Tag Archives: valentine’s day

Come Together For HIV & AIDS: TV Advert Celebrates The Joys of Safe Sex

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INTERNATIONAL HIV/AIDS ALLIANCE LAUNCH RISQUE AND REFRESHING FIRST TV AD

Hot new TV advert celebrates the joys of safe sex

• New ‘Come Together’ advert for the International HIV/AIDS Alliance features a mix of sexualities, races, genders and ages in the throes of passion.

However there is a very serious underlying message.

• Ad marks climax of global Valentine’s Day fundraising campaign by the charity to highlight the importance of safe, protected sex and of HIV prevention, treatment, care and support services.

• New advert is a risqué and refreshing approach to charity fundraising advertising in a bid to highlight the continued importance of addressing the HIV epidemic.

SEX – but not the usual… This Friday evening sees a new approach to safe sex and charity fundraising with the broadcast of the International HIV/AIDS Alliance‘s first ever TV advert. The risqué and refreshing ad, which is airing for one night only, has been created in a bid to highlight the continued importance of addressing the HIV epidemic, an issue which the charity believes has fallen off the public agenda in recent years.

aids

The visually arresting 60-second advert depicts a mix of sexualities, races, genders
and ages in the throes of passion.

The advert will be airing on Friday night for one night only with Channel Four leading the way at 11.05pm. It is part of the International HIV/AIDS Alliance’s ‘Come

Together’ campaign and has a very serious underlying message. It is designed to both highlight the importance of safe sex and unite people in an effort to end AIDS.

cometogether

Every year, around 2.3 million people are diagnosed with HIV and 1.6 million die of AIDS-related causes. The advert asks viewers to donate money in order to save lives and prevent the spread of HIV around the world.

The first 5,000 people to donate £20 will also receive a ‘Come Together’ box in time for Valentine’s Day which is very much in keeping with the ad’s spirit. The box is designed to celebrate the joys of safe sex and contains a condom as well as a variety of sensual products including a luxury feather tickler, a blindfold and lubricant

Here are some quotes from the actors who took part:

 

Tim, 55, actor
“When Helen and I first arrived at the shoot we had no idea what we were going to do – but then Helen picked up the whip, I donned the fishnets, faked an orgasm and it all came (excuse the pun) naturally! I was fairly innocent in the 80s, but the message then was very different – casual sex without protection was widely accepted, until people were made aware of the dangers of contracting HIV. Now it’s much clearer that people can do whatever they like, provided they are taking sensible precautions with protecting themselves – which is what I took home from the shoot”.
 
Helen, Television/Theatre Actress
“I was in the entertainment industry when the AIDS taboo was prevalent, and scaremongering was rife. I  sadly lost  some of my dear friends to the disease/virus. This is why I was so drawn to taking this part in the ad – to increase awareness that HIV / AIDS shouldn’t have the stigma of a ‘gay’ disease – it affects the international community, no matter what colour, creed, sex or whatever. People should be educated about AIDS, not made to fear it.”
 

The first ever advert from the International HIV/AIDS Alliance has already set tongues wagging amongst industry experts.

Jo Hodges, Head of the Advertising Faculty at London College of Communication

“Historically the advertising campaigns surrounding AIDS only appeared to target the gay community. However, the Come Together ad shows couples of every sexual orientation enjoying sex from every angle and in turn produces what I think is one of the most provocative ads I have ever seen.

This is a welcome and urgently needed departure that doesn’t feel reproachful. Instead it is an open celebration of the joys of safer sex that targets people of all different ages, sexual orientations/preferences and genders.”

Awo Ablo, Director of External Relations at the International HIV/AIDS Alliance said:

“We’ve created a campaign that celebrates safe sex, in all its forms, in a way that’s open, honest and off-beat – and that positions it as a natural and wonderful part of everyday life. We wanted to create an experience that would resonate with people of all different identities. Safe sex should be available to everyone, it can save lives.

“We appreciate that this ad is risqué , but we hope it doesn’t shock or make people feel uncomfortable. The underlying message is vital.We have to communicate that AIDS is a very real problem for people who do not get the care and support that they need, it can mean illness, isolation and death. We need to raise awareness and funds in order to provide the services that people around the world need.”

What do you think?

 

The Cost Of Love

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We love this infograph about love from prezzybox.com Check it out.

thecostoflove

Dating Party At The Top Of The Shard

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If you are single and looking to meet someone, we have found a rather cool dating party. It’s the ultimate ice breaker night 800ft above London at The View from The Shard 48 hours before Valentine’s Day – will you find Mr or Miss Right just in time? Even if you don’t, you will have an incredible night with lively London singles.

shard

Reaching new heights of dating, DoingSomething.co.uk in partnership with The View from The Shard have announced the arrival of the World’s Highest Urban Ice Bar and the first ever dating party on Levels 69 and 72 of Western Europe’s tallest building – an exclusive one-night only event on Wednesday 12 February with a bespoke built ice bar and an igloo for singletons to snuggle up in.

 

Watch the sun set over panoramic views of the London skyline from the cosy 5ft tall, two tonne igloo created by internationally renowned ice artist Percy Salazar – decked out for comfort with blankets. Ice artist to the stars, Percy has previously worked on ice sculptures for the Queen, Stella McCartney and Lawrence Dallaglio.

 viewfromtheshard

The spectacular 360 degree views take in London’s most famous landmarks for up to 40 miles, including the Olympic Stadium and Canary Wharf to the east, Hampstead Heath and Alexandra Palace to the north, Buckingham Palace, the London Eye and Wembley Stadium to the west, and Crystal Palace to the south.

 

To keep the party alight, there will be live sets from London’s hottest DJs Nick Decosemo (Editor of Mixmag), Luke Brancaccio (Founder of hip new West London house label City Seven), Le SoSo (dance stage curator for Cornish boutique festival Leopallooza) who will all be playing cool dance grooves. And Goldbars and Lexicon (For the Love of Mic: the rap club night with a sense of fun) who will be spinning ice cold classics for people to warm up to including: Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice), Cold as Ice (MOP) and It Was A Good Day (Ice Cube).

 

Naturally, waiters wearing penguin suits are on hand to provide perfectly chilled cinnamon flavoured Smirnoff Gold cocktails served on arrival at the World’s Highest Urban Ice Bar. Taking singletons to new heights, a choice of themed Smirnoff Gold drinks with real edible gold flakes will also be available at the first ever ice-breaking dating party on Level 72, including the ‘Iced Gold’ and ‘Cloud 72’ cocktails.

 

As if this wasn’t enough the first 200 guests will receive complimentary sorbetto and gelato courtesy of Snowflake Luxury Gelato. There are two artisan gelatos for guests to choose from including Hazelnut and the Valentine’s Special, Blind Date and Honey Gelato. Alternatively try a sumptuous sorbetto, flavours include Raspberry, Mango and Passionfruit and the award-winning Extra Dark Chocolate.

 

Daters will witness a new Guinness World Record on the night as the one-night only ice bar will become the World’s Highest Urban Ice Bar.

 

BOOKING INFORMATION

 

Wednesday 12 February – 8:00-11:00pm

 

Tickets priced at £35 for singles. Or just £30 each if you buy a pair for you and your Wingman/Wingwoman.

 

Includes access to The View from The Shard’s viewing platforms on Levels 69 and 72 (worth £30) throughout the night, an after party, and one month’s subscription to DoingSomething.co.uk (worth £29).

 

‘APPY VALENTINE’S DAY

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The Poetry App hits 100k downloads as Brits burst with love for romantic poems to recite on Valentine’s Day

 

Tech-loving Casanovas are searching for romance in the lines of poetry, with help from The Poetry App, to woo their loved ones this Valentine’s Day. The app has been receiving 900 downloads a day in the run up to February 14.

 

With February 14 a few hours away lines from W.H. Auden’s O Tell Me The Truth About Love, are proving the most popular with the app’s 100,000 users.

 

Great delivery really gets to the heart of poetry and tongue tied romantics can hear Auden’s famous poem read aloud on the app by actors Ralph Fiennes and Julian Glover.

 

Other popular romantic love lines on the app include ‘What is all this sweet work worth, If thou kiss me not?’ from Percy Bysshe Shelley’s Love’s Philosophy and ‘All that’s best of dark and bright, Meet in her aspect and her eyes’ from Lord Byron’s She Walks in Beauty. Along with a host of others, Brits can be sure to make sure ‘love’ is the word on everyone’s lips.

 

Actor Dan Stevens, who reads work by Kipling on the app, said: “I cannot think of a better way to fall in love with the majesty of poetry.”

 

Users can compile their favourite poems into an online anthology to fill their digital bookcase. If they’re suffering from writer’s block, the app allows users to take inspiration from the great poets via collections of words which feature in their poetic masterpieces.

 

The Poetry App, created by The Josephine Hart Poetry Foundation, includes a collection of 115 poems from 16 well-known poets from Keats and Shelley, to Plath and Larkin read on the app by over 30 great British actors and actresses including Bafta winner Dominic West of The Wire and The Hour, Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens, Silent Witness’ Emilia Fox and Academy Award winner Jeremy Irons.

 

Users can read, listen and even write their own poetry on the app.  The app is available now for free download on Android, iPad and iPhone devices and features in the Top 40 book category on the iTunes App store.

 

Valentine’s Day For Dummies | Book Review

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Valentine’s Day is, by far, the most romantically anticipated day of the year, but there is no need to panic! For those in search of a potential partner, to those wanting to get their relationship back on track For Dummies has published a number of guides which will help make this Valentine’s Day a great success. Frost Magazine’s writers got their head in a book to review the guides. Check out what they thought below.

Flirting For Dummies

Elizabeth Clark

Our writer says:

“I have never been good at flirting. I just do not know how to do it and envy people who can. I read the book as soon as it arrives and I started putting it into practice when I could. I have been single for nearly a year and was dreading Valentine’s Day.

The first chapter is about the making of a successful flirt. It teaches you the fundamentals, spotting signals and avoiding pitfalls. I immediately start to realise what I am doing wrong.

Chapter three moves into overcoming a fear of rejection. Something that has become a problem. I had quite a bad break up and the thought of another man hurting me was hard to cope with.

After finishing the book I do become much better at flirting. I find it easier to start dating when I have the tools and knowledge to know how to flirt. I have started dating again and I am very positive about my flirting future. I also love the ten ways unwanted admirers can strike in the back. This is a fun, witty book.

£12.99

There is still time for the unlucky in love to brush up on their flirting skills and bag themselves a date this Valentine’s day. Flirting For Dummies provides readers with the know-how and confidence to getting it right when it comes to flirting effectively and without embarrassment.  Exploring key areas including listening and communication skills, body language and self-image, Flirting For Dummies has all the tools needed to boost self-confidence and engage with people in a natural and charming way.

 

 Body Language For Dummies

Elizabeth Kuhnke

Our writer says:

“I love body language. I think it is very underrated and I have read a few books on the subject. Sometimes it can be hard to read the opposite sex so I was hoping this book would help.

This book covers all aspects of body language. It has handy pictures and is very easy to read. As all of the Dummies guide are.  It tells you all about body language and how to use your own to get what you want. I noticed that sometime when I say things people take it the wrong way, now I put the tips in the book into practice and it has made a difference. I really liked this book. It is a great body language book. I even use it with my partner. Good book. ”

 

£15.99

Having an insight into body language can be a great asset when trying to interpret the signals of the opposite sex.  This title explains how the body reveals what people really mean guiding readers on how it can be used to make a positive impact and explaining why we give off certain signals.  Elizabeth Kuhnke explains how to read the most common expressions and use body language to transform both personal and professional relationships.

 

Confidence For Dummies

Kate Burton & Brinley N. Platts

Our writer says:

“I was not sure how someone could write an entire book on confidence until I opened the book. Generally I thought confidence was something that some people has in abundance that could not really be placed, but pardon my ignorance, I was completely wrong. This book has let me know that confidence is something that is manageable and attainable. Sometimes confidence is  just taking things one step at a time, knowing that it will all be okay in the end.

This book lets you recognise your strengths and believe in yourself. When I started reading it I could not put it down. I have been single for a while and have found it hard to put myself out there, but this book has let me know that I actually do have it within me to put myself out there.

I love the techniques and the exercises too. I feel that I know myself a lot better after reading this book. I know this sounds like I am being over enthusiastic, but I already feel it has improved my life.”

£12.99

Self-confidence is important in all areas of life particularly when it comes to dating and relationships.  Lack of confidence is common amongst those who are unlucky in love.    This guide identifies the wide range of strengths, skills, abilities and strategies readers can utilise, providing tips and techniques to build on these and gain extra confidence.

 

Dating For Dummies (3rd Edition)

Joy Browne

Our writer says:

“Dating is hard. Really hard. Sometimes I feel like I find it harder than everyone else. But I really want to start dating again and get better at it. Dating for Dummies suits me perfectly.

This book tackles even the most modern parts of dating, like social networking and online dating. It helps you figure out what you want in a partner and how to break up with people. It really does cover every aspect of dating and even covers age differences. It really is a brilliant book that covers everything and it is impossible not to find helpful information. I just finished the book, but I reckon it will improve my love life dramatically. I already feel more comfortable.

£15.99

Dating For Dummies guides readers on how to meet potential romantic partners for life, how to avoid common dating mistakes, overcome disappointments, deal with difference and how to date safely in the social media world.  Joy Browne gives readers the confidence boost they need to help meet, date and start a relationship as well as prepare for dates and have a great time. Whatever the dating dilemma Dating For Dummies has it covered.

 

 

Improving Your Relationship For Dummies

Paula Hall

Our writer says:

“I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. I love him, but sometimes I find the relationship hard. Or we get into a negative arguing cycle and never resolve the main problem. I felt at a loss about what to do so I was very eager to review this book. I have heard of Paula Hall and have read some of the articles she has written.

The book itself is broken down into handy sections and goes over everything from sex to boosting your relationship, knowing when to break up and how to break an arguing cycle. The latter of which I was very interested in.

I found this book to be a bit of a revelation. I just had not thought of a lot of the tips and advice. Some of it in hindsight seems obvious, but you just never think of it. The advice on communication is excellent and the idea of treating your relationship like a bank is very smart – basically you have to put effort and love into your relationship and not just take things out of it.

All in all I found the book helpful. I have even got my boyfriend involved and he even want to read it now I have finished. I recommend this book for anyone in a relationship, is has just really done what it says on the cover: improves your relationship.

 

£15.99

Valentine’s Day can be a time when couples take stock of their relationship and make effective changes for the future.    Paula Hall offers expert advice for those who want to work through tiresome niggles, address potential issues before taking the next step, cope with serious problems or simply strengthen a partnership. An essential guide for anyone wanting to improve their relationship, covering issues including cohabitation, overcoming anger and jealousy, trust, dealing with an affair, managing change and reigniting passion.

 

Emotional Healing For Dummies

David Beales and Helen Whitten

Our writer says:

“I think in life we do not pay enough attention to our emotions, and I know I have run into trouble because of it. We really do not take enough care of our emotional health. Everything in life affects us in some ways. I was already thinking that I had to pay more attention and care more about my emotional health.

The thing I liked most about this book is that it tells you about the connection between emotion and health, and emotion and food. It has ways to boost your immune system against stress and fatigue. It also has tips on enhancing emotional intelligence.

This book would be amazing for anyone who has been through anything traumatic. You really understand emotion healing, emotions. You learn how to deal with your emotions and be happier. I loved this book and I can really recommend it. This book reminded me of the saying that you have to love yourself before anyone else will. This book will help. ”

£15.99

For those who are suffering from a broken heart this Valentine’s Day Emotional Healing For Dummies can help ease the pain.  We’re a nation that bottles things up, dismissing anger, frustration, hatred and guilt as largely insignificant to our minds and bodies. But powerful emotions like these do affect us in a long-term way, not only mentally but also physically, and it’s important to know how to get them under control.   This easy to follow guide provides a toolkit of strategies to help heal emotional upset so that readers begin to feel like themselves once again after a difficult breakup.

 

For Dummies guides are available where all books and e-books are sold. Including Amazon UK, WH Smith and Selfridges.

 

 

Women Won’t Move In With Messy Men

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Frost has a series of posts on how to get your relationship on track or how to find the love of your life just in time for Valentine’s Day. We found the following information very interesting. If you want someone to move in, for the night or forever, then read this.

·      1 in 3 women have turned down a night of passion because of clutter in the bedroom

·       41% won’t move in with their partner because of their clutter crimes

·       2.4 million UK couples already living together argue over clutter up to 154 times a year

·       20% of women would rather their man de-cluttered the house than buy them a bunch of roses this Valentine’s Day


 With the nation’s hoarding habits on the increase, it’s no wonder clutter is causing conflict amongst co-habiting couples. But, with 1 in 3 women admitting they’ve turned down a night of passion because the bedroom’s been left in a state – and 41% saying they won’t even move in with their partner if they’re guilty of clutter crimes, IKEA is urging the nation to clean up their act if they want to be in a healthy relationship.


 

As newer UK homes are being built smaller, some having the smallest floor space in Europe (on average 83sqm1or less), it’s becoming increasingly tough for couples to make room for their love lives. However, with 20% of women admitting they want a clutter-free house over a bunch of roses this Valentine’s Day, men will need to clean up their act and pull more than just a romantic gesture out of the bag to please their partners this month.


 

With the bedroom now a key secondary living space, over a third (33%2) of people say it’s where they like to relax. But with almost half (42%2) of Brits admitting it’s where they hoard most of their junk, it’s now become a clutter hotspot for couples; and that’s what’s turning the bedroom cold.


 

2.4 million UK couples admit they already argue up to twice a week about their clutter gripes in the bedroom – that’s a staggering 154 times a year – and with almost 20% of men thinking it’s still a woman’s work to de-clutter the household, their opinion seems to be fuelling a different kind of fire in the home.


 

But what are people’s biggest gripes? When asked about the opposite sex, men and women picked out these top clutter crimes:

 

Men on Women:

·       Too many beauty products and toiletries (19%)

·       Too many clothes and shoes! (17%)

·       Paperwork in the bedroom (10%)

Women on Men:

·      Piles of dirty clothes left on the floor (36%)

·      They’re hoarders – they just have too much stuff! (25%)

·      Their treasured hobby takes up too much space (17%)

Stelios Kiosses, popular TV psychotherapist and expert on the emotional effects of clutter, comments on IKEA’s findings:  “The results highlight one of the most common problems in relationships due to clutter – a lack of communication.  For most women, clutter symbolises that her partner doesn’t care about how she feels. Women tend to express this by increasing the amount they complain about clutter, but men misinterpret this and tend to take it as a remark meant to make them feel incompetent.


 

Clutter then becomes a barrier between the couple, creating feelings of resentment. Few couples realise the importance of dealing with it until it is way out of control – piles of stuff in every room may affect the couples ability to think clearly, relax, and enjoy their living space so it’s important to have storage space for every item to prevent more pile-ups.”

 


So how do couples try and manage their clutter under one small roof? 33% of women say they’ll do the tidying themselves to try to save arguing (compared to 21% of men), while another 16% say they have to resort to nagging to get their other half to tidy up.

 


29% even admit to ‘accidentally on purpose’ throwing their partner’s belongings out, while a cunning 9% of women will use an ‘early night’ as a bargaining tool when it comes to de-cluttering the house.



Looking for the Perfect Proposal? Date for Two Years then Pop the Question on Valentine’s Day

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Looking for the Perfect Proposal? Date for Two Years then Pop the Question on Valentine’s Day on a Deserted Beach (with a Ring You Chose Together)

  • Two years into relationship best time to pop the question
  • Perfect proposal combines element of surprise, deserted beach and expensive ring
  • Women start losing patience after two years – half would dump a man who hadn’t proposed after five
  • One in four say they’re ‘Proposal Pushers’ who’ll coerce their man into doing the deed, one in ten are POPOs – ‘Propose or Push Offs’
  • Another quarter say marriage is still the ultimate commitment – ahead of having a child

As Valentine’s Day approaches, they’re the questions plaguing many a nervous boyfriend.

You want to ask her to marry you but how do you create the perfect proposal? And when is the right time to do it?

According to a major new courtship survey the ideal way combines old and new traditions and comes after you’ve spent exactly two happy years together.

The research, commissioned by leading drinks brand Lambrini found that one in four women  think a man should be popping the question 24 months into the relationship, with just 15 per cent happy to wait three years.

If you haven’t got round to proposing after five years then don’t bother – almost half (49 per cent) of all those quizzed said if they had to wait that long they’d dump their other half and move on.

Another one in four women (27 per cent) think if you haven’t got engaged by that stage you’re probably never going to, while another one in four (26 per cent) think a man who hasn’t asked is a commitment-phobe.

When it came to popping the question, a deserted beach was the perfect place for proposal – named by almost one in four women (22 per cent) and although it might be considered corny by some, Valentine’s Day is still seen as the most appropriate time to ask for someone’s hand, along with a woman’s birthday (both chosen by nine per cent of women).

An element of surprise (32 per cent), a romantic setting (21 per cent) and getting down on one knee (20 per cent) were also considered crucial, while one in ten women wanted their partner to get their father’s permission.

Just one in ten said having an expensive ring was the important thing and only 30 per cent expected the man to have chosen it for them, with 62 per cent opting to select one together.

People had strong opinions about what makes for a happy engagement too.

Most people – 21 per cent – thought it was important to have had three previous partners before you settle down, while eight per cent said more than ten was more realistic.

Sharing three dates a week and at least two holidays were also essential according to a third of those quizzed, along with surviving a couple of family Christmases (37 per cent) and at least two romantic surprises a year (23 per cent).

But for those who are still waiting, taking a pro-active approach in the run up to Valentine’s Day could pay dividends.

According to the Lambrini Romance Report one in four women identified themselves as ‘Proposal Pushers’ – women who’ll actively engineer a proposal.

As well as dropping heavy hints, they admitted taking their other half to look at rings in the hope of prompting a declaration of love.

One in ten (11 per cent) were less accepting. Calling themselves the POPOs – Propose or Push Offs – they said they’d issue an ultimatum if a partner didn’t seem ready to commit, while one in twenty would end the relationship for good.

Another, more stoical one in ten (11 per cent) said they didn’t care either way.

And despite constant debates about the value of marriage, it seems that British women are still romantics at heart, seeing a proposal it as the ultimate statement of love.

One in four say it is the biggest commitment you can make – on a par with having a child together.

And although co-habiting is popular, it is still seen as less binding, with only 24 per cent saying it was the most important way to validate their relationship.

Even fewer people (5 per cent) thought renting together constituted any kind of commitment.

The research also identified potential problem areas that couples must discuss before deciding to get married.

Topping the list was the desire – or not – to have children, cited by 78 per cent of those quizzed as an essential discussion point.

Where to live (56 per cent), career plans (41 per cent), health issues (40 per cent) and joint bank accounts (38 per cent) were also significant, while almost a third (30 per cent) said ironing out any issues around pets was important too.

Reflecting the changing face of marriage, an overwhelming majority said the most important preparation for getting hitched was living together first.

Almost half of those asked (46 per cent) said a couple needed to co-habit before they tied the knot, followed by enjoying a loved-up ‘honeymoon period’ (46 per cent) and winning over the in-laws (41 per cent).

At the same time people had strong reasons for not marrying – one in five wouldn’t walk down the aisle with someone their family hated and one in eight wouldn’t tie the knot with someone their mates didn’t like.

Speaking about the Lambrini Romance Report findings, brand manager, Lorna Tweed, said: “As we get ready to embrace Valentine’s Day it seems that romance is very much alive and well in the UK.

“At the same time it’s clear that British women know what they want when it comes to relationships, proposals and marriage.

“They want love, surprises and a wedding – and they want it sooner rather than later.

“Women are looking for commitment and loyalty, partnerships that can stand the trials and tribulations of modern life; if a man can provide those then he’s in with a chance.”

Make the most of your relationship –top ten tips by Sarah Rozenthuler,

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Make the most of your relationship –top ten tips

by Sarah Rozenthuler, author of Life-Changing Conversations

 

Sarah Rozenthuler author of Life-Changing Conversations, 7 strategies for Talking about What Matters Most draws together tools from the field of dialogue, insights from the discipline of psychology and wisdom from a contemporary articulation of spirituality. This potent mix can transform how we talk together and how we act in the world and our lives.

 

As Valentine’s Day approaches, love is in the air. It’s easy to be swept away by the romance—the candlelit dinner, the bunch of fresh blooms, the softly playing music—the “pinkness” of it all. But love has many colours, including some deep and dark hues, so it can also be timely to ask: What does it take to make a relationship work?

 

Our intimate interactions with our beloved can be a source of great joy—and immense stress—in our lives. Whether you want to rekindle some of the magic, heal some hurt or deepen your joy, here are ten top tips for a happy and harmonious relationship.

 

1.    Put that phone away

 

Give your partner some quality time by having a “media break”. Switch off the TV, put down your phone and turn off your tablet. Make your beloved the object of your attention rather than checking your emails. Even if it’s only for 10 minutes, take time to listen to what your partner has to say and then reflect back what you’ve heard.

 

Resist the temptation to interrupt. Let them finish their sentence. Listening receptively is a powerful aphrodisiac that can soften the hardest of hearts.

 

2.    Create a shared vision

 

A long-lasting relationship is all about standing shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the same direction. When a relationship ends, the most painful part is often the loss of shared dreams.

 

To strengthen your bond, create a “vision board” together. Recycle your old magazines by cutting out inspiring images and use these to create a collage. Place it where you can both see it every day so that you consciously “call in” what you want as a couple.

 

3.    Spice up your sex life

 

If the physical side of your relationship has become routine, take a risk and do something different. Go to a sex shop together, do a tantra workshop or join the mile high club.

 

If you’re stuck for ideas, ask your partner for a memory of some great sex they had (with you!) and see what you can learn to re-create some of that excitement. It might be making love in front of an open fire, having sex in the kitchen or taking time to massage each other. Savour the specialness of this side of your relationship.

 

4.    Monitor your mood

 

Be aware that partners are susceptible to absorbing each other’s moods. This can be great when one of you has had a good day but it can be a real downer when one person’s bad day at the office contaminates you both. 

 

To combat the contagious effects of negativity, develop some strategies for shifting state when you’re down in the dumps. Take a five minute walk round the block, sit and watch the sun go down or enjoy taking in the scent of some fresh flowers. Each  of you needs to take responsibility for your own state of being so that your moods become mutually enriching.

 

5.    Have some fun

 

A relationship can be hard work as you each try to find ways to accommodate the other’s needs, wants and desires. Differences of opinion can cause tension and unresolved conflicts can lead to contempt.

 

To counterbalance the heavy lifting, make a mutual commitment to spend time together doing things that you enjoy. Go to the cinema, take a dance class or plan your next holiday. Find things that bring a smile—or even better, some belly laughs—and agree to do these things regularly. Remember that when you fell in love, your inner child felt alive and well. Nurture that part of you and your relationship will reap the rewards.

 

6.    Keep the romance

 

Cherish your partner by doing things that make them feel special. Treat them to something you know they’ll love whether it’s cooking their favourite meal, running a hot bath or playing their favourite track of music.

 

As you go about your day, bookmark memorable moments in your mind to share with your partner when you next see them. It’s the kind of thing you probably did when your love was freshly minted, so bring some of that attentive energy into your relationship now. 

 

7.    Invest in your relationship skills

 

If your relationship has become riddled with tension, get some help. Identify what the core issue is and search out ways to deal with it. If, for example, you have a temper that is toxic to the relationship, book yourself onto an anger management workshop or at the very least read a book such as Beating Anger by Mike Fisher.

 

Expand your communication skills by practising the tools contained in Creating the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix or in my own book, Life-Changing Conversations.  Keeping the air clear and free of past resentments will do wonders for you both.

 

8.    Have some “me” time

 

Although it may sound somewhat paradoxical, it’s important to spend time apart when you’re in coupleland. It’s a tragedy that many people lose themselves in a relationship and feel “less than” they were before—less attractive, less interesting, less fulfilled.

 

To minimise the risk of this, take regular doses of your own company. Do whatever it takes to stay grounded in your own experience whether this is through going for a walk, writing your journal or listening to music. Some breathing space will invigorate your relationship, not least because you’ll have things to share with your partner.

 

9.    Decide how you decide

 

Many a relationship has suffered as a result of one individual making decisions without consulting their partner. It can leave the other person reeling, feeling that their opinion doesn’t matter. Any couple will benefit from having a conversation about how they make decisions together, for example, agreeing up front the sum of money above which a decision must be joint.

 

For significant decisions, agree that you’ll both take time separately to consider the different options and then share your thoughts. Moving from “me” to “we” in this way maximises the likelihood that you’ll reach decisions that take into account each person’s perspective. Finding practical ways of integrating both individual’s needs is a key relationship skill.

 

10.  See the bigger picture

 

Drop your expectations that your partner is there to make you happy. If you’re expecting them to provide you with something you haven’t brought into the relationship yourself, you may be making the biggest mistake of your life. Ask yourself how you can evolve into a bigger version of yourself without demanding anything of your partner.

 

Place what is happening in your relationship into the larger context of how you are growing as an individual. Are you becoming more sensitive, more selfless or more savvy? Staying in touch with the bigger picture will stop you from retreating to your corner and enable you to create a life-enhancing relationship.

 

Sarah Rozenthuler

 

Author of Life-Changing Conversations

 

www.sarahrozenthuler.com