This is an article I never wanted to write. But something compelled me. A sense of injustice, perhaps. I wanted to write about my own experience of everyday sexism. More importantly, I wanted to write about what happened to me a couple of weeks ago.
Two weeks ago I was walking home from a party in East London when a car kept beeping. I ignored it. I usually do when I am in a part of London where I don’t know people. I finally turned around and a man gestured with his hand for me to come over to his car which had stopped at a red light. I obviously ignored it because I am not an idiot. Do they really think that a women being summoned by a stranger in a car is going to make her go over there? Insane. He was in a car with three friends. He didn’t like being ignored. In fact, he turned his car around so he and his friends could go past me and yell obscenities that I would never write down, never mind say out loud. To say I was terrified was an understatement. It doesn’t take a lot of courage to yell at a women who is 5.5 and a half inches tall and 130 pounds. If they wanted to get out of the car to hurt me, kill me, rape me, I would have stood no chance. I am an emotionally strong person, I even think that after martial arts training that I can generally look after myself, but, sadly, when it comes to physical strength: men and women are not born equal. I was badly shaken. My fiancé was off at a business conference. I didn’t leave the house the next. Nor the day after that.
I wish I could say this was a one-off. Sadly it wasn’t. About a week later I was coming back from the post office near where I live and I was about to step onto the road and then I pulled back as a car was approaching very fast. I could have crossed and made it, but I decided to be extra safe. The car beeped at me aggressively. I waved the aggression away with my hand in an almost subconscious gesture. Turns out it was a man driving. He slammed on the brakes and got out of the car. A muscular man of average height and too-high testosterone. I had crossed behind him at this point. ‘What?, What?” He yelled at me with aggressive body language and an incredibly angry tone. I pretended he wasn’t there and walked in the opposite direction. Thankfully, he didn’t follow.
In fact the intimidate-a-women-in-your-car thing isn’t rare at all. It has happened to me four times now and many friends have had the same experience. But I doubt their mothers are proud of them. it doesn’t take a lot of courage to abuse a women who is alone, whilst sitting in a hunk of metal, surrounded by your friends. When I was growing up I wasn’t allowed in certain areas and places unless one of my brothers was with me. I always hated this, thought it was sexist and unfair, but, actually, my parents were smart and knew far more about the brutality and unfairness of the world than I did.
This doesn’t mean that all men are lovely and polite when not in cars. I have been asked ‘How much?’ whilst walking through Leicester Square. I have been followed a number of times, had my bottom groped, had men leer at me, been called everything from a slut, to a whore to a c**t (no, I can’t even write it down properly) I have walked down the street in a knee-length skirt and been treated like I was walking down the street topless. My crime? Just walking down the street, minding my own business. Oh, and having breasts and a vagina. Apparently that means it is open season. I never reply, I just ignore it. Usually I can brush it off but not always. Women should not have to put up with this level of abuse. It is time we took a stand. It is time that women and men unite and say no to everyday sexism.
There is a wonderful project called the Every Day Sexism Project (and I hope they don’t mind me using their name) you can add your experiences of Every Day Sexism. They can also be tweeted at @EverydaySexism.
Please also comment and add your own experiences below. The more we expose sexism and show how common harassment is, the more we can do to stop it and raise awareness. My one hope is that some of these men don’t realise how their actions affect the women they treat so badly and that when they do, maybe they will think twice.