Tag Archives: parenting blogger

The Diary of a Freelance Working Mother

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working mother, mother, working, freelance, blogger, mummy blogger, blogger, parenting blogger, blogger, writing, Hello Frost readers. Many of you will know me quite well, others will be be thinking, ‘Why is the woman being so arrogant to think that we know who she is?’ And you may have a point, so let me introduce myself properly: I am the editor and founder of Frost Magazine. I am also a writer, author, editor, filmmaker and actor. But above all of this I am a mother. Which is the hardest thing of all.

When I got pregnant I felt like I was in a good position as a freelancer. I could be a full time mother AND have a career. Sure it would be hard, but I was used to hard. It is hard not to laugh thinking about this now. Being a freelancer is hard, but the flexibility has always made it worth it for me. Looking back now I can see I was naive when I thought it would be easy. I did not realise just how hard being a mother would be. The funniest thing is that I breastfeed for over a year and I look back at those times when I had a breastfeeding newborn and think of them as the easy days because now I have a two-year-old. For all of those mothers who have babies, enjoy this time. Toddlers are really hard work. Even my sweet and loving son. I know others have it harder. Very much so.

I am going to start this as a column. I am heavily pregnant as I write this and I just want to share the craziness of life as a freelance working mother. The timing is not great. I will be trying my best to take a proper maternity leave and cut back on work. There will be days, weeks even, when I let myself just be a mother and not run myself into the ground. Something that I have been known to do a lot in the past. It has taken becoming a parent to realise that I am not invincible, That self care is important. So I will continue to write my books and run this online mag while I raise my children. But while I am doing that I am going to tell you about how I spend the days taking my son to toddler groups and playing lego, and then writing and answering emails in the evening. I will give you some tips on both parenting and work. I will share with you how I wrote my first fiction book. Spoiler alert: by walking my son around in his pram until he feel sleep and then banging out 2000 words a day on my iPhone. I will talk to you about the guilt and the stress. But most of all I will let you know that I have no regrets at the path I have taken. Being a mother is the best things that ever happened to me. Motherhood is hard and sometimes I feel I am not up to the task, and choosing to work (which I am fully aware is a privilege) gives me back my identity and my freedom. Writers write. So stay tuned. I hope you enjoy the journey.

 

On Becoming a Mother When Your Own Mother Lives Far Away

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pregnancyWhile becoming a mother brings on a tsunami of new emotions, becoming a mother when your own mother lives in another country (or kingdom in my case, I live in London, my mother lives in Scotland), adds a tornado to the mix. I remember walking around The Baby Show while heavily pregnant, trying to bury down the melancholy because it seemed that every other woman was there with her mother.

My mother was there for the birth of my son. Not in the room, but she came down for the week. Unfortunately I was in labour for five of those days and she barely got to see her grandson before she had to head back up to Scotland. He was born in April and she didn’t get to see him again until January and is only seeing him again now, in October. It is slim pickings indeed. It hurts as she misses the milestones. It hurts that she doesn’t see him on a regular basis, get to cuddle him and breathe him in. We FaceTime and that makes a difference, but as the months go by it just isn’t enough.

It has been hard being without my family a lot in my life, but it is so much worse after you have a child. My brother has childcare whenever he needs it, day or night. My mother saw my nephew grow and become the 5-year-old he is today. I missed seeing my nephew grow up. When I saw him after a 6-months or 12-months gap I would not recognise him at first. Such was the incredulousness of this little boy being the baby that was my nephew. My mother even missed my son’t birthday weekend. We both felt that.

I only saw my mother once when I was pregnant and by that time I was six months gone. I had an awful pregnancy and missed having my family around me. I wish I could take my mother to the park with my son, have lunch with her, see him cuddle her and take her by the hand. It has been almost ten years since I moved to London. I always knew the move was permanent, but I was so young getting married and having children didn’t enter my head. Raising your own family so far away from your own can feel like a stake to the heart. I miss my family everyday, but more than that; I miss them seeing my son grow up. I guess the upside is that when we are with them we make the most of it. It is all the sweeter for being rare. It is a small consolation.