Tag Archives: mummy blogger

Diary of a Freelance Working Mother: On Busybodies

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working mother , parenting, writer, Catherine BalavageIt was Jean Paul Sartre who said that hell is other people, but he did not get it quite right. What he should have said was that hell is other people and their opinions. Now if they can keep those opinions to themselves then it is happiness all-round. I spend large parts of my day not pointing out to someone how much of a jerk they are. An underrated and valuable skill, but one that seems in short supply when you have a child. I am going to do my best to make sure this weeks column is not an all-out rant, but I am going to put out a plea: please stop telling me how to raise my child.

There is a woman in my local area who seems nice enough, yet since my son was about nine months has asked me almost every single time she has seen me why he is not in nursery. Answer: because he is TWO-YEARS OLD. I have tried to explain to her his age and my personal reasons, but each time I am met with a lecture. Because, god forbid, a woman might want to raise her own child, right? Ditto for the fact I also got a long lecture from her on how my son was too old to be in a pram. ‘You are spoiling him’ she said. Never mind the fact that I am pregnant and he had just turned two, no, make him walk along the busy road and have no rest. That is definitely the answer.

Things like this happen all of the time. Some people will just critique. Ask you if your child can do something (competitive parents, they are just the worst), criticise their clothes/nails/cleanliness/hair, or ask a barrage of questions while pulling faces and making comments. Another bugbear is the busybodies who interfere and always think they know best. It does not matter that their children grew up decades ago and they lived in a separate place than you, they will always know exactly what to do in regards to nurseries and schools, as well as where you should take your child. The passing of time means nothing. Everything they did with their child, you in turn must do, because they know best.

I find with busybodies there is a number of things to do. One is smile and nod. Always best with strangers. The second is smile and say you do not agree, or make a joke of it. The best is to ask them nicely and politely to not interfere. The latter is always better with family. They will not stop if you do not tell them their behaviour is unacceptable. They may not even change then, but, trust me, you will feel better. In the meantime keep your head up, work on your sense of humour as it is the only thing that will get you through, and always stand up for yourself.

Please share any similar experience below, or just add your own comments. I would love to know what you think.

 

The Diary of a Freelance Working Mother

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working mother, mother, working, freelance, blogger, mummy blogger, blogger, parenting blogger, blogger, writing, Hello Frost readers. Many of you will know me quite well, others will be be thinking, ‘Why is the woman being so arrogant to think that we know who she is?’ And you may have a point, so let me introduce myself properly: I am the editor and founder of Frost Magazine. I am also a writer, author, editor, filmmaker and actor. But above all of this I am a mother. Which is the hardest thing of all.

When I got pregnant I felt like I was in a good position as a freelancer. I could be a full time mother AND have a career. Sure it would be hard, but I was used to hard. It is hard not to laugh thinking about this now. Being a freelancer is hard, but the flexibility has always made it worth it for me. Looking back now I can see I was naive when I thought it would be easy. I did not realise just how hard being a mother would be. The funniest thing is that I breastfeed for over a year and I look back at those times when I had a breastfeeding newborn and think of them as the easy days because now I have a two-year-old. For all of those mothers who have babies, enjoy this time. Toddlers are really hard work. Even my sweet and loving son. I know others have it harder. Very much so.

I am going to start this as a column. I am heavily pregnant as I write this and I just want to share the craziness of life as a freelance working mother. The timing is not great. I will be trying my best to take a proper maternity leave and cut back on work. There will be days, weeks even, when I let myself just be a mother and not run myself into the ground. Something that I have been known to do a lot in the past. It has taken becoming a parent to realise that I am not invincible, That self care is important. So I will continue to write my books and run this online mag while I raise my children. But while I am doing that I am going to tell you about how I spend the days taking my son to toddler groups and playing lego, and then writing and answering emails in the evening. I will give you some tips on both parenting and work. I will share with you how I wrote my first fiction book. Spoiler alert: by walking my son around in his pram until he feel sleep and then banging out 2000 words a day on my iPhone. I will talk to you about the guilt and the stress. But most of all I will let you know that I have no regrets at the path I have taken. Being a mother is the best things that ever happened to me. Motherhood is hard and sometimes I feel I am not up to the task, and choosing to work (which I am fully aware is a privilege) gives me back my identity and my freedom. Writers write. So stay tuned. I hope you enjoy the journey.

 

On Becoming a Mother When Your Own Mother Lives Far Away

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pregnancyWhile becoming a mother brings on a tsunami of new emotions, becoming a mother when your own mother lives in another country (or kingdom in my case, I live in London, my mother lives in Scotland), adds a tornado to the mix. I remember walking around The Baby Show while heavily pregnant, trying to bury down the melancholy because it seemed that every other woman was there with her mother.

My mother was there for the birth of my son. Not in the room, but she came down for the week. Unfortunately I was in labour for five of those days and she barely got to see her grandson before she had to head back up to Scotland. He was born in April and she didn’t get to see him again until January and is only seeing him again now, in October. It is slim pickings indeed. It hurts as she misses the milestones. It hurts that she doesn’t see him on a regular basis, get to cuddle him and breathe him in. We FaceTime and that makes a difference, but as the months go by it just isn’t enough.

It has been hard being without my family a lot in my life, but it is so much worse after you have a child. My brother has childcare whenever he needs it, day or night. My mother saw my nephew grow and become the 5-year-old he is today. I missed seeing my nephew grow up. When I saw him after a 6-months or 12-months gap I would not recognise him at first. Such was the incredulousness of this little boy being the baby that was my nephew. My mother even missed my son’t birthday weekend. We both felt that.

I only saw my mother once when I was pregnant and by that time I was six months gone. I had an awful pregnancy and missed having my family around me. I wish I could take my mother to the park with my son, have lunch with her, see him cuddle her and take her by the hand. It has been almost ten years since I moved to London. I always knew the move was permanent, but I was so young getting married and having children didn’t enter my head. Raising your own family so far away from your own can feel like a stake to the heart. I miss my family everyday, but more than that; I miss them seeing my son grow up. I guess the upside is that when we are with them we make the most of it. It is all the sweeter for being rare. It is a small consolation.

Should People Who Don’t Have Children Be Allowed To Tell You How To Raise Yours?

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baby,nappies, nappy, save, cheap, budget, working mothers, overwork, stress

Before I was married and had children I would always say that people who weren’t married should not give advice to people who are married, and that people who don’t have children, shouldn’t give advice to people who have children. Now that I am married and I have a child I can tell you that my belief has only hardened. I know that is controversial. I know some of you might want to slap me right now. I am worried that some of you may even thing I am coming across a bit Andrea Leadsom. But this is not a smug parenting thing. It is not an us versus them: it is simply the fact that parenting looks very different from the outside, and that unless you have been in the trenches, you have no idea what it is actually like.

There are some anomalies: live-in nannies, childcare professionals and the like. But if you don’t have extensive childcare experience, and you don’t have any children of your own, then don’t tell me how to raise my child. You would be surprised how much this happens. There is one specific person who criticises or makes a negative comment about my son, and how my husband and I are raising him, every time we see them. It takes everything I have to not point out to this person that they have never been around a child in their life and should therefore STFU. It is not even that this person has a point. Each criticism is something they have to seek and is nonsense: a comment on how our son is dressed etc.

General unsolicited advice is infuriating at the best of times, but when it is people telling you how to parent it is especially annoying. Being a parent is hard. There is no day off, no breaks, and certainly no sick days. I once worked on a film, a West End play and organised the launch party for Frost all in one month. It was brutal and relentless, but it was still nothing compared to parenting. To go back to my point about parenting looking different from the outside; before I had a child I would hear a baby crying, or be in a restaurant wondering why people were just letting their children run around. Now, there are still some days where I think what are you doing? (because I am human), but the thing is, that parent has probably done everything they can to stop the crying baby. The parents in the restaurant are just so tired they can’t move. You don’t know what lead up to that point or what that person is feeling. They are not doing nothing, they have already done what they can.

So don’t tell people what there child should be wearing or eating. Don’t tell them to shut their child up. The child has just as much right to be speaking as you do. Don’t be that person rolling your eyes because there is a baby crying on the bus (like I was!), because until you become a parent, you have no idea how hard it is and if you have one of your own you will feel very guilty indeed.

So should people who don’t have children be allowed to tell you how to raise yours? No. I am trying to swear less now I am a mother so I will use an acronym: that person should STFU.

 

 

MumsThread: On Traveling in London While Pregnant

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babyonboardbadgetravelinginpregnantwhenpregnant
I love London so it is quite hard for me to write this piece. Now I love the tube, but it does bring out the worse in people. Everyone just wants to get home and it can be over-crowded and hot. So, excuses for my city over let me get to my point: traveling in London while pregnant is awful. Really awful. The entire time I was pregnant I was only offered a seat a handful of times and only once by a man. The man made his teenage daughter get up for me. I will be eternally grateful to him. Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that being offered a seat while carrying another human being inside you is a pretty big deal. I had an awful pregnancy with acute morning sickness and low blood pressure throughout.

The truth is, even when wearing the great badge that TFL send free to pregnant women, most people will just bury their head in their book and turn their iPod up louder. The Baby on Board badge will spark good people to do the right thing, but sometimes it seems like there are too few of them.

Not getting a seat wasn’t the worst of it. While on the way to have lunch with one of my role models, the editor of one of the biggest magazines in the UK, I was pushed TWICE down an escalator by a man who wanted to shave a few minutes of his journey. I was walking down the left hand side whilst seven months pregnant. I guess pregnant women don’t walk fast enough for him and he pushed me twice hard, and also tried to shove me out of the way. I made my feelings clear to him, but I was shaking from head to toe. The upside is that a wonderful woman stopped to stroke my back and make sure I was okay while glaring in his direction. I am very thankful to that woman. It really helped me cope. It proves that a little bit of kindness goes a long way.

I still find it depressing that only one man offered me a seat when I was pregnant. He was even a tourist FFS. Add on the fact that, at most, five people offered me a seat in my over 41 week pregnancy then I am going to have to give us an F Londoners. It is not good enough so let’s try for an A+. We are the greatest city on earth and we can do better than this.

Please let us know about your experience of being pregnant in London.

 

Little Angels Re-launches Range With a Mumsnet Stamp of Approval

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littleangelsatasdaFrost has been reviewing the Little Angels range at Asda. It comes with the Mumsnet stamp of approval so we had high expectations. Thankfully we were not let down. The Sensitive Cotton Soft Baby Wipes are fragrance free and suitable to use from day one, even on eczema prone skin. The Head to Toe Wash is just as great and gentle. It has a no tears formula and is paediatrician approved. Little Angels Baby Powder soaks up excess moisture and prevents chapping and the Comfort Dry Nappies are super soft and delicate. The nappies give up to 12 hours of dryness. We were impressed with the entire range. The products are just as good as any leading brand but are not as expensive. Mums and dads, head to Asda.com.

Mums looking for the very best for their little angels need look no further than Asda’s Little Angels own brand baby range, which now comes complete with a seal of approval from the very best judges of all: other real-life mums.

 

That’s right: over 100 products in the Little Angels range have been tested and endorsed by users of Mumsnet – the UK’s largest network for parents.

 

The highly-praised range spans everything needed for a baby’s routine, including nappies, wipes, toiletries and snacks and features exciting new products, formulas and packaging.

 

And now, having partnered with Mumsnet, mums can rest assured that every product they buy with the ‘Quality Approved by Mumsnet’ logo has gone through a vigorous testing process from a panel of mums just like them, before hitting the shelves.

 

The hugely popular Little Angels nappy range, the best selling own-label nappy brand in the UK, has seen a major revamp to become the only baby brand to offer mums a complete nappy journey for their baby from newborn to potty training. The super soft and absorbent Newborn, Comfort Dry and Supreme Protection nappies have all received the Mumsnet seal of approval and now, Little Angels have also added Swim Pants (£3) and Potty Training Pants (£4.50)to its already extensive offering.

 

All economy packs are available in the popular 3 for £12 offer and what’s more, the Comfort Dry, Supreme Protection and Newborn ranges feature a unique size guide on the back of the pack to help mums understand when to move up a size, so you can wave goodbye to leaky nappies! And the colour coded size guide makes it easier for mums to pick out the right size on the shelf.

 

A new innovation for the Little Angels Newborn range is DreamSkin® technology (£4.50) – new to the market and available at Asda. The unique DreamSkin® technology is designed to help soothe and protect even the most delicate skin, making it perfect for those little ones prone to eczema.

 

The extensive range of Little Angels wipes now contain thicker yet softer embossed towels, designed to help mum cleanse baby with ease. The premium Extra Care, Extra Protect and Extra Sensitive Wipes (all £1 each or 4 for £3)provide the very best protection against nappy rash by working with the skin naturals defenses, leaving delicate skin silky soft and protected.

 

All of the Little Angels toiletries, from nappy change and bath time right through to bedtime have secured a big thumbs up from Mumsnet users, and new to the range is the Vapour Bath (£1 or 3 for £2.50), featuring a eucalyptus and menthol fragrance to help sooth baby and comfort little noses. As part of the re-design, the popular Baby Powder(£1.35) now features a newly-improved ergonomic bottle design, making it easier to handle whilst still featuring the same great formulation and value for money.

 

When it comes to feeding, the Little Angels nutritious and organic snack food range, from Organic Puffs (67p) to Oaty Bars (£1.99), has also been ‘Quality Approved by Mumsnet’, including a brand new Baby Biscotti (£1.19)product suitable from seven months. Available in three flavours – plain, apple and banana – the biscotti are completely organic, with ‘no nasties’ and added calcium and vitamin B1.

 

Lauren Venters, Category Planner for Baby at Asda comments: “The world of babies can be a daunting place with a variety of brands, hundreds of products to choose from and, quite often, conflicting advice. We know that mums really value the opinions, recommendations and first-hand experiences given to them from other mums and we’re so confident in our Little Angels range that we decided to put it to the test with the harshest critics of all – a panel of Mumsnet mums – and we’re thrilled they passed the test! Having that stamp of approval across the range, should hopefully give mums peace of mind that they’ve made the right choice, leaving more time to enjoy motherhood.”

 

Justine Roberts, Founder & Chief Executive at Mumsnet comments: “Mumsnet users have really put the LittleAngels range through its paces, testing the products in busy, real-life family homes up and down the UK. Our users value each other’s recommendations highly and place a lot of trust in them, so we’re pleased to have the opportunity to extend this special mark of approval to some products in the Little Angels range, and hope that the wisdom of the Mumsnet crowd will benefit other parents”

 

 

Comotomo Baby Bottle Review

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Comotomo Baby Bottle Review Comotomo Baby Bottle Review3 baby finds it hard to take bottleThis Comotomo Baby Bottle caught our eye immediately due to its great design. It really is a beautiful bottle. As well as being aesthetically pleasing, it is also made with 100% safe materials. It is BPA, PVC and Phthalate free. We love the feel of it, it has a squeezable silicone base, something we have never seen before. It is naturally shaped and has a soft, silicone teat which is ideal for breastfeed babies. Babies will love holding onto the skin like, soft and squeezable body. This bottle is perfect for babies which find it hard to switch between breast and bottle. It really does feel lovely.

The bottle also has a wide neck design which makes it easy to clean. The bottle has innovative vents that prevent colic and stops any leaks. This bottle is durable and had a great “let-down” effect.

Can be used in the microwave, boiling water, dishwashers and sterilisers. This bottle is fun and beautiful, it gives baby a breastfeeding experience in a bottle. Great innovative technology and worth trying if your baby finds it hard to take the bottle. Very impressed. 

Comotomo Natural Feel Baby Bottle is available here.

 

 

Let’s Toddle! Free App For Parents

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Cow & Gate launches free app for parents

 

Did you know that by the time your toddler is three they will have reached around half of their adult size and could be using up to 900 words? Now, parents never need to miss a moment of their toddler’s extraordinary growth and development with Cow & Gate’s handy new ‘Let’s Toddle!’ app.

 

Available on iPhone, passionate parents can keep track of all of the exciting milestones their toddlers reach, from finger painting to taking those first few steps, as it happens with this handy tool.

 

The Let’s Toddle! app is easy to use with four simple steps:

 

  1. Download it for free from the iTunes App Store.

 

  1. Capture it by taking photos and building an album to celebrate each special moment, making each one totally unique with different frames and captions.

 

  1. Enjoy it as you share with friends and loved ones online, uploading their most amazing moments to Facebook and Twitter, or sending via email.

 

  1. Ask it any questions you may have about toddler development. Contact Cow & Gate’s expert Careline advisors directly who are on hand, day and night, with tips and advice from how to cope with a fussy eater to ensuring your little ones are getting all of the nutrients they need.

 

The app is jam-packed with a whole host of astonishing facts about toddler development. Did you know that a toddler’s nutritional needs can be more than double those of an adult? With so much growth and development between one and three years it’s not surprising, which is why Cow & Gate Growing Up Milk is specially formulated to help provide your toddler with the extra goodness they need throughout this period of extraordinary development. Growing Up Milk is made from cows’ milk, enriched with the key nutrients toddlers need, such as iron, calcium and vitamins A, C and D.