Tag Archives: opinion

Parenting is Not a Spectator Sport

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Dear readers: rant alert.

Sitting in a cafe I am trying to relax but I cannot. There is a group of older women staring and talking about me and my two young children. Occasionally they point or make a gesture. I am fuming. Who the hell do they think they are? A few weeks later the same thing happens. And then again, and again. You see, there are people who think that a women (or even a man, I am sure) taking care of her children, or, God Forbid, relaxing while they play with a toy or colour in, is a spectator sport. Some kind of zoo animals to watch and make comments about. If it has been an isolated incident it would have been fine. Just a table full of rude women who think they can loudly talk about us and stare. The entertainment of the afternoon. Do not get me wrong. People are not always being insulting. They are mentioning how cute the children are, talking about what they are doing. Asking questions or talking about their own experiences. But that does not make it okay. We are taught at a young age that staring is rude, because it is. We are taught at a young age that talking about people is rude. As is pointing at people. So why do people think they have carte blanch when it comes to little children and their parents?

I remember being on holiday once when the two women at the next table made nasty comments all through our meal that our baby son should be in bed. It was 7pm and the first day of our holiday. When they had finished their food they came over and cooed over my infant son. Making nice comments and saying he was gorgeous. This after bitching for hours and ruining our meal. Once in the Waitrose Cafe I had two women turn their chairs around to stare at us. I was enjoying myself and my children were behaving. A rare moment of peace. I gave them an evil look, downed my drink and left. Full of rage. Being a parent is hard. Any downtime that is taken from you feels like a theft.

We seem to live in a world where it is becoming harder for people to mind their own business. The truth is: I am sick of being nice to these people. I have been so British about it and just ignored it. Occasionally I have given a look at the very rude people. The ones who do not get the message. Being the bigger person is emotionally and physically draining. So I think that the next people who want to stare at my family and/or make comments will be told where to go. Only when people get called out on their behaviour do they think about what they are doing. Hell, they may even change and become more polite. It is worth a chance.

Has this ever happened to you?

Why Technology is Ruining Christmas By Ian Shepherd, author of The Sleighmaker

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A third of children will be sending their wish lists to Santa by smartphone app this Christmas.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Now, when the kids aren’t looking, swipe their gadgets – all of them – and hide them in a sock drawer until December 26. Because technology is ruining Christmas. And I mean ruining it.

I wrote an unashamedly traditional children’s book called The Sleighmaker, which is out this week. My publisher assures me that it will capture the public’s imagination in much the same way as The Snowman did all those years ago. Except that it won’t. Because that was then, and this is now. Raymond Brigg’s classic picture book was released in 1982, long before Britain’s obsession with all things ‘smart’. In those days, children read books for entertainment, not homework. Books were the must-have ‘device’, the original hand-held tablet.

Children still love to read – a lot. Sales of children’s books rose 16 per cent last year to £365million, according to figures released by the Publisher’s Association. But in today’s tech-obsessed households, where youngsters spend an average of six hours-a-day (yes, you read that correctly) glued to an array of ‘smart’ screens, the paperback no longer takes centre stage. Technology and its new leading lady, the smartphone (which has never been, er, smarter), steal the show. A quarter of children will use one to send Christmas wishes via Facebook on December 25. Yes, technology has written off the humble pen, too.

And so back to Christmas and the thankless pursuit of that impossibly perfect day. Nothing, even the in-laws, should be allowed to spoil it.

Except that technology in any of its guises almost certainly will. Its availability anywhere in the home will prevent kids from focusing on wonderful books like The Snowman (and The Sleighmaker). It will fill your home with irritating noises, and reduce your children’s vocabulary to monosyllabic grunts. It will also cause your children more harm that cocaine, if you believe the warnings (Earlier this year, an addiction therapist claimed that giving children a smartphone is like “giving them a gram of cocaine”. She said time spent messages pals on Snapchat and Instagram could be just as dangerously addictive for teenagers and drugs and alcohol).

A new smartphone app lets kids scan the barcode of a toy they want for Christmas before sending their parents an automated email with the details.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Now, when the kids aren’t looking, swipe their gadgets – all of them – and hide them in a sock drawer until December 26. Because technology is ruining Christmas. And I mean ruining it.

The Sleighmaker (Raj Joshi Publishing) is out now priced £11.99 in hardback, £6.99 paperback and £4.60 as a Kindle eBook. Signed copies and further information from www.thesleighmaker.com 

 

IS LIFE INHERENTLY UNSATISFACTORY? By Paul Kwatz, author of Conscious Robots

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Ask a parent “What’s the most important thing in your life?”, and they’ll say “My kids”. This pleases a biologist, who believes that, because humans are the product of evolution, “having children” has to be the most important thing in our lives (after eating and breathing). If it wasn’t, our genes wouldn’t get passed on, and evolution simply wouldn’t work.

But ask a parent “What do you want for your kid when it grows up?”, and the biological angle might be less obvious. “As long as she’s happy…” doesn’t seem to have much to do with survival.

Until we realise that “happiness” is the mechanism that evolution uses to control our choices.

Maybe you didn’t realise that evolution was controlling your choices. Maybe you thought your conscious mind was the thing that was in control. But consider our daily battle to stay thin. “Eat a donut, or go for a run?” The donut gives you pleasure. The running hurts. Why does the donut give you pleasure? Because your brain evolved when calories were scarce. And the running hurts because running uses up those scarce calories.

Pain and pleasure arise from a non-conscious part of your mind that you can’t control. If you could, you’d simply choose to feel great when you were running, and, well, life would be a easier if a donut tasted like a kale shake, wouldn’t it?

We want a nice house because we think it will make us happy, we want to be thin because we feel good when we’re thin, and we want our kids to be happy because, although we encourage them to work hard at school, we’ve got a sneaking suspicion that a great career is no easy ride: it’s only satisfying in direct proportion to the hard work we put in every year.

And we’re right to be suspicious. When humans were evolving, the most successful ones were the ones with the “never-happy-with-what-I’ve-got” gene. They didn’t sit around as soon as they were full of berries, they carried on picking until the bushes were bare, made jam and designed bows and arrows to protect their bounty. It’s why millionaires become billionaires and why movie stars chase another Oscar. They, like all of us, are the descendants of hunter gatherers that were never satisfied: regardless of what we have achieved in life, regardless of our mobile phones, air-conditioning and indoor toilets, life, as Buddha observed, is inherently unsatisfactory.

But the good news is that life is also inherently satisfactory. Because sometimes there’s a drought and the berries don’t grow. And it’s not going to do our genes any good if we sit around moping. Our evolved brains reward us when our situation improves – regardless of how low we have sunk. As long as we’re moving upwards, our brains are happy to hand out the pleasure. It’s what allowed your grandparents to be perfectly happy without phones and why the plains of Africa rang with the laughter of our ancestors. `

‘Conscious Robots: If We Really Had Free Will, What Would We Do All Day’ is out now in print, published by Peacock’s Tail Publishing and priced £4.99 in paperback and £2.99 as an eBook. Visit www.consciousrobots.com or Amazon UK

GransThread Jan Speedie Talks About Her New Phase

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Jan Speedie: Surrey Reviews EditorRetirement is entering a completely new phase of life; I am not going to say final phase. I have to admit when faced with retirement after 30 years working in the NHS I was worried what life would bring  – daytime TV, expanding waist line with too many coffee and biscuits, aches and pains of a maturing body.

Being one of the three Grannies who helps administer the charity www.wordsforthewounded and faced in 2015 with the Mud Challenge, our fundraiser for that year, it was off to the gym to get fit and not let my team down. I remember the bemused faces of the staff at Ash Manor Sports Centre when I explained that in 6 weeks I needed to be fit and ready for the challenge – well they did it and now I am a regular at the gym and will even admit that I enjoy the hard work and friendship.

The fundraiser for 2014 was a tandem skydive: pushing 70 and strapped to a gorgeous young RAF instructor what more could a girl want – it was an amazing experience. Then there is feeding 40 people lunch at the W4W Litfest with little experience of mass catering which has proved to be an interesting and rewarding event.

Back to everyday retirement – I have 4 grandchildren who still want to be with granny, but are totally unimpressed with my technology skills – but I am learning. I have been cajoled in to doing book reviews for Frost Magazine which is great as it keeps me reading and the brain ticking over.  It’s great to be able to holiday anytime and fly off to interesting destinations – Canada, Portugal, Italy, Poland and skiing in France and soon to add Australia to my list.  Then there are days out with friends completing things on our bucket lists. I take a renewed interest in cooking, gardening, decorating and even cleaning my house. Still need to investigate U3A, the WI and many more.

Some weeks my calendar is empty but it’s amazing what turns up or just occasionally it is nice to do nothing. Remember that 70 is the new 50 so let’s go for it and enjoy.

 

 

Gransthread by Margaret Graham

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So, what does Gran do with herself when she’s not (ho hum) pole dancing?

 

I was invited to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of the High Wycombe & District branch of the U3A at an extraordinary venue, St Katherine’s, Parmoor, Henley-on-Thames. This estate was once owned by the Knights Templar, and was probably a farmhouse, which over the years, like Topsy, has ‘growed’.

It has changed hands many times, and intriguingly King Zog and his family  arrived here in 1941 in exile from Albania, and on his departure, a few years later the Community of St. Katherine  of Alexandria, a High Anglican Religious Community took refuge here, after being bombed out of their home in Fulham during the war. At St Katherine’s they found  peace and tranquility for the next 51 years after which it became the  home of The Sue Ryder Prayer Fellowship.

 

Now it welcomes people from all walks of life and denominations for day and residential retreats, and a small permanent staff encourage St Katherine’s to be used for  meetings and celebrations.

 

So here we were, lunching in a paneled dining hall which has seen many extraordinary people: celebrating many more who are members of the U3A.

 

So what is the U3A?

 

The University of the Third Age (U3A) movement is a unique and exciting organisation which provides, through its regional U3As, life-enhancing and life-changing opportunities. Today’s retired and semi-retired are not quite ready to sit knitting in front of daytime television, if indeed, they ever were and the U3A facilitates our need to continue to develop our knowledge and expertise.

 

Within each regional U3A, members share their skills and life experiences by running classes in anything from creative writing, to exploring art, to archery, to – heaven knows what, perhaps even pole dancing.  What’s more, there is no charge beyond the annual fee, which amounts to VERY little.

Every month there is a speaker, to continue the University thread. There are day trips, and holidays, the most recent to Tuscany.

 

So, this is one of the things Gran does, and Gramps too probably. But this is just a tiny bit of a grandparent’s life. Some of us work, still. But more about that next time, because retirement ain’t what it used to be. We grans and gramps still have miles to go, and promises to keep… to quote Robert Frost.

 

The U3A movement is supported by its national organisation, the Third Age Trust.

 

http://u3asites.org.uk/highwycombe/welcome
http://www.u3a.org.uk

 

St Katherine’s, Parmoor, Henley-on-Thames http://www.srpf.org.uk

 

 

Some People Actually Have a Problem With The All-Female Ghostbuster Cast

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all female cast, ghostbusters, sexism, film, Upon hearing a piece of modern music my Grandfather always used the line, ‘You kids today, you don’t even know you’re born.’ Well if you are a young thing and you have not seen Ghostbusters then let me tell you: you don’t even know you are born. The same goes for most 80s & 90s films. The 80s and 90s were great decades for film. Fact. Which is super exciting because not only are they doing a remake of Ghostbusters, but it has an all-female cast. Yes people, you heard it right: an all-female cast. Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones will star in the 2016 remake. Problem is, even though it is 2015, some people actually have a problem with this.

Director Paul Feig tweeted the news of the new cast and confirmed the new Ghostbuster film release date: July 22, 2016.

 

Paul said: “It’s official, I’m making a new Ghostbusters & writing it with @katiedippold & yes, it will star hilarious women. That’s who I’m gonna call.” Not everyone is as enlightened as Paul however. Social media was awash with sexist comments about the all-female cast. Funnily enough, no one had a problem with the all-male cast. Some Tweets were funny:

 

 

The most depressing thing is that in 2015, the new Ghostbuster film having an all-female cast is actually a thing. While I won’t be giving any trolls publicity here there was one important person who gave it the thumbs up: the original Ghostbuster himself, Dan Aykroyd. A statement read:

 

“The Aykroyd family is delighted by this inheritance of the Ghostbusters torch by these most magnificent women in comedy. My great grandfather, Dr. Sam Aykroyd, the original Ghostbuster, was a man who empowered women in his day and this is a beautiful development in the legacy of our family business.” 

 Dan Aykroyd is obviously a very awesome and evolved man. As is (@JohnRossBowie) 

 

 

Bill Murray hasn’t said anything about the project but the other surviving member of the original, Ernie Hudson, doesn’t seem happy about it; he doesn’t think it should carry on the Ghostbusters name as it will have  “nothing to do with the other two movies.” and while he said he was not against the idea of an all-female cast his first reaction to the casting news on Facebook was  “No comment”. There are more brilliant reactions in this excellent Radio Times article.

 

Ghostbusters all-female cast: good or bad idea? Have your say.

 

 

 

Is The Drive For ‘Quality’ Killing Education?

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educationIs the consistent drive for higher quality or at least the control of quality effectively killing our educational efforts? It’s a question that has sparked some very heated debates among parents and among educators.

Quality should be the driver of education, working to improve FE at every level. Some would argue that the push for quality, rather than the delivery itself is distracting us from the mission at hand and additionally detracting from the level of education that we provide. In and of itself, quality is not detrimental. It is, and should be an integral provision of education that our country currently needs. With the right staff, and the right approach, we can use quality as the driving force for improved education on every level.

At any level, it’s the quality of educators that will determine the success of students. Lecturers, support staff, educational management and even non-academic support should all be aligned with the same focus; delivering and supporting a curriculum that leads to success.

Before we can improve education, the system within any FE organisation should be analysed to determine its effectiveness. This should involve benchmarking, as well as competition analysis. Benchmarking will determine the capabilities of courses and modules, as well as the support structures around them. Academic results only tell part of the story, because it’s the function of the whole organisation that leads to these results. Competition analysis can indicate where processes are working, and where they are failing. Studying competing universities, polytechnics, and private FE providers can provide insight in to why a particular system is failing, and adapting successful strategies to an underperforming institution can help to improve quality and deliver results.

Quality of leadership will be the determining factor in the improvement of education through the quality of FE providers. Directors, vice principals, and principals etc. will continue to play a key role in the decision-making process. They will offer tips and assistance in strategy and focus, and have the task of driving these strategies through their leadership teams. Through the trickle-down effect, lecturers, leadership, assessors, trainers, and other support staff will all have the responsibility to drive strategies that eventually result in improved education for students.

Because quality is a huge focus in education, from a government, and private institutional level, there is currently a high demand for skilled individuals in all areas of education. Academic and vocational lecturers of the highest quality are required to deliver learning in a way that is engaging to the current generation of students. Apprenticeship assessors and trainers are also required to facilitate learning and grade competency in the trade industries outside of traditional academia.

There is even a need for high calibre guidance counsellors, and student support professionals. These are the people who will be able to gauge the effectiveness of any FE institution, because they are the ones who can view the structure holistically, right down to the experience of students.

A strong leader will be able to build the right teams consisting of professionals from all areas, while fostering the change required that will raise quality in their institution. Are you prepared to raise standards in further education?

As a senior educator, it will be your drive that raises the bar when it comes to quality in education. Whether you’re tenured in your current role, or seeking your next opportunity as a senior FE professional, a market leader in academic recruitment has a lot to offer you. At Morgan Hunt, their vastly experienced education team have the knowledge and inside view of market shifts to help you discover the roles where you can make a difference, or to find the professionals that you need to assist you in delivering excellence at your current facility.

 

Benefits Street: Good TV, and Fair

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Amongst people who have actually watched Benefits Street, most say that it is good TV and that it fairly portrays life in impoverished communities

BenefitsStreet_logo_wA new YouGov survey finds the programme is a big hit with viewers, and amongst those who have actually watched it, the majority do not think it is unfair or in bad taste.

Read more here.

Here is some of the YouGov Survey.

Ever since it first aired on 6th January, Channel 4’s Benefits Street has caused outrage. After episode one, a number of James Turner street residents who appeared in the programme said they had been lied to about its intentions and wrongly portrayed; after episode two, Channel 4 said they would be given right of reply in a live TV debate; by episode four, it has received 1,700 complaints.

Now a new YouGov survey finds the programme is a big hit with viewers, and amongst those who have actually watched it, the majority do not think it is unfair or in bad taste.

A sizeable third (33%) of the population have seen at least some of Benefits Street on TV. Of those, 78% say they might or will definitely watch it again and only 20% say they probably or definitely will not.

Unambiguously, 62% of viewers say the programme is ‘good TV’ while only 30% say it is bad TV.

Most interestingly, amid claims that “[James Turner] street has been turned into a zoo and the residents feel like they are exhibits”, viewers who say the programme is fair outnumber those who say it is unfair two to one.

59% of viewers say Benefits Street “fairly portrays what life is like in impoverished communities and the difficult issues it brings up”, while 23 say it “unfairly portrays poor people and creates resentment towards people in real need”.

Further, people who are actually claiming some kind of benefits are more likely to say the programme is fair (34%) than unfair (24%). 28% of those not claiming benefits say the programme is fair, and 22% say it is unfair.

The series finale airs on Channel 4 on Monday 10th February.

Do you agree?