Tag Archives: love

Why do women cheat? Not enough sex, say 79.2% of survey

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•             25-34 year old women most likely to seek an affair outside marriage

•             1-3 months is the typical life cycle of an affair for 60.3% of AshleyMadison.com membersCitiz Hotel

•             76.9% of unfaithful women still love their husband or long term partner

A new survey of unfaithful British women from AshleyMadison.com, the world’s leading site for extramarital affairs, shows that for 79.2% the over-riding reason for cheating on husbands or partners is an unfulfilled sex life.

The survey of 10,245 UK women members of the website provides a snapshot of the changing face of infidelity in this country. Globally, female infidelity is on the rise and the UK is no exception.

Noel Biderman, founder and CEO of AshleyMadison.com says: “While women are gaining power in the work-place they’re no longer prepared to accept a disappointing performance from their man in the bedroom. Many work long hours, they juggle family and professional responsibilities and find that a busy lifestyle can be both an excuse and a cover for cyber affairs and physical affairs.”

The most common age group amongst unfaithful women is 25-34 year olds (35.1%), but the 35-44 year old age bracket is not far behind at 30.4%.

“Attitudes to infidelity amongst women are changing fast,’ adds Biderman. “The taboo is disappearing, it’s no longer a male preserve. With smartphones and access to the Internet 24/7, women have the tools to seek out and conduct discreet affairs that leave no ‘digital lipstick’ in the way that Facebook does. It’s as safe and easy as ordering a take-away!”

Unfaithful women seem to mirror cheating men who traditionally claim they still love their wives: 76.9% of Ashley Madison’s cheating women say they still love their husband or long term partner and an overwhelming 95.1% say they are not in love with their affair partner. In line with this, only 11.6% say they would like to leave their husband or partner

However, it seems that the one nightstand is still male territory, as an affair of one-three months is typical for 60.3% of the women surveyed and only 19.6% say they are looking for a one-night stand.

Noel Biderman comments: “Women tend to like a degree of stability; genetically they’re not wired for one-night stands. But women are good at multi-tasking so there’s no problem having an affair partner as well as a husband. 69% of the women we surveyed have only had one or two affairs.”

 

Do you agree?

The Etiquette of Online Dating

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Online dating has been described before as going into a bar where you know every person
in there wants to meet someone. However, this is no ordinary bar scene where you can rely
on a bit of Dutch courage to strike up a conversation. There are some big differences in this
digital world, and a dating website etiquette should be followed when looking for love
online. However, not all of us know what this is.

finding love, dating, online dating, advice, guide, social media

In this relatively new social medium, Sean Wood, Communications Director at Cupid Plc,
talks us through the dos and don’ts of dating online. From choosing the right website to
picking a great place for your first date. Sean’s insider knowledge can guide you through the
journey to meeting your perfect partner online.

You have made the decision to join a dating website, how do you go about choosing the
right one? What should you look out for?

Online dating is now more and more popular and as a result of this the number of dating
websites on offer is constantly growing. Before you make any decisions, consider what it is
you want to get from your online dating experience, and what kind of person you are
looking for – this will narrow the choices and make your decision easier. For example, if you
are looking for love following a separation and want to find a mature partner,
MatureDatingUk.com might be the best choice for you. If you work in uniform and work
unsociable hours, you may be looking for someone in the same position, and so a site such
as UniformDating.com would be perfect for you. Most dating websites give users a choice
between a free account and a full subscription. This allows you to browse the singles
database and check out the functions of the site, before making the decision to move to a
full subscription. Wherever possible, try to get a trial run before subscribing to a dating site,
to make sure it is most suited to your needs before you spend money on it.

1) What is the best type of picture to post on your profile?

Choosing the right profile picture is very important. You should use a picture you are happy
with, but which is also a true likeness of you – altering your image in Photoshop may
improve your appearance but this will cause problems when your date doesn’t recognise
you and walks straight past you on your first date! On the other hand, it’s perfectly fine to
post what you consider as your best photos, and so posting your passport photo may be
taking it too far! Try to choose a picture that stands out from the crowd, one that catches
the eye of other members and leaves them wanting to find out more about you. Be sure to
choose a photo that looks natural and real whilst still engaging. You can usually change your
profile picture whenever you like, so feel free to play around with your snap until you find
one that gets the most interest from other users. One final note is to avoid including images
of beautiful sunsets and landscapes which you like. Although the views might be stunning,
users want to know about you first and foremost.

2) How do I start writing my profile? What are the main points to include about myself?

Your profile is designed to tell other members all about you, this includes basic personal
information such as your first name and age, as well as details about your interests and
hobbies, likes and dislikes, personality and traits. If you are suffering from writer’s block,
maybe bullet point all of the important information that you wish to share, briefly give an
overview of what you are like and leave the reader wanting to know more about you.
Always be honest in your profile, relationships that start from dishonesty rarely work,
furthermore, you want to find someone who likes you just the way you are! You can include
in your profile a summary of what it is you are looking to achieve from your online dating
experience, i.e. are you looking for friendship, love/romance, marriage etc? Stating this in
your profile will help you to find someone who is looking for the same things you are.

3) What safety features should I look out for when I am joining a dating website?

Before deciding to sign up to a dating site one thing you should pay attention to is the safety
features of the site itself. In order to date safely you will need to sign up to a dating site that
speaks openly about how to stay safe when chatting over the internet, and offers guidelines
on details which you should and shouldn’t share. Furthermore, you should use a dating site
that has invested time and money into developing safety features designed to better
protect you, the user. At Cupid.com we have developed a new safety feature called Safe
Mode. This function allows men to change their profiles so that they can only be contacted
by members who have been verified and who are looking for love – the verification process
is simple – it can be done over the phone and takes only a minute or two. The Safe Mode
function is unique from other safety functions of other dating sites as it acts as a shield,
blocking members from people who haven’t verified their identity and aren’t actually
interested in dating. To add to this, our site moderator continually posts messages in the
public areas of the site, explaining to users the importance of staying safe online and things
that you can do to keep yourself safe.

4) I have the perfect profile set up, now what do I do?!

Now your perfect profile is completed you’re ready to start meeting people! There are a
number of ways in which you can do this. Cupid.com has placed a great deal of emphasis on
developing functions and tools that enable effective communication between members and
we encourage you to utilise these as much as possible. The most common way people start
to meet other members is by searching through the database of single people and
messaging anyone that catches their eye… when you send messages to other members try
to make the messages personal to each individual member, avoid generic sounding
messages as these are much less likely to get a response. A more immediate way to start
conversation is through our free online chat rooms, in which you can start talking to other
members who are online immediately. When you have started to get to know another
member and decide you’d like to get to know them on a more personal level, you can start a
private chat with them.

Before you start chatting with someone, have a look at their profile and see whether they
would actually be a good match for you, for example, are they looking for the same things
as you are? Do they live in your area? Do they have similar interests to you? When you
start initializing a conversation with another member, ask questions about them and listen
to their response, ensure the conversation is two way and you are both engaging in it.

5) How long do you recommend talking to someone online before organising to meet
them in person?

How long you should speak to someone for before meeting them really depends on you, the
person you are talking to and how comfortable you feel with them. At Cupid.com, safety is
essential, so we would suggest waiting until you actually know a person before you meet
them. The usual process would be to start chatting online for a while, and then move to
other forms of communication, such as speaking over the phone. If you are ever unsure as
to whether you should meet someone we would recommend you don’t, never allow
yourself to feel pressurised into meeting someone before you’re ready, and you should
always be sure that it is something you want to do before agreeing to meet anyone.

6) When organising when and where to meet, what should I keep in mind?

When you do finally make the decision to meet up with another member, choose to meet
up in a public place, somewhere that has an atmosphere you can both enjoy, that will allow
you to chat freely and get to know each other even better. When you initially plan your first
date, it is a good idea to plan something short, so if you or your date knows there and then
that it isn’t going to work, you can walk away with no bad feelings. If the short first date
goes well, you can always extend your plans by going for a meal or something afterwards, or
arrange a second date for in a few days.

7) Do you have any do’s and don’ts for conversation on the first date?

The whole point of the first date is to get to know the person you have met up with, so the
best advice we can give you is to appear interested in your date, ask questions and follow
these up with further (related) questions, to show you have maintained an interest in what
they have to say. Answer questions about yourself as honestly as you possibly can, and
answer the question that was asked of you, avoid going off on a tangent or over sharing
information too soon. Be yourself as much as possible, if you are fake in any way it will likely
get noticed and may even put your date off you.

What’s your opinion on online dating? Have you found someone online?

Should You Get Married In Your Twenties?

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In the past few decades relationships have changed. While my parents generation tended to get married young and have kids. These days people are told to focus on their career and live their life first. My mother was married with three kids by the time she was twenty-three. I was acutely aware of this from the moment I got past twenty-three. Not because I thought I should be in the same situation, just because finding The One and possibly having children with them is a big part of life. In the 1980s women got married at twenty-six. Now the average is thirty-three.

I was twenty when I first moved to London. I knew no one, had no job to go to, no place to live and no family anywhere near the city. It was a brave move that has paid off. But the entire time there was something missing: someone to share my life with. I had a series of first dates with unsuitable men, and the occasional second. I managed to fit in one unsuitable non-serious boyfriend before meeting my fiancé. Fiancé? Yes, you read that right. I am getting married in my twenties. My fiancé is also in his twenties and it was our third anniversary when he whisked me off to Paris and proposed. When we get married next year we will both be in our late twenties.

Too much too soon? No, I don’t think so. Who knows when you should get married. I am sure there will be people who say I am missing out on things but I don’t agree. Let’s run though them.

Sex: erm, I can do that with my fiancée. Sex with random men has never interested me.
Career: No one is more supportive of my career than my fiancée. He drives me and supports me. My career is better with him in my life, not worse.
Putting myself first: It is overrated. The day you realise the importance of putting other people first your life improves considerably. That being said; we don’t hold each other back. If you love each other you will always make it work. I am doing some travel writing next week, going to France on my own to write a piece on Toulouse.
Finding Myself: Already done. I know who I am and what I want. I am completely secure in myself
Social life: I still go out both with and without my fiancée. We have a great social life.
We both still have good friends outside of our relationship that we see as regularly as we can.

What else is there? To be honest I cannot think of anything bad about getting married in my twenties. The fact that I have found the love of my life also means I can tick off a major life event. I am secure, I am happy and I am in love. What could be better than that?

What do you think? When do you think is the right time to get married?

Chore-dodgers given anonymity: Bring harmony to the home with new ‘covert cleaner’ service

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cleaner
If you and your other half argue about cleaning then Frost magazine has come across something we think is quite cool: covert cleaning.
A recent survey found that 46% of couples that live together argue about cleaning; with nearly 2/3 of all individuals surveyed saying their partner’s cleaning abilities were below average – something start-up service Teddle has turned into a marketing opportunity by creating a new ‘secret service’ that disguises the fact a cleaner has been paid to complete household chores. You can even personalise the clean by adding in your bad habits for them to echo, such as to ‘leave the toilet seat up’ or ‘forget to remove the hairs from the sink’.
Those with an aversion to household chores have today been given a fresh escape from nagging partners by pioneering web service Teddle, which has launched the first ever ‘covert cleaner’ service to clean up conflict over housework. The award-winning start-up, which helps people search for, compare and book trusted cleaners in seconds, is testing the ‘cheeky’ service to prevent arguments in the home by allowing customers to dupe their partners into thinking they have completed the chores personally.

Alex Depledge, co-founder of Teddle commented:

“We have seen a big demand to ‘cover up’ our service and allow users to secretly book a cleaner without detection from partners, housemates and even mothers. We’re here to make life easier, so we thought why not make it easy for people to remove hassle from their lives without any consequences?”

“You always design the clean you want during booking, but now you can make the job seem more authentic by using the Teddle platform to request the cleaner misses out certain elements that make it more believable you completed the work.  The feedback we’ve had is that you can’t have it too perfect, or no one would believe it was you.”

Write Your Own Dating Rules by Jenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert

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relationshipsJenni Trent-Hughes, the relationship expert from eHarmony tells Frost Magazine readers to rip up the rule book.

Eighteen years ago the dating world was introduced to a book called ‘The Rules’ that we were meant to follow in order to guarantee a perfect love life. In those days, before online dating there were rules like: Don’t ask a man on a date! Don’t ask him to dance first! Don’t call him first! Don’t accept a date for Saturday if he asks you after Wednesday!

If you’ve found that ‘’not accepting a date for Saturday if they asked you after Wednesday’ worked for you, then I’m not going to tell you any different.  However as you’re here reading this in 2013, I suspect that you have realised that there is no magic secret; but I’m glad to say there is one tip that will help to bring you success or at the very least, remove some of the obstacles you may have stumbled over in the past.

Rules are like walls and sometimes walls need to be demolished to let the light in. Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens – be the dater you want to be not the one you’ve been told to be.

My one tip is this: Write your own rules! No one knows you better than you know yourself. You know what you’re capable of. You know what your parameters are. What you will be brave enough to do and what is going to be totally against your character, and you know what feels right.

I’m not going to tell you what not to do! You can figure that out yourself. I’ll just remind you of some things to do to help increase your chances of success when dating online.

1.    Reach out: If you see a profile that you like the look or sound of then make contact. There is no point spending weeks peeking at each other through cyberspace – say hello.

2.    Step outside your regular boundaries: Online dating is a golden opportunity to interact with people you might not originally have considered. Remember the first time against your better judgement you chose coconut ice cream and now it’s your favourite? That person who is a little older, a bit younger, that you’re attracted to but doesn’t match up to your usual ‘type’. That might just be The One.

3.    If you want to ask them out – just do it: Man or woman, we are in the 21st Century and we can do things that are new without the roof caving in. Traditionally men might have been the first to initiate a date, however things have evolved and it’s flattering to be asked out whatever your sex.

4. Be honest: Be yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Forget mind games, just be yourself and eventually you will find someone who is exactly the person you are looking for and you to them.

5. Learn to let go: We all have baggage, but when it comes to dating try and leave any hang ups at the door. Negative experiences in the past can affect the way you approach a new relationship, and although it’s good to be cautious, it’s also good to go in with a fresh new slate. Have fun and let your true self be at the forefront.

Call Off The Search by Anna and Andrew Wallas Book Review

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ProductImage-7554068The Modern Day Wizard. Call Off The Search is part self-help book, part relationship confessional. Written by real life couple Anna (formerly Pasternak) and Andrew Wallas. Andrew is a spiritual psychotherapist and Anna is a renowned journalist.

First of all let me say that I enjoyed reading the book. I am not a big fan of self-help books, although there are a few that I think are good, but I do like to read about other people’s relationships. Although I am not single I found that some of the stuff Andrew said made sense in an I-should-have-thought-about-it-way. I do think that most self-help books are just common sense written down. Life gets busy and you forget what you should know. I like how the book has been written, they respond to each other and then their is a checklist at the end.

Anna is known for being controversial but must be given credit for being so honest and open. You do get the feeling that she likes pushing buttons and creating debate, but it takes courage to write down your thoughts honestly and truthfully. Most people would never do this, nor be able to deal with the criticism. Indeed, the book has been marketed as the ‘most controversial book of the year’. While I am not sure if it is the most controversial, it may be the most honest.

Anna says: “I truly believe that behind every hardened feminist there is a women who is looking to be loved and saved by a man”. To be honest, who does not want love? Anna and Andrew have been together since 2010, which is when I met my boyfriend. They do seem very much in love. If I were single I would find this book helpful, but even as someone who is in a relationship I still found it interesting. I am not keen on the yurt stuff and have never been a fan of ‘new age’ things. I don’t have to find myself because I know who I am (or where I am), but this book is enjoyable and a good read. With lovely snippets of knowledge along the way. The book says that you should be honest with your partner and feel your emotions instead of denying them. This is good advice. There is also a chapter on ‘core wounding’, finding out what affects you and makes you angry.

Anna Pasternak shocked the British public by exposing the Princess Diana and James Hewitt affair, and subsequently startled readers with her Daily Mail article entitled Sorry, But My Baby Bores Me. Now, along with her New Age therapist-husband, Andrew Wallas (aka. The Modern Day Wizard) she has written an explosive, game-changing account about their struggle to find true love and intimacy.

Anna hated her life as a single mother until her friends suggested that she meet spiritual psychotherapist Andrew. What followed was an intense spiritual awakening as Andrew uncovered her inner loneliness and showed her that she was going to find true love. That this true love was to be with Andrew himself, then married to his wife of twenty-five years, was a huge surprise to them both. They have now written about their relationship, confronting taboos such as sexual jealousy, revenge, hatred and power struggle, to convey their experiences from the front line of true love.

Call Off The Search is a brave examination of the nature of all modern relationships – the messy, bonkers and painful alongside the inspiring and enlightening – unlike any other self-help, spiritual or relationship book.

It is set to be one of the most controversial reads this year.

‘She’s prepared for the backlash, but with her 20-year search for true love now at an end, Anna Pasternak is ready to share her secret. “I truly believe that behind every hardened feminist there is a women who is looking to be loved and saved by a man”.’ Scotland on Sunday

‘I get emails from women who admire my honesty. Like when I wrote about motherhood. Of course I love my daughter. But that doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge being at home with a new-born is boring. I got hate mail for that. One woman said I should have my child taken away. But I find it difficult not to speak the truth and that doesn’t always make me very popular.’ Daily Mail

‘I honestly didn’t think I was going to find an interesting and solvent man over 40, ever. Now I’m the poster girl for hope.’ Daily Telegraph

Buy Call Off the Search: The Modern Day Wizard here

Endearing Eccentricity or Annoying Habit: The best bits and worst bits about our other halves

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jennifer garner and ben affleck 

Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner was an ideal package with every bit about them just perfect? Nice yes, but it wouldn’t be much fun, because life isn’t perfect and sometimes it’s the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. So eHarmony.co.uk has set about finding out what are couples’ niggling little habits and endearing special quirks by asking over 2000 married Brits to disclose the best and worst bits about living with their other half. Here’s what they say:

Results from men

Loves   Annoyances  
They put up with my moods 42% They take too long getting ready 28%
They are affectionate when we are alone and in public 21% They are a back seat driver 21%
They’re always interested in my day 17% They worry too much about money 16%

 

Results from women

Loves   Annoyances  
They make me laugh 38% They can never find anything 30%
They’re happy to do household chores 29% They are messy 20%
They listen to me when I rant 21% They control the TV remote 18%

 

So women take too long to get ready and men can never find anything, but women put up with their husband’s moods and men make women laugh. Men are messy and women are back seat drivers, men are happy to do household chores and women take interest in their partner’s day. And maybe men do control the TV remote and women do worry too much about money but hey, men listen to their ranting wives and women are just plain affectionate.

Relationship advice expert for eHarmony Jenni Trent Hughes comments on the survey and says:

“It is really interesting to see the difference between genders when it comes to the things they love and what annoys them about their partner. The little niggles tend to come out further into the relationship, however it’s when a couple is truly compatibly that they find a balance between the good and the bad habits. It is really important to communicate with one another when a niggle becomes more testing, to try and find a common ground and agree, this will help eliminate future arguments over the little things and leave more time for the things they love about one another .”

‘APPY VALENTINE’S DAY

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The Poetry App hits 100k downloads as Brits burst with love for romantic poems to recite on Valentine’s Day

 

Tech-loving Casanovas are searching for romance in the lines of poetry, with help from The Poetry App, to woo their loved ones this Valentine’s Day. The app has been receiving 900 downloads a day in the run up to February 14.

 

With February 14 a few hours away lines from W.H. Auden’s O Tell Me The Truth About Love, are proving the most popular with the app’s 100,000 users.

 

Great delivery really gets to the heart of poetry and tongue tied romantics can hear Auden’s famous poem read aloud on the app by actors Ralph Fiennes and Julian Glover.

 

Other popular romantic love lines on the app include ‘What is all this sweet work worth, If thou kiss me not?’ from Percy Bysshe Shelley’s Love’s Philosophy and ‘All that’s best of dark and bright, Meet in her aspect and her eyes’ from Lord Byron’s She Walks in Beauty. Along with a host of others, Brits can be sure to make sure ‘love’ is the word on everyone’s lips.

 

Actor Dan Stevens, who reads work by Kipling on the app, said: “I cannot think of a better way to fall in love with the majesty of poetry.”

 

Users can compile their favourite poems into an online anthology to fill their digital bookcase. If they’re suffering from writer’s block, the app allows users to take inspiration from the great poets via collections of words which feature in their poetic masterpieces.

 

The Poetry App, created by The Josephine Hart Poetry Foundation, includes a collection of 115 poems from 16 well-known poets from Keats and Shelley, to Plath and Larkin read on the app by over 30 great British actors and actresses including Bafta winner Dominic West of The Wire and The Hour, Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens, Silent Witness’ Emilia Fox and Academy Award winner Jeremy Irons.

 

Users can read, listen and even write their own poetry on the app.  The app is available now for free download on Android, iPad and iPhone devices and features in the Top 40 book category on the iTunes App store.