Tag Archives: Relationship psychologists

Dating Detox For 2012.

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As we bid hello to 2012, we look forward with a sense of optimism and hope,. January is the month of choice to cleanse ourselves of any harmful toxins we carried over from the previous year. As we carefully select which diets and detox to choose, eHarmony.co.uk offer a revolutionary detox plan for 2012. Welcome the ‘dating detox’, a fool proof, four step detox plan for even the biggest skeptics to get you right back on track in your dating life.

Cleanse your outlook and get a fresh start for 2012 with four tips from Dr Gian Gonzaga, relationship expert for online match-maker eHarmony.co.uk,

Dr Gonzaga begins with a question: ‘If you were to conduct a self-diagnostic checkup on the condition of your dating life, which of the following would apply?’

a. Strong and robust, with optimal functioning.

b. Generally healthy, though periodically sluggish and listless.

c. Anaemic and frail.

d. Comatose.

“If you answered “C” or “D,” chances are you’ve been single for awhile now and you’re suffering from overexposure to potent dating toxins. There are remedies you can use for yourself when you feel depleted and discouraged in your search for lasting love.”

Here is a four-step therapy from eHarmony.co.uk, that guarantees to flush the dating fatigue from your system and put you back on track:

1. Purge.

Unsuccessful dating attempts often leave behind a debris field of unfulfilled desires, unresolved grievances, and unyielding regrets. These are toxic to your emotional wellbeing, not to mention your chances for future success in matters of the heart. A critical step in the process of dating detox is learning to let go! Forget the past, and choose to move on.

2. Consume carefully.

A regimen of dating detox must include monitoring your intake of words, thoughts, advice, and images related to romance. Stay away from “downer” friends who whine about how hard it is to find a decent man/woman. Tune out family members who complain about their lousy relationships. When you feel your mood beginning to sink toward self-pity, do something about it. Even small shifts in your “diet” can lead to dramatic positive changes.

3. Rebuild.

Detox is not just about getting rid of unhealthy habits and emotions—but replacing them with ones more likely to get what you want. In this phase, begin by identifying the kind of partner you aspire to be. Are there qualities on the list you don’t yet possess? Make a plan to get there. Next, describe the person you are looking for in detail. This will help you recognise those people who don’t quite measure up—and save you another round of detox down the road.

4. De-stress.

Relationship experts point out the negative impact of placing too much stress on the dating process. Lots of people put tremendous pressure on themselves and their dates, continually analyzing what was said or not said, what they did or did not do. Having a relaxed, low-pressure approach to life and love makes for happy individuals—and happy individuals make happy, healthy romantic couples.

Everyone needs a round of dating detox now and then and what better time than the breaking of a new year.

 

Author Helen Croydon: 'All Relationships Are a Form of Prostitution'

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CAN’T BUY ME LOVE?

Bestselling author and journalist Helen Croydon has stirred controversy for claiming that all relationships are, in essence, a “form of prostitution”.

Croydon, a leading relationships commentator, says that behind every long-term relationship there is a quid pro quo arrangement that “needs to be satisfied” for a sexual partnership to work.

Prostitution, she argues, is only one extreme of a “sliding scale” of relationships, where the arrangement is based on the exchange of money for sex.

On the other end of the scale – marriage – the process of exchange-for-reward is still there, but money has been replaced with another currency, which the writer describes as “emotional capital”.

She is now calling for a “major re-evaluation” of relationships, pressing for a policy of “sexual honesty” that could, she claims, rid society of a harmful and repressive system of taboos.

She expressed her outspoken views in a column for The Erotic Review and interview with YouTube channel Joy TV about her critically-acclaimed book Sugar Daddy Diaries: When a Fantasy Became an Obsession, which hit the shelves earlier this year.

She said: “All relationships are an arrangement. There is no line between relationships and prostitution – they are all on a sliding scale.

“We all have – subconsciously or consciously – a goal in mind for a relationship. We give up a lot for a relationship in terms of time and freedoms and we wouldn’t do that unless it didn’t benefit us in some way.

“That something may be that we don’t want to be on our own. It may be that we want a child. It may be domestic practicality. There is no such thing as selfless romantic love.”

Croydon, a former ITN journalist, writes for UK national newspapers and women’s magazines, is a popular columnist for The Erotic Review and has appeared as a relationships commentator on several TV and radio shows, including Channel 5’s The Vanessa Show.

She hit the headlines in March this year following the serialisation of Sugar Daddy Diaries, a confessional memoir about her year-long exploration of cash-allowance based relationships.

Uninspired by naïve and needy guys her own age, Croydon joined dating site sugardaddie.com to seek out an older and more confident lover.

She was thrust into a world filled with Prada shopping trips, fine dining, first-class travel and fascinating, powerful men who desired the company of younger women without the usual strings attached.

Croydon freely admits that she accepted gifts from her online dates and says that though initially concerned by the morality of such relationships, she quickly came to see them as more straightforward, honest and psychologically healthy than ‘conventional’ romances.

She told the interviewer for YouTube channel Joy TV: “In the sugar daddy type relationships that I had, the man is saying ‘I don’t have the time or emotional ability to invest in you but I still like you, and I still want to keep continuity with you, so to compensate for what I can’t give emotionally, I will give in material rewards’.

“People invest emotional capital into their partner. It’s things like being on the end of the phone in the middle of the night when something goes wrong, or giving up your Saturday. In the case of a transactional cash-for-sex relationship you replace emotional capital for money.

“There is nothing wrong with admitting that there is a pragmatic motivation behind our relationship. Relationship psychologists site evidence that in most relationships there are practical motivations that drive it.”

Croydon adds that relationships are “far less likely” to fail if partners identified the key benefits from the outset.

The claims look set to draw a sharp response from members of the public, both for and against.

Married Helen Baxter, a housewife from Greenwich, London, said Croydon’s comments were “a step too far”.

The mum-of-two, 34, added: “Like a lot of women, I am married with children. This doesn’t mean I’m out for what I can get from my husband, or vice versa – it’s about love, plain and simple.”

Young professional Jenny Williams, 25, however, supported Croydon. She said: “It’s about time someone had the nerve to say what most men and women are secretly thinking. Love is a fluffy term meant to hide the truth that we are, at heart, selfish. That’s no bad thing – it’s human nature.”

Sugar Daddy Diaries: When a Fantasy Became an Obsession