Tag Archives: working mother

I am a Freelance Working Mother and This is What it is Like

Posted on by

working mother, working, parent, freelance, parenting, writer, writing, Catherine BalavageHello there from the trenches of working motherhood. I am a freelance writer and editor with two children under three. Today I feel faintly refreshed after having a few hours sleep last night. I get asked a lot what it is like being a freelance writing mother so I want to take you through my week. I will also update you as time goes on. Welcome to my world.

Last week my son was ill and not in nursery. He goes to nursery part-time. Three hours five days a week. Thankfully it is a nursery in a state school so is free. Unlike his previous nursery which cost over £1600 a term. Anyway, back to the point. So my son was ill, my daughter had a little cold and the freelance Gods thought this would be a good time for me to get a lot of work. I find as a freelancer that I get a lot of work all at once, or barely any. I make more money at the beginning of the year than I do the end. So my son was ill, I had no childcare and the baby was not sleeping at night. Even more than usual. Now, she doesn’t sleep anyway. She is sixteen months old and has slept though the night once. So I am one tired mama. And as usual, everything was happening at once.

I got a lot of work, hundreds of emails to go through, this mag to run and a million other things to do. It is full on and stressful. I would not want it any other way but I would quite like a spa day. To top it off my husband went off to Scotland for two days on a work trip. I swear, I do not know how single mothers do it. Both children were up all night and I ended up shaking from head to toe in my bed from the exhaustion. I get people telling me to just take it easy when it comes to my work, or to quit. It infuriates me. No one tells me to not be up all night with the baby, or to not do domestic crap, but doing something for myself and continuing to work on my career? Yeah, let’s give up the thing that keeps me sane.

In December I passed a writing course I was doing. It was intense and stressful doing it while looking after two children but I now have the certificate. The sense of pride and accomplishment always makes it worthwhile. I love working. There are many benefits to work other than money. There is the social aspect, the accomplishment, the contribution to society and the world as a whole. Work is important so I will carry on. Even when it means keeping one eye on the children while working on my computer.

I wrote my first novel by putting my son in the pram and walking until he fell asleep. I would then write two thousand words. Every day. No excuses. It worked and that is the thing about being a freelance working mother. You find what works and then you do it. It leaves you with valuable skills. I would not give it up for anything. I hope you find some of the upcoming posts helpful. Feel free to comment and you can email me at frostmagazine at gmail.com

 

Diary of a Freelance Working Mother: On Busybodies

Posted on by

working mother , parenting, writer, Catherine BalavageIt was Jean Paul Sartre who said that hell is other people, but he did not get it quite right. What he should have said was that hell is other people and their opinions. Now if they can keep those opinions to themselves then it is happiness all-round. I spend large parts of my day not pointing out to someone how much of a jerk they are. An underrated and valuable skill, but one that seems in short supply when you have a child. I am going to do my best to make sure this weeks column is not an all-out rant, but I am going to put out a plea: please stop telling me how to raise my child.

There is a woman in my local area who seems nice enough, yet since my son was about nine months has asked me almost every single time she has seen me why he is not in nursery. Answer: because he is TWO-YEARS OLD. I have tried to explain to her his age and my personal reasons, but each time I am met with a lecture. Because, god forbid, a woman might want to raise her own child, right? Ditto for the fact I also got a long lecture from her on how my son was too old to be in a pram. ‘You are spoiling him’ she said. Never mind the fact that I am pregnant and he had just turned two, no, make him walk along the busy road and have no rest. That is definitely the answer.

Things like this happen all of the time. Some people will just critique. Ask you if your child can do something (competitive parents, they are just the worst), criticise their clothes/nails/cleanliness/hair, or ask a barrage of questions while pulling faces and making comments. Another bugbear is the busybodies who interfere and always think they know best. It does not matter that their children grew up decades ago and they lived in a separate place than you, they will always know exactly what to do in regards to nurseries and schools, as well as where you should take your child. The passing of time means nothing. Everything they did with their child, you in turn must do, because they know best.

I find with busybodies there is a number of things to do. One is smile and nod. Always best with strangers. The second is smile and say you do not agree, or make a joke of it. The best is to ask them nicely and politely to not interfere. The latter is always better with family. They will not stop if you do not tell them their behaviour is unacceptable. They may not even change then, but, trust me, you will feel better. In the meantime keep your head up, work on your sense of humour as it is the only thing that will get you through, and always stand up for yourself.

Please share any similar experience below, or just add your own comments. I would love to know what you think.

 

Diary of a Freelance Working Mother: Park Life

Posted on by

A term time break. The summer holidays. This used to mean something when I was in school, but since my son is still in toddlerhood it does not hold the same excitement. I am not saying it has no effect on my life: the toddler groups close or become less frequent. When they are open they are busier than ever. It seems like everyone, apart from our family, has taken August off and is having a wonderful time sunning themselves in an exotic location. Cry. But what really changes during term breaks is that I end up going to the park with my little one. Parks that are busier than ever.

Usually my little one and I are too busy to go to the park. His social life is packed with different events and lessons. From Monkey Music to his toddler groups. But toddlers need to learn, get fresh air, and burn off their energy. Fun for toddlers, but not always for the mama. I usually love taking my son on the swing, and watching him do the assault course. There are a lot of parks near where we live in South-West London, and they all have something different to offer. But the real interesting thing is the people that each park attracts. Some are easy-going with friendly toddlers, others are full of aggressive children and mothers who do not care. General piece of advice to them: it is called parenting, not let-them-do-whatever-they-want-ing. I reckon I could write a book just on the politics of park life.

I recently had a lovely conversation with a little girl about Star Wars, had an aggressive 10-year-old call my two-year-old a ‘s**t f**k’ because he wanted to go on the bus, and strike up a conversation with a friendly Irish mother whose sons toy my son kept trying to steal. It went well until she told me that 5-year-olds are harder work than two-year-olds and then I just wanted to start drinking, everyday.

I have had many great conversations with other mothers and their children. Not every experience has been great however. Where there is all of life that will not happen. Recently it started to rain just as I took my son to the park, we waited under a tree until it passed. Another mother came to the fence near us and started saying how she had lost her phone to a friend, and had left it on the fence. She gave me the eye and I gave the eye back, irritated. She then went all over the park looking for her phone. A while later she came up to me and asked ‘if I had seen a phone’. I told her, no. The rain passed and I took my son into the park for some fun. I looked over at one point to see the mean mother, who had previously been bitching about me to all of her friends, On Her Phone. No apology. Difficult mothers cannot be entirely avoided. Neither can the competitive ones. One mother kept telling me my son was 3 ‘because he looks 3’ It is hard to argue with that kind of logic.

Negative moments aside I now get why I saw so many mother in parks before I become a mother. Some looked exhausted and spaced out, others were on their phones, and some looked happy as they watched their child play. The park allows parents to socialise while the children burn off energy. On a tough day, it takes some of those hours away when they feel endless. So I might see you at the park, but I will make sure it is a friendly one. Feel free to strike up a conversation.

 

The Diary of a Freelance Working Mother

Posted on by

working mother, mother, working, freelance, blogger, mummy blogger, blogger, parenting blogger, blogger, writing, Hello Frost readers. Many of you will know me quite well, others will be be thinking, ‘Why is the woman being so arrogant to think that we know who she is?’ And you may have a point, so let me introduce myself properly: I am the editor and founder of Frost Magazine. I am also a writer, author, editor, filmmaker and actor. But above all of this I am a mother. Which is the hardest thing of all.

When I got pregnant I felt like I was in a good position as a freelancer. I could be a full time mother AND have a career. Sure it would be hard, but I was used to hard. It is hard not to laugh thinking about this now. Being a freelancer is hard, but the flexibility has always made it worth it for me. Looking back now I can see I was naive when I thought it would be easy. I did not realise just how hard being a mother would be. The funniest thing is that I breastfeed for over a year and I look back at those times when I had a breastfeeding newborn and think of them as the easy days because now I have a two-year-old. For all of those mothers who have babies, enjoy this time. Toddlers are really hard work. Even my sweet and loving son. I know others have it harder. Very much so.

I am going to start this as a column. I am heavily pregnant as I write this and I just want to share the craziness of life as a freelance working mother. The timing is not great. I will be trying my best to take a proper maternity leave and cut back on work. There will be days, weeks even, when I let myself just be a mother and not run myself into the ground. Something that I have been known to do a lot in the past. It has taken becoming a parent to realise that I am not invincible, That self care is important. So I will continue to write my books and run this online mag while I raise my children. But while I am doing that I am going to tell you about how I spend the days taking my son to toddler groups and playing lego, and then writing and answering emails in the evening. I will give you some tips on both parenting and work. I will share with you how I wrote my first fiction book. Spoiler alert: by walking my son around in his pram until he feel sleep and then banging out 2000 words a day on my iPhone. I will talk to you about the guilt and the stress. But most of all I will let you know that I have no regrets at the path I have taken. Being a mother is the best things that ever happened to me. Motherhood is hard and sometimes I feel I am not up to the task, and choosing to work (which I am fully aware is a privilege) gives me back my identity and my freedom. Writers write. So stay tuned. I hope you enjoy the journey.

 

MumsThread On The Motherhood Penalty: Can Only Men Have it All?

Posted on by

how old is too old to have a baby? post natal depression, PND,There has been a lot in the media about the Motherhood Penalty so I felt I had to give my opinion on it. The truth is, it exists. As for the next question in the title: can only men have it all? Mostly. Yes, I know. It isn’t fair and it certainly is sexist, but having a child affects a women’s career much more than a man’s. Now there are exceptions to the rule, and the number of stay-at-home dads is growing, but childcare is still widely seen as a women’s issue. And that’s wrong. Women get the motherhood penalty but men get the daddy bonus.

It is not that women can’t have it all. You can, but it’s really hard. Mostly it is just that they can’t have it all at the same time. Parenthood requires sacrifice. The sacrifice comes from both genders, but weighs heavier on the female. Since my husband and I had our son his career has gone from strength-to-strength, he gets to go out occasionally and even gets invited to award ceremonies because he has a permanent unpaid babysitter at home. In contrast, my life now resembles almost nothing of its predecessor because I don’t. I have given up numerous opportunities because I could not juggle them with my child.  Somedays I get no work done at all. Other days I just stare at my son while he plays thinking about how the hell I can be a good mother to him, run a business and be an author and freelance writer. Because, and it pains me to say this, sometimes I can’t. Something has got to give, and usually it is my hobbies, social life, and career. My husband still has the bones of his old life. Only his evenings and weekends are different, my old life on the other hand was obliterated. My son is worth it of course, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes miss the person I used to be and the life I used to have. I wrote about this subject before I had my son and while I still think women can do whatever they want with their lives, it is harder for them.

I could put my child into a nursery of course. But let’s not kid ourselves, that is not having it all either. There is nothing wrong with it. I have female friends who ended their maternity leave early because they said they could not take being at home with a baby all day. Being at home with a baby all day is hard and I don’t judge. Good for her, not for me. There is also the cost of childcare, which is extortionate. The nursery next to us cost £93 a day. A DAY! Who can afford that?

I read in the Metro that 2 out of every 3 women with pre-school children are locked out of work. I was fired twice when I was pregnant, and many other promises amounted to nothing when my pregnancy became public knowledge. It upset me then and it upsets me now. There are generations of women who had so much to offer the world, but maternity discrimination put paid to that. It is no surprise that the “mumpreneur” industry is so huge. And you only have to look at what mumpreneurs are doing to know that there are not the ones missing out, the people who forced them out of work are. I recently saw the amazing Diane Keaton film Baby Boom. It was made in 1987 but is just as relevant today. It is on netflix.com so do watch it. In the beginning Diane Keaton’s boss tells her that only men get to have it all, but in the end she starts her own business and becomes a mother. She really does get to have it all.

I know many of friends who aren’t even thinking of having children but are married and “of an age” so are discriminated against. I think maternity leave should apply to both sexes. Then women cannot be the only ones discriminated against. It is a thought. I might not work, but something has to be done. Whether by women who start their own business, by making sure that men are not discriminated against for wanting to stay at home, or by a change in the law, we need to keep doing whatever we can. Not just for ourselves, but for our daughters and sons too.

Zoe Saldana: Being a Working Mother is The “Biggest Battle”

Posted on by

Zoe_Saldana_at_82nd_Academy_Awards_(cropped)Avatar actress Zoe Saldana has said that juggling her career while raising her twins is her “biggest battle”, because her requests for childcare is seen as a perk. Zoe and husband Marco Perego welcomed their twins, Bowie and Cy, 19-months ago.

“It should not be considered a perk, I’m not asking for a masseuse on set. I’m asking you to pay for my children to have proper care so that I can give your film the proper care it needs too.” She told the Evening Standard. The 38-year-old actress also said that she wants to “contribute to a greater good” by only doing films that further gender and racial equality. She also said she would not do any jobs which are “objectifying or gratuitous”.

“Studios are the ones that are not green-lighting black projects, they’re the ones sending internal emails and laughing, And bullying women and bullying people of colour. I am speaking up and I am stepping down as well. Sometimes by saying no (to some roles), you’re helping – you’re contributing to a greater good. Women have been compelled to be quiet for too long. We have to shed light on things that are obviously unfair, uneven, unequal – things that should be illegal.”

She said about her role in blockbusters: “In a world where there’s so much turmoil, maybe what our children need is to believe in superheroes,”

 

HIGH-FLYING FEMALES SHOULD NOT FEEL “GUILT” RETURNING TO WORK AFTER HAVING A BABY

Posted on by

Successful women in business should not feel any guilt returning to work after having children.

They will have made the decision to return to work because it is in the best interests of their families and themselves.

Niamh O’Keeffe, MD of First100, a global company which aims to help senior women executives return to their roles after maternity leave.

Leadership performance acceleration company First100, which has offices in London, New York and Dublin, works with senior executives to put in place plans for their first 100 days in either a new role or the same role after returning from having a child.

First100 has issued a series of tips for maternity returners, including:

· Let go of the previous role as full-time mother
· Return to the work environment as a confident woman and leader
· Find the right balance between the roles of mother and senior business executive.
· Everything will have changed so prepare well in advance.

Niamh O’Keeffe said: “Once a woman has made the decision to return to work, they need to let go of their role as full-time mother and carry no guilt. Guilt is something brought on by the individual and no one else.

“The woman will have made this decision in the best interests of her and her family and they need to be pragmatic in making it work.

“Living in the moment is critical. When the woman is at home, they need to be fully at home and not juggling their laptop and BlackBerry while making the tea or reading a bedtime story. Equally, when they are at work, it is vital they are not constantly calling home to make sure everything is okay.”

Niamh added that finding the “right balance” was crucial in order to make a true success of combining being a successful woman in business with being a mother.

“The working mum needs to take time out regularly to check they have the balance right. Sometimes one area of your life can get very busy which makes it easy to lose focus in another part of your life. Taking time out to refuel and refocus is very important.

“It is also critical to set realistic expectations at work and at home as there are only so many hours in the day.”

The majority of First100’s clients are male, but the company is finding an increasing number of senior women executives asking it to help them navigate their vital first 100 days in a role or when returning from maternity leave.

First 100 days plans are becoming increasingly common-place within global organisations such as Vodafone, Accenture, Telefonica 02, BP, BT and Merck.

Niamh said: “From my own personal experience and the feedback I receive from our consultants working with clients in the UK, Ireland and United States, female business leaders often make far more willing clients.

“Women are often easier to coach than their male counterparts and more willing to listen and take on board new skills to help them succeed in challenging roles. Sometimes senior male executives are instinctively more defensive and cynical and need a little longer to be persuaded as to the merits of the coaching.

“Undoubtedly, one of the principal reasons why women are generally quicker to understand the benefits of working with companies such as First100 is that they face the added pressures of competing in a still male-dominated business world, many with the challenge of juggling huge responsibilities both at work and at home.

“Putting in place a sound strategic plan for your first 100 days whether you are taking on a new role or returning from having a baby can make all the difference between success and failure.”