting a divorce before starting proceedings than man and not surprisingly those who were married longer and those with children also took longer. The most common thing respondent did after their confirmed divorce was celebrate.

 

Divorce seems to be losing its stigma, with 86% of those surveyed agreeing that being divorced is not something to be ashamed of, and an overwhelming majority (90%) agreed staying in an unhappy marriage can be more destructive than a divorce. Only 3% of respondents got a prenuptial agreement but a third now agree they are important.

 

Exclusive survey from Style, The Sunday Times.

30 Days of Gratitude Day Four #30daysofgratitude

The small pleasures in life are often the best. So today I am grateful for tea. The bigger the mug, the better. I am so British and few things make me more happy than a good cup of tea. In fact, a bad one will do. That is how much I love tea. It solves (almost) everything. As C.S. Lewis said: You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.

tea, #30daysofgratitude , 30 days of gratitude

 

Catch up on other days:
Day 1.
Day 2.

Day 3.

 

 

Feel Good: How To Change Your Mood And Cope With Whatever Comes Your Way

feel good

By Dr Shane Pascoe & Dr Graham Law

Published by Capstone, February 2014

Paperback, £10.99

 

 

If you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed or depressed then this book takes two of the ‘it’ therapies of the moment- Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy- and combines them to get you back on your feet and keep you there.

It is easy to read and apply thanks to its invaluable post-it technique and lay out. It also has an entire chapter on relaxing and the stuff on confirmation bias is very interesting. The book is like you are being talked to and supported by a friendly, intelligent and concise friend.

The book is actually fun and enjoyable to read, surprising considering its subject matter. It has a unique combination of science and psychology which really works. It also has exercises and is practical and accessible.

A very good and helpful book.

Feel Good: How to Change Your Mood and Cope with Whatever Comes Your Way

Mood can affect every aspect of life, from performance at work to personal relationships. Being able to take control of moods, rather than have moods control them, is something all the most successful people have in common.

In their new book, authors Dr Shane Pascoe and Dr Graham Law combine techniques from two powerful, complementary therapeutic approaches – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Mindfulness – to help readers keep their spirits and confidence high and instil a more upbeat, positive, can-do attitude, come what may.

Packed with practical information on how to start feeling happier and more positive about life, and optimise how you deal with people and situations in life and at work, this expert guide to beating stress and anxiety is designed for quick reference, letting readers access practical information relevant to how they are feeling at that moment.

Individual chapters cover areas including anger, self-efficacy, distress, unhappiness, well-being and happiness, self-esteem, leading a balanced lifestyle and relaxation techniques. The book finishes by discussing “Where to go from here?”.

 

For those that are feeling overwhelmed, overstressed, or just plain down about life, Feel Good is a practical, inspirational guide to help manage moods, improve outlook and beat stress and anxiety.

 

Feel Good: How to Change Your Mood and Cope with Whatever Comes Your Way

This Book Will Make You Calm, Confident, Happy, Sleep Book Reviews

January is all about becoming a better person. Hope is high and a feeling of renewal is in the air. So this series of This Book Will Make You…books came at the right time to be reviewed. Let’s find out if they can make you Calm, Confident, Happy and Sleep.

This Book Will Make You Calm, happy, confident, sleep

This Book Will Make You Calm

We got sent a lot of books on becoming calm at Christmas time and I think we all know why! We are all becoming more stressed in life and becoming calm will improve your health and life in general. The book helps you tackle anxiety and stress, it has great relaxation techniques, helps you handle panic and maintain a work-life balance. I love the techniques, graphs and strategies. I learned a lot reading this book. It is easy to lose perspective in life and forget about looking after yourself: this book reminds you what to do, and gives you lots of great, new, information too.

This Book Will Make You Happy

Being happy. One of the greatest pursuits of human beings. We seem obsessed with happiness and trying to achieve it. Following on from the format of the other book- and all of the books- the book has strategies, tests and graphs. It focuses on CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) which has become trendy and mainstream, which is not to put it down in any way, I have heard amazing things about it and it works for a lot of people. The book helps you challenge negative thoughts, combat anxiety, manage your emotions and stop procrastinating.

There are positive mind maps and the three biggest crimes against happiness. A great book to bring you closer to happiness.

This Book Will Make You Confident

Everyone wants more confidence and everyone goes through wobbly periods This book promises the tools to build your self-belief and realise your full potential with practical exercises and the latest CBT research. Each book lets you know how it all works and what CBT is. They have great mind maps and techniques which I find very useful. This is a helpful book which helps you deal with insecurity, nature self-belief, challenge your inner critic and play to your strengths. Good book.

This Book Will Make You Sleep

I have been having trouble sleeping so was happy to review this book. Especially after finding myself cleaning the oven at 2am. That is when you know you have a problem. CBT, tips and exercises fill the book, sleep myths are dispersed, sleep facts are given and the book gives great advice. I find myself sleeping better after reading it. Recommended.

This Book Will Make You Calm, Confident, Happy, Sleep by Dr Jessamy Hibberd & Jo Usmar

Released 6 January 2014

This new series for busy, creative people will give you the tools to deal with common problems from anxiety and lack of confidence to sleeplessness and general wellbeing.

Psychologist Dr Jessamy Hibberd and lifestyle journalist Jo Usmar draw on the latest cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to show how to develop coping strategies and learn practical techniques to tackle a range of problems quickly and effectively. From reducing worry and boosting energy levels to breathing and mindfulness techniques, these accessible, handy-size books will make your life more serene, stress-free and fulfilled.

About the authors:

Dr Jessamy Hibberd is a clinical psychologist who worked for the NHS before setting up her own private practice. She is a chartered member of the British Psychological Society (BPS) and accredited with the British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP).

Jo Usmar is a freelance journalist and editor. She has contributed to a variety of national media, as well as writing a regular relationship column for Cosmopolitan. She has appeared on TV and radio commenting on lifestyle and relationship issues.

 

The Importance of Happiness by Andrew Stead

Angelina Jolie has breasts removed. Our well-being is the most important thing in life but most of us neglect it – we can all do more to live well and make our lives happier. But the overload of knowledge and choice means that keeping up with ourselves, never mind the Joneses, has got a lot harder than it used to be. One step forward, two steps back. And we end up reacting to the world around us rather than designing a life that really matters. But the great news is that the latest scientific evidence is here to help.

 

And Your Daily Bread is a new organisation established to translate this new knowledge into tools and practical experience to help people maximise their life experience and happiness. They design healthy, positive and fulfilling lives, through practical, regular, bite-size chunks, or ‘Slices’.

 

These days most of us are well versed in the tools of our trade, but not in the tools of life. We are well educated at school and university and start our professional lives learning the skills and practices we need for our job. But we educate and develop ourselves in the techniques of our trade, at the expense of the techniques of life.

 

And the consequences of this disparity, this dislocation, this dis-ease, between our technical skills and our life skills are real and serious and heavily supported by scientific evidence.

 

We might start to feel isolated, lose our focus and concentration.  We suffer the irony of information overload while lacking certain knowledge that is truly valuable.  Physically we might feel tired, low-energy or just out of shape. Emotionally we get anxious, upset or even angry. Our relationships start to suffer – we have no time for our family or friends, no time for ourselves. And professionally, we’re working way too hard getting worn out, stressed out or even burned out. And we end up feeling disconnected, disheartened or desperate. Lacking any purpose or meaning, left wandering: “What’s it all about?” Our great hopes for the future, our legacy, our vision beyond our grave are broken dreams.

 

So Your Daily Bread provides people with new knowledge and techniques to get them re-energised, re-ignited, re-balanced. They’re on a mission to improve people’s daily life.

 

They run workshops, events and courses that demonstrate the science, tools and practical help they need to transform their life from imbalance to balance.

 

And people find the workshops and programmes are pretty impactful, talking of being more positive and productive, more energised and healthy, achieving greater balance and serenity, becoming a better communicator and being able to maximise those key life relationships; and of course, improving career prospects and earnings.

 

 

For more information of the June 16th ‘What Price Your Happiness’ event, showcasing 5 Global Experts sharing their best knowledge and techniques, visit www.your-daily-bread.co.uk/S4L

 

GURU THAT INSPIRED DAVID CAMERON’S HAPPINESSS INDEX TURNS HIS BACK ON ‘HAPPINESS’


EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH MARTIN SELIGMAN IN PSYCHOLOGIES NOW QUESTIONS THE ‘HAPPINESS INDEX’ AND HAPPINESS MOVEMENT


This month the Government will interview 200,000 families across the UK in an attempt to gauge how happy we are as a nation.

David Cameron has already attracted a barrage of criticism for the idea. Now, one of the men who originally inspired the happiness movement has dubbed much of the world’s focus on feeling good as nothing more than ‘happyology’.

American happiness guru Martin Seligman, who invented the whole concept of ‘positive psychology’, has now admitted in an interview in this month’s (May issue out Today – 6th April) Psychologies magazine that he now believes people want more in life than mere happiness.

“What humans want is not just happiness. They want justice, they want meaning. An interesting example is that there’s quite a bit of evidence that people’s mood isn’t as good once they have children. If that’s all people were interested in, we should have been extinguished a long time ago.’

Despite writing internationally renowned books, ‘Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realise Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment’ and ‘Can Happiness be Taught?’,  Seligman now believes that the word ‘happiness’ has become so overused that it has becoming meaningless.

‘The word happiness always bothered me, partly because it was scientifically unwieldy and meant a lot of different things to different people, and also because it’s subjective.’

Instead, he suggests we focus on ‘flourishing’, his big new idea that encompases a wider definition of feeling good. In the interview he also addresses the issue of whether
governments could be doing more harm than good by measuring the mood of their populations, particularly with the forthcoming ‘Happiness Index’.

Oxfam + Maths Expert = Formula for a Happy Christmas!

7,000 calories, three weeks off work, 15cm of snow and no more than 10 hours of shopping. These are four of the factors that make Christmas perfect according to Oxfam Unwrapped, the charity’s gift range, which has teamed up with maths expert Chris Green today to unveil its formula for a happy Christmas.

The full mathematical formula looks like this (click to enlarge):

Rick Lay, Oxfam Unwrapped campaign manager, said: “Christmas is the busiest time for Oxfam Unwrapped. Around 80% of the money we raise is given over the festive period, so we were really keen to find out what makes people happy at this time of year; what makes a perfect Christmas.

“It’s great to see that ultimately, happiness at Christmas comes down to quite simple things, such as enjoying time off work to spend with friends and family.”

Key ‘happiness factors’ include:

  • Number of calories consumed on Christmas Day (any more than 7,000 calories and you’ll be too stuffed to enjoy yourself)
  • Amount of time off work (just one day off boosts happiness by 70%, with three weeks being the optimum amount)
  • Centimetres of snow (15cm is ideal)
  • Family arguments (more than five and happiness levels plummet)
  • Number of hours spent trawling the shops for gifts (any more than 10 hours and shopping-induced stress sees happiness decline rapidly)
  • Miles driven to see friends and family (0 miles is ideal, with 500 miles generating a 40% reduction in happiness levels)
  • The number of gifts you receive has an impact on happiness (6 gifts gets you to optimum happiness levels), but….
  • ….most crucially, how many gifts you give (even giving just one present makes a huge difference to happiness levels, increasing Christmas enjoyment by 50%).

Chris Green, the mathematician who compiled the formula for Oxfam, adds:

“We conducted research into some of the key factors that people associate with Christmas and calculated optimum scores for each factor.”

What’s your score? For any like-minded boffins out there who want to work out the formula for themselves, this is what your scores mean:

< 50% Roll on January!
50 – 60% Frosty the snowman
61 – 70% Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas
71 – 80% You’ll be rockin’ around the Christmas tree
> 80% You wish it could be Christmas every day

“The good news is that most factors that impact on Christmas happiness are well within our control. Also, despite a lot of people thinking that Christmas is overly materialistic these days, as the formula shows, these types of things aren’t that significant.

“Most people will score between 50 – 100%, any less than 50% and it’s a case of ‘roll on January’!”

Rick Lay adds: “With the act of giving gifts topping the happiness factors, we hope that it will make people realise that Christmas is a time they can make a real difference to the happiness of others. A gift from the Oxfam Unwrapped range will not only make friends and family smile more, it will change the lives of people living in poverty all over the world.  Surely that’s got to mean a happier Christmas all around.”