As the great Willie Nelson once told us “on the road again, just can’t wait to get on the road again”. That man spoke a lot of sense in that song but he also smoked a lot of cannabis apparently, so take anything he says with a slight pinch of salt. I know I do. Why am I quoting him? This makes no sense. Which would be fine if I was high but I don’t smoke weed. So anyway the confusion is back at Frost Magazine. For those of you who don’t know, cause let’s face it as Staind said; it has, in fact, been a while, I used to write a lot of nonsense on various things right here at Frost Magazine. And now due an underwhelming lack of public interest in those articles I am back to do some more. No need to thank me I know you didn’t ask me too. So let’s get down do it and do something America can’t do and raise the ceiling! That joke works better if it’s raise the roof but it’s not called the Debt Roof. If it was then the debt roof really is on fire. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. Anywho….
Let me introduce this little idea of mine. It’s called “on tangent” and basically I like to wander aimlessly wherever my mind takes me at that moment. There is never a moment when I can truly stay on topic. For example writing this now I have had to avoid slipping into a few lines on the topic chocolate bar. You see I will never be on topic and don’t go looking for a topic because there’s isn’t one. However I can promise that I can stay on tangent. There is to the best of my knowledge no chocolate bar called tangent. There is one in Sweden called Plop but none called Tangent. Plop is actually quite a tasty bit of confectionary. You see my issue. So here I present the first ever on tangent – I’ll keep these brief there is only so long you can read them before they become intolerable.
I thought we could start with something deep. The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Unless, of course, you’re a surgeon in which case that’s just not true at all. What I would like to talk with you about today is something that I believe is an important topic that deserves deep consideration. Why does Alexander Armstrong look quite so much like a Toby Jug? That’s not it but it just struck me, and I felt I should share.
Admittedly saying that was a tad pointless. Oh yes that’s right he shoots and he scores. Thank you thank you no need to applaud. I do quite like that quiz though it’s quite a good tea time watch. I wouldn’t mind going on pointless because I wouldn’t win and it would be pointless. I think we can all see the circularity in that. It would be the purest form of the quiz and I would have embraced the totality of the nature of naming the quiz pointless. Because my being on the show would be pointless and therefore that would surely make the lords of quiz naming happy. Although I have a feeling the name was initially rejected as the title for a Katie Price reality show. Or even just as the tagline to her life. I mean that would be a more honest title for one of those shows. Speaking of honest advertising here is a few potential company slogans if the companies involved decided to be a bit more honest about themselves:
1.We’re not ethical but you knew that – NewsCorp
2.We do terrible things but aren’t your trainers comfortable? – Nike
3.Evil vs tasty? Tasty wins – Nestle
4. Want to look like you care without trying too hard? Cadburys Dairy Milk
5. At this point we could probably sell you anything – Apple
6. Come on you don’t even watch Panorama – Primark
7.You don’t really understand it but everyone is else is doing it – Twitter
Speaking of advertising one of the adverts I saw for the new Alpha Romeo Mito made me angrily confused. Now car adverts is one of the places were rhetoric and the use of over the top language is common place and I can accept that for what it is. A ford focus won’t give you more focus. But this? Sorry Alpha this is lying! It runs on Adrenaline? It clearly won’t that’s so over the top stupid I can’t wrap my head around who said that was OK! It’s beyond my tiny mind and maybe that’s why I don’t understand it. But as the weeks role by here at Frost Magazine you’ll soon discover there are many things I don’t understand. And that’s ok. There is nothing wrong with saying I don’t understand. Nick Clegg says it every day when he looks in the mirror. And I can help Nick it’s called standing by your beliefs. Talk to Paddy Ashdown about it he might be able to help you out. You remember him right Nick?
So that’s all for this particular peculiar but always molecular edition of On tangent. I am aware that last sentence makes about as much sense as going to Lycos to do a search for Google but, you know, when you’re the type of person who does go to Lycos and type in Google you run with whatever you can think of. When I went to Lycos and typed in Google I just wanted it to link to a picture of a dog crying with the text “why do you mock me like this? It’s not right. You know where Google is. Why do you have to remind me things aren’t as good as we planned? I hate Google!” Thanks for reading until next time please occasionally use Lycos it will make its little tail wag.
PS – If Lycos had become the world powerhouse instead of Google would the popular phrase for doing an internet search have been “fetching”? It would have been better then “dogging it”