5 of The Worst Cars Ever Made

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The history of car design is studded with iconic vehicles, from the luxurious – Jaguar E-Types, Rolls Royce Phantoms, to the family-friendly. The Fiesta is a good example with over four million sold, the most popular car in Britain of all time. Yet public opinion is not always so kind. There have been a slew of unmitigated catastrophes, cars that have come close to ruining their manufacturers or seriously disappointed their owners. Here are some of the worst cars ever to drive, or be pushed, off the forecourt.

Ford Edsel

During the second season of The Simpsons, just as the show hit its creative peak, the episode Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? was screened in which Homer is employed by his recently-discovered half-brother to design a car. Given free rein with his imagination, the car is a disaster, full of unnecessary extras, hideous in appearance, and vastly expensive to boot. The car flops, and Homer returns to Springfield a failure.

The episode was inspired in part by the Ford Edsel, brainchild of Edsel Ford, son of Henry, with whom he had a somewhat fractious relationship. Edsel was convinced by spurious market research that his car was going to a huge hit with the buying public, and would blow competition out of the water. Needless to say, it did not. The pre-launch marketing left car-buyers confused, as did the pricing, and the claims that this was a revolutionary model were undone by bodywork and engineering very similar to previous Fords. The Edsel eventually lost the company around $350 million, the equivalent in today’s money of almost $3 billion, making Edsel Ford a name synonymous with failure.

Yugo GV

The Yugo holds legendary status. It had a rear-window defroster, that many joked was to keep your hands warm while you pushed it. The electrics were notoriously patchy if not downright dangerous. Apocryphal stories circulated of parts falling off while driving, and engines giving up the ghost after only a few thousand miles. On the surface, it lived up to its name (GV stood for Good Value) – it could get up to 30mpg, and sold for a then astonishingly cheap price. In 1999, the factory making them for Zastava, in what was then Yugoslavia, was itself partially destroyed by NATA bombs, signalling the end for the GV, and not before time.

Ford Pinto

Another misstep for Ford came in 1971 when it introduced the Pinto to the marketplace. Infamously, there was an issue with the fuel tank, which was unusually mounted between the rear axle, and the rear bumper. Because of the tank’s design, there was a significant risk that even a low-speed rear-ender could result in either the bolts from the differential piercing the tank, or the filler neck coming away and spilling fuel under the car – ergo, this was not safe car.

Investigations, lawsuits, and sometime later a recall followed, irreparably tarnishing the Pinto’s reputation. Worst of all, it has been suggested that testing on the rear end had been too light during the design process as Ford worked to keep the price as low as possible. The company’s cost-benefit analysis of potential lawsuit payments compared to the cost of repairs was later revealed, and led to further bad press.

DeLorean DMC 12

One of the all-time cinematic icons, the DeLorean was the time-travel device of choice for Back to the Future, but in the harsh, unforgiving light of the real world, the car was a colossal flop. One of the biggest problems was that in order to take advantage of cheap labour, it was decided to manufacture the car in Northern Ireland, where many of the production team had little to no experience in this type of work. Frequent design changes caused the project schedule to overrun, while the car’s performance left a lot to be desired. Several celebrity investors including Sammy Davis Jr lost out when the company eventually folded, and John DeLorean’s career came to a sticky end with charges of drug trafficking.

Reliant Robin

Another cultural touchstone, the Reliant Robin is actually one of the bestselling fiberglass cars of all times, and the manufacturer, Reliant, was for a spell one of the UK’s biggest. Nowadays it has become a bit of a joke, the three-wheeled design roundly mocked. Many of the myths surrounding the Reliant Robin have been debunked (one persists, that Delboy drove one in Only Fools and Horses – it was actually a Reliant Regal), but the fact remains that this is a car, if you can really call it a car, that felt profoundly unstable when taking corners at speed, or during windy conditions. A report found that Robin Reliant drivers were statistically the safest on UK roads, but then, that was because they needed to be!

 

 

Best & Worst Movies of 2013

Before I start, I’d like to apologise for my readers but especially to the editor of this website. As some of you may know, I came back from living in Vancouver, Canada for two years (and two weeks if you want to be precise). So going back to life in England has been rather tough but I’ve been managing to make the most of time getting back to grips. I would’ve posted my 2013 review earlier but life got in the way and thus got delayed. However, I did manage to squeeze in a few more movie titles to see if they would make it to the Best and Worst list. Again, I apologise for my absence and won’t waste anymore time.

 

It’s every critic’s dream/nightmare to compile a list of the best and worst things to come out of 2013. As such, I’ll be listing my best and worst movies of 2013. Since this is my own list, I will be listing movies going by North American release dates and by alphabetical order.

 

– BEST –

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1) 12 Years a Slave

I’ve been an admirer of Steve McQueen since I first watched his debut Hunger in 2008 and even admired his second film, Shame. His filmmaking style was bold and daring, like he wanted the film to convey the emotions in the scene (since film is a visual story-telling medium). Though he has gone to great heights with this adaptation of Solomon Northup’s memoir and McQueen shows no sign of slowing down. This is harrowing and powerful filmmaking, the unflinching detail of the horrors Northup suffered through-out his 12 years of being a slave. Some may mention Django Unchained already accomplished that but it was viewed as exploitation fantasy, this felt uncomfortably realistic. Chiwetel Ejiofor has been a versatile actor and he makes his career’s best performance and has my vote for Best Actor at this year’s awards season. Michael Fassbender delivers another award-worthy performance as the conflicted slave owner Edwin Epps, but the standout is Lupita Nyong’o as Patsy and she pours her heart out with his gut-wrenching performance. This really is a crowning achievement in filmmaking and story-telling.

 

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2) Captain Phillips

Paul Greengrass is one of the few filmmakers able to take a real-life event and deliver something emotionally compelling and intense (Bloody Sunday and United 93 showcased his prowess). This film could’ve easily labeled on who were the heroes and who were the villains but Greengrass decided to make it less simple-minded than it could’ve been. Instead, he shows that these men are just people and are just doing what they consider their jobs. Tom Hanks makes one hell of a performance as the titular character, the last scene in particular pulled my heart-strings (and a huge snub from the Academy to recognise his brilliant performance). Though Barkhad Abdi makes a towering breakthrough performance and have no doubt he’s got a shining acting career ahead of him. Just like Zero Dark Thirty, you all know how it ends but it is all about the journey and it is thrill-ride!

 

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3) Gravity

A science fiction movie that took 5 years in the making and it was worth the wait! Alfonso Cuarón has delivered such a breath-taking experience that it really had to be seen on the biggest screen possible. Though every technical award should go to Emmanuel Lubezki’s brilliant cinematography, the sound design and the visual effects were spectacular. Sandra Bullock delivers her best performance to date, she really shows the intensity on what the smallest mistake could end up with nightmarish results (also the fact she had to act mostly with her imagination and from Cuaron’s direction in a studio). This is exactly what movies are made for; to immerse the viewer.

 

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4) Her

If I were to tell you about a movie who the protagonist would eventually fall in love with his operating system, what would your reaction be? Curiosity more likely and asking yourself “is this a comedy?” in a puzzled tone. It is strange to say but the movie was wonderfully well-made! The writing and direction from Spike Jonze was exceptional, not forcing the audience to say whether technology should be viewed positively or negatively. It is all in the shades of grey and gives us two perspectives that, in the end, lets you decide. Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams, Olivia Wilde and Rooney Mara deliver such fine performances but it is the voice of Scarlett Johansson as the voice of Samantha that is the highlight. She conveys every emotion through her voice and you slowly grow attached to her the same way Theodore does. Some may say it is overly sentimental but it brought a smile to my face and really affected me as a viewer.

 

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5) The Wolf of Wall Street

This wasn’t easy to put on the list as I had to think long and hard whether I consider this a recommendation. In the end, it kept me thinking about various scenes and Martin Scorsese’s direction with the source material. So having it in my head long after the movie finished, I started to appreciate the movie. The movie is so OTT and ballsy, that it was great to see the legendary filmmaker still has that electric touch to make a movie feel and look alive. Leonardo DiCaprio delivers a balls-to-the-wall performance, Jordan Belfort is extremely unlikeable but yet he grabs your attention by the neck and never lets go. It is hard to make a movie about greedy excess and not have a morality message underneath it. Scorsese shows exactly how it was without sugar coating the story and it fits with Belfort’s persona.

 

Honorable mentions: Blue JasmineDallas Buyers Club, Elysium, Inside Llewyn Davis, Pacific Rim, Philomena, Rush

 

– WORST –

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1) After Earth

Even keeping M. Night Shyamalan’s name from posters and trailers didn’t help prevent this being a borefest! Will Smith wrote the story and plays as Cypher Raige (yes, the name is laughable), a soldier who is able to defeat these alien creatures who prey on people’s fear (which is called “Ghosting”, though I call that bulls**t as fear is partially produced by adrenaline and is not that simple as you may think). Cypher’s son, Kitai (Jaden Smith), goes on a journey from having emotions to eventually become emotionless. The story-arc for Kitai is basically to become boring and only Shyamalan can make something like this unusual.

 

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2) A Good Day to Die Hard

I was never a fan of this series, in fact I honestly think there should never have been sequels and left it as a stand-alone movie. However, we are dealing with the series that is slowly digging its own grave and hammering the nails. Bruce Willis clearly looks uninterested and has long gone past caring about this series. This was apparently the first movie written specifically as a Die Hard movie (unlike previous movies were written for another project) and that goes to show how low this series has got. The original movie had such a simple but effective premise, yet the sequels makes it seem the filmmakers don’t have a clue. The story is convoluted and idiotic, the action sequences are over-stylised and boring. This series should really die hard!

 

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3) The Lone Ranger

This movie took one of the many missteps when they cast Johnny Depp as Tonto. It continued the many mistakes Gore Verbinski and Jerry Bruckheimer made when making Pirates of the Caribbean sequels; inconsistent tone, lack of character development and too goddamn long! Armie Hammer could’ve been a convincing hero if he wasn’t portrayed in such a pathetic fashion. The fact that this Disney flick featured the villain (literally) eating somebody’s heart makes it wrong on every level (and you thought Man of Steel was grim!). It was a huge box-office bomb and barely made its $250 million budget back.

 

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4) Movie 43

How would you react if I were to tell you this movie is set-up around a screenwriter pitching various ideas to a producer and the gag is; they’re all gross-out humour? One example; a woman goes on a blind date and joke is he’s got a pair of testicles under his chin and nobody acknowledges it but the woman. It’s nothing but gag after gag, and not only is it juvenile but it is incredibly unfunny. What shocks me is the talent involved; Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Banks, Emma Stone, Chris Pratt, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Naomi Watts, Liev Schreiber, Richard Gere and even Seth MacFarlane. You’re really left scratching your head and asking yourself “how the hell did this movie get green-lit?”

 

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5) The Host

So the book this movie is based on wouldn’t have been on my radar if it didn’t market it as this; it is science fiction for those who hate science fiction. Basically it was targeted at women and was referencing to women. . . . not even the slightest bit insulting, right? Apart from the marketing that bothered me, this is Invasion of the Body Snatchers for young adult crowd and I mean that in the bad sense. All centers on a girl that has an alien host implanted in her and is fighting for control (as you can hear her as a voice-over), though all the characters are generic and bland. The movie avoids all the concepts and themes that could’ve made it interesting and the dialogue is also cringe-worthy and laughable (“kiss me like you want to get slapped”). It’s everything you expect from a movie based on a book by Stephanie Meyer, one dimensional and unintentionally hilarious. Not even the writer and director of Gattaca and The Truman Show could make this rubbish work.

 

Dishonourable mentions: DianaJobsPain & Gain, The Purge, R.I.P.D., Star Trek Into Darkness

 

– BEST BLOCKBUSTER OF THE YEAR –

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Pacific Rim

This is what Michael Bay’s Transformers movies should be; simple and straight-forward without being convoluted. Guillermo del Toro’s action spectacle shows he clearly has a passion for Japanese monster movies and understands what makes it work. Sure, the characters are done in stereotypes but is done without being offensive (like Skids and Mudflap in Revenge of the Fallen). This movie ticked all the right boxes for being 2013’s best blockbuster and was all worth the ride!

 

– DISAPPOINTING MOVIE OF THE YEAR –

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Man of Steel Star Trek Into Darkness

As much I wanted to like these movies, they failed to deliver my expectations on what could’ve been great movies. Though out of the two, Into Darkness was more a disappointment than Man of Steel.

Believe it or not, I still like MoS but I understand it is a movie with huge flaws. Henry Cavill looked the part and even act the part, despite given little to work with. The story did sound very interesting and probably thanks to Christopher Nolan. On the other hand, David S. Goyer’s script was incredibly clunky. Even the character of Lois Lane was pointless and could’ve been easily written out or replaced by another character. The tone of the movie was completely wrong, it should’ve been joyful than being grim. They took the wrong direction to replicate the success of The Dark Knight, the problem with that is Superman is a symbol of hope. You could argue Superman in the movie is that but is surrounded from such dark forces that makes his struggle even more poignant. The one positive note I’ll give is they made General Zod not just a villain but a sympathetic one. That’s saying a lot as I found the villains in Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World to be one dimensional.

Star Trek Into Darkness was a blockbuster series I was looking forward to and gave me no pleasure to say it was close on being on the worst list. J.J. Abrams’ mystery box style of filmmaking failed immensely on trying to deny that Khan would be the antagonist and Benedict Cumberbatch would play a new character. Though when it was finally revealed in the movie, everyone was more or less not surprised with this particular twist. The twist does not add anything apart from the sake of having a twist. Kirk and Spock have not progressed since the first movie, in fact this is the same movie as the first one only derivative from other movies. Derivative? Well you wouldn’t notice it if you have not seen any of the previous Star Trek movies in your life. There’s this little movie called The Wrath of Khan and one particular event is also repeated in Into Darkness; instead of Spock, Kirk sacrifices himself to get the Enterprise working by going into the engine room and dies from radiation. Instead of Kirk, Spock cries out in anger by shouting “KHAN!”, then the climax is J.J. Abrams’ favourite type of action sequence; people giving chase by running. I understand why a lot of people like this movie, it is well made and the actors make it work but the direction was completely wrong.

 

– MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIE OF 2014 –

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Guardians of the Galaxy

You remember the scene with Benicio Del Toro as Taneleer Tivan (aka The Collector) during mid-credits of Thor: The Dark World? Well this is the movie that will follow after Captain America: The Winter Soldier. As everyone else, I am excited for Joss Whedon’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron but we’ll have to wait for a year for that. The reason I’ve chosen Guardians of the Galaxy is because it is a Marvel property that no one except Marvel/comic book fans will know and I am incredibly excited for it. Chris Pratt is doing incredibly well from starring in recent critically acclaimed movies as Her and Zero Dark Thirty and recently in box-office hit The LEGO Movie (we’ll ignore he was in Movie 43) and this should give an extra boost to his career. He’s also joined by a supporting cast with Zoe Saldana as Gamora (Thanos’ adopted daughter), Dave Bautista as Drax the Destroyer (the name is a giveaway), Bradley Cooper voices Rocket Raccoon (a walking, talking raccoon. . . . yeah, you read that right) and Vin Diesel voices Groot (only lines he’s given is “groot” but in different tones to convey his emotions). It’s a bizarre team-up movie but producer Kevin Fiege feels confident to expand their Marvel Cinematic Universe. It is released on 1st August, 2014 in UK and USA.

The Best & Worst Date Movies

Best & Worst Date MoviesOne third of the nation has admitted to having their first kiss with a new partner in front of a TV, during date night. Love Actually has been voted the nation’s favourite date night movie with 62 per cent agreeing that the classic British film is a winner to get partners in the romantic mood.

The lifestyle study of 2,000 daters, commissioned by TalkTalk TV, found that women wait until the 5th date to suggest a night in front of the TV with men being a little keener and offering it as a 3rd date activity. 1 in 6 people also admitted to feeling awkward and embarrassed if their partner suggests TV with lots of sex scenes or steamy romance.

Comedy was highlighted as being the winning genre with 2/3 of people agreeing a romantic comedy will lead to a successful date but unsurprisingly horror was voted the worst with 55% of people predicting The Exorcist would result in a disastrous date. Careful selection is critical with 1 in 10 people said that a lousy choice of film would be just cause to break up and over 20% of couples asked had argued over their partner’s TV choices.

The research also found that 15% of people have put on a specific film or genre to get a reaction from their partner e.g. rom coms are seen by 2/3 as a sure fire way to get partners feeling romantic.

 

Top 10 best films for a date Top 10 worst films for a date
1.    Love Actually 1. The Exorcist
2.    Notting Hill 2. Schindlers List
3.    Dirty Dancing 3. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
4.    Pretty Woman 4. Nightmare on Elm Street
5.    Bridget Jones’ Diary 5. Star Wars triology
6.    Titanic 6. The Terminator
7.    Forest Gump 7. Die Hard
8.    When Harry Met Sally 8. Spice World
9.    Groundhog Day 9. Basic Instinct
10.  There’s something about Mary 10. American Pie

 

Foreign language films and documentaries were also voted as least likely to incite passion on date night.