Tag Archives: working mums

MumsThread On The Motherhood Penalty: Can Only Men Have it All?

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how old is too old to have a baby? post natal depression, PND,There has been a lot in the media about the Motherhood Penalty so I felt I had to give my opinion on it. The truth is, it exists. As for the next question in the title: can only men have it all? Mostly. Yes, I know. It isn’t fair and it certainly is sexist, but having a child affects a women’s career much more than a man’s. Now there are exceptions to the rule, and the number of stay-at-home dads is growing, but childcare is still widely seen as a women’s issue. And that’s wrong. Women get the motherhood penalty but men get the daddy bonus.

It is not that women can’t have it all. You can, but it’s really hard. Mostly it is just that they can’t have it all at the same time. Parenthood requires sacrifice. The sacrifice comes from both genders, but weighs heavier on the female. Since my husband and I had our son his career has gone from strength-to-strength, he gets to go out occasionally and even gets invited to award ceremonies because he has a permanent unpaid babysitter at home. In contrast, my life now resembles almost nothing of its predecessor because I don’t. I have given up numerous opportunities because I could not juggle them with my child.  Somedays I get no work done at all. Other days I just stare at my son while he plays thinking about how the hell I can be a good mother to him, run a business and be an author and freelance writer. Because, and it pains me to say this, sometimes I can’t. Something has got to give, and usually it is my hobbies, social life, and career. My husband still has the bones of his old life. Only his evenings and weekends are different, my old life on the other hand was obliterated. My son is worth it of course, but that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes miss the person I used to be and the life I used to have. I wrote about this subject before I had my son and while I still think women can do whatever they want with their lives, it is harder for them.

I could put my child into a nursery of course. But let’s not kid ourselves, that is not having it all either. There is nothing wrong with it. I have female friends who ended their maternity leave early because they said they could not take being at home with a baby all day. Being at home with a baby all day is hard and I don’t judge. Good for her, not for me. There is also the cost of childcare, which is extortionate. The nursery next to us cost £93 a day. A DAY! Who can afford that?

I read in the Metro that 2 out of every 3 women with pre-school children are locked out of work. I was fired twice when I was pregnant, and many other promises amounted to nothing when my pregnancy became public knowledge. It upset me then and it upsets me now. There are generations of women who had so much to offer the world, but maternity discrimination put paid to that. It is no surprise that the “mumpreneur” industry is so huge. And you only have to look at what mumpreneurs are doing to know that there are not the ones missing out, the people who forced them out of work are. I recently saw the amazing Diane Keaton film Baby Boom. It was made in 1987 but is just as relevant today. It is on netflix.com so do watch it. In the beginning Diane Keaton’s boss tells her that only men get to have it all, but in the end she starts her own business and becomes a mother. She really does get to have it all.

I know many of friends who aren’t even thinking of having children but are married and “of an age” so are discriminated against. I think maternity leave should apply to both sexes. Then women cannot be the only ones discriminated against. It is a thought. I might not work, but something has to be done. Whether by women who start their own business, by making sure that men are not discriminated against for wanting to stay at home, or by a change in the law, we need to keep doing whatever we can. Not just for ourselves, but for our daughters and sons too.

Nearly Half of Working Mums Would Consider Sharing Parental Leave

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keeping children entertained on car journeysSome 44% of working mums would consider sharing their maternity leave with their partner, according to Workingmums.co.uk annual survey.

The number of women who would consider sharing their leave when the new shared parenting legislation comes in next year has risen by 3% since last year and may in part be due to a rising number of women who are the main breadwinners in their families – over 17% of women who were living with a partner say they are the main breadwinner and only in a small number of cases is this because their partner has been made redundant or had to reduce their hours.

The survey of over 2,390 working parents, sponsored by McDonald’s Restaurants Ltd, covers a wide variety of issues, from childcare and flexible working to finances, discrimination and self employment.

It shows that, despite the rise in women breadwinners, the number of women who claim to split childcare and housework equally with their partners is just 21%, down from 27% last year. Some 17% say their partners work flexibly with 4% of partners working part time.

Many women said the economic situation was affecting how long they took for maternity leave. Some 46% had returned to work early due to the recession or cost of living. Some 10% only took between one and three months’ maternity leave. The majority, however, took between seven and 12 months. Although 70% said they went back to work because they needed the money, 60% said they would work even if money was not an issue.

Other findings from the survey include:

– 56% of women say they earn less pro-rata than they did before having children.

– 49% say employers discriminate more against women in the current climate

– 60% think they have to work harder than men due to unconscious bias

– the number of parents using grandparents for childcare has risen. 56% make use of grandparents to reduce their childcare costs, 18% use tax credits, 25% have childcare vouchers; 23% use friends; 8% get older siblings to help and 18% get help from other relatives [many use a combination of options]

– 41% [up 11% on last year] spent nothing on childcare while 20% pay over £500 per month

– 32% say homeworking is their most favoured type of flexible working and homeworking is the most likely thing to encourage more women to work full time.

– 53% said that more flexible working would aid them in their career development

– Most women got the flexible working they requested, but 23% did not with 11% feeling their employer did not even consider their request at all

– Only 13% who had taken a career break found a job fairly easily afterwards

– Most women [53%] want part-time work and 15% of part timers work at least 6-8 hours extra a week

– Just 4% do a job share

– 74% of working mums are logging on to emails outside of their working hours, with 48% doing so regularly.

– 14% of respondents were on a zero hours contract or variable shifts – of these 54% prefer it as it offers flexibility, but 17% find it difficult to arrange all the childcare they need. 28% like it for the flexibility but also find it a challenge with childcare.

Gillian Nissim, founder of Workingmums.co.uk, said: “Our annual survey always throws up a wealth of information on the way women are working or would like to work and what the hurdles many face when attempting to reach their potential. It is interesting to note the appetite for shared parenting in the light of expectations that initial take-up will not be significant. This perhaps reflects a growing awareness among couples of the link between equality in the workplace and at home. It is vital that policy supports parents in having greater choice over how they balance work and family life.”

 

The Current State-of-Mind of Working Mums Today

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GUILT-RIDDEN, TORN BETWEEN TWO ROLES AND OVER-LOOKED -The current state-of-mind of working mums today

* Over three quarters (80%) of women feel guilty about going back to work and worry about leaving their child in the care of others compared with just 39% of men.
* Childcare responsibilities still fall on the mother’s shoulders, even when both parents are working.
* A fifth of dads (20%) say they wished they hadn’t gone back to work after having a family, saying they wished they could have looked after their child while over a third (37%) of men say they work full time with NO flexibility at all.

competitionNew research into the state of mind of working parents in the UK has found that we are a nation divided with women battling to find a healthy work-life balance, taking on the majority of childcare responsibilities while not at work. The research, undertaken for The Work & Family Show which is due to take place for the first time on 21st and 22nd February, found that over three quarters of women (80%) feel guilty about going back to work after having a family. Men, on the other hand, are relatively confident about returning to their jobs with just 39% feeling guilty about leaving their children in childcare.

The biggest concern for more than 35% of women was not having the help or understanding from their employer when dealing with the difficult transition from working woman to working mum. They also worried that their employers would be discriminatory towards them, entrusting them with responsibility and fewer big projects.

One mum who struggled to return to work after having a baby is 31 year old Leah McGrath. She returned to her role as an HR Service Manager at a large agra-pharmaceutical company after a year at home with her daughter. The plan was for Leah to do a job share but this fell through and she found herself fitting in a full time job into her contracted three days a week. She says: “I was finding it such a struggle, commuting three hours, three days a week, and trying my best to be a good mum. I was getting ill all the time; whenever there was a virus going around, I would catch it as I was so run down and my little girl’s behaviour was becoming very challenging. After a while I realised there must be more to life and resigned. It was extremely scary but I am so pleased I did.” Leah has since re-trained as a yoga teacher, running her own Yogabellies franchise, teaching pre-natal, post-natal and baby massage classes in her lo cal wellbeing and community centres. She has managed to get a healthy work-life balance and work flexibly but only by leaving her past career behind her.

Ben Black, Director of MyFamilyCare.co.uk who, together with Clarion Events, are organising The Work & Family Show says: “Due to the lack of support from their employers on returning to work, women often feel forced to give up the careers they have trained and worked so hard for in order to fit in their new role of motherhood. However, it shouldn’t be like this. Staff need to be supported as they return to work and deal with the challenges that being a working parent can bring. Employers who respond to their needs will be rewarded with engaged, productive and loyal employees.”

The research also asked fathers how they felt about the transition from working man to working dad. More than a third (37%) said they returned to work and received no flexibility at all. One in five, meanwhile, said they wished they had never gone back to work at all, wishing they could take on the full-time role of child carer.

Ben Black continues: “So many big companies like Barclays, Discovery Channel and Rolls Royce have made big improvements to their policies to help their parents who work, but these results show there’s a huge deficit. Women shouldn’t feel restricted in work when they become a mother and a man’s role in bringing up a child has evolved so much in the past 30 years and it’s time that businesses recognise this too.”

The Work & Family Show has been born out of the high demand from families in need of help when returning to work or starting up their own business. Jenny Willott, Minister for Employment Relations and Consumer Affairs, will introduce the show while inspirational experts and employers on the lookout for motivated staff will be on hand to give working parents and career break women access to practical advice. Organised by Clarion Events and My Family Care, it takes place on Friday 21st and Saturday 22nd February 2014 at the ExCeL London. Tickets are available from www.theworkandfamilyshow.co.uk from just £12, and people coming to the neighbouring Baby Show will have free entrance*.

Opening times:
Friday 21st February: 9.30am – 5pm (trade and press entry from 8.30am on Friday for a networking breakfast)
Saturday 22nd February: 10am – 5pm
**Ends**

*Free entry will be for everyone who has a paid-for ticket to The Baby Show

We have six tickets to the Work and Family Show to giveaway