When I Loved Myself Enough: Inspiring words to help you find happiness and joy

I really loved When I Loved Myself Enough. We live in a world where too many people are struggling to love themselves. Not everyone is good at knowing their own self worth. This book has a lot of beautiful collections of wisdom which make you really think. A brilliant book which should be kept to hand for when you need a pep talk. It is even more poignant as the author Kim McMillen died before finishing the book and her daughter finished it for her. It has many beautiful and honest points about life. This would make a wonderful present for someone you love who is struggling to love themselves.

When I Loved Myself Enough is a beautiful collection of wisdom that is startling in its simplicity. By the end of the book the message becomes clear: loving yourself holds the key to loving others and having others love you. By sharing her insights, the author also shows us how to feel the same sense of peace and quiet joy that illuminated her life.

This book began as one woman’s gift to the world, hand-made by Kim McMillen and handed out to friends. After Kim’s death her daughter Alison continued making the books – and word of mouth turned this into an underground bestseller in America. Today, over two decades later, it brings comfort and inspiration to readers around the world.

When I Loved Myself Enough: Inspiring words to help you find happiness and joy is available here.

5 Ways To Be Good To Yourself

awesome cat picturesLife can be tough sometimes and kindness goes a long way. Sometimes no one is tougher on me than myself, which got me thinking: it is time we all started being kinder to ourselves. We live in a world where doing something for yourself is often thought of as selfish, but it is not. Since becoming a parent I never put myself first, let’s be honest, I didn’t do it even before my son was born, but with the wisdom that comes with age I have realised that you have to take care of yourself before you can care for others. A lovely health visitor told me after I had my son that I should treat myself as a toddler and my son as the baby. ‘If you don’t look after yourself,’ she said, ‘you cannot look after your baby.’ How right she was. Self care is important. With that in mind, here are my five tips for being good to yourself.

Do Something You Love.

Watch a TV show, go for a walk, get your hair done, have a bath, get a massage. It doesn’t matter what it is. Take the thing that makes you happier than anything else and do it for as long as you can. Self care is self love. I am a workaholic and sometimes I don’t take the time to just ‘be’. I am not saying you have to practice mindfulness or meditate, just do something fun. Treating yourself is important. I treat my husband and son, but sometime  forget to give myself the same treatment. The more you love yourself, the healthier and happier you will be.

Get moving.

Exercise is a necessary evil. It may not be fun at the time, but it will get the endorphins going, as well as making you healthier in the longer term. The key is finding an exercise that you don’t hate. Even going for a walk for 30 minutes 3 times a week will make a difference to your health and happiness. Read more about the benefits of walking here.

Invest in Yourself.

No, I don’t mean buying shoes. I mean saving, actual investing and education. Saving for a pension or a rainy day may not be as fun as shopping, but it is the ultimate in self love. As is paying for further education. Invest in yourself and your future and you will stand out from the competition. Even if you are in a job you love there is probably a qualification that you can do to further your career and add to your salary. Who knows, your employers might even pay for it.

The government also have a new lifetime ISA. The good thing about the lifetime ISA is that the government top it up, so you will actually get free money. Read more about ISAs here.

Take Some Time Out.

Take a long weekend or take an afternoon off to read and drink good coffee. If you are a self employed freelancer like me then you are probably not very good at giving yourself breaks. Be a good boss and treat yourself well. There are plenty of Bank Holidays so even if you do not have much holiday time you can take a long break somewhere. You don’t have to go anywhere, you can just potter around the house or read a book. Staycations are also great. York, Cornwall, Edinburgh and London are all great destinations to spend some time.

Be Naughty.

Eat an entire cake, have two glasses of wine with lunch, have some afternoon sex, spend a lot of money on something you always wanted. If you love coffee, invest in a good coffee machine from gourmesso.co.uk. Sometime being a bit naughty is a good thing.

 

What tips would you add?

Dr David R Hamilton… Self Love at BAFTA

On Sunday 6th July 2014, I was at BAFTA waiting to see Dr David R Hamilton (PhD), not really knowing what to expect and thought how many people would be either Watching Wimbledon, or getting their BBQ ready for some Sunday lunch. As I look around at the audience, it is evident there is a high female content, so thought that maybe I was not really meant to be there and made sure that I could get to a point in the event and leave were it not for someone like myself . I sat and waited and Sunita Shroff announces that David Hamilton will be coming on stage and a rapturous applause greets him as he takes to the stage. He has a warm demeanour, a soft Perth accent and gracious in the welcome before starting his talk. He gave a little info about himself and how he gave up being an Pharmaceutical engineer, or Organic Chemist, as he typified.

Credit: http://drdavidhamilton.com

Credit: http://drdavidhamilton.com

What I found fascinating was not the fact he had science to back up the theories that doctors and scientist either were scared to admit, or commit to, but opened himself up to the fact he is just as vulnerable as all of us. No piousness or judgemental accusations… not even a snide underhand remark, which was easily the best thing about his whole talk. He was one of us and as flawed and capable of making mistakes like the rest of us!

Delving into the medicine side of things, Dr Hamilton said that the placebo effect account for 80% of the drugs efficiency, which makes sense. As the more expensive the drug, the better it works, even though it may be the same as a cheaper version. Humans definitely are strange… and are contradictory in situations that should be obvious. For some reason, more means better, when it can actually mean just the same!

Mentioning long term effects, Dr Hamilton mentions things we should all know, but we really do take for granted. For example stress! We all know how bad it is for the body, but do we know what it does? It causes micro tears around the body, which means the repairing and swelling of these micro tears makes our blood pressure rise.  And this in turn causes cardiovascular distress! So, why is it we hate people so much? This too is stress! Self inflicted, but it is stress none-the-less! A rise in Cortisol a lowering of Oxytocin and deliberately calcifies our own arteries! The problem is, is it healthier to be happy than sad, but we don’t teach this! We are so far apart from our families and friends that being happy almost seems like a luxury, or something saved for a special occasion.

After going through the benefits of a simple thing, such as a hug (which raises Oxytocin and makes you feel good and be healthier) Dr Hamilton went on to give The Roseto Effect as an example. I remember reading about this when I was younger, but didn’t think much of it until the points raised were made apparent! If I miss out all the parts leading up to the conclusion and condense it, it will make more readable sense, as I still have much more to say.

The basics of Roseto, Pennsylvania were that the men had a lower heart disease rate than anywhere else in the US and the reasons could not be found as an obvious source. They did all the naughty things from smoking to drinking and eating fatty foods, but the main reason was not down to the water, area, or anything material, but something immaterial! There was little stress! Ironically they did everything we should do today. There was no keeping up with the Joneses. Houses were very close together, and everyone lived more or less alike. The elderly were revered and incorporated into community life. Housewives were respected, and fathers ran the families. Basically they were together and loved each other! Empathy, kindness, compassion… all the things the modern society are thin on. Oh, we have it in waves, but it should be the dominating factor, not something used sparingly. Social interaction and compassion leads to a life of longevity and better health!

Before we broke for lunch, we were given a very good, feel good meditation with affirmations… I would say it here, but I feel that you need to go see Dr Hamilton for the full experience! I would also be doing him a disservice for not giving the full credence it deserves!! I will use it for a more positive outlook and think that everyone should have it, even if it’s to get your day started and ended on a good foot!

The break for lunch sparks debates and theories with everything being positive, so a job well done! It was also great to be looking forward to a second half of more positivity.

Being married to an actress, it was almost fitting that Dr Hamilton started the second half with a short film from his wife, Elizabeth Caproni, Called The Angel. Not a straight forward one, but ones that we don’t see, until we open up to see them! It was a very cathartic and understated short, which fitted in nicely without being pretentious. As his wife is dear to his heart, Dr Hamilton is naturally proud of her achievements and her ability. And rightly so! She is writing and directing with her own production company (Pocket Rocket Productions) and doesn’t look like stopping either!

Dr Hamilton continued with positive affirmations, especially when you can say your wife screened her short film at BAFTA, so that is a good way to look at how real they can become! Even giving up his well paid job to become a public speaker and author could also be proof that his affirmations are solid and work. I think that everyone got their own piece of need and want from the affirmations and maybe that is all that it is supposed to be!

One of the anecdotes hit home with me and that was when Dr Hamilton mentioned how he was bullied at school! The problem with children are they learn more by environment than by what is taught to them by teachers and parents and ironically this was both in this instance. Coming from a background that was hard pressed for cash, a time came when his teacher asked the pupils to bring 15 pence in for a school trip! However, when he was at home, he felt guilty about how he would hear his mother cry about the money they didn’t have and being unable to by Christmas presents for the children. So with the guilt for not being mindful with his own pocket money, he didn’t bring the money in for the trip and like most teachers of the day she embarrassed him in front of the class by giving the other kids big yellow badges, which alienated him from the rest of the class!

I believe, Dr Hamilton, when he says that children are born devoid of hate, self aware and full of love and yet they are reprogrammed by adults, which shows where the real issue is. The aptly named Self Love Deficit happens in the first 6-7 years of their life and then when life’s difficulties occur, we tend to reflect back to those childhood situations and the adult mentality regresses to being that child again and rarely dissipates throughout adulthood as it has become habitual and part of the subconscious.

The thoughts can be reprogrammed to think more like a positive person and habitually so. After all the brain is like a muscle and can be trained with enough repetition. Therefore mental atrophy is akin to muscular atrophy! Basically, if you don’t use it, you lose it. If you don’t feed the negativity, you cannot have that process anymore.

Dr Hamilton went on to say something which was totally prophetic, but should be basic knowledge! You cannot disentangle the emotions from the brain chemistry, body chemistry, or respiratory system. For instance, when you’re upset, you are usually slouched over, or head is down, but changing your posture automatically changes the way the body reacts! Standing up straight and lifting your head can change the whole dynamic making you feel better! Same with stress and anxiety. These can make you sweat and once you cool down, you feel better, but if you add the change of thought to add to it, you can make the situation more positive than negative. Minimising the time spent in misery will make a healthier outlook, but that is obvious, right?

As Dr Hamilton was getting to the conclusion of the talk, he reminded people to always be themselves. By that he meant no mask that is trying to please everyone. You may not get the whole amount of people, but you get the ones that are meant to be with you and empower you. The right people will expand you as you will them being in each other’s lives. Expanding your thoughts and life may put you outside of your comfort zone, but your thoughts and body language can push the envelope and your life will match your attitude!

My final thoughts on the seminar are that I have a problem with it! And the reason is that far too many men are missing out of life skills and embracing self love, because the closest thing to self love is not the one that should be discussed due to its graphic nature. I am talking about those people that think being macho is relevant! It may have its place, but it should not be all who you are. The fact women have switched on to better themselves proves why men are getting left behind! Anyone who wants to keep their attitude on a poor level needs revaluate what exactly they want from life!

If after all that you want to have the changes, but not go to the seminars… then buy one of his books, check out his website. He is also on Facebook, so you have no excuses. His website is www.drdavidhamilton.com, Twitter is @DrDRHamilton and Facebook is David R Hamilton PhD

Thank you to BAFTA for being open on a Sunday and for Sunita Shroff for hosting, who can be found on the website www.sunitashroff.com And BAFTA is www.bafta.org