Tag Archives: Single

Must Have / Can’t Stand: What Singletons Look For In A Partner

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For those of us who watched Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt in ‘What Women Want’ and were left none the wiser by Hollywood’s take on understanding the sexes, a new survey released today should do the trick.

A study of 15,000 single British people (both men and women) by eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship site that introduced compatibility-based matching to the UK, has found that a sense of humour is the most important trait in a future partner.

The “Must Have” top four traits British singletons are seeking, according to eHarmony’s data, are:

1. Good sense of humour – 73%

2. Being affectionate – 60%

3. Loyalty – 52%

4. Good communication – 52%

But the study didn’t stop there. eHarmony.co.uk also asked the 15,000 singletons what traits they “Can’t Stand” in a potential partner. The top four were:

1. Lying – 71%

2. Cheating – 66%

3. Rudeness – 55%

4. Poor hygiene – 46%

So there we have it? What’s your must have/can’t stand?

Can The Biological Clock Cloud Your Relationship Judgement?

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Bombarded by fertility facts and figures, women are increasingly obsessed with the ‘tick-tock’ of their biological clock, with the desire to find ‘Mr Happy Ever After ‘feeling all-consuming.

“Trying to find the perfect partner, who meets all of your ideas, can lead you to missing out on prospects who would make a very good partner,” says Dr Gian Gonzaga, relationship scientist at eHarmony.co.uk. “Conversely, settling for someone who doesn’t even have all the things you need in a partner, just to start a family, can lead to a very unhappy marriage.”

According to Dr Gonzaga, who studies thousands of singles and couples at the eHarmony Labs in California, much of the energy going in to finding ‘Mr or Mrs Happy Ever After’ is being channelled in the wrong direction, leading those who crave to settle down and build a family never managing to meet the right person to share their life.

Dr Gonzaga’s research has resulted in five key learnings that singles can apply to ensure that they meet the right person to build a life and family:

· Be careful who you look for. A serious partner needs to share your values, and life plans. It’s important for both men and women to avoid the types of people who seem to have a roving eye, who prioritise a lot else in their life before you, or who seem to be heading in a totally different direction to you. It’s best to avoid even dating people who aren’t remotely ready or able to commit if you’re thinking seriously about marriage and babies in the near future.

· As well as a ticking clock, chemistry can also cloud your judgement. There’s no denying chemistry is an important factor in deciding on a potential mate. After all we have to be attracted to someone to want to have their children, but try to look beyond that initial ‘zing’ and ascertain whether you share the same long term values in life. Looks don’t last – but shared interest and values make for a solid potential partnership.

· If you’re single and already on the dating scene, it helps to become a savvy dater and learn how to recognise the signs of a relationship that is casual, or not likely to lead to anything serious. You need to be in a relationship where both parties are investing equal amounts of time and energy, as this is when it could be time to commit to a relationship that could be the start of something serious.

· When dating a new person, or considering dating them, think carefully about your compatibility and make sure you know whether they share the same ‘must-haves ‘ when it comes to children as you. For example, does this person really want children in the future? Do you have a similar outlook on how a child will fit into your lives? Having a similar attitude to child-rearing is one of the most fundamental areas of compatibility.

· Finally, take a step back and relax. Young people, particularly women, often put pressure on themselves to meet certain deadlines in life – for example, marriage at 30, or babies by 32. These timelines are often only imposed by society, or peer pressure, and are not worth being restricted by, as it’s impossible to control every factor in life and the best things can happen at the most unexpected times.

MAKE THIS THE LAST MOTHER’S DAY THAT YOU ARE SINGLE

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Five tips for single parents looking to escape the parent trap

As a single parent you’re certainly not alone – in the UK there are more than 1.7million single parents. The majority would love to find someone new to support them and their children, but with childcare issues eating into time and energy resources, it can at times feel like it’s at the bottom of a never-ending to do list.

Single mum, TV actress and eHarmony.co.uk’s guest blogger, Donna Air voices the challenges she faces over finding a new partner when her child is naturally her number one priority:

“It’s simply too stressful a job when teamed with kids’ bath, dinner, homework, and bedtime stories into the hour allocation that most busy mums have for the multiple of tasks”.

But it needn’t be the hurdle it can at first seem. In Donna’s accounts of dating, she makes a point of dating when her child is at her ex partner’s house, or when she has some spare time to herself. For those with childcare and time constraints, dating online is the perfect way to ‘get back out there’ again and find someone new, and the best bit is that the initial, online stages of ‘dating’ can all be done when children are tucked up in bed. Make sure you research the top 10 dating sites to find the one that is right for you.

“Looking for someone who will love and respect you and your children can feel challenging but in reality it’s just about finding the person for you”, says Dr Gian Gonzaga, Senior Relationship Scientist at eHarmony.co.uk, the relationship success site. Dr Gonzaga continues, “in a recent poll of eHarmony.co.uk members, 85% said they were sensitive to a single parent’s position, so there’s no reason for not taking that first step.’ Here are five top tips from Fr. Gonzaga that every single and dating parent should follow:

1. Be honest from the beginning

It isn’t always easy to bring up the fact that you have children when considering going out with someone new. But your date deserves to know what to expect — perhaps you’ll only be available every other weekend or you can never be out past midnight due to your babysitter. Be upfront and you’ll avoid any surprises later on.

2. Only date someone who is sensitive to your situation

A potential partner who respects the fact that you’re a parent should understand and be sensitive to the responsibilities that you have to your children. Do they realize that even on a date you need to be accessible to your children? Does he or she understand that only you will know the right time to introduce them to your children? If the answer is no to any of these questions, they are probably not the right partner for you in the long-term.

3. Go slow

Unless you and your date are both certain you want to take the relationship in a more serious direction, don’t rush to introduce him or her to your kids. Having a new adult in their lives is a big deal. When you feel the time is right, keep the meeting low-key and brief, and do all you can to remove pressure from everyone. Your kids need as much time as you did to get to know someone new.

4. Be realistic

After introductions, be careful not to expect too much from your new relationship too soon. Someone who has never had kids will need plenty of time to develop their own relationship with your children. Equally if your partner has children or their own, it will take time for both sets of children to get used to being a part of a single family.

5. Practice being more than a parent

Yes, you are responsible for your children, and you must take that seriously. But being a parent is not solely all you are. You’re a single person looking for someone to share your life with. Get a babysitter, relax, and enjoy dating!

Dr Gonzaga concludes: “Don’t let being a parent stop you trying to find happiness. Just learn from your past relationship, have clear boundaries and be confident and you will find a true partner.”

Donna Air’s dating blog can be found at: http://moourl.com/donnadating.

We love: Avril Lavigne's 'What The Hell'

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Avril Lavigne’s lastest nugget of angsty delight hit iTunes on Monday, and has already soared past Bruno Mars and Katy Perry to nab the No.2  spot behind Ms Spears’ ‘Hold It Against Me’. It’s the first single from her fourth studio album ‘Goodbye Lullaby’ (due March 8), and although we’re not quite hearing the promised evidence of a more mature Avril (it certainly doesn’t sound like the offering of a recent divorcée), it is undeniably, arrestingly catchy.

Despite her absence from the charts we’ve grown fonder of Avril over the last year or so. Mainly because we’re highly impressionable tweens at heart, and so when ‘Keep Holding On’ featured in Season One of Glee and then Cher Lloyd sang the crap out of ‘Girlfriend’ on X-Factor we were reminded of her in the most favourable light possible. And irritating though it can be when a woman in her mid twenties looks and sings like a 14-year-old (‘yeah’ & ‘woah’ are to Avril what ‘uh’ is to Britney), she does come up trumps when it comes to peppy, infectious girlypunk. You can try to resist, we say don’t bother.

Why we love What The Hell:

1. The lyrics. They’re just so darn sympathetic. Who among us hasn’t at times needed to “be a little crazy” and wanted nothing more than to “mess around”?

2. The barest, faintest, flicker of pain: “You can’t save me”, “You never call or listen to me anyway”. We’re imagining Avril in a Skins-type scenario, starved of affection from the one she truly loves, and therefore doing the natural thing, ie: put it recklessly about. “Yeah, I am messing with your head, When I’m messing with you in bed”- Effy anyone?

3. The tune. It’s VERY similar to Girlfriend. But we loved Girlfriend as well, so that’s fine.

4. The pure shamelessness of a 26 year old refusing to grow up . Obstinate, foolhardy party-pop, let it wash over you…

Fall in love: