Tag Archives: Wendy Thomson

On International Women’s Day FEMALE ARTS launched Friend Scheme as a #PledgeForParity

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female, arts, feminismFemale Arts magazine launched a friend scheme on International Women’s Day, 8 March 2016.

The online arts review magazine, headed by Editor-In-Chief Wendy Thomson is based at South Street Arts Centre, Reading and reviews events across the UK.

“The theme of this year’s International Women’s Day is #PledgeForParity where business leaders from Sir Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group to Mark A. Weinberger the CEO of E&Y have made the pledge. We’re inviting everyone to make the pledge by joining our friend scheme so that we can continue our work to promote gender equality in the arts.”

Female Arts magazine annually reviews hundreds of female led performances, exhibitions and events and has a dedicated volunteer team of writers headed by an editorial team including London editor Michael Davis and Interviews Editor Amie Taylor.

Female Arts also produce events. Wendy Thomson said, ”As part of this year’s International Women’s Day celebrations we co-produced the launch of a new award for emerging female playwrights at the Greenwich Theatre in London – RED Women’s Theatre Award on Sunday 6th March 2016. We have also organized events at The Southbank Centre and The Bread and Roses Theatre, working with other advocates for gender equality including Gender and Performance (GAP) Salon and the So and So Arts Club.”

The Female Arts friend scheme is available to join from £30 a year at www.femalearts.com/friend where the benefits include a profile on the Female Arts website and networking opportunities.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/femalearts Twitter www.twitter.com/femalearts

International Women’s Day #IWD2016  #PledgeforParity  http://www.internationalwomensday.com/

 

 

Wendy's baby diary – 7 months

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Time to cut off the milk supply?

Signs indicating it’s time to stop breastfeeding:

1) Baby’s got more teeth than you’ve got nipples

2) Baby tugs down your top

3) Baby tries to suck other parts of you, in the belief that mummy is made of milk

4) Friends and relatives say ‘You’re not still breastfeeding are you?’

5) Bitty

I think it’s time to hang up the Closed sign on the milk bar. Baby Dillon’s got six teeth. He’s eating solids (toast, blueberries). He’s rolling around the floor and knocking stuff off the TV stand. He’s sleeping through the night in his own bed, in his own room. He’s racing around the
kitchen in his baby walker (able to reverse and manoeuvre past the clothes
horse). What happened to my newborn? Before I know it he’ll be scaling Everest and
I’ll be crying into his baby clothes saying “you used to be this big”.

Baby Rash

Dillon was ill with a rash which turned out to be a viral
infection. It’s so scary to see a bright red rash on his trunk. The instant
concern is, is it meningitis? do the tumbler test. He recovered in a couple of
days, so we took him to visit my mum with a new travel cot, which of course he
didn’t sleep in, and when he doesn’t get any sleep nor do we. The travel cot
also functions as a portable prison ahem playpen so it will get used one way or
another.

Festive

I had thought Dillon was too young to appreciate Halloween
or Guy Fawkes but nearer the time I realised we could enjoy these special
occasions and get some memorable photos. My friend carved him a pumpkin lantern
and Dillon wore a monkey outfit for Halloween and went to a themed baby sensory
class and fancy dress day at his nursery where all the staff wore pyjamas.
Cute. Now I’m looking forward to his first Christmas. He’ll be dressed as baby
Santa with a red hat. The dog will have on a pair of reindeer antlers. And wearing
a knitted Christmas pullover will be Colin Firth. Who can stuff my turkey anyday.

Swimming

Baby swimming lessons have finished, it was a bit of a wash
out with nearly half the lessons cancelled or postponed so we didn’t learn a
lot. Dillon got used to being carried around in water. We might try again in the
New Year so that one day we can have our own Nevermind album cover.

Juggling

Can I manage baby Dillon and a Masters degree and go back to
work? I’m unsure. But you don’t know until you try. Some people thought I was
mad to be starting a MA when I was pregnant. It has been tough and I wouldn’t
still be on the course without support from certain people. Getting out of the
house to go to class has been positive for me. So many mums work full time then
it’s a shock to the system to be at home all day for 9 months to a year. So commuting
into London one or two days a week gives me a bit of normality. I think every
mum, however much she loves her kids, needs an occasional break.

So when I’m worried about running out of nursing pads and number
3 baby formula I can take my mind off it with French and Greek philosophers,
the classical dramatic paradigm and bright young things running about campus.

The main problem I have is burning the midnight oil as I can’t
concentrate until he’s gone to bed and by then I’m hankering for some medicine
(see previous baby diary http://frostmagazine.com/2011/10/wendys-baby-diary-six-months-guilt-isolation-and-men/), go to bed at 2am and get woken by Babezilla at 6.45am.

Congratulations

Lots of happy baby news – congratulations to our friends
Nathan and Bonnie on the birth of baby Samuel, Kevin and Louise who had baby
Aidan and my brother Terry and his wife Ola who had baby Matthew. And to our
friends L&M who are expecting. First timers – you don’t know what you’re in
for. Second timers – memory lapse?

Until next time

I think my get up and go, got up and went!

(c) Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's baby diary – cheeky monkey

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Baby Diary – 31 weeks

Ill

I started out with the intention to keep this baby column
weekly but it’s been nearly a month since my last baby update. There are a
couple of reasons and one is that Dillon has been ill. He got an infected toe
(we’re not sure how) and needed antibiotics for a week, this was followed by a
temperature for a couple of days and he’s had a cough for nearly a month. It is
scary and a panic when I hear any sniffle. Keep well baby D!

Controlled Crying

Dillon is nearly 7 months old and life is starting, just
starting to get easier. Bless his heart, Dillon has been sleeping through the
night for the last few weeks.  To get
there we had to go down the ‘controlled crying’ route. At first I didn’t want
to. We did the pick up, put down approach which is comfort the baby then leave him,
repeat as necessary, but when repeat is many times throughout the night it got
too much for both of us (stamina, exhaustion, feeding in desperation).

So what is controlled crying? Basically you leave your baby
to cry themselves to sleep. It’s not in a horrible, ignore the baby kind of
way, it’s in a loving, have I checked the baby and after feeding, winding,
changing, checking if teething, temperature, breathing is everything else ok
and telling him you love him and putting the lights out, you let him cry his
little heart out until he falls asleep. Yes it feels heartless and horrible and
wrong. But our little boy is 80 percentile he’s not going to waste away from
lack of milk and booby at night he can definitely sleep without it. After some
reassurance from my friend, we let Dillon cry himself to sleep and he cried for
about 20 mins. The next night between 10 and 15 mins. That was it. Joy!  For 10 hours the baby is asleep and I am free.
Freedom!

Nursery

Dillon has started at nursery two days a week so that I can
attend Uni two days a week. Oh the guilt of leaving him with someone else. But
the staff are really nice, the nursery has a good vibe about it and it does me
some good to be in an intellectual environment twice a week. I worry about him,
but he’s a sociable, loving baby, I think he’s happy there.  At six months old he’s also the youngest baby at
the nursery as most people go back to work after maternity leave of 9 months to
one year, another reason to feel guilty. But he seems to be getting a lot of
attention from the staff as the youngest, neediest baby which makes me feel
better. He also hasn’t formed that strong attachment to me yet, so when I say
bye bye, he doesn’t notice me leave, he’s busy eyeing up the toys and the other
babies.

Easier for Dad to
Leave the House

Since he’s working full time it’s easier for Dillon’s dad to
get out of the house 5 days a week. Sometimes I’ve been a little jealous that
he gets to leave, in a thoughtless grass is always greener way. Because I know how
well tended the lawn is on my side of the fence. And I’m not talking lady
garden. I’m happier being at home with Dillon. The gig that Dad went to which
turned into a 24 hour absence felt a bit much, especially when it looked set to
repeat the next weekend (but it’s not happening now). I appreciate that we both
need a break and we take it in turns to babysit.  Yes I’ve missed a lot of theatre before and
after Dillon was born, but I’ve read a lot of books, watched a lot of TV,
films, listened to radio, even got to the cinema (thanks to the Baby Scream
club), met up with other mums at Baby Sensory classes and my NCT group and with
my mum friends, we’ve taken Dillon to baby swimming classes, even church once a
month. The isolation I had felt is diminishing – just got to get out with the
baby!

Pushchairs

Dillon’s travel system has been good in a lot of ways but
boy is his car seat heavy and the whole thing is bulky, so we’re looking into a
lightweight pushchair to make it easier when dropping him off at nursery. I just
don’t understand why the majority of pushchairs are designed so that the baby
faces forwards (not towards mum).  I only
see problems with it, because to check on your child you have to stop, walk to the
front, deal with your baby then return to the back. Anytime your baby cries,
needs a drink or food, has a runny nose, their clothing needs adjusting you’ve
got to stop and go to the front of the pushchair (and when it’s crowded on the
pavement annoy all the pedestrians behind you).

More (inexpensive) rear facing pushchairs please!

Happy Halloween

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's baby diary – Six months! – Guilt, isolation and men

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Six months old

Dillon was six months old on Monday the 3rd October 2011. A lot has happened in this first six months including his christening , baby swimming classes, health centre visits and weigh ins, the
dog eating the midwifes shoes, the whole experience of giving birth, going to University, starting my website http://www.femalearts.com, being off work, weaning the baby, his milestones including Dillon getting his first baby teeth, sitting up, rolling around on the floor, playing with his feet, smiling and laughing and interacting with objects and people.

I’d like to thank Catherine Balavage at Frost Magazine for offering me this blank canvas to write about Dillon. I wanted to document these moments so that in the future I can look back (hopefully Dillon will also read it) and have a record of this wonderful, life changing time.

It’s been a brilliant six months but it’s also been tiring, stressful and a lot of hard work. I’ve said in my diary about how the baby is progressing, the goods, toys and clothes we have bought for him, what activities he is enjoying and how he’s developing but I don’t think I’ve said so much about my feelings. The following topics have been on my mind recently…

Men with babies

Recently there has been a couple of TV Doctors with babies – Doc Martin has a baby, James Cordon was left holding the baby in Doctor Who – portraying what it feels like for the dad to be the primary carer –the Doctor Who story was about panic and fluster with the conclusion that dads
are actually protective loving individuals and the mums are competent women who make lists and mother both their partner and baby.

Nothing is that clear cut and I’m not sure there is a big gender difference in the way we are parents, it may just boil down to the amount of physical time spent with the baby = the more you know them = the more competent you become at dealing with them.

The only thing that aggravates me with stories on TV about dads coping alone with babies is that there aren’t an equivalent number of stories about mums coping alone with babies. Because it isn’t all confident list making and natural mothering instincts, it’s often panic, confusion, stress,
isolation and guilt.

Isolation

It’s lonely being a stay at home mum. Even though it is through choice I miss chatting to colleagues, I miss talking to my husband, I miss my family, and I miss my friends. Having another adult in the house during the day (e.g. when relatives have come to stay and at the weekend when the baby’s dad is at home) makes so much difference to my life. All the bags of stuff needed
to carry around for the baby, all the preparation that’s needed before I can leave the house, all the attention and love and care that Dillon needs – is so much easier when it’s shared.

Recently I have realised I need to make more of an effort to see my friends – especially friends who are available in the daytime. Getting out daily with the dog and the baby for walks and taking baby to classes or shopping is something but it’s not the same as being with people who know and care about me, who I can have a proper conversation with.

I can see why going back to work begins to look appealing because you can start to be yourself again and have adult interaction without constantly thinking about the baby’s needs and their safety. But employment means childcare. Which brings me onto my next subject – guilt.

Guilt

As a parent there is one thing you can be certain of – a steady almost constant feeling of guilt. I think it stems from conflict between personal needs/wants and that of your child.  My current guilty feelings are – guilt for using formula, guilt for starting weaning before six months, guilt for not weaning successfully, guilt for not establishing a pattern (of eating/sleeping), guilt for trying to establish a pattern, guilt for not living up to other people’s parenting expectations, guilt for not
returning to work yet, guilt for arranging childcare, guilt for doing my master’s degree, guilt for not being sure, guilt over baby’s eczema not clearing up, guilt for letting the dog spend time with baby, guilt for separating dog from baby, guilt for daily dressing of baby in babygro’s in attempt to stop skin contact with whatever is causing the eczema, guilt for not taking enough photos of baby, guilt for not posting all the thank you cards yet, guilt for not buying enough things for baby, guilt for spending so much money, guilt for wanting my boobs back, guilt that he cries a lot, guilt whenever I let him cry before going to him, guilt that I’m spending time writing this!

There’s too much guilt, worry, anxiety and the only consolation is the thought that other people may be feeling the same way.

Self-Medication

One of the best ways to cope is summed up with a quote from my friend BenJohn’s facebook update.

“Youngsters, you probably think booze is for enjoying and having fun. Let me assure you it is a medicine for those with children to let them relax in the gaps when they’re asleep.”

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's baby diary – baby scans

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Wendy’s baby diary – 26 weeks (5 months 3 weeks)

Pregnant memories

So much happens when you’re pregnant and I felt like I’d
remember everything but once you’ve given birth all you think about is the baby
and you start to forget cravings, indigestion, swollen feet, back ache and baby’s internal movements. So while I’m thinking about it I’ll record some pregnancy memories in this baby
diary.

Scans

Standard scan times are 12 weeks pregnant, then 20 weeks.
A lot of mums will only have these two
scans. We had more scans for personal reasons – I first saw Dillon at 6 weeks
old and he was just a heartbeat then.  Another
scan at 8 weeks and he looked like a little piglet, at 13 weeks like Skeletor
from He-Man, at 20 weeks like a normal baby and at 23 weeks we paid for a
private 4D scan at www.future-babies.co.uk  It was a great experience In some ways as his
grandmother-to-be attended and was able to see Dillon’s muscles and face as
well as his internal organs. We had a DVD made which was not very good – it was
recorded at double speed not real time so all his movements were too fast. They
also put music over his heartbeat recording so it’s not audible. And they got his
sex wrong.

A final scan at 32 weeks to find out if Dillon was breech
and by now he was so big you could only see half of his body on the screen at
any one time.

Off meat

For about 10 weeks of my pregnancy I didn’t eat meat –
red or white. The look, smell and taste of meat made me feel sick. There was
something about the dead flesh that repulsed me.  That was a short lived veggie experience.

Baby Swimming

Dillon had cried in the last two sessions but his 30
minute swimming lesson went much better this week and he was dunked underwater
3 times. We booked his lessons through www.babyswimming.co.uk
and my husband does the class. Quite a lot of dads have been ‘nominated’ to do
the lesson – for us it is a good opportunity for some father son bonding as the
swimming lesson is on a Saturday. Dillon is so tired afterwards he sleeps for a
good hour and we get to eat out while he has his nap.

BBQ

Speaking of eating out we went to a friend’s bbq at the
weekend and saw some friends for the first time since I gave birth . Even
though you know having children will change your life I don’t think you
appreciate how much, and when friends organise get togethers in the daytime you
say a silent prayer of thanks, as it gives both parents the opportunity to
attend.  Evening activities mean that one
or the other or usually neither of us get to go. There’s a big lifestyle shift
from being single to being in a relationship, to moving in / getting married to
having children – you get more familiar with four particular walls.

Clothes

Buying a size larger for the baby has backfired, he’s now wearing outfits that are falling off him. Babies are tricky!

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy’s Baby Diary – 25 weeks (or 5 months 2 weeks). Nevermind.

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There’s been a break from the baby diary after a long holiday with no internet, and when I got home I continued to abstain for a while.  But like all pleasurable things it was difficult to give it up for long.

Baby Swimming

The latest event for the baby is swimming lessons. He’s
been twice now and each time cried and been quite upset. We’re puzzled because
he enjoys his bath times, and he kicks in the bath, smiles, even laughs but swimming
is not a hit.  Maybe it’s because he gets dunked in the pool by the teacher, or because there are a lot of other babies crying, and it’s all a bit confusing. But apparently babies like swimming underwater.
Speaking of which (I’m reliably informed) the baby on the cover of Nirvana’s
Nevermind album is 20 years old now and was only paid $25 dollars. On the plus
side he’ll never be embarrassed by his parents getting out the family album.

Weaning

We’ve not tried many different foods yet, so far it’s
been purees of carrot & potato, apple & banana, Farley’s rusks and baby
rice. Dillon still prefers milk, formula or breastmilk. I’d like to get him off
‘the boob’ as night-times can be pretty tiring. But I’ll miss it when
breastfeeding stops. Not sure when but definitely before he can say “ham
sandwich”.

Eczema

Dillon gets a really bad rash on the back of his legs when he sits in his Bumbo chair – so he may have an allergy to latex. Or it may just be a baby thing. I’ve tried Sudocrem, then Diprobase, now hydrocortisone, which seems to be working.  Lots of baby have rashes and sensitive skin in general as they gradually get used to all the different things in the environment. Hopefully it will clear up by he’s 12, in time for teenage acne.

NCT

I’m a member of the National Childbirth Trust which provides antenatal classes for new parents-to-be, and is probably the best way to get to know people who are having children at the same time as you. We take it in turns to host monthly coffee mornings – or afternoons! It’s invaluable to
have other people going through something the same time you are and to share
your feelings of confusion, guilt, joy, and fatigue. The dads haven’t seen each
other since the mums were pregnant but I’m sure they’ll meet again.

NCT classes really push breastfeeding and there is a lot to say on the subject – I wrote an article about the pros and cons vs formula here http://www.femalearts.com/node/49 – I think it is
difficult to breastfeed exclusively and take my hat off to anyone who’s managed
it.

Highchair

Was assembled today and Dillon sat proudly in his new
throne, played with his toy and ate his puree. It’s a Cosatto Noodle Zuton if
that means anything to anyone. It’s got different heights and vertical
settings, a big tray with different shape compartments, is big enough to
prevent the baby from knocking stuff off the table which he was doing before whenever
we had dinner. I’ve purchased a load of plastic glasses for me and hubbie, in
an attempt to avoid glass breakages.  I’m sure things will get worse the more mobile the baby gets and the house will slowly disintegrate (at the same time as my hair going grey and my husband’s
hair falling out). No one tells you how glamorous parenting is.

 

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication
which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy's Baby Diary: 21 Weeks – On Holiday

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I write this at 8.40pm, missing the last day of the Edinburgh fringe festival, my bottom lip jutting out in disappointment – so near and yet so far. We are staying in Kippford in the Scottish borders, a good 2 hour drive from the land of the fringe.

But this is a lovely part of the world to be in – staying in a beautiful holiday home with a fantastic view of the estuary and rolling hills, with yachts, a kite buggy and waterskiing  in view and a shell beach accessible from the property’s front garden it is idyllic for Dillon’s first holiday.

Bottom teeth

Dillon has a second tooth visible already and he’s not yet 5 months old. It is happening so quickly!

High pitched

Dillon has been babbling for a while but recently he has started high pitched squealing, sounds like he is practicing to be a choir boy or piglet.

 Car travel

It took us 7 ½ hours to get to Scotland including a stop at services, which was very close to how much time it should have taken. All this was thanks to Dillon being very well behaved on the drive. We seem to have learnt from our previous mistakes – we can’t leave him in the back seat unattended, he needs to have his mum there with milk, dummy, teething materials and anything else he may require to hand. Then we have a good journey.

Infacol

The baby has been crying a lot in the evenings and we think this had been caused by wind. Although it takes some getting used to, giving Infacol to Dillon before a feed seems to have helped his digestion and temper a great deal.

 Nose and Gums

I love the triangular shape of the underside of his nose and the top set of gums in his mouth. When he was smaller his chin quivered. The skin on his cheeks is so soft I’ve never felt anything like it. These traits are common to all babies, I never realised how adorable I would find them. His smile and laugh light up the room. Sometimes I want him to stop growing and just stay how he is – perfect. But then I’m so sentimental I cried at Abba’s Slipping Through My Fingers (Mamma Mia)before I had him. I can’t get over the thought that once I was his size, once his grandparents were, once everyone was a tiny helpless baby – even the biggest, toughest, wealthiest, tallest, most beautiful, oldest, powerful people were tiny, possibly breastfed and wet themselves.

There is no internet connection here so I don’t know how long it will be before I can get this online.

Until next time – cherish each moment.

 © Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.

Wendy’s Baby Diary: 20 Weeks – Posset and Celebrity Babies

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Bedtimes

We failed to install consistent bedtimes. We put the baby to bed at 7pm – he didn’t sleep. Then 8pm, then 9pm… Now, we just take the baby to bed when we go up at 11pm! If it’s this hard at four months, how are we going to cope when he’s older?  He’ll fall asleep on the sofa, but as soon as you move him, he’s awake and crying. It can take up to an hour to get the baby to sleep. And sometimes he just won’t go to sleep at all.

When we’ve worked out a routine, I’ll let you know.

Deposits of posset

Yesterday, Dillon threw up three times but waited between each bout for me to change my top, so I got sick on three different outfits . It really is horrible having a load of churned-up milk down your front. At least it’s mainly milk, with a bit of baby rice and doesn’t really smell. Baby vomit is called posset and Dillon made his deposits.

Head scratch on Cosatto cot

On Tuesday morning, Dillon got a long scratch on his head from the Cosatto ‘Close to me’ bedside cot. There’s nothing wrong with the wooden frame of the cot itself, it’s the plastic clips inside it that are rough and sharp and unfortunately we didn’t notice this until Dillon’s head was bleeding.  Since babies are growing beings with cells multiplying like crazy, it scabbed up quickly and has nearly healed in a week.  We filed down the plastic clips and covered them in bubble wrap while one angry customer email to the manufacturer is on its way.

Just wait until he starts crawling, then I’ve got a lot more to worry about!

 First tooth

The first tooth is coming up. He’s been crying with teething pain for a few weeks now, gnawing on his fist, on toys, on material, on teething rings and recently we tried a dummy which really helped. And now we can feel the first tooth which has broken through the bottom gum and is slightly protruding. How exciting!

 Nicknames

It’s so tempting to give nicknames to the baby as he changes so quickly and looks so cute. Recently, we’re calling him The Tooth, The Overlip, The OverLord, Churchill, and since he got the scratch on his head, Gorbachev, Harry Potter and Zorro.

 Celebrity babies  

Dillon was born days apart from David Tennant’s daughter Olivia (born 31st March 2011 – on Dillon’s due date) and James Corden’s baby son Max (22nd March). He’ll also be growing up at the same time as the Beckham’s daughter, Harper Seven – what a name! When I see celebrity children in papers and magazines, it is odd to think my son is growing up at the same time and in some ways their lives will be running in parallel.

Swear Words

We tried to stop swearing when I was pregnant, but habits are hard to change. Now I’m worried every time a four letter word slips out of our mouths, our friends or someone on TV, that Dillon has heard it and one day will repeat it. We’ve set the parent locks on the TV and threatened to fine each other. I think a swear box will have to be started.

Until next time – my new four letter word is FLIP!

 

© Wendy Thomson 2011

Wendy Thomson is the editor of www.femalearts.com an online publication which promotes women in the arts and in business.