Pregnancy is supposed to be an amazing time but it doesn’t always work out that way. My mother always talked about her wonderful pregnancies and, in truth, I don’t think I ever heard a negative pregnancy story from a family member or friend. Sure there were some truly awful stories in the media and, although I found them horrifying, I cast them out of my mind. Which is why I am pretty annoyed now. Pregnancy is not this magical thing people told me about. It is not a magical time at all. Okay, creating our child is wonderful and I would not have it any other way but wonderful or any other such word does not encapsulate it. In fairness, my pregnancy has been termed ‘unlucky’ by my doctor. It is a bit of an understatement due to the horrendous acute morning sickness but, never mind. Here are my pregnancy rants. Feel free to add your own because ranting is good for the soul.
Bump Molestation
Seriously, what is up with this? Today I actually had a stranger molest me from barely underneath my breasts all the way down. I may have been in a sitting position but it was not appropriate and if it had not been an elderly woman she would have at the very least been slapped. It is not okay to touch a pregnant women’s bump without asking her. And even then, keep your hands to yourself unless you are a very close friend or family member. How would you like to be felt up? Especially when you are creating a life and feeling very protective of your bump? This brings me on to my next rant….
A Women’s Body Does Not Become Public Property When She becomes Pregnant
Not only does this mean NO TOUCHING but it also means you don’t get to tell her what to eat or drink, how to exercise or how much weight to put on. You don’t get to make comments on how she looks or what she does so mind your business.
The Unsolicited Advice
Your pregnancy choices were good choices for you. Only share them with other pregnant women if they ask. If you are a man, keep quiet unless you are a doctor and a question is asked. Also annoying is pregnancy advice from women who have never been pregnant. I mean, really?
The Constant Personal Questions
When people find out you are pregnant they ask you everything from what you are going to call your baby, what the sex is and how much weight you have put on. It really is too much. People seem to forget their manners when they are in the presence of a pregnant woman. If you feel uncomfortable just smile and avoid the question or say you are not sharing that information publicly yet.
Morning Sickness
As Miranda says in Sex & The City, ‘I don’t know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all fucking day.’ Exactly Miranda, exactly. Some woman get barely any morning sickness and some, like Kate Middleton, get acute morning sickness which is otherwise known as hyperemesis gravidarum. Morning sickness is not fun. Think of your worst hangover ever and then think about suffering through it everyday for about three months, sometimes longer. There you go: morning sickness.
Not being Able To Tell Anyone Why You Are So ill
The chances of miscarriage are high in the first 12 weeks so you are recommended to keep your pregnancy to yourself. Suffering in silence is not= fun and colleagues will probably notice something is up. Just know you will get to the end of it.
Having To Do All of the Stuff You Did Before
There is a popular quote that Ginger Rogers had to do everything Fred Astaire did but backwards and in heels. Well, pregnant women have to do everything everyone else does but whilst dealing with morning sickness, being kicked internally, headaches, muscle pain, nausea, random pains, tiredness…the list is endless. The pressure for pregnant women to not let anyone down and act like some kind of superwoman is tremendous. The reality is: pregnant women should be given some slack. If you don’t like that, just remember that the little baby they are creating will be paying for public services in your retirement.
The Fact That EVERYTHING Hurts
I mean everything. From your head to your legs to your vagina. A lucky day is when it doesn’t hurt all at once.
The Constant Worrying
I stopped reading the pregnancy literature before 12 weeks. I could not take it. Even now the stuff overwhelms me. Sure, things can go wrong in pregnancy but do you really need to know about every single thing that could go wrong? No, you don’t. So relax and read a magazine or a good book instead. Ignorance is not bliss, but somedays it is easier.
The Glee of Awful Things To Come
Too many people take such glee in the fact that, apparently, you will never sleep again, nor have a life. People can seem pretty happy because they think that having a child will ruin your life or career. Ignore these people. They are jerks.
What are your pregnancy rants?
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