Plus One is The Loneliest Number: On The Loneliness of Motherhood

lonely, loneliness of motherhood, loneliness of parenthood. the loneliness of being a parent, parenting, There are many hard things about parenthood. Some are obvious: sleepless nights, exhaustion, lack of me time, endless nappies. But there is one that is not talked about as much and that should be, and that is the crippling loneliness of motherhood (or fatherhood if the man is the stay-at-home parent). Now some people may wonder how you can be lonely when you are looking after a baby but here is the thing: they cannot talk. Even when they do start to talk you still crave adult company. You yearn for a decent conversation. A moment to relate to another human being can feel like a life-saving moment.

Since I had my son almost two years ago I have had moments of loneliness that were so extreme I felt like they might suffocate me. I have worked from home for years but I also went to a lot of events and reviewed restaurants. I talked to people, I interviewed people. I was important. Now I am just someone’s mother and the only person I have proper conversations with for weeks on end is my husband. I have always been a social person and there were times when I thought the isolation might break me. My family live in Scotland which I have found hard since having a child. My friends mostly work normal working hours.

It is not that I have not tried to make friends with other parents. We moved when my son was a baby and by the time I found groups to take him to people had already formed cliques. I tried to join in and be friends but the mean girl vibe does not wane when (some) women grow up and become mothers. Other times I would connect with someone and think we were going to become friends, only to never see them again. It wasn’t that I did not try. I really put myself out there and the constant rejection only made it worse.

I believe we have to talk more about how lonely being a parent can be. There are thousands of parents struggling to just get through the day. They are isolated and can go for weeks without any other human contact. There are now apps for mothers to meet up like Mush which is a tinder style app for mothers to meet up with each other. It is growing in popularity and I hope every mother who needs someone to talk to joins up.

Now that my son is nearly two I feel I have come out the other side. I take him to numerous events. He has a better social life than I do. Recently I have found that I have become friends with the other mothers from one of the groups I take him to. The mean girls have fallen away, leaving only a hard core group who go at least once a week. Last week we all talked for hours as our children played. I could tell that it made these mothers happy to have someone to talk to. Some were shocked when I started talking to them properly but we quickly got into the swing of it. We even shared tips for making more mum friends. It was a wonderful moment and a long time coming. I hope it is only the start.

 

This article was originally published on Feb 21, 2017. We republished it because it was popular.

Father’s Day Gift Guide

Father’s day is on the 16th of June and it is fast approaching. For those – like me- who have not bought anything yet I have put together a gift guide. It is a range of fun and different things for the most important man in your life. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments below.

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At Frost we reviewed Grant’s Family Reserve. Here is what we thought:

This whiskey smells great, full bodied. My first thought on trying this whiskey is oak. I then read up on it to find out it is matured in oak caskets. It is also malty, clean and complex. I can taste cinnamon stick, cloves, and nutmeg. We initially tried it without water and you really get the full flavours. With water it is just as enjoyable, and personally I found it more so because you could take it all in more without getting really drunk! This whiskey is a great blend. I really enjoyed it. It is sweet and fruity so it is right up my street.

Whether your dad is a discerning whisky lover or someone who enjoys the occasional dram, the Grant’s Family Reserve gift pack is the ideal way to say thank you and to help make this Father’s Day extra special.

Feeling inspired? Why not try something different this Father’s Day with one of Grant’s signature cocktails, the Grant’s highball.

 

Cocktail – Grant’s Highball

Made with the world’s favourite family owned whisky, the Grant’s Highball is an ideal aperitif or accompaniment to a meal and ideal for sharing with your dad.

Ingredients:

· 50ml Grant’s Family Reserve

· Ginger ale

· Dash of Angostura bitters

· Garnish with an Orange wedge

 

Fill a glass with ice cubes and add the Grant’s Family Reserve. Top up with ginger ale and add a few drops of Angostura bitters. Garnish with an orange wedge.

The Grant’s Family Reserve £16.49*, Grant’s Sherry Cask (MRSP £17.99*) and Grant’s Ale Cask (MRSP £17.99*) are available at Tesco, other leading supermarkets and off licences.

Visit www.grantswhisky.co.uk for the latest serve ideas

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This Leather Men’s Wallet is from QVC. £20.16

Item no.759923

 

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Emu Mens Romeo Sheepskin Slipper, £69.00, QVC.

Item no.153851

 

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Skagen Gents Midnight Blue Dial Titanium Mesh Strap Watch, QVC, £102.00

Item no.674551

 

 

 

FREE ARCHERY LESSON FOR DADS AND FAMILY SWORD SCHOOL

 

This Father’s Day, Sunday 16 June, at Warwick Castle, kids can send their dads back to school – Knight School – for free ‘have a go’ archery and training in swordsmanship from the Warwick Warriors, in addition to enjoying mediaeval weaponry displays and the firing of the Mighty Trebuchet. From 10am until 5pm, all dads qualify for an archery trial with an expert archer at Britain’s Ultimate Castle.

 

Kids and their dads can immerse themselves in over one thousand years of stories and legends about knights, battles and sieges, and experience firsthand how it feels to handle ancient weaponry. There’s plenty for mums to enjoy, too, including:

 

  • Raising the Portcullis
  • Flight of the Eagles Show, twice daily
  • The Sword and the Stone
  • Firing the Trebuchet, twice daily
  • Warwick Warriors live combat
  • Actor-led Tours of State Rooms and Great Hall
  • Towers & Ramparts
  • Riverside setting and Rose Garden
  • Warwick Castle Unlocked – four new rooms opened in February 2013

 

Book online in advance for the best value entrance fees: adults from £17.10 and children from £11.70: check www.warwick-castle.com for prices and latest attraction schedule.

Maybe all your dad wants is a phone call.

Lonely Dads Hoping for a Phonecall from their Children this Father’s Day

Panasonic survey finds over half of British dads long for more contact with their grown-up children

  • A third of fathers see their offspring once a month or less
  • Over half of dads would like to hear from children more often

 

Reports of middle-aged parents suffering Crowded Nest Syndrome due to the return of Generation Boomerang may be premature, according to a new study published ahead of Father’s Day. A survey of UK dads carried out by Panasonic reveals that 83 percent admit they miss having regular contact with grown-up sons and daughters who have left the family home.

 

A third of UK fathers see their adult offspring once a month or less, with five percent only seeing their children once a year at most. It seems dads can’t get enough family time, with 52 percent saying they would still like to hear from their kids more often.

 

Empty Nest Syndrome has historically been more commonly associated with mothers, but fathers who participated in the survey were keen to overturn the gender stereotype. Forty-six percent believe they miss their kids at least as much, if not more, than their mother does, and only one in three believes their mother misses them more than they do.

 

When it comes to keeping in touch, the home phone still reigns supreme; 68 percent of dads mainly use their landline to talk to their son or daughter. Of the many ways to stay in touch now available, dads agreed on which would appreciate receiving a new home phone as a gift. 42 percent rated the trusty home phone the best of the bunch, with 24 percent giving mobile phones their vote and Skype video calling trailing in third place with 10 percent.

 

The study shows that children are still turning to dad for advice, with petitions for help featuring in eight in ten of phone conversations. An enterprising 30 percent of children have taken the opportunity to ask for a loan during a catch-up, 33 percent have sought DIY guidance and 17 percent have asked for career advice. Oddly enough, they aren’t so forthcoming when it comes to their love lives, with just one in ten dads ever having been consulted by their children on affairs of the heart.

 

 

Free Massage for Dads at K West Hotel & Spa

 

Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, spa days away. With all these treats for the ladies, Dads might be feeling a little neglected.

 

This Father’s Day on 16 June 2013, K West Hotel & Spa will be giving Dads the treatment they deserve with a free back and shoulder massage.

 

To claim this fantastic treat, family members need to book a two course dinner at the stylish Kanteen restaurant (priced at just £16 per adult and £8 per child) and lucky Dads will receive a complimentary massage voucher.

 

Get your Dad a copy of the Breaking Bad Boxset from Amazon UK. He will be eternally grateful.

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Check out these great gift ideas from buyagift.com

Double Supercar Driving Blast: £59

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Choose from nine of the world’s most renowned and respected supercars and enjoy the high-octane adrenaline thrill of your life with this amazing driving blast! Your adrenaline levels will soar as you take control of two incredible driving machines for 3 miles each, with options including the Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche, Aston Martin and Audi R8 – each effortlessly combining style, speed and unbelievable power! With six locations across the UK to choose from, this is your chance to discover the true power of the world’s most impressive beasts!

Helicopter Ride Over London for Two: £225

helicopter ride over London

Treat yourselves to a unique tour of London with this helicopter tour over the capital’s rooftops. London is full of famous landmarks and attractions, from Canary Wharf to the Houses of Parliament, and this unforgettable experience will give you a totally new perspective of one of the world’s greatest cities. Sit back during your flight and appreciate all the grandeur of London as you take in stunning aerial views of a city steeped in history and culture. Just remember to bring your camera!

 

Helicopter Pilot Experience Day: £139

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This amazing experience is your chance to discover if you’ve got what it takes to fly a helicopter and be a commercial helicopter pilot. Arrive at the airfield for 9am, where you will be greeted with refreshments by your hosts for the day. An introduction and safety briefing will be given by a CAA Licensed Helicopter Instructor, followed by a talk on being a commercial pilot, and a presentation on helicopter pilot career options. Next comes the highlight of the day – a hands-on, one-to-one helicopter flying lesson and hover challenge! You’ll take the controls as your instructor gives you helpful tuition. During the experience you will receive a buffet-style lunch, as well as a guided tour of the hangars and a discussion about various helicopter types.

If you have a dapper dad you can always buy him some clothes.

Father’s Day is coming up and High and Mighty is here to help with its one stop shop for all things Dad-related. Designers such as Polo Ralph Lauren, Tommy Hilfiger and Lacoste have an array of presents and everything from fashion and fragrances, to electricals and DVD’s are all under one roof at www.highandmighty.co.uk. Perfect for the Dapper Dad.

father's day present