Tag Archives: hate

You Don’t Have to Love Your Body, Just Don’t Hate it.

Posted on by
pregnant, woman, pregnant woman, Catherine Balavage

Me when I was pregnant with my son.

It is fair to say that at some point most of us have had a complicated relationship with our body. Women in particular get a rough ride. The media constantly tells us we are not tall enough, thin enough or tanned enough. Yes, the body positive movement has happened, but it is being sold to us by the same people who made us feel crap about our bodies for decades, and do not get me started on how their tagline is usually about ‘real’ women. It is so condescending. There are no fake women. Airbrushing women within an inch of their lives, while those women were already over five foot ten and a size eight, does not make these women an ideal that ‘real’ women no longer have to aspire to because you are woke now.

The beauty industry is still trying to sell us cellulite creams. In 2019 I was still seeing articles on how to get rid of cellulite. It is truly shocking. Babies have cellulite, children have cellulite, even men have cellulite, but for some reason only women are told that it is somehow not normal and we have to spend our time and energy getting rid of it. God forbid we work on our brains instead of our thighs.

P.S: dimples are cute.

Yes, I rant a bit but I have my reasons. As a teenager I thought my body looked awful. All I saw was flaws. Now I am in my thirties and I think it truly is amazing. There are parts I am not keen on, the bits of fat that accumulate around my C section scar and are hard to shift, for example, but I refuse to hate it. My body has made two beautiful children and been through two very different births: one emergency C section and one VBAC. It has been pregnant four times but only has two children and it has endured two traumatic surgeries.

The last few years I have been the fittest I have ever been in between my pregnancies. I am at my lowest weight in ten years and I am proud when I manage to make healthy choices, and gentle on myself when I do not. It makes me sad when I think about how long it took me to love my body on my good days, and not hate it on my bad ones. When I was a teenager I was ill with glandular fever. I was bedridden for years and it took a lot of time to get healthy again. My education was affected and it is only now I am managing to find the time to rectify that. You would think it that was an important lesson but I spent my twenties working fourteen hour days, going to parties and over-exercising. Turns out you can not exist on canapés and champagne alone. My main food groups were pasta and cereal. It is embarrassing to think about now that I try to make sure I have at least five-a-day and that I do not exert my body to much.

What I am trying to say is that your body is amazing. YOU are amazing, and while you do not have to love every part of your body, do not hate it. It is a miracle.

What Do You Love About Christmas? By Mary Cooper

Posted on by

What do you love about Christmas? Choosing the perfect present? What do you hate about Christmas? The noise and bustle of the crowded shops? But how do you have one without suffering the other?

 

I have a solution to all of this and it hasn’t cost a penny, and could well be an answer to the waste at this time of year. As with so many things it started as a problem to be solved. I share the house with my mother, and we needed to clear the spare room for my son and his family who were joining us for the festivities. But no, she said. We can’t throw anything away.

 

My new grandchild was going to have to learn to clamber far earlier than she otherwise might, over the games, jigsaws, knick-knack and books left from Christmases past.

 

‘Hey, give all our old things as presents,’ my sister suggested. ‘It will be like packaging up memories.’ I convinced mother, collected up armfuls of ‘stuff’ and deposited it on the floor of the sitting room. Mother and I were soon lost in a nostalgic mist.

mary1

There was Newmarket, where you place your bets then throw the dice, which my mother said was great for children as it taught them the value of money. Mmm, not too sure about her logic.

 

There was a box of Mastermind which, I think, must be one of the originals from the 1970s, and another was Cludo, and jigsaws galore – intact, and masses of books.

 

I found a beautiful paperweight – perfect for my sister in law, and what about this wooden jewellery box for my daughter in law, maracas for a nephew, a belly dancing kit (ha ha) and even a bonsai kit with no seeds; we substituted the seeds with an unopened packet of mixed wild flowers we found on the kitchen windowsill.

 

By the end. the room was alive with precious memories. We had talked, laughed, and recaptured so much that was good about my growing up. It was a privilege to do this with my mother and for the first time I heard the memories from her point of view.

 

Next I went to the local card shop (Oops, I lied about going to the shops) and bought a mountain of wrapping paper, ribbons, gift-cards and bows. I spent the next two days in happy wrapping mode and ended up with a priceless pile of presents under the Christmas tree, each with a short explanation of the pleasure it had brought to their original owners.

mary2

I can’t tell you how invaluable these hours were, sorting and sharing. It was my gift to myself, and I think that she felt the same. It was a moment in time that will, I know, resonate down the years. How many people can say that when choosing gifts at Christmas time?

 

 

 

Is This The Best Anti-Hate Song?

Posted on by

We came across this beautiful song by accident on YouTube and couldn’t get over how beautiful it was. It is an anti-hate, pro-equality song with smart lyrics that we should all live by. Have a listen and let us know what you think.

Managing MIL: You And Your Mother-in-Law – For Better, Or For Worse? Book Review

Posted on by

mother-in-law- advice-bookThis book starts off with a joke: “My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.” Les Dawson, this joke highlights that, traditionally, it is men that have problems with their mother-in-law. However there has been a rise in women clashing with theirs, and a number of my friends like to have a moan about their husbands mother. Marriage is hard, but even harder when there are three people in it.

Some of the real-life stories in this book are horrendous and shocking, and a few are nice. In fact the real-life stories are what I like most about the book. Learning about other peoples experience always make you feel less alone and helps to get through a rough spot. The best way to learn is from other people.

The book has rules and even suggests you start your own DIL (daughter-in-law) Club to unlock the secrets of a good mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. Where you get a group of like-minded women together and all vent anger, or share experiences: good and bad.

This is a good book. A lot of the advice is common sense: be polite, decorum goes a long way, see things her way. The book is also intelligent enough to see things from the mother-in-laws view; sometimes she cannot do anything right. All in all I thought the book was great. There is also top advice from leading relationship experts.

The top tips for managing your mother-in-law are good and this is a helpful book. It takes the view of both the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law to make it fair. Full of good advice and highly recommended.

Managing MIL: You and your Mother-in-Law – for better, or for worse? will be released by Peridot Press. You can buy it in e-book form or as a proper book.

Does your mother-in-law drive you to distraction? Are you a desperate daughter-in-law? Who is to blame? It’s hard to know when you’re stuck on the inside.

Journalist Katy Rink looks at the best and worst of this frequently tricky relationship and provides smart advice for keeping your cool, your sanity and your family intact.

How do you survive a weekend with the in-laws? Should you ever go on holiday together? How do you manage a new baby and MIL? What are the dangers of accepting that friend request on Facebook? These are just some of the tricky topics tackled.

The author calls upon the experiences of fellow daughters-in-law in her home town – at secretive get-togethers that came to be known as DIL Club – to illustrate the highs and lows of dealing with his mother.

There are plenty of anecdotes to amuse and entertain, including the DILs who received engine oil, chin hair removal cream and paper knickers as Christmas presents from their MILs; the MIL who provided itemised receipts for ice creams and charged for petrol; and the MIL who greeted news of a pregnancy with “I can’t believe you haven’t had her sterilised yet”.

You can also try and recognise your MIL from a cast of hilarious caricatures including The Apologist, The Snob, The Manipulator and The Social Climber.

But amid the horror stories there are heart-warming tales of when (and how) it all goes right, and when peace breaks out.