Almost 50% of working mothers feel forced to send their children back to school or childcare to save their job
New research from charity and campaign group, Pregnant Then Screwed, which has spoken to 3,686 pregnant women and mothers to understand what the impact of Covid-19 is having on their careers so far, found that 57% of employed mothers believe that their increased childcare responsibilities during the pandemic has impacted their career prospects or will harm them in the future. Techniques like the kidspiration in gorton adopted in reputed nurseries can help children be more creative and learn more at a tender age.
After 11 weeks in lockdown as nurseries and childcare facilities have begun to open up, almost half of all working mums (48.6%) have admitted they feel forced to send their children back.
Joeli Brearley, Founder of Pregnant Then Screwed explains, ‘We know from the London School of Economics that women are more likely to deal with homeschooling, childcare and chores around the house than men. What’s terrifying is the volume of mothers that we have spoken to who after just 12 weeks already feel that this will negatively impact their career.’
This research has also found that a huge majority (78%) of working mothers have found it challenging to manage childcare and their paid work during lockdown, and a quarter (25%) of these mothers explained that their work hasn’t been flexible to allow for them to complete their paid work and manage childcare duties.
Joeli Brearley explains, ‘It’s utterly disgraceful that employers haven’t recognised that working from home with children has been a case of absolute survival. Women are more likely than men to lose their jobs in the impending recession* and yet for a quarter of working mothers their employer has refused to give them the flexibility they need. This has resulted in women being pushed into unpaid leave, sick pay or furloughed as a direct result of having children. It’s no wonder working mothers aren’t thinking positively about their future careers.’
The survey also spoke to pregnant women, and found that 7.7% are expecting to be made redundant, of these women 20% believe their pregnancy is a factor. Not all pregnant women are able to adhere to social distancing measures, with 5% still going to work, rising to 6.4% for BAME pregnant women, in environments that are unsafe. 15% of pregnant women working in the NHS are still having face to face contact with patients who could have Covid-19, and 8.1% of pregnant women have been suspended from work on incorrect terms including sick pay, no pay, enforced annual leave or put on maternity leave early.
Joeli Brearley, Founder Pregnant Then Screwed, comments, ‘If you are being treated differently in the workplace than other women or men because you are pregnant this is discrimination and it is illegal. If your work has not completed a health and safety risk assessment to prove that you are safe at work, and will not come within 2m of other people, this is illegal. Pregnant women are in the vulnerable category, they must be protected, not penalised, and not put in harm’s way.’
The future could however be brighter where flexible working is concerned, as 58% of working mothers think that homeworking will be possible once normality resumes, this is an increase of 14.4% from pre-Feb 2020.
Hello there from the trenches of working motherhood. I am a freelance writer and editor with two children under three. Today I feel faintly refreshed after having a few hours sleep last night. I get asked a lot what it is like being a freelance writing mother so I want to take you through my week. I will also update you as time goes on. Welcome to my world.
Last week my son was ill and not in nursery. He goes to nursery part-time. Three hours five days a week. Thankfully it is a nursery in a state school so is free. Unlike his previous nursery which cost over £1600 a term. Anyway, back to the point. So my son was ill, my daughter had a little cold and the freelance Gods thought this would be a good time for me to get a lot of work. I find as a freelancer that I get a lot of work all at once, or barely any. I make more money at the beginning of the year than I do the end. So my son was ill, I had no childcare and the baby was not sleeping at night. Even more than usual. Now, she doesn’t sleep anyway. She is sixteen months old and has slept though the night once. So I am one tired mama. And as usual, everything was happening at once.
I got a lot of work, hundreds of emails to go through, this mag to run and a million other things to do. It is full on and stressful. I would not want it any other way but I would quite like a spa day. To top it off my husband went off to Scotland for two days on a work trip. I swear, I do not know how single mothers do it. Both children were up all night and I ended up shaking from head to toe in my bed from the exhaustion. I get people telling me to just take it easy when it comes to my work, or to quit. It infuriates me. No one tells me to not be up all night with the baby, or to not do domestic crap, but doing something for myself and continuing to work on my career? Yeah, let’s give up the thing that keeps me sane.
In December I passed a writing course I was doing. It was intense and stressful doing it while looking after two children but I now have the certificate. The sense of pride and accomplishment always makes it worthwhile. I love working. There are many benefits to work other than money. There is the social aspect, the accomplishment, the contribution to society and the world as a whole. Work is important so I will carry on. Even when it means keeping one eye on the children while working on my computer.
I wrote my first novel by putting my son in the pram and walking until he fell asleep. I would then write two thousand words. Every day. No excuses. It worked and that is the thing about being a freelance working mother. You find what works and then you do it. It leaves you with valuable skills. I would not give it up for anything. I hope you find some of the upcoming posts helpful. Feel free to comment and you can email me at frostmagazine at gmail.com
First it was in the papers. Then it was in some magazines. Of course, it was in the Daily Mail. It was sexism and bullshit dressed up as self-help. It said that women can have it all if they just get up an hour earlier. Much like a lot of self help: it was geared towards women to let them know that they weren’t good enough. That they weren’t working hard enough, that nothing they give is enough. Because, ladies, we should all be getting up an hour earlier. The leading story on The Daily Mail earlier today was a group of slim, successful working mothers who all get up at 4am. For quality time, to exercise, to work. Well I have had enough. You know what women really need? More sleep. I already work to 1am most nights, I don’t need to cut off hours at the other end.
Now, getting up earlier isn’t necessarily bad advice, but I take umbrage at it being marketed to working mothers. To any woman actually. Now, nothing happens in a vacuum. This started when author Samantha Ettus claimed to have come up with the formula to living a guilt-free and fulfilling life in her new book The Pie Life. I haven’t read the book, and getting up earlier IS a good way to get more done. But it doesn’t fit everyone and too many publications have taken it and used it as a stick to beat women with. Sleep is important for health, and if you are tired you will be less alert. I get more done when I have had a good nights sleep, I am sure you do too.
The truth is, no one gets to have it all and the bigger truth is that it would take more than an extra hour for me to fit it all in enough to have it all. What working mothers really need is for daddy to help out more. Or a nanny, a cook, and a cleaner. I am not saying that men don’t do their fair share, but I would like articles to point this out more: that a child has two parents and that mum needs a break sometimes. Working smarter is better than working harder. I get hardly any sleep as it is and there is no way in hell I am letting anyone take that away from me. So sleep ladies. Sleep until the baby/toddler/child wakes you up, and if it is a weekend, make sure you hand them over to daddy for an extra 10 minutes.
Out of all of the truisms, few are more true as when you choose a job, you choose a lifestyle. This was never more true when I first became an actor many moons ago (at one point I had three survival jobs. A day one, an evening one and a weekend one), or when I had a corporate job that paid absurdly well, but made me unhappy because it felt like my creative soul was dying.
Now I have a child lifestyle is important. I have been self employed and freelance for about six years now. And it is wonderful and awful, easy and hard. The truth is: I have worked harder and had tougher work conditions as my own boss than in any other. Frequently not allowing myself breaks, chaining myself to my desk as I just churn the work out. But having my son last year resulted in changes. Mostly because I fell head over heels in love with him, and I will never be the same again. It has required sacrifices, and sometimes those sacrifices are that I get barely any work done at all. Those days are the toughest. I have turned down a lot of great opportunities and my acting career is on the back burner, but I know that the privilege of seeing my son grow up is bigger than anything else. It was always important to me that my son was raised by at least one of his parents. It’s not a judgment call, all power to nannies and nurseries. In fact, I wish I could afford a live-in nanny, or a night nanny. Oh what heaven that would be.
But what I didn’t bargain on was how much I love working. Even the worst job I had brought something good with it: money, a reason to get out of bed, meeting people, a sense of worth. I am not saying I want to go back to those awful jobs, but work gives you identity and freedom. It means you are contributing to society. All of these are things that are very important. Even more so when you have a child and otherwise you just feel like someone’s mother and someone’s wife. I am not slamming being a housewife. It is as valid a choice as any. But I know myself, I need to work, and times where I can’t fit my work in due to childcare/a sick child/ a problem with the flat leaves me with a void. I also believe that a woman needs something for herself, even if it is just a hobby. Women tend to sacrifice themselves and it is unhealthy. Not just for the mother, but all the family. I would love to share childcare 50/50 with my husband, but he works in finance and that is just not possible. So some days I will write an article on my iPhone in the playpen with the baby, I will work on my book as much as possible when the baby finally naps. It has taught me to work smarter, not harder. To be quicker. But the thing having a child has most taught me is quality of life. I no longer chain myself to my desk. I say no to things. Because I have something which gives me more joy than anything else: my son’s face. Even on my hardest day he gives me joy. He has taught me that life is more important than work. I would constantly burn myself out before he came along, now I know that I just have to do what I can and that I am enough. I should be proud of my achievements. On the flip side, I got irritated when a lot of people asked if I would still work after I had a baby, and when I see an article on “selfish” mothers going out to work. I mean, God forbid a women wants to have a career and professional fulfilment. Y’now, like men get to do. No one ever asked a man how he juggles work with having children. The other thing is money: how many households can really survive on one income?
Many women do not get to see their babies grow up. They have to go out and work. I can earn a living as a freelancer and that is a huge achievement. I know I have the best of both worlds, even if I have to bribe the baby with Disney cartoons while I work. It was Sheryl Sandberg who said there is no such thing as work/life balance. There is just life and work and there is no balance. She is a wise woman. As long as I am kind to myself and get everything done eventually I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
I met Vanessa in the City. She is fashionable, warm, friendly and passionate. I came to interview her about her amazing site for women in the City: wearethecity.com. A place where women can find help and advice with their work, life and careers.
Vanessa Vallely: “There are three core values that I had in mind when I set it up that hold true. One, that we provide a platform for female entrepreneurs to get their products to market on the basis that it fits into our members’ demographic. We do that by taking away hefty advertising fees for them and to give female entrepreneurs a bit of a leg up. We are also a conduit to charities to get to high net worth women. We will actively promote any network or any organisation that is free that will develop skills for women. So probably 40% of what we do on the website falls into that value set, that is really important to me.”
Frost: First of all, what are you wearing? You look great.
VV: “I am wearing a Britt Lintner dress with my normal Gucci shoes and scarf. She is a fantastic designer. She set herself up a couple of years ago doing dresses and managed to get her collection into Harrods, although she’s taking some time out because she’s raising some small children.”
When did you know you wanted to go into business?
“I left school at 16 with just a couple of GSCEs and headed out into the city with 15 pence and a bag of ambition because I wanted to change my lifestyle and my mum’s as well. We come from a very socially and economically-challenged background, so I knew that I wanted to be successful, I knew that the financial district was two miles away from where I lived and that was where I was going to start.
“I actually realised I wanted to develop the website three years ago due to my frustration with not having a site that covered everything in my life. There needs to be a bit of lifestyle in there because let’s not hide it, I am a woman. I need to eat, I need to have my hair done, I need to find a dentist. But I also wanted to upskill myself outside of my corporate environment, so how was I going to that?
“Women’s networks, courses I could go on – for me it’s frustrating. If I Googled that information, I would spend hours on the internet. I wanted to find it all on one site so my husband said, ‘Why don’t you create a website for women?’ and we built it together.
“So that’s when I knew that I wanted to work for myself. I love my corporate job and run the website outside of work.
“My aspirations in 10 years time are to be the CEO of a charity, because I do a lot for charity still.”
Tell me about being a Pearly Queen?
“It has been in my family for 100 years. The Pearly Kings and Queens were started by an Orphan called Henry Croft and he used to sew buttons on his suit, he was a rat-catcher in the markets.
“If you think about London 100-odd years ago it was still markets, no superstores or anything. So he used to hang around the markets with the costermongers who were the apple sellers. They used to sew buttons on their suits and were called flash boys.
“If the costermongers were down on their luck, their entire family was affected if someone was ill. There was no social security then, so he used to raise money in the markets for his fellow orphans. Eventually he was so much in demand, he couldn’t be at all the markets, so he made head Pearly Kings and Queens of each of the 20 boroughs of the London of the time and they’d raise money for individuals in that borough. My granddad was pearly King of East London and he passed that title to my father and my father passed it to me.
“I have been a Pearly Queen since I was three years old. I was Pearly Queen of Hoxton until this year when I gave that title to my 11-year-old daughter and I have taken the City of London from my dad. So we still go out and put our buttons on for various charities. I don’t quite sing and dance the way I used to, but it is a lovely part of London heritage and we are as famous as the Chelsea Pensioners, so why not do it? The fact that I have a profile in the City helps because it could die out with people getting old.”
I read that you could see the city from….
“I could, from my tower block window. I lived on the 18th floor and could see NatWest tower. I used to say to my mum, ‘I am going to work there one day and I am going to change how we live’. My first job was in that building.
I drive past there now and I look up at that tower block and I think, That’s where it all began’. We were broke half the time. There were lots of people with challenges and me and my mum were one of them, but bit-by-bit we made it out through sheer hard work. Most of my childhood was spent going to school and then cleaning betting shops until 11 pm. I don’t know if my mum still has it, but I think there’s a picture where I am holding a mop that is bigger than I am. I still love to clean – mopping and stuff like that.”
Was it hard getting to where you are now? Any reinforced ceilings?
“Yes, in the City I was different in a time when diversity wasn’t really appreciated. I didn’t speak the right way, I didn’t look right, and had a bit of an attitude. I was quite precocious and quite a forceful individual because I wanted to get ahead. I never had a college network to back me up, I never knew anyone, so I had to fight my corner a little bit harder.
“There were individuals who I worked for along the way who told me I can’t do what I have done. They said I’ll never succeed or I’ll never cut it or I’ll never get that job. I love people like that because they fuel my fire and I love to say to them, ‘Well, actually, you were wrong’.”
It’s all connections isn’t it?
“Absolutely. And I spent the past six years building those connections, not just for me, but for other people. I find people jobs, I mentor, I connect businesses, source providers. I spend probably 30% of my week connecting people to others. That’s why my strapline is ‘Make The Magic Happen’. They can go off and do stuff together. They call me a ‘contentpreneur’. I enjoy doing that and enjoy hearing about what other people have done as a result, because I feel like I was part of it.”
I heard that you were the most connected women in London….
“I do know a lot of people. I do agree that there are only three degrees of separation. I can get to most people if I need to. But I don’t call on favours often. I only call on them when I need them. I am more likely to be found giving favours or doing stuff for other people. That’s my model and I enjoy doing it.”
What do you think made you successful?
“Passion and drive. But also I open most conversations with, ‘what can I do for that person?’ and I think what you end up with is thanks. You are good to other people and they want to help you back. Also volunteering for things other people didn’t want to do. People would say, ‘oh, I don’t want to do that’ if there was a project that was really messy. I was the first one with my hands up, because I think you learn so much as a consequence of being in a mess, fixing it, and getting yourself out of that mess.
“I have always volunteered for projects that other people don’t want and for things I don’t necessarily have the expertise for. There are things I have worked on when I’d have to come home and study. I would read books and call on my network, saying, ‘Can you help me understand this stuff?’. I am not a hugely academic person, but I get things done and I have people skills. I get along so well with people. I think if you approach it a certain way, then people will help you.”
What do you think about the global economy?
“I think we’re in a tight space. I think we have been in a tight space since 2008. You look at what happened with the banks out there, Northern Rock and stuff, it has had a knock-on effect. It’s wider now, it’s countrywide, Portugal, Greece, Ireland.
“I think it’s a tough place to be. I think it’s a tough time for businesses, but I also think tough times are the best place to grow sometimes. You are starting from a very low point. I think there are people who will thrive as a consequence, but we have to watch what we are doing. It’s difficult. It’s difficult for public services, schools, I mean I do a lot of work within charities who have had their funding cut. I think the whole world is feeling the pinch. It’s a scary place to be.”
What was the original idea behind Wearethecity.com?
“It was my frustration that there wasn’t really a website for women. There wasn’t something that showed me a one-stop shop where I could make a change. There are now 20-30 charities that we promote and we have over 200 writers.
“These are girls that have never written for publications before and are amazingly talented. Some of them want to share their experiences and they are writing about a myriad of things, those problems that women face in their careers, life, childcare, elderly care, career aspirations, setting up a business. We are giving them the opportunity.
Wearethecity has grown from being a website that was built on an £8 a month web builder tool that anyone can get off the internet to a website that gets a million and a half hits every single month.
“Let it be noted that I have not done it on my own. There wouldn’t be a me without my husband. He built the website, he is the technical person, he has a full-time job, he believes in the power of women, he believes in me and it is a very supportive partnership. That enables me to do what I do. It is shared responsibility. Yes, when the kids are away we have an argument about whose week was more important, but he is a massive support, I couldn’t do it without him.”
How do you juggle kids with a career?
“Again, it’s a tough one. The kids come first. They have to come first. You have to spend quality time with them and it is quality time. I get up at 5:30 in the morning, generally I am pulling letters out of school bags, I write a few cheques, and I get prepared. I have a childminder that comes at 6:30, I literally hand over as I am walking out of the door. I get into work at 8:45 and I do my full day job. I see people, I do work on wearethecity on lunch breaks or after work, so I don’t mix the two.
When I am here in work, I am here in work. I do my emails on the train. I get home at 7. I see the children, the childminder goes. We tend to do a lot of quality stuff. We go to the theatre and we travel a lot because we live in quite a middle class white area and I grew up in the culturally mixing pot that is Hackney. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking the world is flat or white. I want them to have an appreciation of different religions and cultures. We cook a meal from the culture that we are visiting and then we travel there.
“My kids have a huge world map, probably three feet by two feet, that I bought them a few years ago. Every year, we choose two countries and then we go through a process. They do a little project, we talk about it, we cook a meal and we go. My kids can navigate Heathrow airport, Gatwick, Stansted like you would not believe. It has helped them to grow up. I want them to be the kind of individual who would see a person properly, for what they are, not what they look like or what their beliefs are. That is very important to me.”
Do you think the City is a good environment for women?
If you think of where we came from in the last 40 years, from being able to vote and stuff like that, I still think it is sad that we have to celebrate en masse when a women gets a board position. I would rather that was the norm.
“I also think women in my position should be role models and mentor these women because we need to build the next generation – that next pool of talent – or we’ll never get women who are ambitious enough to get onto boards.
It’s a good spot for women. The young girls that I talk to are coming out with different dreams and aspirations, with a ‘why can’t I?’ attitude, which I like because I think women should continue to push boundaries and I fully support that.”
What advice would you give to other women in business?
“Don’t take no for an answer. Try to remove the emotion. With some things that happen, it’s very easy to get a bit deflated. They just have to dust themselves off, get up and keep trying.
“Networking is one of the most important tools. Meet people, even if you can’t see an immediate need for your business. You never know when that person’s name is going to come up, so spend a lot of time networking with the right peer group. Keep those relationships warm, don’t be transactional, keep in touch even if it’s not a close contact. If it’s a peripheral contact, keep in touch every six months. Drop them an email saying. ‘I thought of you’, that sort of thing. That is massively important.
“Don’t give up. If you have a dream in your head, think about, ‘How do I get there?’. You may be back at the start and your dream is two miles ahead, so how do we get to mile one? Who do we need to help us to get there? What do I need to learn?
“Visualise that short-term goal, but keep the long-term one in mind as well. You just have to keep pushing on. It’s not always easy. I’m not perfect. I had times when I put my head in my hands and thought, ‘Why am I doing this?’ Or when I want to give up, that network around me are the ones that give me the push. You need to push on. That is what I give to my network now.”
I know what you mean, I have times when I think, ‘I can’t do this’.
“But then one of your friends will be strong and they will say, ‘Yes you can’. Then they might have a moment. I think it’s a fantastic time for women, and again, if you hang out with the right set of women who support women, it’s a fantastic place to be.”
It was Madeleine Albright who said there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women [Vanessa finishes the quote with me]
Absolutely. And she’s spot on. She said a lot of profound things. She is one of my women that I aspire to. She’s amazing.”
It is an annoying myth that women don’t help other women.
“I can honestly say 99% of women I associate with are absolutely supportive. If we don’t make a difference, if we don’t support other women, if we don’t tell young girls that they can do it, and influence and navigate….
“I don’t think a woman should ever change her make up. I look back at the pictures of me early in my career and I look like a guy, I have a pinstripe suit on. The only thing that says I am feminine is my hair and a bit of make up, because that’s how I thought I needed to be. In order to succeed, I needed to be one of them. I needed to be a ball breaker, I needed to be, ‘I don’t care. I’ll sack that one and I don’t care’.
But you know what? I am absolutely proud to be a woman. Unfortunately, women get labelled very easily, so if you are outspoken about something, you are having an emotional breakdown. If you react to something in a certain way: you’re sensitive, so it is very easy to slap a label on women, and I am like, ‘Why can’t my outburst be described the same as yours? I have a label and you are just being seen as being passionate. There is no difference.”
It’s like that quote: a women who has an opinion is a bitch, but a man with an opinion is strong.
“Exactly. A man and women can say the same statement and people will go ‘Ooh!!’ to the woman and with a man they just say, ‘Alright’. They see things how they are and won’t bat an eyelid. It is easy for women to be labeled and it’s a shame, it shouldn’t be that way.”
Workingmums Live Exhibition, a brand new exhibition event, gives working parents the opportunity to:
* Meet with family friendly employers face to face including: Deloitte, Coca Cola, Santander and H&M
* Find flexible job opportunities
* Get advice on being self employed, starting a business or setting up a franchise
* Improve their CV and brush up on interview techniques
* Get advice on retraining from the experts
* Attend informative seminars on everything from party planning to tax credits
* Find out about childcare options and business funding
Venue: Business Design Centre, Islington, London.
Time: 10am – 5pm
Nearest Tube Station: Angel
The event is free for all attendees, and you can even bring your little ones as there will be buggy parks, changing stations and crèche facilities to make life that little bit easier.
Almost 50% of working mothers feel forced to send their children back to school or childcare to save their job
