Tag Archives: parent

I am a Freelance Working Mother and This is What it is Like

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working mother, working, parent, freelance, parenting, writer, writing, Catherine BalavageHello there from the trenches of working motherhood. I am a freelance writer and editor with two children under three. Today I feel faintly refreshed after having a few hours sleep last night. I get asked a lot what it is like being a freelance writing mother so I want to take you through my week. I will also update you as time goes on. Welcome to my world.

Last week my son was ill and not in nursery. He goes to nursery part-time. Three hours five days a week. Thankfully it is a nursery in a state school so is free. Unlike his previous nursery which cost over £1600 a term. Anyway, back to the point. So my son was ill, my daughter had a little cold and the freelance Gods thought this would be a good time for me to get a lot of work. I find as a freelancer that I get a lot of work all at once, or barely any. I make more money at the beginning of the year than I do the end. So my son was ill, I had no childcare and the baby was not sleeping at night. Even more than usual. Now, she doesn’t sleep anyway. She is sixteen months old and has slept though the night once. So I am one tired mama. And as usual, everything was happening at once.

I got a lot of work, hundreds of emails to go through, this mag to run and a million other things to do. It is full on and stressful. I would not want it any other way but I would quite like a spa day. To top it off my husband went off to Scotland for two days on a work trip. I swear, I do not know how single mothers do it. Both children were up all night and I ended up shaking from head to toe in my bed from the exhaustion. I get people telling me to just take it easy when it comes to my work, or to quit. It infuriates me. No one tells me to not be up all night with the baby, or to not do domestic crap, but doing something for myself and continuing to work on my career? Yeah, let’s give up the thing that keeps me sane.

In December I passed a writing course I was doing. It was intense and stressful doing it while looking after two children but I now have the certificate. The sense of pride and accomplishment always makes it worthwhile. I love working. There are many benefits to work other than money. There is the social aspect, the accomplishment, the contribution to society and the world as a whole. Work is important so I will carry on. Even when it means keeping one eye on the children while working on my computer.

I wrote my first novel by putting my son in the pram and walking until he fell asleep. I would then write two thousand words. Every day. No excuses. It worked and that is the thing about being a freelance working mother. You find what works and then you do it. It leaves you with valuable skills. I would not give it up for anything. I hope you find some of the upcoming posts helpful. Feel free to comment and you can email me at frostmagazine at gmail.com

 

MAKE THIS THE LAST MOTHER’S DAY THAT YOU ARE SINGLE

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Five tips for single parents looking to escape the parent trap

As a single parent you’re certainly not alone – in the UK there are more than 1.7million single parents. The majority would love to find someone new to support them and their children, but with childcare issues eating into time and energy resources, it can at times feel like it’s at the bottom of a never-ending to do list.

Single mum, TV actress and eHarmony.co.uk’s guest blogger, Donna Air voices the challenges she faces over finding a new partner when her child is naturally her number one priority:

“It’s simply too stressful a job when teamed with kids’ bath, dinner, homework, and bedtime stories into the hour allocation that most busy mums have for the multiple of tasks”.

But it needn’t be the hurdle it can at first seem. In Donna’s accounts of dating, she makes a point of dating when her child is at her ex partner’s house, or when she has some spare time to herself. For those with childcare and time constraints, dating online is the perfect way to ‘get back out there’ again and find someone new, and the best bit is that the initial, online stages of ‘dating’ can all be done when children are tucked up in bed. Make sure you research the top 10 dating sites to find the one that is right for you.

“Looking for someone who will love and respect you and your children can feel challenging but in reality it’s just about finding the person for you”, says Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship success site. Dr Gonzaga continues, “in a recent poll of eHarmony.co.uk members, 85% said they were sensitive to a single parent’s position, so there’s no reason for not taking that first step.’ Here are five top tips from Fr. Gonzaga that every single and dating parent should follow:

1. Be honest from the beginning

It isn’t always easy to bring up the fact that you have children when considering going out with someone new. But your date deserves to know what to expect — perhaps you’ll only be available every other weekend or you can never be out past midnight due to your babysitter. Be upfront and you’ll avoid any surprises later on.

2. Only date someone who is sensitive to your situation

A potential partner who respects the fact that you’re a parent should understand and be sensitive to the responsibilities that you have to your children. Do they realize that even on a date you need to be accessible to your children? Does he or she understand that only you will know the right time to introduce them to your children? If the answer is no to any of these questions, they are probably not the right partner for you in the long-term.

3. Go slow

Unless you and your date are both certain you want to take the relationship in a more serious direction, don’t rush to introduce him or her to your kids. Having a new adult in their lives is a big deal. When you feel the time is right, keep the meeting low-key and brief, and do all you can to remove pressure from everyone. Your kids need as much time as you did to get to know someone new.

4. Be realistic

After introductions, be careful not to expect too much from your new relationship too soon. Someone who has never had kids will need plenty of time to develop their own relationship with your children. Equally if your partner has children or their own, it will take time for both sets of children to get used to being a part of a single family.

5. Practice being more than a parent

Yes, you are responsible for your children, and you must take that seriously. But being a parent is not solely all you are. You’re a single person looking for someone to share your life with. Get a babysitter, relax, and enjoy dating!

Dr Gonzaga concludes: “Don’t let being a parent stop you trying to find happiness. Just learn from your past relationship, have clear boundaries and be confident and you will find a true partner.”

Donna Air’s dating blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating.

The Joy of Teen Sex?

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America is not impressed. Teens are having sex, and MTV is doing f***all to discourage them. As if showing Miley Cyrus’s videos on an hourly rotation isn’t abominable enough (AOL has voted her the worst celebrity influence for the second year in a row – why such a poll was considered necessary, or how Taylor Momsen slipped through the net who knows), the channel is currently airing a brand-new US version of Skins, the cult UK TV show thanks to which youngsters all over Britain have been snorting cocaine and having barely legal lesbian sex after and (more likely) during school hours since 2007. American parents, advertisers and activists are protesting, claiming that the show exhibits child pornography and violates legal requirements to protect young viewers and the teen actors themselves.

In one sense, I sympathise. I feel like I can’t switch the TV on these days without catching a glimpse of sexually hyperbolic children. During last Wednesday’s episode of The Joy of Teen Sex the nation was treated to one youngster’s cringetastic first attempt to ‘go down’ on his girlfriend having just overcome his chronic fear of vaginas. Cue applause from the cameramen?

Now it’s not that long since I was a teen (those who saw my last column will know I cling to youth with a desperation to rival Dorian Gray). However, as a mildly antisocial specimen I wasn’t privy to what one might call the full spectrum of experience early on. I wasn’t (quite) a complete dork, but I was nevertheless more an Inbetweener than an Effy (see below – notorious and sorely missed UK Skins character seasons one through four – I will cool off the TV references soon I promise). When a friend recently told me that he “was getting head in year eight at the school disco, and was one of the later ones,” I was taken aback.  I have a brother in year eight, perhaps why I found this particularly disturbing.

Left-right: Freddie, Effy, Cook and Panda- UK Skins gang seasons three and four

I remember a definite ‘awakening’ occurring during my mid-teens however. For example, I recall a year nine English lesson during which a friend and I compared what we’d done over the weekend. I had written an essay, ironically on Romeo and Juliet – an early parable about the potential hazards of teen sex. She’d given her boyfriend a blowjob during Shrek at the cinema. “WHY???” I gawped.  “He wanted one,” she shrugged.

Obviously there had been various infamous events: “I heard she had an abortion when she was 12,” “they had sex on the beach during the year nine Isle Of Wight trip and TEACHERS FOUND THEM,” and house parties were, by year ten, synonymous with all manner of sexual hijinks. Still, I wasn’t quite prepared for this revelation from a hitherto very shy and retiring girl. But it was not an outrageously outlandish example, and rightly or wrongly, a good proportion of my year had swapped fluids by via one means or another by the time they sat their GCSES.

More recently, I was chatting with a 14-year-old girl when the question of BOYS came up. Ah, I thought, a chance to share the wisdom of years, perhaps help my young friend avoid some of the pitfalls into which I in my naïve youth had fallen. What was the problem, I asked? “Well my last boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t give him a blow job. It was kind of unfair, as I had ‘received’, but wasn’t ‘giving’, yano? I mean I’m not at all what you would call frigid, but I just didn’t fancy it. Also the guy I like smokes, and I used to LOADS but I quit a year ago and I really don’t want to start again, and I’m worried if I go out with him I will.”

I took a deep breath. Then I told her as tactfully as possible that her ex was an asshole she was best shot of, and that perhaps she might prove a healthy influence on the new guy and get him to quit smoking. The admittedly tenuous point is that the decisions and attitude she expressed to me in no way mirrored what she had seen on the box the previous night (she likes QI). Furthermore, she rightly stopped when she felt uncomfortable, and this can probably be attributed to her own resolve rather than abstinence from inappropriate television.

The argument I’m havng a semi-arsed attempt at making is that teens are going to have sex whether their parents like it or not. At least some of them. We should accept this, and as they say in The Joy of Teen Sex, the main thing is that it is safe and consensual. Though Skins might be amplifying the fantasies of the Inbetweeners crowd more aggressively than Glee (I lied about the reference thing), if parents are to complain, I’d argue that the smoking/narcotics-related element of proceedings is more worthy of their energy. I personally found the total departure from any attempt at a cohesive or engaging plot in last week’s episode infinitely more offensive than the frequent references to f***ing.

Obviously the second my brother goes anywhere near a girl with the intention of touching anything other than her hand I’ll be whacking a chastity belt on him faster than he can say ‘hypocrite’.