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What I Learned About Resilience After The Worst Year of My Life

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TW: baby loss.

We all have fears in life and if we are lucky enough we don’t experience them. Although I have experienced anxiety in my life I thought I was one of those lucky people. It was November 2019 and I lived my life in a cosy bubble. Bad things had happened in my life, and I had lost people I loved, but I felt happy and lucky.

Two months earlier my husband and I had decided to try for a third baby. I was thirty-five but I got pregnant immediately. I was over the moon and slightly smug. Geriatric pregnancy my arse. Later, I was exercising and I felt something weird happen in my body. Like a pop. I immediately stopped and put my hand to where the weird pain had happened. Then I brushed it away.  There was a weird uncomfortable pain in my entire body. It felt like a balloon was filling up. I couldn’t sit down properly. Then when I went to the bathroom there was blood. The blood was very dark and it freaked me out. I went to A&E. They didn’t even scan me and sent me home. Despite the fact I could barely walk and was in a lot of pain. I have a high pain threshold and I felt like they didn’t see that I was suffering enough.

The next day I went to the early pregnancy unit and they thought the pregnancy was an ecoptic pregnancy. I’m not going into detail about all of it in this piece because it is an entire article in it’s own. I started feeling the pain on Monday and it was Friday afternoon when I finally got my ’emergency’ surgery and one of the first things the surgeon said to me when I come to was that they caught it ‘just in time.’ My fallopian tube had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. I had been walking around bleeding internally for days while being told to ‘go home.’

There are snapshots of this time that haunt me: the registrar stroking her very pregnant belly while asking what I wanted to do with the remains of my baby, the fear when they sent me home that I would die in my sleep. Waking up and not being pregnant anymore. Notably the fact that they kept sending me home and eventually, days later, I refused to go home and made them scan me again. On the day of my surgery I almost passed out numerous times and the nurse kept bringing my back with oxygen, refusing to let me faint on her watch.

Mostly I remember the grief. There is no pain like losing a baby. I always thought people who killed themselves before that were selfish, now I know they are just in so much pain that they want to leave their bodies. I was completely and utterly broken. The only thing that brought me through were my other children. I figured if I could just put my feet onto the floor every morning and then get out of bed, I could survive. I only had to put one foot in front of the other.

In the blur of everything I took care of my children and tried to make sure they couldn’t see my pain. I didn’t want them to suffer, and I refused to let them see their mother depressed or spending days in bed. I knew that I had to structure my days. I had to get out of bed and smile at my children. Play with them, read them books. I took up Spanish and started doing yoga. It helped that we were moving house and I had to pack up and deal with all of that.

Just as the surgery scars started to heal a little I got ill. really ill. I had this continuous cough that wouldn’t go away. I spent boxing day with my mother-in-law and my husband’s aunt, uncle and their children. I had to find an emergency doctor’s appointment and fainted at the pharmacy getting antibiotics. I somehow managed to walk home although I have no idea how.

A few days later I was going to take my children to bed when I felt a sharp pain in my chest. It took my breathe away and then I couldn’t breathe. I was on the floor crying, barely able to breathe, begging my husband to help me. He called an ambulance and long story short I had double pneumonia, just as rumours of a SARS like illness started in China. I was unable to eat anything or lie down flat. I spent the next six months recovering as the world went into lockdown.

It was now July and my world started to come together again just as I noticed my period was late. I took a test and I was pregnant again. The happiness I felt was like nothing else.  But then weeks later I started bleeding. I made my way to the hospital, desperate to hold onto this baby, only to lose another one.  A few of my amazing friends told me they were pregnant and I didn’t want to tell them about my miscarriage because I didn’t want to scare them, or take away their joy. I would see pregnant women on the street and feel a bitterness that made me not recognise myself. I was full of hate and pain. I found women who were pregnant with their third child, or who had one, especially triggering. The pain of a miscarriage is hard to describe. It wasn’t as tough as the ectopic pregnancy, but the emotional pain of waiting for your baby to pass through you is sharp and brutal. The loss is acute.

I got up, homeschooled my oldest until 2pm and then focused on my toddler for a few hours. Then I forced myself to write three thousand words a day. I started another novel which I finished in six weeks.Then one day I walked out into my garden and the world seemed so beautiful. I sat down to take it in and I saw dew on the blades of grass. I thought about how cruel it was that my baby never got to experience a moment of this world, and yet I knew the world was still beautiful and that life went on. Even if the pain never really goes away.

I started to hate who I was becoming so I stopped. I decided that I didn’t want anyone else to feel this pain that I was feeling. I wanted to put positivity and love out into the world. To spread nothing but kindness. In this I finally found myself again. There is nothing uglier than bitterness or hate and my refusal to let it consume me was a turning point. I donated to charity and did everything I could to spread community and love. I kept writing and I started submitting my novel to agents and publishers. I went after every dream I had and I worked hard.

It has been two years now since my grief threatened to swallow me whole and I look back at that time and it still hurts, but I’m proud of myself. My Spanish is still mediocre and my yoga is not great, but I got a book deal and my novel Ember published in March 2022 to great acclaim. Ember has a character in it who had a miscarriage in the past and the lead character is also an obstetrician. I almost abandoned the book after my ectopic as I found editing it so painful, I put all of my pain into it. It was like therapy. I persevered and I’m proud I did. More importantly, in June 2021 I had my gorgeous and beautiful rainbow baby who I am grateful for every day. A little boy who is sunshine personified.

I didn’t let my pain break me or change who I was. The worse things got the harder I reached for the best. The negativity made me search for the positive. Faith and love helped me reach the other side and I know that life is always beautiful and precious. I promised myself I would always live my life to the full and never take it for granted. I won’t break it.

3 Ways Your Environment Increases Your Risk of Pneumonia

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With the winter months quickly approaching and the atmosphere varying from state to state, pneumonia is an issue that plagues the minds of many different people. A lot of individuals have no idea what it is, how they get it, or how they can fix it.

Even more don’t know just how easy it is to succumb to pneumonia-associated mortality. If you get down the nitty-gritty, even fewer people have knowledge that there are several key factors within their environment that can cause them to fall ill to the lung-wrenching ailment. Here are a few things that contribute to your higher risk of pneumonia within your environment.

Bacteria

When bacteria contaminates the lungs by infiltrating the sinus cavities and finding its way down the esophagus and into the bronchioles, they can cause massive amounts of swelling and discomfort. Because the body is responding to a foreign invader, it creates a substance we know as puss to try and force the bacteria out of the afflicted area. However, when this puss is inside of the bronchioles, it can cause a major problem with hardening. That hardening of the bronchioles is known as pneumonia and there’s a number of bacterium that can get inside of the lungs and cause a serious complication like strep.

You may be wondering how you could get strep. If you have a child that’s of school-going age, or you work in a heavily populated environment, the chances of you contracting strep is very easy. It’s a bacterial infection that can be spread through saliva, or by that person simply coughing and/or sneezing on you. Stay away from infected people to minimize your chance of getting it.

Allergies

Yes, your sneezing, coughing, sniffling, runny nose, and redness are all due to your allergies. Your body is simply looking for a way to expel randomly roaming agents that are far from dangerous. However, your body’s way of trying to expel them can cause you more trouble than it’s worth.

By simply inhaling dust particles, pollen or other things that cause problems for many allergy sufferers, you can trigger your body’s response system, resulting in the swelling of the tiny nodes within your lungs. By the swelling of these entities, your body can cause you to have allergic pneumonia. This type of pneumonia comes in three different categories: acute, subacute, and chronic.

If you’re having an acute attack, chances are you’re too close to the aggravating agent. If you’re having an acute attack, you’ll start to feel like you are getting the flu in the worst type of way. The best way to help stop this type of attack is to move away from the allergen.

Perhaps you’re suffering from a subacute attack; chances are you’re going to feel like you have the flu and then some. You’ll start coughing up mucus and other wonderful juices from deep within your lung cavity. This is an issue that needs to be addressed by your doctor to keep yourself from sliding into the chronic category.

If you’re chronic, you’ll find yourself with myriad other symptoms including weight loss. If this stage has been reached, you need to completely remove yourself from the allergens and talk to your doctor on a regular basis to monitor your lung health.

The best way to avoid this is to minimize your exposure to any allergens that you might see or think of. You can also purchase an antihistamine to keep your body from attacking itself over something presumably harmless.

Smog

Most of us live in big urban areas, so we’re no strangers to the endless black mass of cloudy pollution called “smog.” However, this cloud can invade your home and infect you and your loved ones. If you have an issue with the quality of air in your home, you should immediately assess the easiest thing to change: your air filter. Breathing in contaminants from the outside can cause you to have a serious upper respiratory reaction.

If these contaminants have somehow managed to find their way into your home via the air intake filter, open doors, open windows, etc. then you need to find a way to cleanse your homes air immediately. Constant exposure to smog can act as an irritant within the lungs and cause the bronchioles to inflame and the body to start the production of puss. Look into getting a new air filter or investing in an air purifier in order to keep you and your family safe from these invisible attackers.

 

Man-flu: fact or fiction? The Real Truth.

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by registered dietician Nigel Denby

Medical Tests say that very high does of Vitamin C are best avoided as they can cause stomach upsets and kidney stones.

Is there really a strain of flu to which men are more vulnerable? Or, is ‘man-flu’ simply about blokes being less able to tolerate the symptoms of the common cold?

It’s long been a subject of debate, but partners of man-flu sufferers will doubtless be familiar with the inability to cope and function when the dreaded lurgy strikes.

The scientific community is as unsure about the validity of man-flu as the rest of us. In 2009, a study claimed to prove beyond doubt that man-flu was a real phenomenon. However, after closer analysis, it was criticised as being irrelevant because the researchers were looking at mice not humans, and bacterial infections rather than the viral infections which cause flu.

Other researchers from Cambridge University suggested in 2010 that flu symptoms could be more common and virulent in men than women because of a reduced male immune system. This theory was backed up by another study from the University of Queensland which in 2011 reported that in order to ensure the survival of the species, women’s immune systems were more robust than men’s, making men more susceptible to flu. However, despite these theories, according to the Office for National Statistics, women take twice as many sick days than men. So, the jury is clearly still out.

With winter fast approaching, man-flu, or indeed any other type, is on the horizon. So what can you do to prevent it or speed up recovery if you’re unlucky enough to be struck down?

COLDS versus
Comes on gradually
Sneezing, blocked up nose
Mild temperature changes
Lasts up to a week
3-4 day recovery period
Does not lead to serious complications

FLU
Strikes suddenly
Impossible to get out of bed
Fevers, chills, aching muscles, fatigue, headaches, sore throat
Can last for up to 10 days
2-3 week recovery period
Can lead to bronchitis or pneumonia

The power of the immune system Flu and colds are caused by viruses. This means antibiotics are ineffective when it comes to treating them. A strong immune system is the cornerstone of warding off viral infections and the best ways to keep this in tip top condition are:
Feed it the nutrients it needs

Support the immune system year round with probiotics like Actimel, targeting the body’s natural defences

Limit undue strain on the immune system from stress, late nights, smoking, excessive alcohol and poor hygiene

Nutrition
Garlic contains allicin which is believed to boost immunity

Omega-3 fatty acids from oily fish and flax seeds helps cells in the respiratory system fight infection

Vitamin A is found in yellow and orange vegetables like sweet potatoes, peppers and carrots
Lean meats and particularly offal like liver or kidneys contain nucleotides needed for the repair of cells and for the production of immune cells

Zinc found in shell fish and whole grain cereals is needed for a robust immune system
Support

Your digestive system plays a vital role in your body’s natural defences. Up to 70% of your immune system is thought to be controlled by the gut and the balance of good and bad bacteria in the gut is an important factor for immunity

A daily probiotic, designed to support your body’s natural defences is an easy, effective way to stay in tip top condition throughout the winter

Poor personal hygiene means your immune system is bombarded with harmful germs, bacteria and viruses, and less able to fight off cold and flu viruses when they come along

Hand washing is one of the most effective ways to reduce the number of attacks on your immune system, especially after using the bathroom, coughing, sneezing and before and after preparing food

Speeding up recovery

No matter how well you look after your immune system, you’re
likely to pick up a cold or flu. Here are some tips for getting rid of
a cold sooner:

Garlic is a proven antibacterial and decongestant, add
garlic to soups, pasta sauces and casseroles

Thyme and eucalyptus oils may help to clear congestion,
add drops to boiling water and inhale

Ginger and chilies are stimulating spices which can act as
decongestants

Echinacea is thought to stimulate the immune system

Zinc lozenges may also help to halt a cold, possibly by
destroying the virus

Photo by Sarihuella