Somedays I feel like this.
I don’t know who the artist is so can’t credit them properly but found this one on ffffound.
Tag Archives: Silly
Help Find Eric {Misc-uity}
Dear DONOVAN: The Price of Shame
Oh fer-… ; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed agony uncle. How he knows so much about reality TV is anyones guess, well I s’pose they say it IS a breeding ground for hate.
** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **
DEAR DONOVAN
What ever happened to Fame Academy one hit wonder David Sneddon?
Karen, Colchester
Urrm we all realised he was utter shit? I actually bought a copy of his (one and only single) for each of my sisters. I have one sister. And I hate her!
The TRUTH of the matter is that he was aborted from the womb of showbusiness faster than you can say Leon Jackson….I am now smirking at the thought of you googling Leon Jackson:
You voted for them both to WIN, people!!!!!… unless we want to blame it on phone scams? Really?
Anyway, I digress, but just one example of the problems with David Sneddon was that he pretended to be Scottish to win the Celtic vote! In hindsight and with the right guys behind him (unintentional gay reference) he could have used it as a gimmick for marketing and advertising … just like fellow “Scott” Michelle Mcmanus who sponsored Angus burgers!
Even series 1 X Factor winner Steve (feeble Will Young impressionist) Brookstien is now touring in a musical written by Madness! He’s not silly he had his career plan sewn up from his first audition!
And Shane (I did my falsetto in Swansea and ended up in a hospital ward!) Is now touring in the Adult Theatre adaptation of classic fairy tales playing the role of Crumpled Foreskin.
The only thing David Sneddon had in common with Pop Idols such as Robbie Williams, Ronan Keating and dare I say Ricky Martin around that time was HE HAD FUCKING EYEBROWS on his face!! that’s not strictly true, he had other qualities such as 2 arms 2 legs and a mouth etc! but still a complete and utter Wank seed.
You get a Donovan mug and my sister’s copy of “Living a Lie” David Sneddon’s shitty single.
God have mercy on your soul!
The 10 WORST lyrics in the Popesphere {Ceri's Column}
In no particular order:
- The Verve – Bittersweet Symphony – “But I’m here in my mode, no, no, no.” – Love the song with all my heart but my god! They did have a serious tendency to write utterly bizarre lyrics. Seriously…what do you mean by your “mode”?
- Sam Sparro – Black and Gold – “And the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking” – Why the fuck would getting taller help them to start talking? Shut up Sparro, you penis.
- Nizlopi – JCB – The whole bloody song – Also a contender for worst band name too, Nizlopi’s seriously crap lyrics could actually have been written by a six year old. If ANYONE retorts: “that’s the point”, I won’t be amused. Utter dross. I mean, “And we’re holding up the bypass, oh-oh, me and my dad having top-laughs”? Really? Lordy.
- Keisha – P Diddy – “Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy” – What?
- Louis Armstrong – Wonderful World – “I see friends shaking hands, saying “how do you do”, what their really saying, is I love you.” – Who doesn’t love this song? I mean, I do! However, the thought of two “friends” greeting each other while repressing feelings of adoration makes me think: “what a bastard fate can be”. All a bit Remains of the Day for my liking.
- Elvis – All shook up – “Her lips are like a volcano that’s hot” – Huge? Spewing lava? Stopping all Europe’s flights for weeks? Elvis, why are you with this woman?
- Snap – Rhythm is a Dancer – “I’m as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer” – WHAT? You are as serious as cancer (“serious” as in the gravity of having the illness, I think?) when you state that rhythm, “movement marked by fluctuating conditions” (thanks Wikipedia) is actually a dancer, and not the widely accepted definition? Well…you’re just a twat then really.
- The Socialist Republic of Vietnam– Their national anthem, Doan Quan Viet – “Soldiers of Vietnam, we go forward, With the one will to save our Fatherland. Our hurried steps are sounding on the long and arduous road. Our flag, red with the blood of victory, bears the spirit of our country. The distant rumbling of the guns mingles with our marching song. The path to glory passes over the bodies of our foes. Overcoming all hardships, together we build our resistance bases. Ceaselessly for the people’s cause we struggle, Hastening to the battle field! Forward! All together advancing!” – Sheesh, chill out!
- Elton John – Your song – “If I was a sculptor, but then again, no” – after you write a shit line, you can re-draft. “If I was a fisherman, no hang on, a scientist. No! Wait…if I was the Emperor of the World! Yeah, that would be cool” was the original opening line to Candle in the Wind.
- Anything by Oasis. Trust me; those lyrics are all just tosh. What the fuck is a “Wonderwall”?
If Ceri had a band… {Ceri's Column}
Well I’ll tell you one thing. My band would have a shitty name.
I’m just not the kind of person who can reel off a catchy group moniker. I just don’t seem to have the…knack. I mean, titles for stories, my lil’ TV scripts, character names, even bloody baby names for Christ’s sake (spell-check MADE me capitalize Christ…see, they did it again….). Band names? Nope.
So on the night of our 1st gig at some trendy bar in <insert name of wanky suburb of some in-vogue town/city>, we’d probably have the set list memorized, each of our costumes would be matching, I’d even have little inter-song audience banter bits sussed. But our name? Still missing, I’d imagine.
I’m rather partial to a bit of “extreme” music, (or metal to you norms), and I firmly believe that metal band names reign supreme. Some of the coolest are…
- Agoraphobic Nosebleed – Cool
- Pig Destroyer – COOL
- Prong – simple yet COOL
- Gay for Johnny Depp – Um… (*Author’s note* aren’t we all…a little…no? I’ll shut up then…)
- Old Man Gloom – quirky and carries a sense of foreboding
- Killing Joke – Just yes. Yes. Thank you. What a name. Icicle cool.
I wouldn’t stand a bloody chance! My band would limp on with a name like “The Jolly Rodgers” or “Wittgenstein’s Shame” or “We are on Stage!”…something ball-crunchingly crap or pretentious or nonsensical.
Probably why I don’t have a band, really…that and not being able to play an instrument. Or carry a tune. Or know anyone else who can do either who isn’t already in a band…
I’m a bit deflated now. I’ll just drink some beers and watch Edward Scissorhands. Oh, I mean…
Nah. Edward Scissorhands.
Dear DONOVAN: Am I a sinner or a winner?
Here he is again; DONOVAN. The unforgiving, cynical, potty mouthed agony uncle. No one knows why he doesn’t like humanity, maybe someone sneezed pure evil on him as a child.
** Disclaimer: The views, colourful language and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Frostmagazine.com **
Dear DONOVAN,
My boyfriend and I haven’t even kissed because we want to be pure, but we talk dirty online. Is what were doing a sin?
Kelly, Bridgend
First of all Kelly, I have to stress that I refused to reply to this message twice! But because the only other question I got sent this week was “How far is too far?” which nearly gave me a stroke out of sheer anger at the individual who sent! it, and the fact that if I didn’t have a ‘Dear DONOVAN’ published this week I wouldn’t get paid! I had no choice. (Lol, who’s paying you?! Can they pay me too? – Editor)
So to answer your question you absolute Ganja flap!! (Is that some sort of oat and syrup based space cake? – Editor)
Yes it is a Sin being a C*CK TEASE! You are a disgrace to all women everywhere.
Cut it out now little Miss fridged!
He is probably cheating on you now, anyway. I don’t blame the boy to be honest.
You shall not receive a DONOVAN mug. Instead you get a T-shirt saying “Not even Jesus made me come”.
If your over 16 and completely clean, send me your MSN add.
PS
Pull any of that crap with me and ill find you. B*tch!
How to: build a pencil crossbow {Misc-uity}
Oh WOW!! Meet me in the stationary cupboard! I feel crafty!
- Click to enlarge
