Should You Change Your Name After You Marry? | The Wedding Diary

We live in modern times and tradition is something ever-changing. Some traditional things last, and some just don’t. Others, like a woman taking her husbands name after they marry, actually become controversial. My favourite motto to live by in life is, ‘live and let live’. But, yet, it seems we can’t.

Some woman see submission or sexism when a woman changes her name. But where did that woman get her name? And where did her mother get hers?, and her grandmother? To stop it now feels like closing the stable after the horse has long bolted.

All of this does make me sound pro changing my name, I know. I am in a bit of a muddle with it to be honest. Part of my thinks it is something to do if you have children, so you can be a family ushould you change your name after you marry? wedding, weddings, name change, marriage, wedding diarynit, the stories of woman being stopped at airports because they have a different surname from their children are common. If I have children I certainly don’t want to have a different surname than them. It would just be too weird. This means I have to take my fiancee’s name, he has to take mine or we have to double-barrel our names. That is if we have children. If we don’t, does it really matter? Part of me thinks not.

There is a part in The Crucible when John Proctor has two choices: change his name or die. He chooses to die, “It is my name”, he says; “I cannot have any other”. This is a pretty extreme example but I remember watching TV with a friend. There was a woman with a very long double-barreled surname. My friend commented on the ridiculousness of her name; “Oh, just lose your ego woman!” But it is not just ego is it? It’s your identity. My name is me. Well, actually, my name is a stage name, albeit one that I use for everything now. It belonged to my grandmother, a Lithuanian who died when she was only 40 of kidney failure. Not surprisingly, I would like this to live on. I am only a handful of people in the world with the surname ‘Balavage’. An Anglo take on ‘Bullovich’. You see? Surnames, they change. As does identity. I even pronounce my surname differently than she would have: Ba Lav age, with a quiet ‘V’. At my friends Nick Cohen’s book launch, the amazing writer Francis Wheen complimented my on my surname, ‘Like a glamorous French actress’. I have pronounced it the way he said it ever since.

So when I marry I have a few choices: change my real name and keep my stage name, change my name completely and just keep Balavage for acting, or double-barrel my name. I have until next year to decide, but I am already in a pickle. What to do?

It is not about feminism or inequality. If a woman wants to take her new husbands name, she should be able to, if a man wants to change his, he should and if a woman wants to keep or double-barrel her name, she should be able to without rudeness: it’s her identity after all: Live and let live.

 What do you think? Will you change your name?

 

82% Of Couples Admit To Selling Wedding Gifts Online

  • 42% of guests admit that they find buying a wedding gift ‘stressful’
  • More than one in ten wedding guests (12%) said they were often embarrassed by their gift choice
  • One in five fully expect their gifts to be left unused, returned or sold
  • One in ten will decline a wedding invitation altogether because of worries over the gift
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Photo credit: TrueMalyugin

New research reveals that 82% of newlyweds admit to selling wedding gifts on internet sites like Ebay.

Despite the use of wedding lists and the amount of thought guests put into selecting the perfect present, it seems that most newlyweds still end up with impractical presents that they just don’t want or need.

Couples taking part in the research revealed some very strange gifts indeed, with one receiving a tarantula and another couple who were presented with a gift-wrapped banana.

It also seems that many guests give presents expecting them to be sold on. More than one in ten wedding guests (12%) said they were often embarrassed by their gifts and one in five fully expect their gifts to be left unused, returned or sold.

The research indicates that more practical gifts or even group gifts are the solution, for example contributions to the honeymoon or money for house improvements would be welcomed.

42% of guests admit that they find buying a wedding gift ‘stressful’.

Worries over what gift to purchase have resulted in one in ten Brits declining a wedding invitation altogether, believing that a bad gift decision could cause an argument between friends. 6% even believe it could end a friendship.

The research was done by One4all, a gift card from the Post Office,

Top Beauty Tips for Brides

Bride, bridal make up, tips for wedding day, wedding, marriage, wedding day, tips, beauty, make up, tips

Photo credit: TrueMalyugin

We have some Top Beauty Tips for Brides from highly experienced facial therapist Amanda Elias; the brains behind effective yet affordable skincare brand, Bravura London. Amanda really knows her stuff so enjoy.

How to Prep Your Skin for a Wedding

Don’t try any new products, skincare, hair care, make-up, even washing powder 3 weeks before your wedding, any kind of a reaction could take a couple of weeks to calm down and that’s the last thing you need before your big day!

Don’t leave it until the last minute to think about your skin, the longer you have to correct any skin issues, the better! Using products that contain AHA’s will help to remove dead skin which tends to leave our skin looking dull and lifeless, removing this dead layer will leave your skin looking fresher and more vibrant.

If you’re getting married abroad, make sure you wear SPF 50 as soon as you arrive and re-apply regularly. Don’t risk sunbathing, you don’t want to get married looking like a lobster! Don’t forget your ears, lips and the back of your neck.

To avoid any fake tan disasters before your wedding, book yourself in for a spray tan the day before, you’re a lot less likely to end up with any streaky patches. Make sure you have a trial tan before the big day to make sure the colour suits you and to avoid any chance of a reaction.

Make-up sits better on exfoliated skin, using a cleanser that contains AHA’s daily can help to remove the dead skin so that your foundation lasts longer.

If you suffer with blackheads or hormonal spots on your chin, try using a salicylic acid product daily. This will help to exfoliating the skin and clear out the pores, salicylic acid also has an anti-inflammatory effect so it’s great for spots that can also become inflamed.

If you have a lot of redness left over from acne, speak to your doctor or pharmacist about a short course of hydrocortisone which can dramatically help to reduce the discolouration.

There’s going to be a lot of focus on your hands on your big day, to keep your hands and nails in peak condition, massage sweet almond oil in to your hands and nails daily, a month before the wedding. By your big day your nails will be stronger and your hands will be supper soft. If your hands tend to be flaky, mix a little olive oil and sugar, gently massage in to your hands, wash away and then apply your sweet almond oil.

Don’t forget your lips, wear a good quality lip balm and re-apply regularly throughout the day, especially before bed. Do this for at least a week before your wedding and your lips will be super soft and kiss ready.

Do you have any beauty tips?

The Wedding Diary Part One: Engagement

wedding diary, engagement, engagement ring, getting married, planning a wedding, marriage, engagement, Well I finally did it. I managed to find someone who will put up with me for the rest of my life. Most little girls dream came true when my boyfriend of three years whisked my off to Paris on the Eurostar for our anniversary and proposed. I ecstatically said yes and upon our return bought far too many wedding magazines, and realised just how hard planning a wedding was going to be. Don’t get me wrong. I am not exactly fazed by planning big things. I planned the launch party for Frost Magazine and had over 300 guests. It went off without a hitch even though the venue canceled on us a few days before. I have also made a full length feature film. I have the skills and the staying power but what I don’t have is £21,000 to spend on a party. Only one person has mentioned the outdated thing of the women’s parents paying, all of my friends paid for their own wedding and I am not asking my parents for money. I am the editor of this magazine, a freelance writer and actor.

Somehow this is not even the issue. Neither my fiancee or I think it is reasonable to spend that amount of money on one day of your life. Other difficulties are that my family live in Scotland and my fiance’s family live in England. Getting all of these people together in a convenient, reasonably priced venue doesn’t feel like the easiest thing.

Also as a half catholic, half protestant agnostic I have found out that I cannot even get married in a church because I was not christened as my parents, quite rightly, wanted me to choose my own religion. If I want to get married I will have to attend church or do a course. Neither of these seem appealing and I don’t have a lot of free time.

So join my on my journey from engaged woman to bride. I will be writing lots of wedding articles and advice to go along with my personal experience. Please comment and tell me your thoughts and give any advice. We are planning to get married in June of next year so we don’t actually have much time to get everything done. It is all quite exciting and scary.

We have a brillaint article on buying the perfect engagement ring if you want to send it to your boyfriend to drop some hints.

Until next time, enjoy the sun.

 

Weddings – do and don’t: Creating magical weddings

Julia Dowling of Snapdragon Parties, the leading luxury wedding and event planners, shares some trade secrets on creating an amazing wedding.

The idea of planning your own wedding sounds like fun to the uninitiated.  But unless you feel confidently creative, are commercially savvy and know how to find the best suppliers out there, it can be daunting.   As professional wedding planners we are most often asked for our top wedding planning tips.

Wedding bride and groom

  1. Do set a realistic budget and stick to it

Even a modest wedding costs a great deal.  Build a budget based on some Internet research and your judgement of how much you are prepared to spend.  As a guide, your budget should be split about forty per cent to catering, ten per cent each to venue or marquee hire, clothes, entertainment, photography and flowers with everything else coming from the remainder.  Don’t assume that hosting your wedding at home will be cheaper, because the entire infrastructure needs to be brought in.  Have honest conversations with all concerned about who will contribute and how much, and do get wedding insurance. Use your budget to guide your choices.  We always start wedding planning with a budget and then help to choose a venue and style of wedding.  Once you have set a budget, stick to it by negotiating hard with suppliers, especially if they were recommended by your venue; they will often be paying commission on your booking.

  1. Don’t pick a venue until you have a clear idea of the type of wedding you want

Many historic buildings impose restrictions on their use; a grade 1 listed castle full of ancient treasures is likely to prohibit use of candles, so if your vision is a candlelit wedding ceremony pick an appropriate venue.  Depending on when you plan to marry think about the likely weather (always have a wet weather plan) and the availability of local accommodation.

  1. Do find ways to weave in your own personality and style

There is much more to styling a wedding than copying an idea from a glossy magazine or adhering to conventional traditions. I often start by asking couples what impression they want to leave their guests with and how we can incorporate elements of their personality into the design scheme.  Other considerations include the season, the exact location, the size of the guest list, favourite colours, the level of formality which is desired and the budget.

In terms of dressing a venue, think macro and micro.  Macro styling means lighting the outside of a building, transforming the interior space and fusing the venue’s character with the nature of your event.  Micro styling means the way you dress the tables, the folding of napkins and your choice of china, glassware, place cards and favours.

Really talented florists will happily interpret your concepts with flowers, candles, feathers, wood, glass or foliage.

  1. Don’t settle for the same old wedding fare

Most caterers’ and venues’ standard menus are pretty boring.  Britain exports some of the finest food all over the world.  While no one goes to a wedding primarily for a gourmet experience, serve your guests some food that they will really appreciate.

  1. Do plan the day from a guest’s perspective

On your wedding day you may be the centre of attention but you are also the host, and so you need to think about the whole day from your guests’ perspective.  This means making sure that it flows naturally, that people aren’t left standing around without a drink while you have pictures taken and that everyone gets to spend at least a little time with you both.

  1. Don’t be afraid to save money where guests won’t notice

Wine needs to be good, but not necessarily a First Growth Bordeaux and you would be amazed at how good a wedding cake from M&S can be (yes, I’m being serious).  Once your florist has constructed something colourful between the tiers, your guests will think you spent a fortune on it!

  1. Do make your wedding stationery stand out

The invitation offers the first indication your guests receive about the character of the event.  While the skilfully engraved traditional invitation undoubtedly retains its timeless appeal, an intricate laser cut creation can be equally impressive.  When picking a stationery style and colour, remember that you have to carry it through for orders of service and table stationery.  Anything too outlandish may make it hard for guests to read the hymns or placecards.

  1. Don’t cut corners on photography

Apart from the marriage, the photographs are the only part of your wedding that will last a lifetime.   There are four basic styles of wedding photography and the best photographers can generally achieve a seamless mix of them all.  The traditional style is ideal for the posed family portraits, contemporary photography tends to be more informal and capture the spirit of the occasion.  Reportage is the fly-on-the-wall approach that captures the detail and flow of your day and the artistic approach, as the name suggests, aims to create the poster shots.    Even if you aren’t particularly traditional you should be cautious about too contemporary a style as you won’t want the photographs to look out of date in a few years.

  1. Do hire a professional to coordinate things on the day

Appoint someone as the coordinator on the day.  This could be a friend, or ideally, a professional.  Without a coordinator, you will spend the whole day worrying about the details yourself, which will significantly reduce your enjoyment.   They need to reconfirm all the details with suppliers, create a detailed running order and oversee the day.  Many wedding venues will offer you an event coordinator but remember that they won’t coordinate anything other than at the wedding venue itself.

  1. Don’t forget why you are doing this!

If you haven’t employed a wedding planner, there will be times during the planning process when you will wonder why you’re doing all this; it will inevitably get pretty stressful at times.  When the bills are flying in and you are worrying about all sorts of seemingly inconsequential details, remember that it will all be worth it in the end – and, after all, you will remember your wedding day forever!

www.snapdragonparties.com

Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. First Look Trailers and Photos

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding starts 14/02/2012 on Channel 4

It’s time to go frocking bananas, as the new series of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding is almost upon us.Welcome to a world of bridal excess, where the cakes are the size of dresses, the dresses are the size of limos, and the limos are the size of small Central European republics. This is how to get married Gypsy-style, with enough sequins, spangle and stardust to make Liberace blush.

Princess Charlene and Prince Albert: 'Runaway' Brides Dress

Giorgio Armani wanted modern dress for Charlene

Giorgio Armani wanted Charlene Wittstock’s wedding dress to be “completely modern”.

The Italian designer created the South African beauty’s gown she wore to marry Monaco’s Prince Albert II on Saturday and says he was conscious for the dress to be different from Albert’s late mother, Princess Grace.

Writing for vogue.com. Giorgio said: “The idea was to go for a completely modern look, without an obvious sense of nostalgia or revivalism. I felt this was appropriate given that there would inevitably be comparisons with Princess Grace, and though such comparisons are of course a sign of admiration, each person has their own individual and unique style, and style is an expression of the times.”

 

Giorgio says former Olympic swimmer Charlene was a pleasure to work with and the perfect muse, saying: “Charlene is without a shadow of a doubt very beautiful. Tall and slim, she is sporty and at the same time has a natural elegance about her. Dressing her is such a pleasure – she knows how to wear my creations with the nonchalance and confidence of youth. I believe Charlene has the ideal figure to show off great dresses, because they highlight the fine curves and beautiful structure of her back and shoulders.”

The dress took 2,500 hours to create, including 700 hours for the embroidery alone, and featured 40,000 Swarovski crystals, 20,000 mother of pearl teardrops and 30,000 stones in gold shades.

How To Know When Its The Right Time To Get Married.

William_and_Kate_weddingWith royal wedding fever hitting an all time high there is a high number of women wondering if there boyfriend will pop the question. Kate waited by Prince Williams side for nearly a decade, earning herself the nickname ‘waity Katy’. It would seem that Kate, or Catherine as she now wants to be called, has had the last laugh. However, not all women want to get married, or remain undecided. While most men need quite a bit of a push in my experience. So, when is it the right time to make the commitment? What do you need to know first? Read the point below to find out if now is the right time to get married.

Are you in love?

There are many reasons why people think they should get married. Whether its peer pressure or because you have kids. Truth is, there is only one reason why you should get married: You’re in love. As long as you love someone it does not matter what life throws at you. They are the constant in your life. If you are unsure whether or not you’re in love; you’re not. If you are unsure if your boyfriend loves you, ask him or read this: How to tell if your boyfriend loves you

Are they your final emotional destination?

When you marry someone you are not just sharing your life, but also your soul and your DNA. You are forever joining together. Marriage is something to be taken seriously, do you really want to be with this person? It’s okay to have doubts, we all do. It is always possible that Angelina Jolie or George Clooney will want to marry you later, but the thing is; if you have found someone who loves you and you love them back you are blessed, people spend lifetimes trying to find the love of their lives. Don’t throw that away.

Are you just sliding into it?

Do you really want to get married or are you just sliding into it? Marriage is a mistake that’s hard to get out of unscathed – whether that be emotionally or financially. Being in a loveless marriage is something nobody should have to put up with. Don’t just get married because your mother is nagging you.

Do you just want a big day?

They say the most important day in a women’s life is her wedding day. I like to think this isn’t true, but it is still something women, and men!, buy into. After the dress, the presents and the honeymoon you will have to spend the rest of your life with this person. Not really worth one glamorous day.

Are you getting married because you (think) you are cracking on a bit?

Getting married because your nearly thirty isn’t a good enough reason. Although a women’s biological clock doesn’t work in her favour, marrying someone you don’t love – or worse, having a kid with someone you don’t love; a child ties you to that person forever- just because you feel pressure from society or your mother will never make you happy. Think of all the other thing you could do with your life; travel, focus on your career, study. There is a big world out there. You don’t need a husband (or wife) for that.

Do you know each other? Does the other person listen?

You have to know the person you are marrying. Can you communicate with them? Can you talk openly? If you tell your partner that something annoys you do they make the effort to change? If someone love you they will do anything they can to keep you around, they will care about your thoughts and feelings. You also have to accept the other person, good and bad.

And another thing…

 

Talk about finance, children, future goals together. It’s okay to be nervous, to be unsure, relationships are hard, but if you really love the person you are with, what are you waiting for?

The Wedding Survival Guide: How To Plan Your Big Day Without Losing Your Sanity is available in printebook and Kindle. The Kindle version is only £2.99.